Title: Devastating Past
Author: Valerie
E-mail: funbreath@msn.com
Disclaimer: they don't belong to me
Summary: AU Angel is new at Sunnydale High. He meets Buffy and the gang. They think he's just a regular kid. Not likely.
Timeline: during season 2 of BTVS...sorta. Let's just say that Buffy and the gang are in their Junior year in Sunnydale High.
Spoilers: as far as alternate universe goes...almost nothing. References on demons from BTVS and Angel from time to time, but that's about it
Rating: R
Distribution: You can take it but ask me first please.
Feedback: That's a big big big yes!!!!! It's my first fic, so please?
*********
20.
Angel hadn't been able to sleep at all during the night, so instead of brooding in his apartment, sitting in the dark, he spent the whole night hunting. The main...and only reason he had been sleepless had been Buffy's behavior at the end of their date. He had figured it was something he had done that had upset her at some moment during the evening, but he just couldn't see what. She had acted weird ever since he came back from the bathroom. It just couldn't be because of what he said about girls' wet shirt...she had understood it was a joke, right? He was teasing her...not insulting her or whatever! Buffy was too smart to misunderstood what he had said. Then what? It's not like he had some dark secret that she could have discovered while he was changing clothes! Well...ok, so he DID have some dark secret that she could have discovered while he was changing clothes, but he didn't understand her behavior. He had checked the drawers and realized that he hadn't put any stake or knife or anything huntingy in the desk on the living room. But she still could have checked in his bedroom. The next question would be: Why in the world would she be looking through his stuff in his bedroom? Nope, that didn't make any sense. And even if she had discovered weapons or stuff, she would have asked why he kept a weird collection of antic stuff...she wouldn't have done that!! So when he arrived at school the next day, he was more confused than ever and convinced that she would explain herself when he would ask her about it.
Angel found her in front of the school building, talking with Willow, Cordelia, Oz and Xander. He took a deep breath and walked over them. "Hey" He murmured to get their attention. They looked at him, stopping their conversation. Oz nodded, and Xander made some witty comment about how he would never be able to get Buffy's attention between the smooches. And to Angel's surprise, Willow glared at him. Cordelia on the other hand didn't show any emotion, as if she didn't know on which side she was supposed to be. Angel swallowed hard before he was able to make a sound. "Buffy...can I talk to you..." He looked at the others' curious faces "in private."
She hesitated for a long time before nodding. Buffy and Angel walked away from the others, the slayer keeping a minimum safe distance between them. "Buffy...is...er...did I...what did I do?" He asked her hesitantly. He looked into her eyes, and was surprised to see anger in them. He concentrated a little so that he'd be able to hear her heartbeat with his vampire senses, and he could feel it had a quick pace. She was far from calm...*is that a good thing??*
"You tell me." She replied coldly.
*Great! The 'You tell me' line is so much better than the 'actually answering the damn question' line!!!* He thought sarcastically. "I honestly don't know. Buffy, I haven't slept all night because I didn't know! I don't know what the hell happened last night! One minute we can't keep our hands off each other and the next one you're avoiding me like I had a disease or something!"
"Just stop pretending ok?" She snapped angrily at him. "I'm sick of your game! What do you want Angel? What do you want from me?"
*Ok...I thought I was confused before...but now...WHAT???* "What are you talking about? What game? And...how am I pretending?" *She just CAN'T be talking about my non-so-human abilities, can she?*
"Was it funny? Using me? Making me feel for you?" She was really close to shouting by now, and Angel couldn't help but stare at her in disbelief.
"I've never..." He paused for a second, as he took in what she had just said. His lips curved in a small smile. "Feel for me?"
"It's really not the issue right now." She retorted, making his smile disappear instantly.
"Right...sorry" *God, I'm becoming her puppy or something! What's up with her? I've done nothing wrong!!* "Just tell me what I did." He pleaded one last time.
"You are a selfish jerk ok? Why did you give me hopes if you didn't give a damn about me? Why did you date me in the first place?" She didn't care that they were in public, she was just too much in pain right now to care.
Now Angel was upset. More than that, he was pissed. How could she say that he didn't care about her? He had fell apart in front of her not once, not twice, but three fucking times! It had taken months for him to trust enough his friends Spike, Faith, Gunn and Penn to show his feelings in front of them. Kristin, Steven and Julie were another matter, he had known them his whole life. And now, Buffy was accusing HIM not to care for HER! *Why did I date her? Because I'm fucking crazy about her!! Can't she see that?* "For the last time Buffy. What did I fucking do?" He almost spat at her. His blood was boiling and he had to fight to stop himself from slipping into his vampire face. His hands were clenched into fists, and that didn't go unnoticed by the slayer.
"I lied ok? I did look trough your drawers! I don't know why I did it, and I'm very sorry I did it. But I found your sketch pad." She explained herself, trying to sound angry and not desperate.
"Huh?" He wasn't sure he had heard it right. *She's upset because of my drawings? What??*
"How can you say you care for me if you don't even think about me when you want to draw something? How did you think I felt when I saw you had hundreds of drawings of girls, a lot of them nude, and you didn't have one of me? How did you think I felt when I saw you didn't even think about drawing me but you drew CORDELIA and WILLOW! God Angel, you even had some of Jenny!! Why do you even bother with me if you don't think about me? Stop acting as if you cared for me." Without leaving him time to reply, she stormed away, tears in her eyes.
Angel stood there, completely stunned. He ignored the curious looks he received from the ones who had seen the argument. After a minute, he went back to his bike and took off, towards his apartment. There was NO WAY he was going to let her believe he didn't think about her.
*****
"Buffy, you okay?" Willow asked her best friend softly. Buffy had been crying in the library for 10 minutes, and Willow and Cordelia had figured she had had enough time alone.
"No" She murmured between sobs. "I miss him so much."
"I know."
"What did he do? After I left. How was he? Did you talk to him?" Buffy demanded quickly, her cheeks stained by her tears.
"Er...no, we didn't talk to him. He...he just took off." Cordelia answered, biting her lower lip.
"He looked so hurt." Buffy sobbed even more as she pictured his face when she told him he didn't care about her.
"Buffy...maybe you overreacted. Maybe it's not what you think. Maybe there were drawings of you...you just didn't see them." Willow told her softly.
"I don't know...I remember that he had put his drawing stuff in the desk when he moved in...and he had others pads that were empty...there was none of me, that's all. And he looked pissed when he saw me next to the desk...like I had done something wrong...like there was something he didn't want me to see." Buffy answered in a whisper.
"Well, you don't really know him. You don't know how he deals with relationships. Maybe at first he thinks he likes a girl, but after a while he loses interest." Cordelia stated bluntly. Buffy couldn't say a word. She buried her head in her hands, sobbing quietly.
Suddenly, the door of the library opened, making the three girls jump. They saw Angel walking towards them, looking really upset. He stopped when he reached the table, and looked at Buffy in the eyes. "Tell me if I care." He told her coldly, throwing something on the table, then took off without looking at her again. Buffy looked at what he had left, it was a sketch pad, with a piece of paper on top. As she saw that Buffy was unable to move, Cordelia picked the paper and read it. Trying to suppress a smile, she handed it to Buffy.
"I practice in the living room. I draw the good stuff in the bedroom."
With shaking hands, Buffy opened the sketch pad, and her eyes watered even more when she saw the first page. It was a drawing of her face, smiling brightly. She turned the page and saw an other one of her, this time her whole body, sitting next to a tree. Buffy looked at every drawing, Cordelia and Willow grinning like idiots the whole time. On each page there was a different picture of her, some of them she remembered from one of their dates, at the movies, the restaurant, at the garage, at school. A lot of them where simply drawings of her face or her body. There were also a few where Angel had drawn himself next to her, kissing her, holding her in his arms.
"Seems like he has a lot of time on his hands." Cordelia commented, exchanging a smile with Willow.
"Buffy, there are dozens of you only in there." Willow added, as if her best friend hadn't noticed.
"I gotta find him." The slayer mumbled before running out of the library.
*****
"Percy! Percy, hey!" Buffy called the basketball player. She had been looking around the school for Angel, but she hadn't seen him anywhere.
"Buffy, what's up?"
"Have you seen Angel?"
"Yeah, he's practicing on the basketball court. Well, it seemed more like he was trying to exert energy...he looked pissed." Percy told Buffy, shaking his head. He hanged often with Angel, but he was sure he would never understand that guy.
"Thanks." She smiled sweetly at him before heading to the court.
She stopped a second when she saw him, throwing the ball expertly right in the basket, then she walked towards him, trying to fight back tears. Angel stopped moving when he realized she was next to him, but didn't look at her. "They're beautiful." She told him shyly. Still he didn't look at her.
"I can't believe you thought I didn't care about you."
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Angel. I know I overreacted, but I freaked when I saw your drawings of Cordelia. I didn't think straight."
Slowly, Angel turned around and looked in her eyes. "Buffy, when I practice, I just can't draw you."
"Why?"
"Because I don't want to fail you. I want my drawings of you to be as perfect and as close from reality as I can make them. Cordelia is my friend, that's all. Drawing her doesn't mean anything, it's just a different face."
"I'm such an idiot." Buffy whispered, and then she couldn't hold the tears anymore. After a short moment, Angel took a few steps towards her and pulled her into his arms, stroking her hair softly.
"Buffy, you have to understand that you're not just a girlfriend to me. I trust you. I take comfort in you. I let you see me when I'm down. I care so much about you baby, never forget that." Angel whispered in her ear, letting her cry on his shirt.
After a moment, he pulled away a little and smirked at her. "Do you think you could give me what you didn't last night when I dropped you home?"
She smiled at him as he whipped away her tears with his thumb. "Definitely." Angel leaned down and captured her lips in a passionate kiss.
*****
"So, you guys made-up, huh?" Cordelia stated when the gang interrupted Buffy and Angel's make out session, somewhere in a classroom, where supposedly no one would go.
"Yeah" Buffy hugged Angel close, resting her head under his head. "It was just some stupid misunderstanding." Buffy explained, smiling at her boyfriend, who returned the gesture.
"Great. Here goes the smooches again!" Xander mumbled as he took off with Cordelia. Willow and Oz followed them after a moment, leaving Buffy and Angel alone again.
"We have classes you know." Buffy whispered between kisses, as the bell rang, announcing the next class.
"I don't care." To illustrate his point, he caught her lips in a heated kiss, placing his hands on her waist and lifting her to his level. Soon the kiss got out of control, and Angel's hands were roaming on her back. Keeping her as close to his body as he could, Angel made Buffy move back of a few steps until she hit the desk, then made her sit on it. She obliged, and leaned over without breaking the kiss so that Angel could keep his head straight. After a moment she spread her legs and he moved closer to her between her legs as she held his waist with her knees. They stayed this way for a long time, until they were interrupted by someone clearing his throat. They froze, pulling away, and with a groan they turned around to face Principal Snyder.
"Miss Summers, Mr. Connelly! I have to say you make a perfectly adequate couple of troublemakers. Follow me in my office." Snyder ordered coldly, but with a devilish grin on his face.
"We're going down." Muttered Buffy as she climbed off the desk and followed Snyder, Angel behind her.
*********
Author: Valerie
E-mail: funbreath@msn.com
Disclaimer: they don't belong to me
Summary: AU Angel is new at Sunnydale High. He meets Buffy and the gang. They think he's just a regular kid. Not likely.
Timeline: during season 2 of BTVS...sorta. Let's just say that Buffy and the gang are in their Junior year in Sunnydale High.
Spoilers: as far as alternate universe goes...almost nothing. References on demons from BTVS and Angel from time to time, but that's about it
Rating: R
Distribution: You can take it but ask me first please.
Feedback: That's a big big big yes!!!!! It's my first fic, so please?
*********
20.
Angel hadn't been able to sleep at all during the night, so instead of brooding in his apartment, sitting in the dark, he spent the whole night hunting. The main...and only reason he had been sleepless had been Buffy's behavior at the end of their date. He had figured it was something he had done that had upset her at some moment during the evening, but he just couldn't see what. She had acted weird ever since he came back from the bathroom. It just couldn't be because of what he said about girls' wet shirt...she had understood it was a joke, right? He was teasing her...not insulting her or whatever! Buffy was too smart to misunderstood what he had said. Then what? It's not like he had some dark secret that she could have discovered while he was changing clothes! Well...ok, so he DID have some dark secret that she could have discovered while he was changing clothes, but he didn't understand her behavior. He had checked the drawers and realized that he hadn't put any stake or knife or anything huntingy in the desk on the living room. But she still could have checked in his bedroom. The next question would be: Why in the world would she be looking through his stuff in his bedroom? Nope, that didn't make any sense. And even if she had discovered weapons or stuff, she would have asked why he kept a weird collection of antic stuff...she wouldn't have done that!! So when he arrived at school the next day, he was more confused than ever and convinced that she would explain herself when he would ask her about it.
Angel found her in front of the school building, talking with Willow, Cordelia, Oz and Xander. He took a deep breath and walked over them. "Hey" He murmured to get their attention. They looked at him, stopping their conversation. Oz nodded, and Xander made some witty comment about how he would never be able to get Buffy's attention between the smooches. And to Angel's surprise, Willow glared at him. Cordelia on the other hand didn't show any emotion, as if she didn't know on which side she was supposed to be. Angel swallowed hard before he was able to make a sound. "Buffy...can I talk to you..." He looked at the others' curious faces "in private."
She hesitated for a long time before nodding. Buffy and Angel walked away from the others, the slayer keeping a minimum safe distance between them. "Buffy...is...er...did I...what did I do?" He asked her hesitantly. He looked into her eyes, and was surprised to see anger in them. He concentrated a little so that he'd be able to hear her heartbeat with his vampire senses, and he could feel it had a quick pace. She was far from calm...*is that a good thing??*
"You tell me." She replied coldly.
*Great! The 'You tell me' line is so much better than the 'actually answering the damn question' line!!!* He thought sarcastically. "I honestly don't know. Buffy, I haven't slept all night because I didn't know! I don't know what the hell happened last night! One minute we can't keep our hands off each other and the next one you're avoiding me like I had a disease or something!"
"Just stop pretending ok?" She snapped angrily at him. "I'm sick of your game! What do you want Angel? What do you want from me?"
*Ok...I thought I was confused before...but now...WHAT???* "What are you talking about? What game? And...how am I pretending?" *She just CAN'T be talking about my non-so-human abilities, can she?*
"Was it funny? Using me? Making me feel for you?" She was really close to shouting by now, and Angel couldn't help but stare at her in disbelief.
"I've never..." He paused for a second, as he took in what she had just said. His lips curved in a small smile. "Feel for me?"
"It's really not the issue right now." She retorted, making his smile disappear instantly.
"Right...sorry" *God, I'm becoming her puppy or something! What's up with her? I've done nothing wrong!!* "Just tell me what I did." He pleaded one last time.
"You are a selfish jerk ok? Why did you give me hopes if you didn't give a damn about me? Why did you date me in the first place?" She didn't care that they were in public, she was just too much in pain right now to care.
Now Angel was upset. More than that, he was pissed. How could she say that he didn't care about her? He had fell apart in front of her not once, not twice, but three fucking times! It had taken months for him to trust enough his friends Spike, Faith, Gunn and Penn to show his feelings in front of them. Kristin, Steven and Julie were another matter, he had known them his whole life. And now, Buffy was accusing HIM not to care for HER! *Why did I date her? Because I'm fucking crazy about her!! Can't she see that?* "For the last time Buffy. What did I fucking do?" He almost spat at her. His blood was boiling and he had to fight to stop himself from slipping into his vampire face. His hands were clenched into fists, and that didn't go unnoticed by the slayer.
"I lied ok? I did look trough your drawers! I don't know why I did it, and I'm very sorry I did it. But I found your sketch pad." She explained herself, trying to sound angry and not desperate.
"Huh?" He wasn't sure he had heard it right. *She's upset because of my drawings? What??*
"How can you say you care for me if you don't even think about me when you want to draw something? How did you think I felt when I saw you had hundreds of drawings of girls, a lot of them nude, and you didn't have one of me? How did you think I felt when I saw you didn't even think about drawing me but you drew CORDELIA and WILLOW! God Angel, you even had some of Jenny!! Why do you even bother with me if you don't think about me? Stop acting as if you cared for me." Without leaving him time to reply, she stormed away, tears in her eyes.
Angel stood there, completely stunned. He ignored the curious looks he received from the ones who had seen the argument. After a minute, he went back to his bike and took off, towards his apartment. There was NO WAY he was going to let her believe he didn't think about her.
*****
"Buffy, you okay?" Willow asked her best friend softly. Buffy had been crying in the library for 10 minutes, and Willow and Cordelia had figured she had had enough time alone.
"No" She murmured between sobs. "I miss him so much."
"I know."
"What did he do? After I left. How was he? Did you talk to him?" Buffy demanded quickly, her cheeks stained by her tears.
"Er...no, we didn't talk to him. He...he just took off." Cordelia answered, biting her lower lip.
"He looked so hurt." Buffy sobbed even more as she pictured his face when she told him he didn't care about her.
"Buffy...maybe you overreacted. Maybe it's not what you think. Maybe there were drawings of you...you just didn't see them." Willow told her softly.
"I don't know...I remember that he had put his drawing stuff in the desk when he moved in...and he had others pads that were empty...there was none of me, that's all. And he looked pissed when he saw me next to the desk...like I had done something wrong...like there was something he didn't want me to see." Buffy answered in a whisper.
"Well, you don't really know him. You don't know how he deals with relationships. Maybe at first he thinks he likes a girl, but after a while he loses interest." Cordelia stated bluntly. Buffy couldn't say a word. She buried her head in her hands, sobbing quietly.
Suddenly, the door of the library opened, making the three girls jump. They saw Angel walking towards them, looking really upset. He stopped when he reached the table, and looked at Buffy in the eyes. "Tell me if I care." He told her coldly, throwing something on the table, then took off without looking at her again. Buffy looked at what he had left, it was a sketch pad, with a piece of paper on top. As she saw that Buffy was unable to move, Cordelia picked the paper and read it. Trying to suppress a smile, she handed it to Buffy.
"I practice in the living room. I draw the good stuff in the bedroom."
With shaking hands, Buffy opened the sketch pad, and her eyes watered even more when she saw the first page. It was a drawing of her face, smiling brightly. She turned the page and saw an other one of her, this time her whole body, sitting next to a tree. Buffy looked at every drawing, Cordelia and Willow grinning like idiots the whole time. On each page there was a different picture of her, some of them she remembered from one of their dates, at the movies, the restaurant, at the garage, at school. A lot of them where simply drawings of her face or her body. There were also a few where Angel had drawn himself next to her, kissing her, holding her in his arms.
"Seems like he has a lot of time on his hands." Cordelia commented, exchanging a smile with Willow.
"Buffy, there are dozens of you only in there." Willow added, as if her best friend hadn't noticed.
"I gotta find him." The slayer mumbled before running out of the library.
*****
"Percy! Percy, hey!" Buffy called the basketball player. She had been looking around the school for Angel, but she hadn't seen him anywhere.
"Buffy, what's up?"
"Have you seen Angel?"
"Yeah, he's practicing on the basketball court. Well, it seemed more like he was trying to exert energy...he looked pissed." Percy told Buffy, shaking his head. He hanged often with Angel, but he was sure he would never understand that guy.
"Thanks." She smiled sweetly at him before heading to the court.
She stopped a second when she saw him, throwing the ball expertly right in the basket, then she walked towards him, trying to fight back tears. Angel stopped moving when he realized she was next to him, but didn't look at her. "They're beautiful." She told him shyly. Still he didn't look at her.
"I can't believe you thought I didn't care about you."
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Angel. I know I overreacted, but I freaked when I saw your drawings of Cordelia. I didn't think straight."
Slowly, Angel turned around and looked in her eyes. "Buffy, when I practice, I just can't draw you."
"Why?"
"Because I don't want to fail you. I want my drawings of you to be as perfect and as close from reality as I can make them. Cordelia is my friend, that's all. Drawing her doesn't mean anything, it's just a different face."
"I'm such an idiot." Buffy whispered, and then she couldn't hold the tears anymore. After a short moment, Angel took a few steps towards her and pulled her into his arms, stroking her hair softly.
"Buffy, you have to understand that you're not just a girlfriend to me. I trust you. I take comfort in you. I let you see me when I'm down. I care so much about you baby, never forget that." Angel whispered in her ear, letting her cry on his shirt.
After a moment, he pulled away a little and smirked at her. "Do you think you could give me what you didn't last night when I dropped you home?"
She smiled at him as he whipped away her tears with his thumb. "Definitely." Angel leaned down and captured her lips in a passionate kiss.
*****
"So, you guys made-up, huh?" Cordelia stated when the gang interrupted Buffy and Angel's make out session, somewhere in a classroom, where supposedly no one would go.
"Yeah" Buffy hugged Angel close, resting her head under his head. "It was just some stupid misunderstanding." Buffy explained, smiling at her boyfriend, who returned the gesture.
"Great. Here goes the smooches again!" Xander mumbled as he took off with Cordelia. Willow and Oz followed them after a moment, leaving Buffy and Angel alone again.
"We have classes you know." Buffy whispered between kisses, as the bell rang, announcing the next class.
"I don't care." To illustrate his point, he caught her lips in a heated kiss, placing his hands on her waist and lifting her to his level. Soon the kiss got out of control, and Angel's hands were roaming on her back. Keeping her as close to his body as he could, Angel made Buffy move back of a few steps until she hit the desk, then made her sit on it. She obliged, and leaned over without breaking the kiss so that Angel could keep his head straight. After a moment she spread her legs and he moved closer to her between her legs as she held his waist with her knees. They stayed this way for a long time, until they were interrupted by someone clearing his throat. They froze, pulling away, and with a groan they turned around to face Principal Snyder.
"Miss Summers, Mr. Connelly! I have to say you make a perfectly adequate couple of troublemakers. Follow me in my office." Snyder ordered coldly, but with a devilish grin on his face.
"We're going down." Muttered Buffy as she climbed off the desk and followed Snyder, Angel behind her.
*********