Obi Wan Kenobi cautiously entered his Padawan's room in the Jedi Temple's
medical wing. Anakin was convalescing, recovering from the grievous wounds
he had sustained at the hands of Count Dooku only days before. Obi Wan had
just finished speaking with Chancellor Palpatine, who had specifically
requested that young Skywalker complete his assignment and see to it that
Senator Amidala was returned safely home. He could not begin to count the
number of ways in which the Chancellor's idea was a terrible one, but he
knew that the Senator would still need protecting. He also knew that after
the catastrophic loss of their numbers at battle on Geonosis, it was not as
simple a matter as assigning another Jedi to this duty.
Master Kenobi found his young apprentice, sitting upright in his bed, staring in disbelief at his mechanical arm. Anakin had barely even acknowledged his Master's presence until Obi Wan spoke to him.
"How are you feeling today, young one?" Kenobi inquired, genuinely concerned.
"A little better," Anakin admitted, though Obi Wan could detect the discomfort in his voice. "The 'phantom pains' are still there, and this prosthetic is so awkward." And ugly, Anakin thought bitterly.
"Have patience, my young apprentice," Obi Wan admonished gently, "in time, you'll become accustomed to it. When you return, we will begin training on your saber techniques and working on your dexterity. You'll be your old self in no time."
He secretly hoped that wouldn't exactly be the case; as much as he hated seeing his Padawan in this condition, Obi Wan believed that the way Anakin was handily defeated by Dooku might be a positive step in taming his arrogance and impulsiveness.
Anakin's interest was piqued when he finally realized what his Master had said to him. "When I return? Where exactly am I going, Master?" he inquired curiously.
Obi Wan inhaled sharply, then pulled a chair up to Anakin's bedside. He stared gravely into the young one's face, as he gave his stern but warm reply. "You will be escorting Senator Amidala home to Naboo. The Chancellor feels that her danger is still very much a reality."
Anakin could not hide the excitement in his face or his voice. "When do I leave?" he asked, ready to spring from his bed and race to Padmé's side. But his Master's stony countenance snapped Anakin back into the moment. He knew that Obi Wan was well aware of his feelings for the beautiful senator, and he could sense his disapproval.
"You will depart at 1600 hours. Anakin," Obi Wan continued, his voice with an undeniable inflection of warning, "your assignment is to return the Senator safely home. Be mindful that you don't do something you will later regret."
Anakin's ice-blue eyes flashed with anger. "Say what you mean, Obi Wan," he shot back, exasperated.
"There's nothing more to be said, my young apprentice, so calm yourself," Obi Wan chastised. "You know the Jedi Code, and you know the consequences of defying that code. I believe this would be the most opportune time for you and the Senator to.settle things between yourselves and say your good- byes." The Jedi Knight's words left little room for interpretation.
Anakin rose and strode sadly over to the window. After all this time denying it, Padmé had finally admitted her feelings for him, and although he had not seen her since he had awoken from his healing trance, his heart told him that her feelings had not wavered. Frustration radiated from the Padawan; he had come so very close to having everything he had ever wanted, and the Jedi were determined to keep it out of his reach. But as he glanced down at his mechanical arm, his heart sank. How could she love me like this anyway, he thought as a somber expression came over his face.
"Very well Master," Anakin sighed absently, not even attempting to cloak his disappointment.
Obi Wan sighed as he prepared to bid Anakin farewell; he silently prayed that just for once his Padawan would allow common sense to control his actions.
"May the Force be with you Anakin," said as he patted his apprentice on his shoulder and exited the room.
"And with you, Master," Anakin replied dutifully.
When Obi Wan left the room, Anakin slammed his fist on the windowsill. "Damn it!" he exclaimed to no one in particular. He rubbed his forehead in dismay. But then his spirits brightened. At least he would get to spend some time with Padmé, and maybe in that time, a solution could be found. He knew full well that he was not giving her up that easily. He wanted to marry her; he had told her as much when he was a boy. And now that he knew she returned his love, there was nothing he would allow to stand in their way.
Padmé Amidala sat restlessly in her Senatorial office, trying desperately to get something even closely resembling work accomplished, but her thoughts continued drifting back to Anakin. She had gone to visit him at the Temple daily, but was politely informed that the Padawan was recovering and was not to be disturbed. By the fifth day, she was becoming incensed with the Jedi, for she perfectly understood the meaning behind their words. That was her job, after all, to determine what people were really saying behind their smiles and courtesy. Anakin wasn't to be disturbed by her. As she had done so many times since she had returned from Geonosis, she reprimanded herself for so openly showing her affection toward Anakin in front of his Masters in that hangar. But she realized she couldn't have stopped herself in that moment, even if she wanted to. Now she feared the consequences of those actions; she feared the Jedi would do everything in their power to keep her away from their precious Chosen One.
Maybe it's for the best, she reasoned. I know that no matter how much I want it-how much we both want it, it can never be. Ani's a Jedi. His duty is to the Order. Who am I to ask him to forsake his duty?
Padmé couldn't help but chuckle at the irony of it all. For years, she had neglected her personal life in service of something she thought bigger than herself, and now she wanted to be with someone who was in very much the same situation. Nevertheless, the thought of spending her life without Anakin left her with an overwhelming sense of incompleteness.
"Back to work, Senator," she told herself. Work had always been a successful defense mechanism for Padmé; what significance were her problems compared to the troubles of the galaxy? Besides, someone had a lot of explaining to do about this sudden materialization of a Clone Army, and Senator Amidala was determined to reveal the source of it all. Her racing thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the buzzing of her comlink.
"Yes?" she answered, with a hint of irritation in her voice.
"Milady," Captain Typho responded, "Master Kenobi is here to see you."
"Send him in, please, Captain," Padmé replied politely. She would have liked to give Obi Wan a little piece of her mind for what she was sure was his influence in keeping her away from Ani during his recovery. However, she realized that this was perhaps not the appropriate timing. She smoothed her simple robes as the office door slid open.
"Good day, Master Kenobi," she said in the most formal-and imposing-tone she could muster.
"Milady," he said with a curt bow. "I am here to inform you that my Padawan will be escorting you back to Naboo."
Padmé's heart leapt. This was a complete turnaround, to be sure, but quite a welcome one. However, she thought it prudent to contain her enthusiasm over this announcement.
"I trust he has recovered, then, Master Jedi?" she inquired, trying to appear as ambiguous in her emotions as she could.
"Not fully, Senator, but I am confident that he will be capable of completing his assignment," Obi Wan replied.
He tried to gage the young senator's demeanor; unfortunately for him, Padmé Amidala was too savvy a politician to allow her true emotions to be revealed. He decided on a more direct approach.
"Padmé," he began cautiously, using her less formal name so as not to appear intrusive or demanding, "I must say that there are, well, concerns about the nature of your relationship with Anakin. It's obvious that there is a strong connection between the two of you."
Padmé lowered her eyes for a split second, but reassumed her stony expression to keep from seeming as though this Jedi had rattled her.
"I care for Anakin," she admitted.
"I do not doubt that, Senator," Obi Wan replied, seeming almost sympathetic. "But I also know that of the two of you, you are the more rational one. Anakin is often led by his emotions, where as you seem to be led by reason."
Padmé sighed, knowing Master Kenobi was right. Good, old, reliable Padmé, she thought, always thinking with your head and ignoring your heart. A paragon of maturity and logic.
Obi Wan was not yet satisfied with the Senator's reaction, so he pressed on. "Knowing that you care for Anakin, I also do not doubt that you want what is best for him," he said. Padmé could not quite read the tone of his voice, but knew what he was implying.
If you love Anakin, you'll let him go; that was what Obi Wan meant. Sadness crept into Padmé's heart as she realized her Jedi friend was right; it was not possible for her to be with Anakin without destroying that for which he had worked so long and hard. So on this trip, she would again allow reason to overcome emotion; she would set him free.
"I do, Master Kenobi," Padmé said, trying carefully not to sound as though she was a child being lectured by a parent. "I know how..tenuous this situation is. I know that Anakin has committed his life to the Jedi Order. I'm sure that commitment will be given its due consideration."
Obi Wan found little comfort in the Senator's statement, but decided to let it go. He had never known Padmé Amidala to be a woman who disregarded the ways of the Jedi; in fact, she had been a staunch supporter of the Order, and was becoming an increasing minority in that support. He thought back to Anakin's words on the gunship; She would do her duty. The Senator's reputation was above reproach, and Obi Wan chose to believe that this instance would bring no exception. He bowed courteously.
"May the Force be with you, Milady. I trust your journey home will be a safe one."
"Thank you, Master Kenobi," Padmé replied.
She waited until the Jedi knight left her office, then slid to the floor. She buried her face in her knees and allowed her tears to flow. She and her beloved Ani could never be.happiness had been within her reach, but slipped through her grasp, swallowed whole by duty and honor and code.
Jedi Padawan Anakin Skywalker was an emotional disaster. He was nervous, excited, agitated.he did a quick inspection of Padmé's yacht, making sure all was safe and well for the journey to Naboo. He was beginning to annoy the technicians in the hangar with his incessant activity, but he could not help himself. Patience was a virtue that was often quite lost on the young man. Filled with anticipation, he paced the hanger, double checking to ensure his light saber was attached to his belt, looking with suspicion upon any new person who came within several meters of the sleek, silver ship. His brain was racked with scenarios of how the trip would play out- what would he say to her? Did she love him? Could they be together? Did she regret proclaiming her feelings to him? Would she see him in the same light, even though he now had a mechanical monstrosity attached to his right arm?
Presently, he sensed her approaching with her security detail. This scene was not dissimilar to the last time Anakin and Padmé had departed Coruscant for Naboo; they were leaving as quietly as possible, so as not to attract attention to the Senator's whereabouts. The last-minute instructions and warnings from Master Obi Wan played over and over in Anakin's mind; Don't do anything you'll regret.
Padmé entered the hangar, and felt her heart skip a beat as she saw Anakin standing there at the ship's entrance ramp. She took a moment to appraise his long, lean form, with his taut muscles and sun-baked skin. Her heart sank a bit as she noticed the metal prosthetic; she had not seen it before and was flooded with many of the same feelings she experienced when she ran in to the hangar on Geonosis. It was a harsh reminder of the danger inherent in Anakin's station. He must be feeling self-conscious about it, she thought. Although it was an un-Jedi like tendency, Anakin seemed to value his appearance. He was not a vain person by any means, and he did not primp and preen like so many of the male senators she knew, but it was obvious that Anakin was aware that he had been blessed with good looks. She hoped he realized that his new appendage did not detract from those looks in the least, as far as she was concerned.
When Anakin spotted Padmé, a bright smile reached across his face. She was the most beautiful creature he had ever beheld, even in her simple green traveling robes. Her hair hung loose and cascaded down her back and she was wearing very little make up. Anakin decided that he liked her better this way; better than when she wore her elaborately ornate Senatorial gowns and her hairstyle was nothing short of an engineering marvel. When she dressed this way, much as she had when she accompanied him to Tatooine, she was just Padmé. She was no less regal or graceful, but was far more inviting.
As she approached, Anakin instinctively assumed a formal, professional demeanor to prevent idle suspicion and gossip. To be overly familiar with the senator before they were totally alone could prove detrimental to both of them, so he simply took her bags from her and placed them on board. He then politely extended his hand to assist her on to the yacht, though he could not prevent a mixture of chills and heat from racing though his body when he touched her. The pair turned to bid farewell to the Senator's security force.
"Be careful, Senator, Jedi Skywalker," Captain Typho implored.
He was not sure he completely agreed with the idea of the impetuous Padawan being solely responsible for his Mistress' security; after all, he had taken her to Tatooine and then Geonosis, both of which could have easily gotten her killed. But Typho was not one to question the orders of the Jedi or the Supreme Chancellor, though he made sure his disapproving gaze did not escape Anakin's awareness.
Anakin patted the Captain comfortingly on the shoulder. "We'll be fine, Captain. I won't let her out of my sight, I promise." He flashed a half- smile, and Typho wasn't entirely certain he liked the sound of that comment. He did not reply; he simply glared at the Padawan as if to say, "If anything happens to her, not even your Force powers will be able to help you, boy." But he wisely held his tongue.
C-3PO and R2-D2 dutifully followed Anakin and the Senator on to the yacht. Anakin set the controls, and the ship gracefully glided out of the hangar and into the congested Coruscant sky. The journey to Naboo would last approximately three days, and Anakin hoped beyond hope that he and Padmé would be able to take full.advantage of their time alone together.
When the coordinates were set to make the jump to hyperspace, Anakin activated the automatic pilot and unassumingly sauntered to Padmé's stateroom. She had kept her distance from him up until this point, but he was bursting with anticipation for when their lips would meet again, for when he could hear those sweet words from her mouth: I love you.
It occurred just then to the young Jedi that he had never explicitly told Padmé that he loved her too; he had allowed his actions to speak for him. But he felt it was time that she was made aware. He pressed the door signal and waited for her to answer.
The door slid open and Anakin gazed in awe at his beloved standing on the other side. What a vision she was, as if she was made from the stars themselves. He smiled awkwardly at her, sensing her apprehension. He had expected a tender, passionate reunion in which she would fly into his arms and reaffirm her love for him; instead, she stood in the middle of the room, acting as if she did not know what to do with her own body. He slowly reached out with his left hand and stroked her upper arm.
Padmé looked up into those burning blue eyes. How she wanted to lose her self in them, in him. How she wanted to press her body to hers, to give in to her tormenting need. She felt as though her bones had liquefied when he touched her. But she had to remember her place; she had to remember Anakin and his dreams and aspirations of becoming a Jedi. She had to end this before it started. She reluctantly pulled away from him and walked to the small, red sofa in the sitting area.
"Padmé?" he said worriedly. "What is it?" She sat on the sofa, and he knelt down beside her on the floor. Padmé exhaled loudly as Anakin took her hands in his, not realizing that he was allowing her to touch his dreaded mechanical hand. In this moment he did not care.
"Ani," she began somberly, trying to maintain her composure as she looked into his penetrating eyes. He was not going to make this easy for her, that much was certain. She decided the best course of action was to get it over and done with, so she drew another cleansing breath and brought a compassionate yet resolute expression to her face. "I told you on Geonosis that I loved you."
"And it was the sweetest sound I've ever heard," he interjected, flashing one of his sheepish grins that without fail made her pulse race.
"Ani, please, let me finish," she reprimanded him gently. "I told you that I loved you, and I hold to that. I believe I shall love you until my dying day."
"Oh, Padmé," he sighed, raising her hands to his mouth and kissing them softly. "I had hoped it wasn't all a dream!"
Padmé's heart swelled with love and desire at the feelings of his lips on her fingertips, but she quickly shrugged it off as she returned her concentration to the task at hand-breaking Anakin's heart.
"But it was a dream, Ani, it was! Don't you see? As much as I love you, I know I cannot be with you. It's just not possible. The Jedi."
"I don't give a damn about the Jedi, Padmé," Anakin interrupted as he stood up angrily.
"It's their code, Anakin, and I do not think they will alter it just to accommodate you and me," she retorted, matter-of-factly. She was not going to allow his pronouncements to detract from the gravity of their situation. "And don't tell me you don't give a damn about them, because you do," she continued, her heart feeling as though it were shattering in to tinier and tinier pieces with each word.
Anakin rolled his eyes and walked across the room, his hands on his hips. He was seething, but kept silent.
"Being a Jedi has been your passion your entire life! It's been your dream! How can I ask you to give that up, Ani? How can I say that I love you but force you to choose me over your calling?" Padmé could not hide the sadness in her voice.
Anakin turned and glided over to her, a mask of determination covering his handsome face.
"You are my dream, Padmé. Ever since the day I met you." He sat beside her on the sofa and grasped her shoulders, turning her to face him. "I love you. I've loved you for half my life."
He pulled her close to him and slid his mouth over hers. She met his lips intently, and allowed him to slide his tongue into her mouth and meet her own with it. The kiss quickly deepened and turned into their most passionate to date, as she allowed his hands to move ever so subtly from her shoulders to her breasts. She sighed in pleasure as he caressed her, and she began to feel a distinct stirring in areas she dare not mention as he probed her body with his lips and tongue.
"Anakin," she whispered seductively. "Yes, oh.."
Her sighs of pleasure only excited the young man more as he slid his left hand under the material of her robe and for the first time caressed the bare skin of her breast. The things he was able to do to her, the ways he was able to make her feel.no other man would have ever dared touch Padmé Amidala in that way without finding his face on the receiving end of a firm slap. But with Ani, her inhibitions melted away. She felt as though she was falling into the sky, floating there, with his every touch and kiss.
But she remembered herself and sat up quickly, taking the young Jedi aback.
"No," she whispered. "No."
Anakin's face showed utter confusion. Was she just being a tease? No, she wanted him, he could feel it.
"What?" he inquired, not hiding the frustration in his voice. "No what? Why are you doing this, Padmé , why are you pushing me away?"
"Because," she stated, quite unimpressed with her answer, as she scooted ever so slightly away from him. "Because this is wrong Ani. We agreed. We agreed that giving in to this would destroy our lives. When I told you I loved you, I meant it, but.."
"But you thought we were about to die," he said, lowering his eyes.
"Yes," she admitted sadly. "But we're alive now. And it is forbidden for us to be together." She paused, trying to analyze his reaction. "You're a Jedi, Ani. It's that simple. I won't do this to you. As much as it breaks my heart...I have to let you go." She sunk back into the sofa, tears filling her brown eyes. This was the most difficult thing she had ever done, but she knew it was for the greater good. She knew that, especially in these tumultuous times, she could not afford to think only of herself.
Anakin nodded, as anger crept into his eyes. He wanted to throw something, to scream, to make her understand that nothing else mattered. But he had told her, not so long ago, that he had given up trying to argue with her; he knew it was folly. Padmé Amidala was exasperatingly strong-willed, and he knew her mind would not be changed. He sighed with resignation as he reached the decision that had been haunting him ever since she had re- entered his life.
"I'll leave," he said flatly. "If I have to choose between you and the Jedi, I choose you. It's not even a question, Padmé. I love being a Jedi, but that pales in comparison to the way I feel about you. I'll leave. I'll quit." Of course, he was not thrilled with that option. Despite his constant battles with Obi Wan and the Jedi Council, he loved his duty. Abandoning it would be no easy thing, but for Padmé, he reasoned it was worth it.
Padmé, on the other hand, would hear nothing of it. "No Anakin," she insisted. "Please be reasonable. I do not buy this cavalier attitude of yours about being a Jedi or not!" She stood up and walked over to Anakin, wrapping her arms around his waist as he stood with his back to her. "I cannot ask you to give up your future for me."
"It is my future to give," he retorted as he turned to face her. "Why must we always be so consumed by duty? One of the first lessons Master Qui-Gon taught me was to feel, not to think. I am feeling here, Padmé . I am following my instincts, as my Jedi teachings have instilled in me. My instincts tell me that my life is with you." He cupped her chin in his hand and bent down to kiss her softly, but she pulled away.
"Ani, if you leave the Jedi, you will only resent me in the long run. I cannot have you all to myself and I accept that. Why can't you?" She realized that she was sounding a great deal like a school marm, and chastised herself for her condescending tone.
Anakin exhaled loudly, obviously trying to maintain his emotional control. As much as he loved this woman, she was so damn maddening sometimes! He did not have a response to her question however, and turned away.
"It has to be over, Anakin," she whispered sadly. "I'm sorry. We cannot have what other people have. Do not make this any more difficult than it has to be, please!" she begged. His arguments had greatly weakened her resolve; who was she, after all, to tell Anakin what to do with his life? But this was the best course of action, she knew it.
Anakin did not agree, but it seemed that Padmé had made her decision and was not wavering from it. He began to feel the anger stirring in his soul as he glared at his would-be lover.
"Very well," he snapped. "If that's how you want it Padmé .fine. I cannot force you to do anything you do not want to do. Good evening, Milady." He turned on his heel and stalked out of her stateroom, slamming the door hard behind her through the Force.
Padmé wanted desperately to follow him, to explain that this was not what she wanted, but her better judgement took over as she stood glued to her spot on the floor. After a few moments, she began rummaging through her luggage in search of a nightgown; the best thing she could do at this point was attempt to get some much-needed rest.
I'm sorry, Ani. I just can't keep going around in circles like this with you. The sooner we're apart, the better. Tears filled Padmé's eyes, but she did not cry. Exhausted, she collapsed on to her bed, but she could not sleep. She tossed and turned, imagining Anakin's lips on hers, his hands roaming her body, but then picturing the turmoil their lives may become if they were to give in to their feelings.
We could keep it a secret.
We'd be living a lie.
Gods, she loved him. The more she pulled away, the more she found herself falling. Her mind raced. She thought of the looming war with the Separatists. The Jedi, no doubt, would be on the front lines, welcoming the danger.and falling. When Ani recovered, he would be right there with them, fighting for the Republic, risking his life.
She pictured Anakin in a sleek starfighter, weaving his way through enemy fire. She pictured him being shot down, falling to his death, never knowing love or being loved in return.
She shuddered as she began to consider Anakin's feelings. He wasn't like the rest of the Jedi; he had been ripped from his mother's home at the formative age of ten. He had known love beyond just compassion; he had not been programmed to be devoid of natural human emotions. He needed love in his life. He longed for it. He longed for her. And she was denying him that need, the need that was as basic as the need for food, water, or shelter.
Padmé despised herself for this. She loved him and he loved her. What was she afraid of? Was she using their other responsibilities as an excuse to hold him at bay? Her sister's past lectures played through her mind.
When are you going to think of yourself for once Padmé?
What if you wait until it's too late for you?
You want a family of your own, don't you?
Padmé realized that perhaps part of what drew her to Anakin was the knowledge that it could never be anything more than a fantasy. But she knew that she loved him. She wanted to be with him; she wanted him to be the father of her children, she wanted to make a life with him.
Her mind raced to the various attempts on her life over the past years. So far, she had evaded death, thanks in part to Anakin's vigilance. But what if by chance one of these attempts was successful someday? What if she went to her death, never knowing the love of a man, or rather, never sharing in that love? She pictured Anakin in the next room, having as much difficulty sleeping as she was having. How she longed to join him in that bed, to hold him, to explore his body and allow him to explore hers.
Maybe just for one night, she thought, but that thought left her mind as quickly as it had entered. She knew that Anakin would want all or nothing. One night would not do. If she gave in to temptation and went to him tonight, she would be making an unspoken commitment to be his forever.
Forever.
Suddenly, that thought did not seem so far-fetched or frightening. Maybe there could be a way. Perhaps the Jedi were not completely heartless; perhaps they would make certain allowances for Anakin. After all, they defied their conventional methods when they agreed to train the boy. Certainly they understood that Anakin, in many ways other than his Force abilities, was a very unique case.
Not likely, she sniffed as she clutched her pillow tightly. Perhaps the Chancellor could be of assistance. The Supreme Chancellor had taken a great interest in Anakin, and the Jedi were usually open to his recommendations. Besides, with the war coming, they will need all the help they can get. They probably wouldn't expel Ani even if they wanted; they need him too much.
She ignored the voice in her head warning her of the danger of these thoughts. Why must she always allow her head to lead her? Her heart was with Anakin, and being without him was as being without a piece of her soul. Without him, she would exist, but not live.
Padmé inhaled nervously. It's now or never, Amidala, she told herself as she rose from her bed.
Anakin was sleeping lightly, his bare chest rising and falling rhythmically. His mind was deeply troubled, however, as he thought of Padmé. How he wanted her; how tortuous it was to know that she wanted him but that she would not succumb to the temptation out of respect for his duty as a Jedi. Why did she have to be so damn noble all the time? Why did it seem that, rather than making his dreams come true, studying to become a Jedi only stood in the way of his desires? Why did he have to choose one thing over another? Anakin's eyes slowly opened as he abandoned all hope of a good night's rest. He was a bit taken aback to sense another presence in the darkened room, a presence he recognized all too well..
"What are you doing?" he asked calmly, though his heart was racing.
"Shhh." Padmé entreated him as she sat softly on the bed beside him and stroked his chest. He reached up to stroke her back, enjoying the sensation of her silken nightgown. He was about to repeat his question as she slowly leaned down and kissed him softly on the lips. His lips met hers readily; it never ceased to amaze him how it felt as though their lips were meant only to fit with one another's. She parted his lips with her tongue as their embrace deepened. He pulled her down on to him slightly, and she felt his arousal pressed against her leg. He continued to sensuously stroke her back as her long hair fell around his face as though it were a protective shield. But remembering their earlier conversation, he broke the kiss and looked at her face.
"What are you doing?" he asked again, and continued, "not that I mind at all."
She stood up slowly. "I'm tired," she replied. Anakin's face fell as he propped himself up on his elbow.
"Tired?" he repeated.
"Yes, tired," she said seductively. Anakin was now utterly confused.
"Of what, Padmé?" he inquired.
"I'm tired of always listening to my head, Ani. I think it's about time I followed my heart," she finished as she slid the straps of her nightgown off her shoulders.
Anakin gasped as the gown seemed to melt from her body and liquefy on the floor. His eyes bored into her body as she stood before him, naked, for the first time. Anakin had to catch his breath as he began to feel himself throbbing with anticipation; he was fairly certain that Padmé had never done anything like this before, but was amazed at how naturally it all came to her. She strode seductively to the bedside, and he pulled her down into a kiss.
He caressed her silk-like skin, and she allowed his hands to roam freely over her body. He rolled himself over on top of her, never breaking their kiss, as she gingerly began to reciprocate his caresses. She allowed her body to take over and do what came naturally as she scraped her fingernails up and down his back. His lips moved from her lips to her neck, then down her breastbone to explore her breasts. His hands followed suit as she moaned in ecstasy. The feeling of his hardness against her leg, yet so close to where she wanted it to be, drove her to the edge of excitement.
After his lips had left no part of her breasts untouched, he moved his head down, kissing her abdomen, causing her to writhe with a mixture of discomfort from it tickling her and pleasure. She briefly wondered how it was that Anakin knew to do these things to her.had he done this before? A hint of jealously crept into her mind, but was quickly pushed aside by the sensation of his tongue between her legs, circling and flicking at a sweet spot she never knew she had. She gripped the sheets as she marveled at this new and wonderful feeling she had discovered. She began to feel as though the all the blood in her body was rushing to the spot where Anakin continued his delightful ministrations, and as he sensed she was on the edge of complete satisfaction, he stopped suddenly. Her eyes flew open as he raised his head and brought it up even to hers.
"Are you sure?" he asked, not wanting to force anything on her.
"Yes," she whispered. "Yes. I need you. I need to feel you loving me."
He smiled sweetly and placed a soft kiss on her lips. She helped him as he tugged at the waistband of his sleep pants, then kicked them aside. Carefully, he entered in to her, cringing as he felt her wince in pain.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, his head buried in her neck.
But the pain quickly subsided, and when he was in her completely, he let out a loud gasp, then moaned. She held him close to her, allowing him to set the rhythm of the act, and rocked against him as he gently thrust in and out of her.
"I love you," he whispered over and over, occasionally raising his head to look in her eyes and kiss her softly on the lips.
After a few minutes, Padmé began to feel the sensation she had felt moments before when Anakin was pleasuring her with his tongue. The feeling grew more intense as he drove himself into her, more quickly, brushing another newly-discovered spot. Instinctively, she grabbed his waist as if directing him where to go and what to do. She began to breathe heavily as the sensation intensified more, before an overwhelmingly pleasurable feeling of release swept through her body.
"Anakin!" she cried, "Anakin!"
"Padmé!" he replied excitedly, as his thrusting continued to speed up until he reached his own climax. She felt his seed spilling into her as he cried out her name several more times, then collapsed his head to her waiting breast. He separated himself from her, and she held him as he trembled in ecstasy in her arms. She ran her fingers though his cropped, sandy-blonde hair as she twisted his Padawan braid around another finger.
Momentarily, he raised up and looked into her eyes. Neither of them had ever looked at one another with such hunger and intensity and passion; they knew they were one now, in spirit, mind and body. She brushed a bead of perspiration from his forehead as he again lowered his face to hers for a gentle kiss.
Afterward, they lay together atop the sheets, his arm wrapped securely around her small waist, his face nuzzled in her neck. They said nothing for the longest time, simply enjoying the perfect calm that followed their act of love. Padmé felt like a different person now.like a woman.
"I love you, Anakin," she whispered in a tone of perfect contentment.
"Marry me," came the simple reply. Padmé eyes snapped open.
"What?" she asked, dumbfounded.
"Marry me," he repeated. "When we get to Naboo, I want you to marry me. I've always known it would be you Padmé ever since I was a child. Tonight just confirms it. Marry me, please."
Padmé was in a state of shock. Not because she was surprised by the question, but because every instinct in her heart and mind told her to say yes. No warnings about duties or codes, no second-guessing the legitimacy of their feelings.
"Yes, Ani, I'll marry you," she replied.
"Of course you will," he said smugly, as he pulled his fiancée's body as close to his as he could. Confident as he sounded, Anakin's heart was racing. The woman he had loved for ten years was about to become his wife. He sighed with contentment as he said, "You can't live without me."
She couldn't, she now knew. She belonged to Anakin, and he to her, and to be without him would be as harmful as to be without oxygen. And as they drifted off to sleep, their dreams, for the first time in a long time, were peaceful as they enjoyed their final night together before becoming husband and wife.
Master Kenobi found his young apprentice, sitting upright in his bed, staring in disbelief at his mechanical arm. Anakin had barely even acknowledged his Master's presence until Obi Wan spoke to him.
"How are you feeling today, young one?" Kenobi inquired, genuinely concerned.
"A little better," Anakin admitted, though Obi Wan could detect the discomfort in his voice. "The 'phantom pains' are still there, and this prosthetic is so awkward." And ugly, Anakin thought bitterly.
"Have patience, my young apprentice," Obi Wan admonished gently, "in time, you'll become accustomed to it. When you return, we will begin training on your saber techniques and working on your dexterity. You'll be your old self in no time."
He secretly hoped that wouldn't exactly be the case; as much as he hated seeing his Padawan in this condition, Obi Wan believed that the way Anakin was handily defeated by Dooku might be a positive step in taming his arrogance and impulsiveness.
Anakin's interest was piqued when he finally realized what his Master had said to him. "When I return? Where exactly am I going, Master?" he inquired curiously.
Obi Wan inhaled sharply, then pulled a chair up to Anakin's bedside. He stared gravely into the young one's face, as he gave his stern but warm reply. "You will be escorting Senator Amidala home to Naboo. The Chancellor feels that her danger is still very much a reality."
Anakin could not hide the excitement in his face or his voice. "When do I leave?" he asked, ready to spring from his bed and race to Padmé's side. But his Master's stony countenance snapped Anakin back into the moment. He knew that Obi Wan was well aware of his feelings for the beautiful senator, and he could sense his disapproval.
"You will depart at 1600 hours. Anakin," Obi Wan continued, his voice with an undeniable inflection of warning, "your assignment is to return the Senator safely home. Be mindful that you don't do something you will later regret."
Anakin's ice-blue eyes flashed with anger. "Say what you mean, Obi Wan," he shot back, exasperated.
"There's nothing more to be said, my young apprentice, so calm yourself," Obi Wan chastised. "You know the Jedi Code, and you know the consequences of defying that code. I believe this would be the most opportune time for you and the Senator to.settle things between yourselves and say your good- byes." The Jedi Knight's words left little room for interpretation.
Anakin rose and strode sadly over to the window. After all this time denying it, Padmé had finally admitted her feelings for him, and although he had not seen her since he had awoken from his healing trance, his heart told him that her feelings had not wavered. Frustration radiated from the Padawan; he had come so very close to having everything he had ever wanted, and the Jedi were determined to keep it out of his reach. But as he glanced down at his mechanical arm, his heart sank. How could she love me like this anyway, he thought as a somber expression came over his face.
"Very well Master," Anakin sighed absently, not even attempting to cloak his disappointment.
Obi Wan sighed as he prepared to bid Anakin farewell; he silently prayed that just for once his Padawan would allow common sense to control his actions.
"May the Force be with you Anakin," said as he patted his apprentice on his shoulder and exited the room.
"And with you, Master," Anakin replied dutifully.
When Obi Wan left the room, Anakin slammed his fist on the windowsill. "Damn it!" he exclaimed to no one in particular. He rubbed his forehead in dismay. But then his spirits brightened. At least he would get to spend some time with Padmé, and maybe in that time, a solution could be found. He knew full well that he was not giving her up that easily. He wanted to marry her; he had told her as much when he was a boy. And now that he knew she returned his love, there was nothing he would allow to stand in their way.
Padmé Amidala sat restlessly in her Senatorial office, trying desperately to get something even closely resembling work accomplished, but her thoughts continued drifting back to Anakin. She had gone to visit him at the Temple daily, but was politely informed that the Padawan was recovering and was not to be disturbed. By the fifth day, she was becoming incensed with the Jedi, for she perfectly understood the meaning behind their words. That was her job, after all, to determine what people were really saying behind their smiles and courtesy. Anakin wasn't to be disturbed by her. As she had done so many times since she had returned from Geonosis, she reprimanded herself for so openly showing her affection toward Anakin in front of his Masters in that hangar. But she realized she couldn't have stopped herself in that moment, even if she wanted to. Now she feared the consequences of those actions; she feared the Jedi would do everything in their power to keep her away from their precious Chosen One.
Maybe it's for the best, she reasoned. I know that no matter how much I want it-how much we both want it, it can never be. Ani's a Jedi. His duty is to the Order. Who am I to ask him to forsake his duty?
Padmé couldn't help but chuckle at the irony of it all. For years, she had neglected her personal life in service of something she thought bigger than herself, and now she wanted to be with someone who was in very much the same situation. Nevertheless, the thought of spending her life without Anakin left her with an overwhelming sense of incompleteness.
"Back to work, Senator," she told herself. Work had always been a successful defense mechanism for Padmé; what significance were her problems compared to the troubles of the galaxy? Besides, someone had a lot of explaining to do about this sudden materialization of a Clone Army, and Senator Amidala was determined to reveal the source of it all. Her racing thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the buzzing of her comlink.
"Yes?" she answered, with a hint of irritation in her voice.
"Milady," Captain Typho responded, "Master Kenobi is here to see you."
"Send him in, please, Captain," Padmé replied politely. She would have liked to give Obi Wan a little piece of her mind for what she was sure was his influence in keeping her away from Ani during his recovery. However, she realized that this was perhaps not the appropriate timing. She smoothed her simple robes as the office door slid open.
"Good day, Master Kenobi," she said in the most formal-and imposing-tone she could muster.
"Milady," he said with a curt bow. "I am here to inform you that my Padawan will be escorting you back to Naboo."
Padmé's heart leapt. This was a complete turnaround, to be sure, but quite a welcome one. However, she thought it prudent to contain her enthusiasm over this announcement.
"I trust he has recovered, then, Master Jedi?" she inquired, trying to appear as ambiguous in her emotions as she could.
"Not fully, Senator, but I am confident that he will be capable of completing his assignment," Obi Wan replied.
He tried to gage the young senator's demeanor; unfortunately for him, Padmé Amidala was too savvy a politician to allow her true emotions to be revealed. He decided on a more direct approach.
"Padmé," he began cautiously, using her less formal name so as not to appear intrusive or demanding, "I must say that there are, well, concerns about the nature of your relationship with Anakin. It's obvious that there is a strong connection between the two of you."
Padmé lowered her eyes for a split second, but reassumed her stony expression to keep from seeming as though this Jedi had rattled her.
"I care for Anakin," she admitted.
"I do not doubt that, Senator," Obi Wan replied, seeming almost sympathetic. "But I also know that of the two of you, you are the more rational one. Anakin is often led by his emotions, where as you seem to be led by reason."
Padmé sighed, knowing Master Kenobi was right. Good, old, reliable Padmé, she thought, always thinking with your head and ignoring your heart. A paragon of maturity and logic.
Obi Wan was not yet satisfied with the Senator's reaction, so he pressed on. "Knowing that you care for Anakin, I also do not doubt that you want what is best for him," he said. Padmé could not quite read the tone of his voice, but knew what he was implying.
If you love Anakin, you'll let him go; that was what Obi Wan meant. Sadness crept into Padmé's heart as she realized her Jedi friend was right; it was not possible for her to be with Anakin without destroying that for which he had worked so long and hard. So on this trip, she would again allow reason to overcome emotion; she would set him free.
"I do, Master Kenobi," Padmé said, trying carefully not to sound as though she was a child being lectured by a parent. "I know how..tenuous this situation is. I know that Anakin has committed his life to the Jedi Order. I'm sure that commitment will be given its due consideration."
Obi Wan found little comfort in the Senator's statement, but decided to let it go. He had never known Padmé Amidala to be a woman who disregarded the ways of the Jedi; in fact, she had been a staunch supporter of the Order, and was becoming an increasing minority in that support. He thought back to Anakin's words on the gunship; She would do her duty. The Senator's reputation was above reproach, and Obi Wan chose to believe that this instance would bring no exception. He bowed courteously.
"May the Force be with you, Milady. I trust your journey home will be a safe one."
"Thank you, Master Kenobi," Padmé replied.
She waited until the Jedi knight left her office, then slid to the floor. She buried her face in her knees and allowed her tears to flow. She and her beloved Ani could never be.happiness had been within her reach, but slipped through her grasp, swallowed whole by duty and honor and code.
Jedi Padawan Anakin Skywalker was an emotional disaster. He was nervous, excited, agitated.he did a quick inspection of Padmé's yacht, making sure all was safe and well for the journey to Naboo. He was beginning to annoy the technicians in the hangar with his incessant activity, but he could not help himself. Patience was a virtue that was often quite lost on the young man. Filled with anticipation, he paced the hanger, double checking to ensure his light saber was attached to his belt, looking with suspicion upon any new person who came within several meters of the sleek, silver ship. His brain was racked with scenarios of how the trip would play out- what would he say to her? Did she love him? Could they be together? Did she regret proclaiming her feelings to him? Would she see him in the same light, even though he now had a mechanical monstrosity attached to his right arm?
Presently, he sensed her approaching with her security detail. This scene was not dissimilar to the last time Anakin and Padmé had departed Coruscant for Naboo; they were leaving as quietly as possible, so as not to attract attention to the Senator's whereabouts. The last-minute instructions and warnings from Master Obi Wan played over and over in Anakin's mind; Don't do anything you'll regret.
Padmé entered the hangar, and felt her heart skip a beat as she saw Anakin standing there at the ship's entrance ramp. She took a moment to appraise his long, lean form, with his taut muscles and sun-baked skin. Her heart sank a bit as she noticed the metal prosthetic; she had not seen it before and was flooded with many of the same feelings she experienced when she ran in to the hangar on Geonosis. It was a harsh reminder of the danger inherent in Anakin's station. He must be feeling self-conscious about it, she thought. Although it was an un-Jedi like tendency, Anakin seemed to value his appearance. He was not a vain person by any means, and he did not primp and preen like so many of the male senators she knew, but it was obvious that Anakin was aware that he had been blessed with good looks. She hoped he realized that his new appendage did not detract from those looks in the least, as far as she was concerned.
When Anakin spotted Padmé, a bright smile reached across his face. She was the most beautiful creature he had ever beheld, even in her simple green traveling robes. Her hair hung loose and cascaded down her back and she was wearing very little make up. Anakin decided that he liked her better this way; better than when she wore her elaborately ornate Senatorial gowns and her hairstyle was nothing short of an engineering marvel. When she dressed this way, much as she had when she accompanied him to Tatooine, she was just Padmé. She was no less regal or graceful, but was far more inviting.
As she approached, Anakin instinctively assumed a formal, professional demeanor to prevent idle suspicion and gossip. To be overly familiar with the senator before they were totally alone could prove detrimental to both of them, so he simply took her bags from her and placed them on board. He then politely extended his hand to assist her on to the yacht, though he could not prevent a mixture of chills and heat from racing though his body when he touched her. The pair turned to bid farewell to the Senator's security force.
"Be careful, Senator, Jedi Skywalker," Captain Typho implored.
He was not sure he completely agreed with the idea of the impetuous Padawan being solely responsible for his Mistress' security; after all, he had taken her to Tatooine and then Geonosis, both of which could have easily gotten her killed. But Typho was not one to question the orders of the Jedi or the Supreme Chancellor, though he made sure his disapproving gaze did not escape Anakin's awareness.
Anakin patted the Captain comfortingly on the shoulder. "We'll be fine, Captain. I won't let her out of my sight, I promise." He flashed a half- smile, and Typho wasn't entirely certain he liked the sound of that comment. He did not reply; he simply glared at the Padawan as if to say, "If anything happens to her, not even your Force powers will be able to help you, boy." But he wisely held his tongue.
C-3PO and R2-D2 dutifully followed Anakin and the Senator on to the yacht. Anakin set the controls, and the ship gracefully glided out of the hangar and into the congested Coruscant sky. The journey to Naboo would last approximately three days, and Anakin hoped beyond hope that he and Padmé would be able to take full.advantage of their time alone together.
When the coordinates were set to make the jump to hyperspace, Anakin activated the automatic pilot and unassumingly sauntered to Padmé's stateroom. She had kept her distance from him up until this point, but he was bursting with anticipation for when their lips would meet again, for when he could hear those sweet words from her mouth: I love you.
It occurred just then to the young Jedi that he had never explicitly told Padmé that he loved her too; he had allowed his actions to speak for him. But he felt it was time that she was made aware. He pressed the door signal and waited for her to answer.
The door slid open and Anakin gazed in awe at his beloved standing on the other side. What a vision she was, as if she was made from the stars themselves. He smiled awkwardly at her, sensing her apprehension. He had expected a tender, passionate reunion in which she would fly into his arms and reaffirm her love for him; instead, she stood in the middle of the room, acting as if she did not know what to do with her own body. He slowly reached out with his left hand and stroked her upper arm.
Padmé looked up into those burning blue eyes. How she wanted to lose her self in them, in him. How she wanted to press her body to hers, to give in to her tormenting need. She felt as though her bones had liquefied when he touched her. But she had to remember her place; she had to remember Anakin and his dreams and aspirations of becoming a Jedi. She had to end this before it started. She reluctantly pulled away from him and walked to the small, red sofa in the sitting area.
"Padmé?" he said worriedly. "What is it?" She sat on the sofa, and he knelt down beside her on the floor. Padmé exhaled loudly as Anakin took her hands in his, not realizing that he was allowing her to touch his dreaded mechanical hand. In this moment he did not care.
"Ani," she began somberly, trying to maintain her composure as she looked into his penetrating eyes. He was not going to make this easy for her, that much was certain. She decided the best course of action was to get it over and done with, so she drew another cleansing breath and brought a compassionate yet resolute expression to her face. "I told you on Geonosis that I loved you."
"And it was the sweetest sound I've ever heard," he interjected, flashing one of his sheepish grins that without fail made her pulse race.
"Ani, please, let me finish," she reprimanded him gently. "I told you that I loved you, and I hold to that. I believe I shall love you until my dying day."
"Oh, Padmé," he sighed, raising her hands to his mouth and kissing them softly. "I had hoped it wasn't all a dream!"
Padmé's heart swelled with love and desire at the feelings of his lips on her fingertips, but she quickly shrugged it off as she returned her concentration to the task at hand-breaking Anakin's heart.
"But it was a dream, Ani, it was! Don't you see? As much as I love you, I know I cannot be with you. It's just not possible. The Jedi."
"I don't give a damn about the Jedi, Padmé," Anakin interrupted as he stood up angrily.
"It's their code, Anakin, and I do not think they will alter it just to accommodate you and me," she retorted, matter-of-factly. She was not going to allow his pronouncements to detract from the gravity of their situation. "And don't tell me you don't give a damn about them, because you do," she continued, her heart feeling as though it were shattering in to tinier and tinier pieces with each word.
Anakin rolled his eyes and walked across the room, his hands on his hips. He was seething, but kept silent.
"Being a Jedi has been your passion your entire life! It's been your dream! How can I ask you to give that up, Ani? How can I say that I love you but force you to choose me over your calling?" Padmé could not hide the sadness in her voice.
Anakin turned and glided over to her, a mask of determination covering his handsome face.
"You are my dream, Padmé. Ever since the day I met you." He sat beside her on the sofa and grasped her shoulders, turning her to face him. "I love you. I've loved you for half my life."
He pulled her close to him and slid his mouth over hers. She met his lips intently, and allowed him to slide his tongue into her mouth and meet her own with it. The kiss quickly deepened and turned into their most passionate to date, as she allowed his hands to move ever so subtly from her shoulders to her breasts. She sighed in pleasure as he caressed her, and she began to feel a distinct stirring in areas she dare not mention as he probed her body with his lips and tongue.
"Anakin," she whispered seductively. "Yes, oh.."
Her sighs of pleasure only excited the young man more as he slid his left hand under the material of her robe and for the first time caressed the bare skin of her breast. The things he was able to do to her, the ways he was able to make her feel.no other man would have ever dared touch Padmé Amidala in that way without finding his face on the receiving end of a firm slap. But with Ani, her inhibitions melted away. She felt as though she was falling into the sky, floating there, with his every touch and kiss.
But she remembered herself and sat up quickly, taking the young Jedi aback.
"No," she whispered. "No."
Anakin's face showed utter confusion. Was she just being a tease? No, she wanted him, he could feel it.
"What?" he inquired, not hiding the frustration in his voice. "No what? Why are you doing this, Padmé , why are you pushing me away?"
"Because," she stated, quite unimpressed with her answer, as she scooted ever so slightly away from him. "Because this is wrong Ani. We agreed. We agreed that giving in to this would destroy our lives. When I told you I loved you, I meant it, but.."
"But you thought we were about to die," he said, lowering his eyes.
"Yes," she admitted sadly. "But we're alive now. And it is forbidden for us to be together." She paused, trying to analyze his reaction. "You're a Jedi, Ani. It's that simple. I won't do this to you. As much as it breaks my heart...I have to let you go." She sunk back into the sofa, tears filling her brown eyes. This was the most difficult thing she had ever done, but she knew it was for the greater good. She knew that, especially in these tumultuous times, she could not afford to think only of herself.
Anakin nodded, as anger crept into his eyes. He wanted to throw something, to scream, to make her understand that nothing else mattered. But he had told her, not so long ago, that he had given up trying to argue with her; he knew it was folly. Padmé Amidala was exasperatingly strong-willed, and he knew her mind would not be changed. He sighed with resignation as he reached the decision that had been haunting him ever since she had re- entered his life.
"I'll leave," he said flatly. "If I have to choose between you and the Jedi, I choose you. It's not even a question, Padmé. I love being a Jedi, but that pales in comparison to the way I feel about you. I'll leave. I'll quit." Of course, he was not thrilled with that option. Despite his constant battles with Obi Wan and the Jedi Council, he loved his duty. Abandoning it would be no easy thing, but for Padmé, he reasoned it was worth it.
Padmé, on the other hand, would hear nothing of it. "No Anakin," she insisted. "Please be reasonable. I do not buy this cavalier attitude of yours about being a Jedi or not!" She stood up and walked over to Anakin, wrapping her arms around his waist as he stood with his back to her. "I cannot ask you to give up your future for me."
"It is my future to give," he retorted as he turned to face her. "Why must we always be so consumed by duty? One of the first lessons Master Qui-Gon taught me was to feel, not to think. I am feeling here, Padmé . I am following my instincts, as my Jedi teachings have instilled in me. My instincts tell me that my life is with you." He cupped her chin in his hand and bent down to kiss her softly, but she pulled away.
"Ani, if you leave the Jedi, you will only resent me in the long run. I cannot have you all to myself and I accept that. Why can't you?" She realized that she was sounding a great deal like a school marm, and chastised herself for her condescending tone.
Anakin exhaled loudly, obviously trying to maintain his emotional control. As much as he loved this woman, she was so damn maddening sometimes! He did not have a response to her question however, and turned away.
"It has to be over, Anakin," she whispered sadly. "I'm sorry. We cannot have what other people have. Do not make this any more difficult than it has to be, please!" she begged. His arguments had greatly weakened her resolve; who was she, after all, to tell Anakin what to do with his life? But this was the best course of action, she knew it.
Anakin did not agree, but it seemed that Padmé had made her decision and was not wavering from it. He began to feel the anger stirring in his soul as he glared at his would-be lover.
"Very well," he snapped. "If that's how you want it Padmé .fine. I cannot force you to do anything you do not want to do. Good evening, Milady." He turned on his heel and stalked out of her stateroom, slamming the door hard behind her through the Force.
Padmé wanted desperately to follow him, to explain that this was not what she wanted, but her better judgement took over as she stood glued to her spot on the floor. After a few moments, she began rummaging through her luggage in search of a nightgown; the best thing she could do at this point was attempt to get some much-needed rest.
I'm sorry, Ani. I just can't keep going around in circles like this with you. The sooner we're apart, the better. Tears filled Padmé's eyes, but she did not cry. Exhausted, she collapsed on to her bed, but she could not sleep. She tossed and turned, imagining Anakin's lips on hers, his hands roaming her body, but then picturing the turmoil their lives may become if they were to give in to their feelings.
We could keep it a secret.
We'd be living a lie.
Gods, she loved him. The more she pulled away, the more she found herself falling. Her mind raced. She thought of the looming war with the Separatists. The Jedi, no doubt, would be on the front lines, welcoming the danger.and falling. When Ani recovered, he would be right there with them, fighting for the Republic, risking his life.
She pictured Anakin in a sleek starfighter, weaving his way through enemy fire. She pictured him being shot down, falling to his death, never knowing love or being loved in return.
She shuddered as she began to consider Anakin's feelings. He wasn't like the rest of the Jedi; he had been ripped from his mother's home at the formative age of ten. He had known love beyond just compassion; he had not been programmed to be devoid of natural human emotions. He needed love in his life. He longed for it. He longed for her. And she was denying him that need, the need that was as basic as the need for food, water, or shelter.
Padmé despised herself for this. She loved him and he loved her. What was she afraid of? Was she using their other responsibilities as an excuse to hold him at bay? Her sister's past lectures played through her mind.
When are you going to think of yourself for once Padmé?
What if you wait until it's too late for you?
You want a family of your own, don't you?
Padmé realized that perhaps part of what drew her to Anakin was the knowledge that it could never be anything more than a fantasy. But she knew that she loved him. She wanted to be with him; she wanted him to be the father of her children, she wanted to make a life with him.
Her mind raced to the various attempts on her life over the past years. So far, she had evaded death, thanks in part to Anakin's vigilance. But what if by chance one of these attempts was successful someday? What if she went to her death, never knowing the love of a man, or rather, never sharing in that love? She pictured Anakin in the next room, having as much difficulty sleeping as she was having. How she longed to join him in that bed, to hold him, to explore his body and allow him to explore hers.
Maybe just for one night, she thought, but that thought left her mind as quickly as it had entered. She knew that Anakin would want all or nothing. One night would not do. If she gave in to temptation and went to him tonight, she would be making an unspoken commitment to be his forever.
Forever.
Suddenly, that thought did not seem so far-fetched or frightening. Maybe there could be a way. Perhaps the Jedi were not completely heartless; perhaps they would make certain allowances for Anakin. After all, they defied their conventional methods when they agreed to train the boy. Certainly they understood that Anakin, in many ways other than his Force abilities, was a very unique case.
Not likely, she sniffed as she clutched her pillow tightly. Perhaps the Chancellor could be of assistance. The Supreme Chancellor had taken a great interest in Anakin, and the Jedi were usually open to his recommendations. Besides, with the war coming, they will need all the help they can get. They probably wouldn't expel Ani even if they wanted; they need him too much.
She ignored the voice in her head warning her of the danger of these thoughts. Why must she always allow her head to lead her? Her heart was with Anakin, and being without him was as being without a piece of her soul. Without him, she would exist, but not live.
Padmé inhaled nervously. It's now or never, Amidala, she told herself as she rose from her bed.
Anakin was sleeping lightly, his bare chest rising and falling rhythmically. His mind was deeply troubled, however, as he thought of Padmé. How he wanted her; how tortuous it was to know that she wanted him but that she would not succumb to the temptation out of respect for his duty as a Jedi. Why did she have to be so damn noble all the time? Why did it seem that, rather than making his dreams come true, studying to become a Jedi only stood in the way of his desires? Why did he have to choose one thing over another? Anakin's eyes slowly opened as he abandoned all hope of a good night's rest. He was a bit taken aback to sense another presence in the darkened room, a presence he recognized all too well..
"What are you doing?" he asked calmly, though his heart was racing.
"Shhh." Padmé entreated him as she sat softly on the bed beside him and stroked his chest. He reached up to stroke her back, enjoying the sensation of her silken nightgown. He was about to repeat his question as she slowly leaned down and kissed him softly on the lips. His lips met hers readily; it never ceased to amaze him how it felt as though their lips were meant only to fit with one another's. She parted his lips with her tongue as their embrace deepened. He pulled her down on to him slightly, and she felt his arousal pressed against her leg. He continued to sensuously stroke her back as her long hair fell around his face as though it were a protective shield. But remembering their earlier conversation, he broke the kiss and looked at her face.
"What are you doing?" he asked again, and continued, "not that I mind at all."
She stood up slowly. "I'm tired," she replied. Anakin's face fell as he propped himself up on his elbow.
"Tired?" he repeated.
"Yes, tired," she said seductively. Anakin was now utterly confused.
"Of what, Padmé?" he inquired.
"I'm tired of always listening to my head, Ani. I think it's about time I followed my heart," she finished as she slid the straps of her nightgown off her shoulders.
Anakin gasped as the gown seemed to melt from her body and liquefy on the floor. His eyes bored into her body as she stood before him, naked, for the first time. Anakin had to catch his breath as he began to feel himself throbbing with anticipation; he was fairly certain that Padmé had never done anything like this before, but was amazed at how naturally it all came to her. She strode seductively to the bedside, and he pulled her down into a kiss.
He caressed her silk-like skin, and she allowed his hands to roam freely over her body. He rolled himself over on top of her, never breaking their kiss, as she gingerly began to reciprocate his caresses. She allowed her body to take over and do what came naturally as she scraped her fingernails up and down his back. His lips moved from her lips to her neck, then down her breastbone to explore her breasts. His hands followed suit as she moaned in ecstasy. The feeling of his hardness against her leg, yet so close to where she wanted it to be, drove her to the edge of excitement.
After his lips had left no part of her breasts untouched, he moved his head down, kissing her abdomen, causing her to writhe with a mixture of discomfort from it tickling her and pleasure. She briefly wondered how it was that Anakin knew to do these things to her.had he done this before? A hint of jealously crept into her mind, but was quickly pushed aside by the sensation of his tongue between her legs, circling and flicking at a sweet spot she never knew she had. She gripped the sheets as she marveled at this new and wonderful feeling she had discovered. She began to feel as though the all the blood in her body was rushing to the spot where Anakin continued his delightful ministrations, and as he sensed she was on the edge of complete satisfaction, he stopped suddenly. Her eyes flew open as he raised his head and brought it up even to hers.
"Are you sure?" he asked, not wanting to force anything on her.
"Yes," she whispered. "Yes. I need you. I need to feel you loving me."
He smiled sweetly and placed a soft kiss on her lips. She helped him as he tugged at the waistband of his sleep pants, then kicked them aside. Carefully, he entered in to her, cringing as he felt her wince in pain.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, his head buried in her neck.
But the pain quickly subsided, and when he was in her completely, he let out a loud gasp, then moaned. She held him close to her, allowing him to set the rhythm of the act, and rocked against him as he gently thrust in and out of her.
"I love you," he whispered over and over, occasionally raising his head to look in her eyes and kiss her softly on the lips.
After a few minutes, Padmé began to feel the sensation she had felt moments before when Anakin was pleasuring her with his tongue. The feeling grew more intense as he drove himself into her, more quickly, brushing another newly-discovered spot. Instinctively, she grabbed his waist as if directing him where to go and what to do. She began to breathe heavily as the sensation intensified more, before an overwhelmingly pleasurable feeling of release swept through her body.
"Anakin!" she cried, "Anakin!"
"Padmé!" he replied excitedly, as his thrusting continued to speed up until he reached his own climax. She felt his seed spilling into her as he cried out her name several more times, then collapsed his head to her waiting breast. He separated himself from her, and she held him as he trembled in ecstasy in her arms. She ran her fingers though his cropped, sandy-blonde hair as she twisted his Padawan braid around another finger.
Momentarily, he raised up and looked into her eyes. Neither of them had ever looked at one another with such hunger and intensity and passion; they knew they were one now, in spirit, mind and body. She brushed a bead of perspiration from his forehead as he again lowered his face to hers for a gentle kiss.
Afterward, they lay together atop the sheets, his arm wrapped securely around her small waist, his face nuzzled in her neck. They said nothing for the longest time, simply enjoying the perfect calm that followed their act of love. Padmé felt like a different person now.like a woman.
"I love you, Anakin," she whispered in a tone of perfect contentment.
"Marry me," came the simple reply. Padmé eyes snapped open.
"What?" she asked, dumbfounded.
"Marry me," he repeated. "When we get to Naboo, I want you to marry me. I've always known it would be you Padmé ever since I was a child. Tonight just confirms it. Marry me, please."
Padmé was in a state of shock. Not because she was surprised by the question, but because every instinct in her heart and mind told her to say yes. No warnings about duties or codes, no second-guessing the legitimacy of their feelings.
"Yes, Ani, I'll marry you," she replied.
"Of course you will," he said smugly, as he pulled his fiancée's body as close to his as he could. Confident as he sounded, Anakin's heart was racing. The woman he had loved for ten years was about to become his wife. He sighed with contentment as he said, "You can't live without me."
She couldn't, she now knew. She belonged to Anakin, and he to her, and to be without him would be as harmful as to be without oxygen. And as they drifted off to sleep, their dreams, for the first time in a long time, were peaceful as they enjoyed their final night together before becoming husband and wife.