Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters…Joss does (stop playing mind games with us) and Mutant (Grr Ahh) Enemy). The Lyrics aren'y mine either… Just used for plot value.
Timeline: None of the bad stuff in S3 happened as bad stuff = sad stuff. Conner is about 18 months old and Fred and Gunn are engaged. Virginia is a bigger part of Wesley's life and Cordelia's favourite shopping buddy.
Summary: Buffy and the gang come to stay. Meet innuendo's, family frolics, angelic smiles and Oh yeah…al whole lot of singing, which will leave the Slayerettes thinking they had stepped into the twilight Zone.
* Twilight Zone *
by
Nuttyginger
A darkened out people carrier, and little red sports car drew up outside the rather grand-looking hotel. They had been told the business was expanding but this was ridiculous. Xander looked up the outside floors in awe.
"Hey, Dead Boy has money…How come we didn't see any of the dosh?" He felt a small punch on the arm. "What?"
"Angel isn't loaded. There must be a reason. Maybe he won the lottery or something." Buffy stated.
"Dead Boy is dead. He can't win the lottery. Maybe Cordelia did!"
Willow cleared her throat behind Buffy. "Maybe we just go in and say 'Hi!' to them." Giles agreed with his typically English reply. "Yes I agree."
They ventured into the vast reception of the hotel, each looking in a different direction. The setting sun cast a golden glow from behind them, illuminating the whole area. Their attention was only drawn away by a high pitches whine and a low, animalistic growl.
"Angel will you just take off your shirt and stop being such a baby." The female voice was getting angry now. "Angel if you don't take off that shirt then I will…rip it from your body. Got me?"
Buffy, Willow, Spike and Giles peered around the corner to find Cordelia tugging forcefully at Angels shirt while Angel was trying unsuccessfully to pull it back without ripping it. Cordelia staggered backwards slightly as the black material in her hands gave way and ripped.
"Now look what you've done. You ripped one of the shirts I bought you. Will you just let me take off the bandages and we'll be done."
Angel let out a sigh and relented as Cordelia began to slowly unbutton Angel's shirt. "Cor, I'm a Vampire, I heal faster than anyone else. There is no need for this."
"Angel, if I just left you to crust over I would feel like I was treating you like an animal…. I mean…"
"Whoa, why is Cordelia undressing Angel? That is so disgusting." Xander exclaimed as he round the corner, not seeing everyone else trying to be stealth like.
Cordelia sprung up with the ability only a cheerleader would have and stood in front of Angel as if shielding him. "Xander, what are you doing here…Buffy, Willow, Giles…SPIKE? What is this? A mini high school reunion."
"We were in LA, a sort of holiday to the city, and thought we would pop in and see if you could give us a place to stay…" Buffy said meekly. "I mean Cody told Willow that it was a hotel so I…"
"It's Cordelia. Yeah a hotel that is moth-eaten, falling apart and you don't even want to see the size of the dust balls under the bed. Anyway this is a business not a put-me-up."
"You, anyone home?" All heads swiveled and turn to look at Gunn. "Who you all? The Brady Bunch." He moved closer to Angel's office. "Damn girl, why you always gotta have Angels shirt off?" He turned and smiled lop-sided at Angel. "Any more of this and you know you're gonna be getting those happies again!"
"Gunn." Angel muttered dryly. "This is Buffy, Willow, Giles, Xander and Spike. Also know as the Slayettes or the Scooby's!"
Gunn looked Buffy up and down, in a non-leery sense, and shook his head. "All this fuss about a blonde. I though you would have been taller!"
A walking Wesley shouted "EUREKA" at the top of his voice cut Buffy's biting retorted short. He rounded the corner with a huge tome open in his arms. "Ah hello Buffy, Giles…Spike? Angel I do believe the demon you were fighting last night was a Tomah demon. Not friendly, huge and particularly smelly. Ah yes and it spits fire."
"Wesley, we got that one from the third degree burns on Angels back and torso. Wanna tell us something new?"
Wesley looked up and tried to stand Cordelia down, to little success. "Well the girl you saved last night dropped the cheque into the office this morning."
Cordelia smiled and Angel groaned. "Can I get my shirt back on Cor?" Angel whine. "Everyone is looking at me."
"Well do you blame them you big salty goodness of Manpireness?" Lorne was now standing in the office doorway smiling at Xander who was shifting uncomfortably under the Hosts gaze. "Don't worry honey, you're not my type."
Buffy could do little but stand and watch as Xander's eyes did great impersonation of popping out of his head. Cordelia was quickly scouting over Angels body, which did little to help her resolve and Gunn was now sitting in the corner, oblivious to them, polishing an axe. "I think I need to get some air." Buffy stated and headed for the door. There came several voices of agreement from behind her.
Outside the HotelBuffy and Willow stood staring off into space, trying to sort out the last five minutes in their brains. "So what was that? They seemed like a…family and who was the guy in the clothes that clashed so badly I thought I was gonna have to get between them to stop a war."
"I think he looked good in a retro throw-back kinda way." Willow mumbled.
Xander groaned. "Well he freaked me out. The way he looked at me. Am I the only one saying major Eww?"
"You're only sore because he knocked you back." Spike stated, blowing out a draw from his cigarette.
Giles rubbed his arms as a bid to warm up in the chilly air. "Why don't we go inside, we seem rude standing out here since we are their guests.
The group entered the hotel again to find that calm had settled and the Fang Gang wee now sitting on the two big couches that surrounded the TV and DVD player. They seemed to be fighting again.
"Gunn give me the control!" Cordelia commanded. "I want to watch the Paris Fashion show."
"Why to see what collection you WON'T be wearing this season." Gunn retorted. "'Sides, there's a Stallone movie on I wanna watch, Rambo."
Angel reached over and grabbed the remote from Gunn. "Thank you Angel." Cordelia said, sending a smug look Gunn's way only to see the channel flick to the Historical Channel. "Angel!" She whined.
The Scooby Gang watched as another strange face ascended the stairs rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Cordelia's attention was now away from the TV and Gunn took full advantage.
"Hey Fred, you awake now huh? Help me with the guys, feeling slightly out-numbered."
Fred looked sheepishly at the strangers in her home and scurried towards Cordelia, whispering in her ear. Cordelia started off for the stairs, taking them two at a time.
"Fred, what's wrong with Cor?"
Fred curled herself up on Gunn's lap. "Oh nothing major, just Conner's awake and crying. Cody panics, Cody runs!"
Buffy felt a little rejected that this girl…Fred could call Cordelia, Cody but she wasn't allowed to. A pang of hurt raced through her until angry set in over Cordelia still being the Sunnydale Bitch. "So what do you for fun around here?" Buffy asked in a bored manner.
"We hunt demons, fight visions, stop our ex-boss form turning into a soulless monster or visit a Karaoke bar where Angel subjects us to…Barry Manilow. We're sitting trying to figure out what's worse!" Gunn muttered, trying to shake Mandy from his mind while Fred giggled in his lap.
"I fancy a bit of Karaoke. What do you say Willow, Xander?" Giles asked. The two nodded. "We'll take the people carrier. Buffy?" She nodded. "Angel, Wesley, Gunn, Fred?"
Nods of agreement came from the small group congregated on the couch, now watching MTV happily. All eyes turned to the stairs as Cordelia slowly walked down the stairs, a tiny, chubby hand in hers. The little boy was wearing a full sized baby grow, his tiny feet encased in padding as he toddled across the floor only to be scooped up in Cordelia's arms to meet everyone. The Fang Gang all turned with bright smiles and said 'Good Morning' to the little boy in Cordelia's arms while Angel just beamed.
"Conner." She said facing him. "This is Giles, Willow, Xander, Spike and lastly Buffy. They are friends of mommy and daddy. Say hello."
Conner waved with his free hand while keeping the other, with his thumb, firmly in his mouth.
"Who are mommy and Daddy?"
Cordelia stifled a laugh. "Well I'm his mommy and if you look really closely you can guess who daddy is can't she." Cordelia cooed Conner as he rubbed his face with a tired fist.
"He looks like…it can't be…" Willow gasped. "If I didn't know better, I would say he looks like Angel. That's impossible since Vamp…" Willow covered her mouth as Angel and Cordelia's smile widened. "You Had Sex!" Willow pointed a hand accusingly at him.
"With Cordelia…" Buffy shouted and then turned to Cordelia. "YOU, you lying, cheating, scheming bitch."
Cordelia's grin dropped. "Hey! Watch your language in front of my son. He can pick up on words. And Angel didn't sleep with me. Conner is…" She caught Angel shaking his head, his eyes asking her not to spill his secret. "…Conner was born by artificial insemination. We respect the curse unlike some." Cordelia stared at Buffy. " Anyway. I'll stay home with Conner and you lot go off and have a great time without me. Me and Conner will sit and watch a movie!"
Lorne looked at Cordelia with a lop-sided smile. He could see it in her aura. She was going to make sure that no one got near her man…or, as he hoped, anywhere near her man-to-be. "Oh Honey, you go out with them, I'll watch the sprog. Going would be like a bus mans holiday and I don't travel well."
Cordelia's face lit up. "OK. Give me five minutes to put 'The Sprong'" She glared at the Host but he could see the humor in her eyes. "And then I'll be ready. I'll take Angels car just in case we are invaded again."
Cordelia quickly left before Angel could argue and was back again as tension hung heavy in the air. She went to grab for the convertibles car keys but Angel got there first, holding them above Cordy's head and watching her jump.
"Angel! Give me the keys!" She demanded stamping her foot.
Angel just looked straight ahead, no expression on his face. "You are NOT driving my car. I don't want another bill from the garage 'cos you've bent the fender. I'll drive, you can ride shotgun."
"But Angel." She whined and still no keys. "I'll give you…" She stood on her tiptoes and whispered in his ear.
A goofy grin appeared on his face and he dropped the keys into her hand. The Scooby Gang watched with mouths wide open. Once outside, Gunn caught up with him.
"What she did say she would give you huh? You just got this grinny look on your face which was scary man."
"She's gonna give me her two tubs of Ben and Jerry's Fish Food Ice Cream that are sitting in the freezer at home."
Gunn walked away from him laughing as everyone piled into the cars. Cordelia slipped in beside Angel, who looked slightly unhappy to be without a steering wheel.
In the Sunnydale People Carrier!
They all sat, waiting for Buffy to explode. They could see it in her eyes, wanting just to vent her anger, disbelief anything. They just hoped she would do it before the got to Caritas. A Buffy-fuelled scene was the last thing they wanted in public. And then it came.
"Can you believe it? Cordelia has a kid with Angel. He wanted a baby with CORDELIA. Maybe she forced him to do it. She would do that."
"Angel looked in Conner with nothing but love in his eyes Buffy. It's not the look a dad would give to a child be begrudged!" Willow added meekly.
"Not helping Willow. And what was that goofy smile for? What was she going to give him? You don't think that they are…you know…TOGETHER!" She spat it like some dirty word.
"Well it certainly looks that way." Giles answered.
Spike was sitting in the back of the shaded people carrier listening. "Listen Slayer. You dated that Prick Riley, not to mention that idiot Parker. You can't have double standards. You can screw around but he can't! You just want to have your cake and eat it and you can't stand the though that somebody doesn't worship you anymore!"
Buffy turned angrily in her seat. "Shut Up! Shut Up Spike or I swear I will stake your ass to a flagpole and wait for the sunrise."
"Oh looks like I hit a nerve." Spike laughed to himself at finally finding the Slayers weakness.
Caritas
Wesley and Virginia were dancing slowly on the newly built dance floor as a Biswak demon crooned 'Lady In Red'. Cordelia was getting the drinks at the bar and Gunn and Angel were over the other side of the room talking to some demon that looked as if he had been dragged through a hedge backward. The Karaoke book lay abandoned in the middle of the table, the Sunnydale crew still coming to terms with the company they were sitting around. Willow breathed a sigh of relief as Cordelia came back from the bar carrying a silver tray full of different size glasses, smiling at the Biswak demon as she approached the table. Angel and Gunn made their way back to the table.
"Right, two Bloody Mary's, the real thing, and one with extra Tabasco for Angel 'cos he's a hot kinda guy."
Buffy's eyes slanted with hate and anger.
"A Margarita for Willow, a Slow Comfortable Screw for me..." she passed a side glance at Angel who smiled and almost chuckled. "An 8-year-old Malt for Giles, a Bud for Xander and Gunn, a Vodka and Red Bull for Fred - who's only allowed two - and a plain, and an old boring Pepsi for Buffy. They are all from Lorne so be nice to him."
"So what are you going to sing tonight guys?" Asked Angel as he noticed the karaoke book was closed.
"Oh, I don't think I could go up there and sing in front of all those..." Buffy stuttered. "Things."
"Oh Buffy, don't be so Xenophobic. I'll sing first then?" Cordelia flicked through the book and knew she had hit jackpot when her eyes lit up.
Cordelia just simply got up and reached the DJ's box.
"We have a special treat for you tonight, ladies and hell-spawn. Miss Cordelia Chase, Seer Extraordinaire."
She stood nervously in front of the mike and just let the music carry her. The smile from Angel helped but didn't go unnoticed by Buffy...who was being watched by Spike.
"I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes."
The room was silent and no one moved.
"Your love is all around me and so the feeling goes.
It's written in the wind, it's everywhere I go.
(Oh yes it is)
So if you really love me, come on and let it show."
She took a deep breath as the drums filled her ears.
"You know I love you, I always will.
My mind's made up by the way that I feel
There's no beginning, there be no end
'Cos on my love you can depend."
Cordelia's gaze never wavered from Angel who had swiveled in the booth to watch her. All eyes were on her. She noticed, with some satisfaction that Buffy was the only one without a smile as the music calmed again.
"I see your face before me, as I lie on my bed"
She remembered the time she slept in his arms with Conner between them.
"I kinda get to thinking, all the things you've said
You gave your promise to, and I gave mine to you
I need someone beside me, in everything I do.
You know I love you, I always will.
My mind's made up by the way that I feel
There's no beginning, there be no end
'Cos on my love you can depend.
God keep me moving"
"It's written in the wind, oh everywhere I go
So if you really love me, love me,
Come on and let it show, Come on and let it show."
Cordelia drew the mike away from her face and waited a moment...silence...then the whole room erupted into applause and calls for an encore. Cordelia bowed in a mock curtsy and left the stage to be folded into Gunn and Wesley's arms.
"That was amazing Barbie. I never heard you sing like that before." He let her go and let Virginia hug her as well. They drifted apart and let Angel hold her. "I wonder what Lorne would have got from that huh?" He whispered in her ear and let her go.
"Well I think it is the Brood Master's turn to sing and no Barry Manilow please." "No I beg, man. Anything but." Gunn joined in. "I must quite agree with Charles, Angel." Wesley added.
Buffy felt like the outsider again. It wasn't something she was used to. Everyone looked to her and came to her for help. Whenever Buffy was with Angel, she never had felt out of place but now she did and she didn't like it.
"So let me get this right. First, Angel sings. I thought that socially retarded people didn't sing and secondly, there are people in here that can tell your future and read aura's just by hearing you sing? I give up Buff, Willies bar is a normal local compared to this!" He looked shocked "So what are you going to sing then Dead Boy?"
"Just wait and see." But he wasn't talking to Xander, instead he had turned to Cordelia who was sipping happily on her strawberry drink."
Angel stepped into the spotlight and winced. "Hi, I'm gonna sing a song..." Groans echoed around the club. "I'll be good. This is for Cor, 'cos she's had it rough lately."
The drum beat bagan joined by the electric guitar and Angel nervously stepped forward.
"Pretty woman walking down the street,
Pretty woman, the kind I like to meet,
Pretty woman
I don't believe you, you're not the truth
No one could look as good as you."
"MERCY"
Cordelia stood up, "Come on Angel, move those hips." Buffy simply glared as Angel began to smile.
"Pretty woman, will you pardon me?
Pretty woman, I couldn't help but see
Pretty woman, you look lovely as can be
Are you lonely, just like me?"
His favorite part...
"GRRR."
He heard Cordelia, Fred and Virginia all scream.
"Pretty woman, stop a while,
Pretty woman talk awhile,
Pretty woman give your smile to me,
Pretty woman, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Pretty woman, look my way,
Pretty woman say you'll stay with me."
Angel was swinging his hips on stage, encouraged by Cordelia's growing smile into a 100-watt smile.
"'Cos I need you,
I'll treat you right,
Come with me baby,
Be mine tonigggggghhhhht..."
"Pretty woman, don't walk on by,
Pretty woman don't make me cry,
Pretty woman don't walk away...baby."
"OK?
If that's the way, it must be,
OK,
I guess I'll go on home it's late,
There'll be tomorrow night, but wait...
What do I see?"
"Is she walking back to me?
"Yeahhhhh
She's walking back to me,
Ohhhh Pretty Woman"
He finished pointing at her and as the spot light scanned over the ecstatic audience he became all shy and self-conscious again until Cordelia took his arm and led him back to his Bloody Mary.
Buffy stood up and pulled Angel out of Cordelia's embrace. "Since when could you sing?"
"Oh he sings in the shower all the time." Cordelia explained for him. With the amount of time Cody had told him to put a sock in it he couldn't deny the fact.
"How do you know he sings in the shower? You stay in his room? Sleep in his bed. I bet you share all his showers don't you?" Buffy shouted angrily. No one else could hear her, as they were concentrating or dancing to Pinks, You Make Me Sick...the irony not lost on Cordelia.
"Yes I have slept in Angel's bed, yes I have seen him in the shower and I know he sings in the shower the same way Gunn, Wes and Fred know...we can hear him!" Cordelia took a breath. Well it was almost true. She had put him in the shower after that really bad battle, just to get all the blood off him to clean his cuts and she slept in Angels bed a lot...Angel wasn't always there when she did though.
"I knew it." Buffy seethed. "I knew you were sleeping together. You slut. You knew he would always love me and you still slept with him." Cordelia reached up to a resounding slap on Buffy face. "Cow!"
"Now you have finally stopped shouting. So you were allowed to be the slut with Parker...I think that was his name and with Riley...where did he go? Not to mention Spike, like it good and hard I suspect." Buffy looked as if she had been slapped again. That was what Spike had said to her.
"So you are sleeping together then?"
Angel went to answer but Cordelia stopped him. "I'm not telling you but we have a child called Conner so use your brain if the peroxide hasn't got to it. Hey isn't that Fred up there?"
Cordelia pointed to the thin girl on stage, boogying to the music of Cyndi Lauper. "How much has she drunk?" Cordelia noticed four glasses on the table and groaned.
"The phone rings in the middle,
My Father yells 'What ya gonna do with your life?'
Oh daddy dear, you know you're still number one
But girls, they wanna have fun
But girls just wanna have..."
"That's all they really wan...nt
Some fun,
When the working day is done,
Girls-- they want to have fun,
Oh girls just want to have fun.
Some boys take a beautiful girl
And hide her away from the rest of the world
I want to be the one to walk in the sun
Oh girls they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have
That's all they really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
Girls--they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun,
They want to have fun,
They want to have fun..."
Buffy had been all but forgotten as they watched a very drunk Fred skipping about the stage like Cyndi Lauper did in the '80's.
"All she needs now is red hair and some raggy clothes and we have ourselves a million dollar superstar!" Cordelia muttered dryly. "Who fed her the other drinks?" She asked the group.
"Sorry, it was me. She looked like she didn't have a drink so I bought her one." Gunn said followed by a nod from Wesley and Virginia.
"Great! I'll take her home. See ya guys." Gunn shouted as he hauled Fred gently off the stage.
Cordelia let out a yawn. "I think I'll do that same. I have collage in the morning so I will see you all later. Angel, are you OK to look after Conner or do you want me to take him to the crèche?"
Angel seemed to weigh up the options in his head. "Um…take him to collage with you. I think he could do with a trip into the sunlight."
Buffy stared at them, the air of domestic bliss between them. The pang of jealousy ran deeper in her, causing more anger and pain to surface. She was meant to here with Angel, deciding where their child went. He wasn't meant to love anyone else but her…it was destiny. Right now destiny needed a helping hand to get back on track.