Abby's POV
"Mom, Mom so you're telling me Eric's gone AWOL again and you didn't do anything to stop him. Great, Great thanks a lot."
So that was it, all of my time and effort of keeping Eric on his meds had failed again. I'd give up but I can't it's my responsibility it's my problem. I know John's been great at trying to help me but I can't let him do it anymore it's my battle and I must fight it. Anyway John will be back in about 10 minutes with the take out.
I hear the door open behind me I know he will want to know why I've been crying but I can't tell him I mustn't I can't put him through it again. He was sweet last time when he came to meet me in Nebraska but it's not his problem.
"Hey how you doin?"
"I'm fine"
"You don't look fine, have you been crying?"
"No." I turn away so I'm not facing him he knows I'm lying, I hope he won't push me but I know he will he always does, in a way it's a good thing but I can't handle it at the moment.
"Abby look at me please." He looks at me with those gorgeous eyes of his and it makes me want to cry again as I see the concern in his eyes but I can't.
"Look I can't tell you right now please don't bug me about it." I walk into my bedroom and shut my door hoping that it will all go away.
It's been 3 days now and I still haven't heard anything about Eric and I still haven't told John yet I'm sure he knows something is up but he's finally given up asking me about it. I've hardly noticed what's happened at work I've been too wrapped up in my own problems and I hate the feeling that it's all my fault I suppose I know it isn't but I can't stop the guilt and it's killing me I can't sleep and I'm only surviving thanks to coffee. The bags under my eyes are a permanent feature and I think Susan is worried about it as she keeps sending me on breaks even when I'm not due them.
Why me though Why does it have to be my family that has to go through all of this what have I done to deserve it all.
"Abby." His voice awakens me from my trance. "What's wrong?" I knew it was too good to be true, his silences never last very long.
"Nothing"
"Abby you know it's not nothing, what's bothering you? Tell me I might be able to help" He hugs me but I pull away I can't rely on him because then what would happen when he realises how screwed up I really am and he leaves.
"Nothing I've told you it's nothing or at least nothing that concerns you."
"Abby if it concerns you it concerns me to." His voice is shaking now I can tell he's trying to stay calm but he's not doing it very well.
"Face it John it doesn't it's my life and my problem you can't do anything about them." I'm getting angry and I know I've hurt him but I can't deal with him not now maybe not ever, I'd walk out but I have nowhere else to go as Susan and Deb are at work, I can't throw him out either that would hurt way to much. I just resort to going into the bathroom and locking the door.
I turn on the taps so he can't hear me cry, I wait until I know he's gone to bed before I go and fetch the alarm clock from beside the bed and the comforter. I then try and settle on the couch, I know I won't sleep but there's no harm in trying.
1am
I can't sleep and I'm on at 7 so I really should but I can't help it I keep on thinking about what I should do with Eric and John I haven't slept much recently anyway and I knew what would happen but I still wasn't prepared and I couldn't prevent it no matter what I did. I must try and sleep but I know I won't.
6am
Damn that alarm clock I got all of 30minutes sleep last night now I suppose I'd better get up and I need coffee, I'll be quiet though as I don't want to wake John he's just pulled a double and he needs his sleep way more than I do. Also I can't face another fight not now anyway, I'll sort it out later.
10am
God today has been hell on earth I haven't stopped since I got here, we've had trauma after trauma after trauma. Oh and to make things just that bit better I've been puked on at least 3 times. I really need to call Mom, but Kerry would kill me if she caught me. I also really need to sleep but I can't sleep because when I lie down all I think about is Eric and it keeps me awake. It's either that or cry and I can't have anyone see me cry that would be too shameful.
"Abby can you help me with the sutures in curtain 2"
"Yeah sure I'll be there in a minute" I gulp down the last of my coffee and go to help Susan but as I walk I start to feel giddy and my vision becomes blurred I think I might faint but I won't I won't I can't.
"Mom, Mom so you're telling me Eric's gone AWOL again and you didn't do anything to stop him. Great, Great thanks a lot."
So that was it, all of my time and effort of keeping Eric on his meds had failed again. I'd give up but I can't it's my responsibility it's my problem. I know John's been great at trying to help me but I can't let him do it anymore it's my battle and I must fight it. Anyway John will be back in about 10 minutes with the take out.
I hear the door open behind me I know he will want to know why I've been crying but I can't tell him I mustn't I can't put him through it again. He was sweet last time when he came to meet me in Nebraska but it's not his problem.
"Hey how you doin?"
"I'm fine"
"You don't look fine, have you been crying?"
"No." I turn away so I'm not facing him he knows I'm lying, I hope he won't push me but I know he will he always does, in a way it's a good thing but I can't handle it at the moment.
"Abby look at me please." He looks at me with those gorgeous eyes of his and it makes me want to cry again as I see the concern in his eyes but I can't.
"Look I can't tell you right now please don't bug me about it." I walk into my bedroom and shut my door hoping that it will all go away.
It's been 3 days now and I still haven't heard anything about Eric and I still haven't told John yet I'm sure he knows something is up but he's finally given up asking me about it. I've hardly noticed what's happened at work I've been too wrapped up in my own problems and I hate the feeling that it's all my fault I suppose I know it isn't but I can't stop the guilt and it's killing me I can't sleep and I'm only surviving thanks to coffee. The bags under my eyes are a permanent feature and I think Susan is worried about it as she keeps sending me on breaks even when I'm not due them.
Why me though Why does it have to be my family that has to go through all of this what have I done to deserve it all.
"Abby." His voice awakens me from my trance. "What's wrong?" I knew it was too good to be true, his silences never last very long.
"Nothing"
"Abby you know it's not nothing, what's bothering you? Tell me I might be able to help" He hugs me but I pull away I can't rely on him because then what would happen when he realises how screwed up I really am and he leaves.
"Nothing I've told you it's nothing or at least nothing that concerns you."
"Abby if it concerns you it concerns me to." His voice is shaking now I can tell he's trying to stay calm but he's not doing it very well.
"Face it John it doesn't it's my life and my problem you can't do anything about them." I'm getting angry and I know I've hurt him but I can't deal with him not now maybe not ever, I'd walk out but I have nowhere else to go as Susan and Deb are at work, I can't throw him out either that would hurt way to much. I just resort to going into the bathroom and locking the door.
I turn on the taps so he can't hear me cry, I wait until I know he's gone to bed before I go and fetch the alarm clock from beside the bed and the comforter. I then try and settle on the couch, I know I won't sleep but there's no harm in trying.
1am
I can't sleep and I'm on at 7 so I really should but I can't help it I keep on thinking about what I should do with Eric and John I haven't slept much recently anyway and I knew what would happen but I still wasn't prepared and I couldn't prevent it no matter what I did. I must try and sleep but I know I won't.
6am
Damn that alarm clock I got all of 30minutes sleep last night now I suppose I'd better get up and I need coffee, I'll be quiet though as I don't want to wake John he's just pulled a double and he needs his sleep way more than I do. Also I can't face another fight not now anyway, I'll sort it out later.
10am
God today has been hell on earth I haven't stopped since I got here, we've had trauma after trauma after trauma. Oh and to make things just that bit better I've been puked on at least 3 times. I really need to call Mom, but Kerry would kill me if she caught me. I also really need to sleep but I can't sleep because when I lie down all I think about is Eric and it keeps me awake. It's either that or cry and I can't have anyone see me cry that would be too shameful.
"Abby can you help me with the sutures in curtain 2"
"Yeah sure I'll be there in a minute" I gulp down the last of my coffee and go to help Susan but as I walk I start to feel giddy and my vision becomes blurred I think I might faint but I won't I won't I can't.