Track Five: The Other Side of Goodbye
When Kojiro came to, he found himself once more in the lobby of The Spirit Inn. He glanced around, blinking hard and trying to remember what had happened, and why he was—
The memories slammed into him and he was racing up the staircase before he was aware his feet were moving. He pounded twice on Musashi's door, then, remembering what he was, took a breath, closed his eyes, and plunged through the wood.
"Musashi?" he called, glancing about. He had to find her and warn her. If he caught her before she went out to where some dangerous "accident" could end her life, then maybe he could stop the Keeper's awful plans.
The back bedroom door was closed. He dove through it, breathing a sigh of relief when he found Musashi curled up under her covers, Sounansu hovering nervously beside her.
"Musashi?" he called again, softer this time. She didn't even budge. Could she even still hear him, or had the Keeper taken that away, too?
Timidly Kojiro walked to the edge of her bed and pressed his hands to the covers. His translucent palms slipped through them a few times before finally, gritting his teeth, he managed to grasp them and push them away from her head. "Musashi?"
His old partner lay curled in a ball, pale and sweat-slicked. The bottom dropped out of his stomach as he realized the Keeper had moved in the only way Kojiro couldn't fight against.
"Damn him," he hissed. He set the back of his hand to Musashi's forehead, wincing at the heat that pressed against him. "Oh, where is that useless cat? How could he leave you like this?"
One of Musashi's eyes opened halfway. "Kojiro?"
He nodded, but before he could say anything Musashi sat up straight, arms flying out to grab his shimmering form. He half-expected to slide through her, but she held on tight, wrapping quavering arms around his neck.
"Kojiro! You're here! I can't believe you came back! But how in the world did you... oh…" She sighed, her arms loosening from his neck as she slumped back to the bed.
Sounansu rushed to her side, adjusting the pillow under Musashi's head and tugging at the covers, trying to pull them back up over her. Kojiro squeezed her hand, feeling about as helpless as the Pokemon must have. "Calm down. I'll explain everything when you're feeling better. Listen, I want to get you something to eat. Is there any soup?"
"Cup noodles in the cabinet," she murmured. "I'd make 'em myself, but I'm just so drained. Feels like I could barely lift a pair of chopsticks. Ever since I woke up yesterday..."
Yesterday? Kojiro bit his lip. He wondered how long it would take the Keeper's illness to kill her. "Okay, I'll get that for you." She shivered again. Focusing hard, he grabbed the covers and helped Sounansu tuck them under her chin. "I'll see if I can find some more blankets, too."
"Koji?"
"Mm?"
"What's going on?"
He smiled weakly. "You're sick, that's what's going on. So just let me take care of you for once, okay?"
"Don't be silly," she said, returning his smile with a sleepy one of her own. "You take care of me all the time."
As soon as her eyes closed, Kojiro hurried out of the room so she wouldn't see him crying. There I go again, ruining everything for her. Musashi, I'm so sorry! This isn't what I meant at all!
xxx
Nyasu returned a short while later, loaded down with bags of groceries and medicines. "Musashi, I'm home! I got some stuff to help knock out that flu bug! It won't know what hit i..."
He trailed off as he glanced around the room and noted both the extra blankets and the empty cup on her nightstand. "Huh? When did she...?" Nyasu shivered as a winter breeze seemed to trace its way down his back. "Brr! Do we have a draft in here? No wonder you needed the extra blankets."
Kojiro removed his hand from Nyasu's shoulder. "You're worried about Musashi too, huh," he said, though he knew his friend couldn't hear him. "Sorry I called you useless earlier."
Nyasu glanced behind him a little nervously, then shook his head and took a seat next to Musashi's bed. "Hey, Musashi? C'mon, wake up, I got something to keep the fever down."
Her eyes flickered open. "Hey, Nyasu. You bring me a present?"
"Yeah, medicine. Food, too. The good stuff, not like," he gestured to the styrofoam container.
"Don't thumb your nose at cup noodles, cat," she said with a flicker of her usual fire. "When Kojiro and I were kids, anytime one of us got sick, we always bought the other chicken cup noodles."
"Now, now." Kojiro wagged a teasing finger. "That's not entirely true."
"Okay..." Musashi relented.
"Sometimes we stole them," they said as one.
The two laughed, and even though Nyasu could only hear half the conversation, he chuckled right along with them. For one precious half-second, things felt normal and right - until a sharp cough tore its way out of Musashi's throat, dragging them all back to the present.
Nyasu rummaged in one of the grocery bags, retrieving a box of pills and a bottle of syrup. "Fine," he said, "I won't take away your magic noodles. But next time, could you wait 'til I got home to cook 'em for you? You shouldn't be moving around so much."
"I didn't," she said, already sliding back into sleepiness. "Kojiro made them for me."
Nyasu glanced at Sounansu, who babbled nervously and saluted a couple of times. Kojiro had done his best not to move too many objects in front of the Pokemon - he didn't want to frighten him anymore than he already was - but just seeing Musashi hugging the air and talking to no one must have been plenty disconcerting.
Whatever Sounansu said, it didn't seem to phase Nyasu. He smiled weakly and patted Musashi's hand. "Yeah, that's Kojiro, all right. Always looking out for you."
Kojiro snorted. "And a fine job I've done of it, too."
xxx
Later that evening, Nyasu stood outside Musashi's bedroom, listening to the murmur of her voice. He couldn't catch all the words, but he could hear the pauses and reactions, the short laughs and little retorts, as if she were having a relaxed conversation with a friend. Except there were never any replies, and Nyasu knew Sounansu had been returned to his Pokeball for the night.
Musashi was alone. Feverish. Talking to a dream.
Wasn't she?
The morning after Nyasu had found Musashi sobbing in the lobby, she had told him everything. About the Rift, her wish, Kojiro. All of it. He'd listened with total seriousness, offered her all the right sympathetic words - and then quietly panicked, because he didn't believe a word of it.
Ghost-type Pokemon were one thing, but actual spirits? And for it to be Kojiro, so conveniently, right here in Silver Falls? From where Nyasu was standing, it seemed far more likely that Musashi was in the middle of a breakdown, one he would have seen coming weeks ago if he hadn't been trying so hard to avoid the empty spaces Kojiro had left between them.
But if it really was all in Musashi's head, then how could he explain the figure he'd seen in the lobby, that shadow of a shadow that had looked so much like his dead friend?
He peered through the crack in the door, watching Musashi's curled-up form. She patted the bed invitingly, said something in a cajoling tone, then shifted over, making just enough room for another person. Nyasu squinted, trying to see something, anything, to prove Musashi was telling the truth, that she wasn't sick from loneliness as much as fever. Did the bed shift a little? Was there the faintest indentation atop the covers?
He could almost imagine it, from the way she was lying on her side. Could almost see Kojiro mirroring the pose next to her, their hands laced, foreheads touching. Smiling softly, talking sparingly, needing little more than the others' presence. He couldn't see it, but did that make it any less real?
Imagined or not, it was far more intimate than anything he'd seen from the two before. It made him feel like an intruder. He stepped away from the door and puttered around tidying the apartment instead, trying to ignore what he'd seen and knowing that wasn't an option anymore.
If Musashi was delusional, then Nyasu had to do what he could to help her.
And if she wasn't...
It took him another hour before he worked up the courage to enter Musashi's room. Her eyes were closed, chest rising and falling steadily beneath the covers, only occasionally interrupted by a light cough. Nyasu switched out the empty glass of water on her nightstand for a full one and set a cool rag against her forehead.
"Musashi?" he called quietly. She didn't stir. He took a breath and tried a different name. "Kojiro?"
The room hummed with silence.
Nyasu pushed on. "Musashi says you're here. If she's right, can you... I dunno, what are ghosts supposed to do? Knock on the dresser or something?" The silence pressed against his ears. The cat heaved an embarrassed sigh. "Right. How stupid can I ge—"
Tap.
He stared at the dresser. "Do that again?"
Another pause, then: Tap.
Nyasu considered fainting. "Okay... okay. Sure. This is definitely not the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me. Doesn't even rank in the Top Five when I think about it." He shot another glance at Musashi, fast asleep. "Uh... follow me to the living room? Tap on the coffee table when we get there?"
He padded out and, sure enough, the coffee table rewarded him with a soft rap. He more-or-less collapsed into his favorite plush chair, staring at the table, still trying to see something to prove he wasn't losing his mind, but there was nothing but darkness and moonlight. He swallowed again.
"Um. All right. I'm gonna ask you some questions, to make sure you're really Kojiro and not some ghost-type messing with us. Tap once for yes, twice for no. Understand?"
One tap. Yes, the presence understood. Nyasu rattled off a handful of yes-or-no questions, specifics from their time together in Team Rocket and the bits they knew about each other's childhoods. Did Kojiro collect bottle caps? Was Musashi's first Pokemon a Dougasu? When they had worked for Team Rocket, had they ever traveled to Numera?
The taps answered correctly every time. By the fifth question, Nyasu's eyes were swimming with tears. He held out a shaking paw, pad up. "K... Kojiro? Is that really...?"
The air around his paw went icy, like he'd stuck it in the freezer. The hair on his back shot up and he jerked away on instinct, holding his arms tight to his chest. He stared at the empty air in front of him, gulping breaths to calm his racing pulse.
Then he realized how that must have looked to his friend and winced. "Sorry," he said, still holding his chilly paw and fighting to even out his breathing. "That was probably kinda insulting, huh?"
One tap, a bit sharper than the others.
He chuckled nervously. "Cut me some slack, will you? I can't see you the way Musashi can. It's taking all I've got not to run screaming out the door." A gentle, chilly breeze ruffled his ears. He jerked away, batting at the air above him. "Seriously, knock it off! You're gonna give me a heart attack." Another cool flutter against his charm. Nyasu scowled. "You're just messing with me now, aren't you?" One airy tap, and he could have sworn he heard snickering along with it. "Come on, I said I was sorry! It's not like I asked to be left out of all this!"
He settled back into his chair again, eyes turning angrily to the floor. "I wish I hadn't been. I wish I'd been brave enough to press that elevator button the way Musashi did. Maybe if I had, we could really... really talk again, even just once. It's not fair that only Musashi gets to do that. She's not the only one who's missed you, y'know. She's not the only one who..."
A lump was trying to build in his throat. He swallowed it down, changing directions. "Musashi said you left?" One tap: yes. "But you came back?" Yes. "Because she's sick?" Yes. "Does... does her being sick have something to do with you?" Yes. "Can you fix it?" Silence. "Is she gonna get better?" More silence.
Nyasu tightened his jaw. "She's gonna get better," he said. "We'll make sure she does."
One firm tap, a determined yes.
The cat took a deep breath, trying to think how he could say this next part. "H-hey. Hear me out, okay? I'm really glad you came back, to keep Musashi company while she's feeling so rotten. But once she gets better... y-you gotta go too, okay? It's not right, you being stuck between places like this. It's not good for you. Either of you."
Nyasu remembered the quiet scene he'd glimpsed through the bedroom door and had to swallow another growing lump. "And it'll only get worse the longer you stick around, now that... I mean, you've always loved each other, but it's different now, isn't it? The way you love each other is different now?"
Tap. An unhesitating yes.
"Took you long enough," Nyasu grumbled fondly. "But that's just one more reason you can't stay. You know that, right? You're not part of this world anymore. And as long as you're here, she'll never come back to this world, either. Being all wrapped up in only each other like that... that's not living, you know? It's just hiding. So, once she's better, you gotta tell her goodbye for real this time. So you can both move on. Okay?"
A long, painful pause. Then, so quiet Nyasu almost didn't catch it, a single faint tap.
Yes.
"Thanks," Nyasu said softly. "I hate asking it, honest. I wish there was some other way we could fix this. Musashi'd be a lot happier if there was. It's been ages since I seen her so..." He waved his paws helplessly. "It wasn't just that she was sad after you died, you know? Sad I could've maybe done something about. But she just... walled off. Closed herself in and wouldn't come out."
He sighed, staring at the ceiling. "Hell, maybe we both did. I dunno. Everything's so much harder without you around. You were always the bridge between us. Now it's like we can hardly even look at each other. And I don't know if I can..." He blinked hurriedly. "I been so worried about her, but I can't even... I mean, what am I supposed to..."
Nyasu's ears perked at a shuffling in the kitchen, the sound of a drawer opening and closing. He hurried towards the kitchen island in time to see a pen float through the air, pressing against a notepad.
"Well that's freaky," he muttered. He scrambled up onto one of the bar stools on the other side of the island, watching as the pen fumbled across the page. It wobbled and fell a couple times, as if the force holding it - Nyasu still couldn't quite think of this invisible presence as "Kojiro" - was struggling to maintain a grip. But eventually it dropped for good, leaving a short, rushed message in handwriting Nyasu would recognize anywhere:
TELL HER THAT
"Huh? What? That I'm worried about her?"
A loud tap, a frustrated yes.
"B-but Musashi and I, we never really... I mean, you were always the one she..."
The pen flew again, struggling even more this time. It must have been taking a lot out of him to do this, Nyasu realized. Still, he kept at it, stopping and starting until there were another five words staring up at Nyasu:
She loves you too
Idiot
The notepad slid across the counter, coming to rest directly in front of Nyasu. He took it between his paws, studying the familiar loops and dashes, the final promise from the only person who knew him and Musashi as well as they knew themselves. If Kojiro said it, then it had to be true.
Nyasu hadn't realized how badly he'd needed someone to tell him that - to assure him that he and Musashi weren't just former partners, but friends. Teammates. Family. Like they'd always been. And always would be, if they were willing to fight for it. If they were willing to look at the gap between them and find a way to cross it.
"Huh. I must be in real trouble, if someone like you is calling me an idiot," he cracked weakly, before burying his face in his paws.
A throw blanket landed atop his head, wrapping around him like a cloak. Through the fabric, he felt the light pressure of arms around his shoulders and a chin between his ears, holding him close. It only lasted a second, a half-second, before the weight dissolved and Nyasu was left with a faint chill in his paws and the warm memory of his friend's presence.
It was enough.
"Yeah," he said, hugging the notepad tight to his chest. "I've missed you too, Kojiro."
xxx
"Hey Alana, you got a minute?"
"Um, sure, Nyasu. What's the problem?"
"It's Musashi. I'm really starting to worry about her. I was wondering if we should take her to the hospital."
Alana blinked. "Is it that bad? I thought she just had the flu."
He twisted his paws together. "I dunno, really. She says she doesn't need to go, and maybe I'm just feelin' over-protective after everything that's happened these past few months, but... could you come up and take a look, let me know what you think?"
"Sure. How many days has it been?"
"Just four, but she's so pale and weak. I've been keeping the fever down and everything, too." He shrugged. "It's weird. Musashi's usually real healthy, but..."
Nyasu led her into the bedroom, where Sounansu continued to watch over Musashi. Kojiro sat at her bedside, holding her hand. Nyasu glanced up at Alana, his eyes widening as hers narrowed in concern and surprise. "Is it that bad?" he asked.
"It's pretty bad, all right," she said.
Kojiro at last looked up at the two, stiffening when he realized that Alana was staring at him – not through him, but directly at him.
"Nyasu," she said, her voice an officious snap, "could you run down to the local pharmacy and ask for some Motrin?"
"I think I've already got some—"
"We're going to need more," she said.
"Uh, sure. I'm willing to try anything at this point." Nyasu shot both women a concerned glance, then padded out of the room.
As soon as the apartment door clicked shut behind him, Alana turned her full attention to the bed again. "What are you doing back here?"
Kojiro didn't answer. He was so used to no one but Musashi being able to see him that he just assumed the question was for someone else.
"Kojiro!" Alana snapped, and this time his head whipped around to face her. "What are you doing here? I was told you'd passed on a few days ago."
He stared at her wide-eyed. "You can see me?"
"Of course I can! I'd be a pretty awful Watcher if I didn't have the Sight! Now, tell me why you aren't at the Rift or past the Gates."
He shook his head, pressing a flickering palm against his forehead. "I will be soon," he murmured wearily. "I'll be going back before the week is out, if that Keeper has his way. I never meant for it to turn out like this, but it's all gone to hell, as usual."
"What are you talking about?" Alana fought to soften her tone, though she couldn't keep the urgency out of it. "I know you're tired – you must be, if you've been holding yourself together for the past few days – but I need to understand what's going on."
So Kojiro told her the story as best he could, fighting through both his own exhaustion and the knot building in his throat. "And I never meant it like that. I just wanted to wait for her. You have to understand that I never wanted this! Only it never turns out the way I want it to. If I'd just entered those Gates from the beginning, then none of this… ever would have…" He trailed off, head dropping into his palms, throat working hard to swallow his tears.
Alana pursed her lips. "That's it. I'm sick to death of that Keeper jerking you two around! Come on, Kojiro. We're going to have a nice, long chat with that wretched boss of mine."
She snapped her hand around Kojiro's wrist and pulled him forward, but as he staggered to his feet something inside of him seemed to tear in half. He screamed and doubled over, grabbing at his abdomen as he collapsed. It's just like back then, he thought through a curtain of fire. Just like that awful day of the crash…
"Oh, no," Alana moaned. Kojiro thought he heard her feet turn and pound out of the room, but he couldn't be certain anymore. He couldn't be certain of anything really, nothing but that pain, and even that was starting to fade into emptiness.
Everything's going hazy. Does that mean I'm going back? But if I am, then Musashi is... No, no, Musashi! You can't…!
xxx
And here I am again. Even though it's my third time, I'm still not used to it at all. This darkness is so thick it practically chokes you. And why am I here this time, exactly? It's always so hard to remember.
Kojiro?
What? Musashi?! But how are you... Wait, that's right... before I got here, she was...
Kojiro! I'm so glad I found you! I thought I'd be lost forever, but I heard your voice and followed it. I can't believe we're together again!
Ohhh, no! No, no, no, no, no! You can't be here! You can't!
Wow, nice to see you too. What's your problem?
I didn't mean it like this! Please, Musashi, you have to know that I never wanted you to... to actually...
I don't get it. Why're you so upset? This is what we both wanted, right? Aren't you glad to see me?
Of course I'm glad to see you. I'm always glad to see you. But... please, no, don't hug me, it makes this even worse! Musashi, think! If you're here then that means you're dead, or if you aren't you're very close. Don't you understand that?
So? If I'm dead, then I'm dead. Nothing we can do about that. And if I'm very close, then, well, I'll just have to walk that road, right? You worry too much. We're together again. Isn't that what matters?
Musashi, please. Kojiro's right. This isn't the way it should be.
Huh? Where did you come from? And why do you sound so familiar?
That's not important right now. Musashi, listen to me. You have to go back. It isn't too late, but in a few minutes it will be.
Like hell I will! You asked me who I wanted to be, Kojiro? Well, I just want to be myself. I don't want to have to worry about being strong or weak or anyone but who I am. And I can only be that way when I'm with you.
That's not fair to Nyasu—
He's going to lose his two closest friends in the same year and all you can think about is—
Shut up, both of you! I know it's not fair, okay? I know it's selfish! And I'm sorry to do this to Nyasu, I really am. Him and Sounansu both. But I'm going to lose someone no matter what I do, and if I have to choose, then... then it's not even a choice. Nyasu knows that as well as you do, Kojiro.
This isn't just your choice to make. I can't let you do this for me, Musa.
Come on, it's killing you to say that. Why are you so set on fighting this?
Because... Hell. Where do I even start? Because I'm not worth it? Because it would break Nyasu's heart even more than mine? Because you're the most incredible person I know and you deserve so much more than a tombstone in your twenties? Because even though you're hurting too much to admit it right now, we both know you're too ambitious and stubborn to just throw your dreams away like this and that you are absolutely, without a doubt, one-hundred-percent going to regret it?
You're making that face where you know I'm right but you don't want to admit it.
...You are, you know. Worth it, I mean.
No, I'm not. I'm not worth killing yourself over.
Oh, quit being so dramatic. I'm not killing myself. I'm just... letting things run their natural course.
Nothing about this is "natural," Musashi! Rewriting my memories, spitting my soul back out into the world, giving you the Sight, siccing some super-flu on you... That damned Keeper has tossed us around like Pokeballs, and you think this is the "natural course"?
How impolite to insult someone in their own land.
YOU! Show yourself, you bastard! Just because this is the place that isn't a place doesn't mean I can't kick your ass!
More insolence. I gave you what you wanted, did I not? Musashi is here, and the two of you can spend the rest of eternity together.
You don't understand anything. Neither of you do. Do you really think I'd be happy, knowing the person I loved died because of me? Do you think I'd ever be able to forgive myself for that?!
Kojiro...
Musashi, you know I want to be with you, but this... this isn't right. We can't do it this way. We just can't.
But I... Damn it, NO! Maybe you're right and I'm not ready to die yet, but I can't just leave you here, either. I couldn't stand it, and I know you couldn't stand it, either. There has to be something else, right?
Hm... maybe there is. Sir, I believe we may be able to compromise.
You have no authority on these matters, Watcher.
Perhaps I shouldn't get involved, but this has gone on for too long. Your Superior put you in charge of this place to give people a chance at happiness – you know how much They hate sadness – and you've caused nothing but misery for these two.
What do you propose I do then, Subordinate? I've tried everything I can to give them what they want, but they are displeased at every turn.
You really have a terrible understanding of humans, Sir. And you haven't tried everything.
True, but we so rarely resort to that. I would prefer to avoid such unnecessary annoyances.
"Annoyances," are they? Well, then, I suppose I should take this to your Superior as an official complaint. I'm sure They will be interested to hear all about this.
You wouldn't. Oh, what am I saying, of course you would. Well, this is a delicate matter. And how can you be sure it's the right choice?
We'll have time to discuss that with Kojiro later, Sir. But for now, Musashi, it's time to go back. I'm sorry, but this is how things need to be.
And leave Kojiro? Forget it.
Musashi. Please. We're running out of time.
They haven't even told us what's gonna happen to you, I can't just—
So don't do it for them. Do it for me.
Please?
...Oh, damn it, you had to go and kiss me. Fine, then, I'll do it for you. But won't you be awfully lonely?
As long as I know you're alive and doing your best to be happy, then I'm sure I'll manage.
When did you get to be so strong, huh?
I'm not. I feel like I'm going to start crying and never stop. But it's not fair that you always have to be the strong one, so I thought I should try doing it for once.
You are crying, dummy.
I know. I'm sorry. I'm not very good at this, am I?
I dunno. You still look pretty strong to me. I'll have to remember that, the next time I feel like crying.
Let's both practice, so that next time we see each other we can take turns. Being strong, or crying, or both. Okay?
"Next time." Hell. Now I'm crying, too.
Please, neither of you needs to worry. My superior and I will do our best to handle this. For now, Musashi, you just need to rest.
Rest? How can I rest now, when this is the last time I'll ever...
Not the last. We'll meet again someday.
Damn. I'm really gonna miss you.
Me too. But you're not alone, okay? Nyasu, and Sounansu, and Alana, too. They all really care about you. Look after each other. And remember that wherever I wind up, I'm always thinking about you, too. I love you, Musashi.
I love you, too. Be strong!
Be yourself! Goodbye...
xxx
Musashi woke to a sterile ceiling, the faint beep of an EKG, and a warm weight near her feet. She pushed herself up on her elbows, careful of the IV in her arm, to see Nyasu and Sounansu dozing in chairs on either side of the bed, their cheeks and arms pressed against her legs.
She smiled softly, setting a hand against both their heads. Kojiro's farewell was an ache in her lungs, more feeling than memory, and nothing seemed quite real, least of all this hospital room she couldn't remember needing. The Pokemon's presence were a comfort, familiar and solid. An anchor to keep her from drifting away again. Had she really been so willing to abandon them before?
The two must have been sleeping lightly. They stirred at her touch, peering up through sleepy eyes that soon snapped open in surprise.
"Musashi!"
"Sounansu!"
They smothered her in a hug, Nyasu's paws around her neck, Sounansu's arms tight against her middle, their little bodies already shaking with sobs.
"We were so scared!" Nyasu cried. "When you stopped breathing, I thought... I was so sure..." He pulled back to look at her, tears streaming down his cheeks. "You gotta take better care of yourself, okay? And I'll stay home more, too. So you won't be alone... so you won't have to be so... 'cause you just can't, okay?"
"Nyasu..."
His claws gripped the front of her hospital robe. "'Cause I can't... lose you both... okay? Okay, Musashi?!"
"S-sou..."
Musashi's gaze shifted from one to the other before settling on Nyasu: paws trembling against her, ears drooping with exhaustion, eyes hollowed out with a terror slowly giving way to relief. And it struck her, in a way it never had, that he loved her. Both of them did. Maybe more than they loved anyone else.
And she loved them, too. Of course she did. She always had. She'd just never stopped to think about it before.
How much time had she spent, chasing after the things she'd lost? Decades following her mother's shadow, years struggling for the fame and recognition she'd been denied since childhood, and never realizing what Kojiro meant to her until he was gone. Then all those nights clinging to Kojiro's ghost while she ignored the friends who'd been waiting for her, staying up late for her, asking if she was all right and knowing she was lying when she said she was.
She wasn't going to make that mistake again, she thought, and pulled them both tight to her chest. Apologies weren't her forte, so she said "thank you" instead. "I'll try to do better from now on. I promise."
There was more to be said, she knew. More to fix and more to do. A future to find here, now, with them. She owed that to herself as much as everyone else.
But there was no hurry. That could all come later. For now, Nyasu and Sounansu just needed her to be herself.
For now, they just needed to hold each other and cry.
xxx
Alana stood to the side of the half-open hospital door, listening to the muted sobs and quiet promises from within. "See?" she said to the flickering figure at her side. "Safe and sound, just like I said she'd be."
Kojiro nodded, staring at his clasped hands as they shifted in and out of translucence. "Thank you," he murmured. "I get the feeling you broke some rules by bringing me here. But I couldn't just... after everything, I needed to... before I..."
"Of course," she said. "Musashi's my friend too, you know. I wanted to check up on her as well." She waved the bouquet in her hand, yellow roses accented with soft lavender and crimson freesia. "Thanks for the recommendation, by the way. I don't know the first thing about flower arrangements."
"You'll look after them?"
"I'll put them in a vase with sugar water first chance I get." Alana winked. "And I'll keep an eye on your friends too, while I'm at it."
Kojiro smiled but didn't reply. Alana shifted, glancing away from him, down the hallway and towards the distant nurse's station. She wasn't sure how much longer she could stand here "by herself" before someone started giving her strange looks, but for now they had their privacy. Hopefully it would be enough.
"Listen, Kojiro... I know this was my idea, and please don't take this the wrong way, but you don't have to do it like this. You can still change your mind and pass through the Gates. Musashi - I really think she'll be okay without you, so—"
"I know," he said, still staring at his flickering hands. "I've always known that. She's a lot stronger than I am. And she has Nyasu. Sounansu. And you, too. So she'll be all right, eventually. They all will."
"Then why do this? Why give up everything for this?"
Kojiro snorted a soft laugh. "I keep saying it and saying it, and nobody listens." He turned, at last meeting Alana's eyes. "Everyone's so certain I'll be happy on the other side of the Rift. That it'll somehow give me everything I want." Soft sniffles slipped through the doorway and Kojiro echoed them with a choked sob of his own. "But how could it, when the only thing I want - the only thing in the whole world - is to be in that room, right now, crying my eyes out with the people I love?"
Alana was kind enough to look away as the weight of this moment at last overtook Kojiro and he crumpled forward, bawling into his knees. He had fought it, denied it, fooled himself for a few precious weeks, but here was the truth, inescapable at last: the man called Kojiro was dead, and nothing would ever be the same for him again.
Even Alana's solution was a half-measure, a reunion so roundabout none of them would even know it was happening. They might sense it - she prayed they'd sense it - but they'd never truly know it, not until they returned to the Rift, years from now, and the Keeper could restore the past that Kojiro was leaving behind.
Alana kicked herself for suggesting it, but more than that, she marveled at Kojiro for accepting it. To willingly strip his soul of its memories, cram it into a minor vessel, and throw it back out into that mess of a world? And for what? A possibility? Reincarnation came with no guarantees. He still might never find Musashi or Nyasu. The future was a towering question mark, and it could be decades before he knew if he'd answered it right.
No wonder the fear had caught up to him, she thought. No wonder he was doubled over on the floor, crying like a child.
But none of that was going to change his answer. Alana understood that now. Whatever the risks, however small the odds, and no matter how frightened he was, he would take the road that could lead him back to the people he loved. How foolish of her, to think she could ever convince him otherwise.
"Kojiro," she said at last, after his sobs had waned to sniffles. "I'm sorry, but it's time."
"I'm not ready."
"I know," she said. "But you can do it. You're a lot braver than you give yourself credit for."
She offered him a hand up from the floor. He took it, red-eyed and terrified and resolute even so. "What do I have to do?"
"Nothing, really. You just let go. We take care of the rest."
He cracked a smile even as his voice hitched again. "If I could let go, we wouldn't be in this mess."
"Hm. Fair. Then how about... Close your eyes for me?" He did as she said. She squeezed his hand, then loosened her hold so that his fingers were lightly curled atop her own. "Think of all of this as a dream. Me, Silver Falls, the Rift - it's all a strange, sad dream you've been having, but now you're ready to wake up. And when you do, you'll be back where you belong. Okay?"
"Will I remember you?"
"Not one bit."
"Will you remember me?"
"Of course."
"And will you... if you see me, w-will you...?"
"I think so," she said. "But don't focus on me. Focus on the people you want to meet when you wake up." His hand atop hers began to waver, like a desert in the midday heat. "Follow that feeling. Hang on to it. So that even if you don't remember them, you'll still know where you're supposed to be."
"Of course I'll know," he said, his voice an echo of an echo but stronger than it had been all day. "That's the thing about us: no matter how far away we're blasted off, we always find each other again."
And then he was gone, leaving the Watcher with her hand outstretched, clasping the air. Alana drew it back, setting it atop a chest suddenly tight with hope. She chuckled to herself as she wiped a tear that had snuck onto one of her lashes. "That's a first," she mused fondly. "Must be getting soft in my old age."
The nurses were starting to give her those strange looks she'd been worried about. Best to stop lingering and move on, same as everyone else. With a gathering breath, Alana Moreno squared her shoulders, fixed her face into its usual relaxed smile, and stepped through the hospital room door. She may have been the Watcher of the Road and the Keeper of the Inn, but she still had a sick friend to visit, and the bouquet in her hand wasn't going to deliver itself.
xxx
Time passed, in peaks and valleys, first with more bad days than good and then, slowly, more good days than bad.
Musashi returned to work a week later as if nothing had changed, except that everything had. She brought Sounansu down to the lobby to greet the guests and keep her company. Nyasu began to work exclusively from the Pokemon Center, limiting out-of-town trips to emergencies. Sometimes Musashi went with him, for a change of scenery and to help out when she could. Alana joined them for dinners and board games and movie nights, introducing them to her own friends along the way. The pair even found places at the local theatre: Nyasu working a spotlight, and Musashi planted squarely beneath it.
And slowly, tentatively, like children testing a newly frozen pond, the two began to talk. About the past. About Kojiro. About the absence that never went away but had softened, somehow, so they could touch it without cutting themselves on its corners. So they could look at each other without falling into the empty space between them. They took turns crying, or being strong, or both, and they used their memories to build a bridge across the gap their friend had left, and they grew all the closer for it.
When they'd arrived, barely a team anymore, Silver Falls had been an escape.
A year later, a family again, and it was home.
And, a few months after that, they added one more member to it.
"Um, Alana?"
The Keeper of the Spirit Inn glanced up from where she'd been wiping down the breakfast counter. Her eyebrow quirked at the sight of Musashi and Nyasu in the doorway, Musashi with a squirming puppy in her arms. "So, who's your friend?"
"A rescue Gardie - er, sorry, Growlithe - from the Pokemon Center," Nyasu said. "Or he was, but..."
"He sort of... adopted us." Musashi held the Gardie out like an offering. "You don't mind, do you?"
Alana crossed the space between them, arms folded over her chest. She leaned down to study the puppy, peering into his bright green-gold eyes. She tried to put on a stern face, but it cracked when he licked her nose. "With an introduction like that, how could I refuse?"
Musashi and Nyasu shared wide smiles. Their happiness was contagious; the Gardie wriggled out of Musashi's arms and bounced back and forth between the pair on over-sized paws, tail fanning the air behind him. Alana studied him with a curious smile. "He certainly is fond of you."
"No kidding. He attached himself to me as soon as I walked in this morn-nya!"
Nyasu yelped as the Gardie threw his paws against his shoulders, hug-tackling him to the ground. Nyasu growled with good-natured exasperation and swatted the puppy gently on the nose. "Down, fuzzball." The puppy sat back obediently, though his tail continued to sweep the floor. Nyasu sighed and patted him on the head. "Yeah yeah, good boy."
Musashi knelt beside them, scratching the Gardie behind the ears and picking up the story. "I stopped by to meet Nyasu for lunch. When we tried to leave, this little guy about burned the place down trying to come with us. It's hard to say 'no' to someone who's that excited to see you."
"Did he say why?"
"Just that he likes us." Nyasu shrugged. "He got separated from his family, and he's only a few months old. Maybe when he saw me and Musashi talking together he thought we looked like a new pack."
The Gardie yipped a few times. The two women looked to Nyasu for a translation. The cat blushed. "Do I gotta? It's so sappy." They waited, so he scowled and grumbled: "He says he's, uh... real glad he found us, that he loves us more than anyone in the world, and that he's never leaving us again."
"Again?" Alana repeated.
The Gardie cocked his head and whined. Nyasu mirrored the look. "He doesn't know either. Says it sounded right, so he said it. I told you, he's real young. It's like talking to a toddler over here."
Musashi squished the Gardie's cheeks between her hands. "Well we love you too, how's that? You won't ever have to worry about being alone again. This is your home now." He huffed low in his throat and bumped his head against her chin. Musashi chuckled and wrapped an arm around him. "Y'know, I think I know what he means? 'Again' feels right. Like we were old friends back in grade school. Don't you think so too, Nyasu?"
"Hmm, we'll see if you're still saying that after he chews up your favorite slippers."
"He wouldn't dare, because then he'd be dead. Idn't that right, sweet'ums?"
Alana chuckled. "Just make sure he's house-trained and doesn't approach the guests unless they want him to. Does he have a Pokeball?"
"Not yet," Musashi said. "We wanted to check with you first. Nyasu said he'd take care of everything this afternoon while I finish my shift. Speaking of..." She stood, punching her fist into her open palm and flashing Alana a grin. "We've got a lobby to decorate! Halloween is right around the corner and our guests deserve the best from Silver Falls' premiere haunted inn. You'll help hang the Ariados webs when you get back, Nyasu?"
"Like you'd let me say no," he said with a grin, before turning back to the Gardie. "All right, fuzzball, let's leave the ladies to their work. We've got adoption paperwork to fill out and a mess of supplies to buy. Ask me nice and I'll get you a treat when we're done."
The Gardie bounded eagerly after him and out the door, then pulled up in the entryway, glancing back over his shoulder. Musashi was chatting with Alana, hands flying from point to point as she explained her vision for the lobby, but she trailed off when she felt the puppy's eyes on her. He wagged his tail expectantly.
"No, you go with Nyasu," she said, waving him along. "I've got stuff to do here." He replied with a whine and Musashi couldn't help but laugh. "Are you going to be this clingy all the time? You don't need to worry about me. I'm fi..."
She trailed off, staring at the little animal, his head tilted in a concerned question mark. The words she'd been about to say echoed around in her head - and she realized, with a prickle of tears, that she wasn't lying this time.
She was okay. She really was.
Nyasu came back into the door frame, paws on hips. "Something wrong?"
"Nn," Musashi said quietly. "Everything's fine. Better than fine, even. It's... good. We're good." She met the Gardie with a reassuring smile. "I mean it, okay? So go on. I'll see you when you get back."
That seemed to convince him. His tail picked up again, thwapping Nyasu as he hopped to his feet. He woofed, as if to echo Musashi's promise, then turned and followed the cheerfully complaining cat down the street.
"You three are really something else," Alana remarked, but Musashi was already moving past her, popping open first Sounansu's Pokeball and then one of the boxes stuffed with Halloween decorations. Alana followed suit with Umber, and the group set to work unpacking, Musashi directing pieces into separate piles depending on where she wanted them displayed.
They were so deep in their work that it took them a moment to notice the familiar Sakamoto Maaya song drifting in over the speakers. Musashi's shoulders stiffened. Alana winced. "And we were having such a good time, too. Want me to flip to the next one?"
Musashi stared at the plastic Zubat in her hands. "No," she murmured. "It's okay. Let it run through."
Alana, who had never had a chance to hear the song that Musashi used to despise, listened carefully to the delicate words.
If I let go of your hand clasped in mine
With that, it would all probably come to an end right now.
What I wanted to know, and even what hurts me—
Even those were left undone.
Even though I should want to wish
For you to find happiness,
I can't, I'm too immature.
I wipe the tears, but they still keep flowing.
Good-bye.
I love you more than anyone else.
Even more deeply than the sky.
Don't cry. We'll meet again, right?
But not being able to see you is something that only I know about.
This fate that we've chosen...
Someday you too will understand its true meaning.
The treasure of memories that we've made
Will always live on deep inside my heart.
I thought it was a beautiful thing,
The word called hope.
In an almost painful embrace,
I'm looking up at you.
Thank you.
I love you more than anyone else.
Even more strongly than dreams.
Hold me. Don't let go.
But don't utter even a single thing...
Don't cry. I love you.
Even though we're separated, far apart,
I can still live with you.
Alana rubbed at the corner of her eye. "That's a beautiful song."
Musashi was crying, but there was a smile on her face even so. "Yes," she said. "I think it's one of my favorites."