Joe Millionaire: The LoD parody
Brought to you by:
Rikku oh Ki
and by
the letter "M" for Meru
Notes from the Cabbit: Konyanananchiwa! Copy cabbit here! Anou...I watched the premier of "Joe Millionaire", and a very insane idea came to mind. What if, instead of that construction dude, how about Dart?
Dart: Really!? I get to be rich!? Sweet!
Hold on, Dart. You don't get to be rich. Soa only knows what you'd do with the money.
Dart: *pouts*
Stop that!
Dart: *glares*
I do have the power to make you die, or...*snaps fingers, and Shana appears, tied to a rocket*
Dart: Shana!
I knew you'd see things my way. Anyways, as I was saying, instead of that construction dude, we have Dart. We are looking for 20 insane fangirls, who upon hearing of Dart's fake inheritance, shall flock to Indels Castle, just to meet Dart. However...*casts Sleep on Dart, who is trying to rescue Shana* like the say in the show, only 12 girls will make the cut to move on to the next round. After that, 5, and then 1. Now, have I made myself clear? Oh, and if Dart's not your preference, I can switch him out with another LoD bishie...well...except Albert.
Albert: What are you conspiring to do?
Nothing...
Chapter 1: Dart Feld, the pyro-turned-rich guyCopy cabbit: Okay...anou...*looks around* Dart! Where are you!?
Dart: You rang?
Copy cabbit: Don't give me that attitude. *points to Shana* That thing has a ten-second fuse, and if you piss me off, you can say bye-bye to Shana.
Dart: Okay...
Copy cabbit: *points to Dart* This is Dart Feld, resident pyromaniac, former Red Eye Dragoon, current Divine Dragoon, total idiot.
Dart: Hey! I resent that!
Copy cabbit: *gets out switch* One little flick of the switch, and Shana is out of here.
Dart: Eeps! I'll behave!
Copy cabbit: Please do. I really don't like Shana, you know.
Shana: HELP!
Copy cabbit: As I was saying, Dart doesn't make much money. In fact, I really don't think he has any at all. However, we all know that there has to be at least 20 fangirls that don't know that, which is why we've come up with what we'd call a "50 million dollar lie".
Dart: Do you even have that much money?
Copy cabbit: If I did, Albert would be mine. Anyways, we've called up 20 fangirls and told them that Dart just inherited 50 million dollars. They'll all get to know Dart, and hopefully by the time this show is over, kill him.
Dart: No!
Copy cabbit: One more time, and Shana gets it.
Dart: *shuts up*
Copy cabbit: In the end, only one girl will win, but when that time comes, Dart
must tell her that he is actually a very poor pyromaniac who has no life other
than worshipping the Moon Child, Shana. I do recommend you watch the show when
that time comes around. Good for the ratings. Since Dart has almost no manners
at all, I've forced Minister Noish and Albert to teach him.
Albert: I will do no such thing!
Meru: Yes, you will! *gets out hammer*
Copy cabbit: Listen to Meru, Albert.
Albert: And what will happen if I don't?
Copy cabbit: That. *points to screaming Albert fangirls, blocked by Rose, Kongol, Lloyd, Lavitz, and a whole slew of other characters*
Albert: Big deal!
Copy cabbit: I'm not finished. *points to Emille, who is suspended over a tank full of piranhas*
Albert: So?
Copy cabbit: That's not all. Meru? *covers her ears*
Meru: Okie dokie! *takes a deep breath* I love you, you love me. We're a great big family. With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you. Won't you say-
Albert: *convulsing* NOOO!!!
Copy cabbit: Okay, Meru, you can stop now.
Meru: Okay!
Copy cabbit: Now, do you see? If you refuse, I'll make your life a living hell.
Albert: ...
Copy cabbit: Good. Now, Dart. *notices Dart is missing* Hoe!?
Dart: Shana! I'm coming to save you! *runs towards rocket*
Copy cabbit: Oh, no you don't. *flicks switch, and fuse lights*
Computer Voice: 10...9...8...7...
Dart: Shan~na *runs in slow motion*
Shana: Dart!
Computer Voice: 6...5...4...3...
Dart: Shan~nnna!
Shana: Dar~rrrt!
Computer Voice: 2...1...We have lift-off.
*rocket shoots off*
Shana: DARRRRRRRRRT!
Copy cabbit: In space, no one can hear you scream.
*the rocket flies off into the wild blue yonder, and shoots down Sora, Goofy, and Donald from Kingdom Hearts*
Sora: Mayday! Mayday!
Copy cabbit: *gets out a pair of binoculars, and watches, amused* I never liked them, anyways.
Dart: *on his knees, crying* Shana! *sob* Why!?
Copy cabbit: Oh, lighten up. You get to meet 20 girls. Shouldn't that be enough to stop you from mourning?
Dart: *still crying* Shana....
Copy cabbit: *sweatdrop* Hey...stop that! It's for your own good!
Dart: You killed Shana!
Copy cabbit: And?
Dart: I hate you!
Copy cabbit: Join the club.
Dart: I hope you die!
Copy cabbit: Sorry, but no can do. Fangirls that are also fanfic authors are immortal.
Dart: Really?
Copy cabbit: Yup!
Dart: Cool!
Albert: *shocked* She just killed your fiancée! Don't you feel the least bit of hatred!?
Dart: Nope! *gets out a magnifying glass, and starts burning himself* So...what do we do first?
Copy cabbit: *evil grin* Dancing.
Dart: Cool! *starts doing the Macarena*Copy cabbit: *frowns* Not that type of dancing. *claps her hands* Meru!
Meru: Yeah?
Copy cabbit: *even more of an evil grin* Teach Dart how to dance.
Meru: *sees Copy cabbit's evil grin and does her own evil grin* Sure thing! *grabs Dart*
Dart: Hey! W-wait! *gets thrown into a wall*
Meru: And 1-2-3, 1-2-3...*slams Dart into various walls*
Dart: Ouchies! What kind of dance is this!?
Copy cabbit: The breakdance waltz. It's the latest rage.
Dart: I've never heard of it!
Copy cabbit: That's because you're an idiot. Now, if you'll excuse me...*starts to wander off*
Dart: NOOO!! Don't leave me alone with Meru! She'll kill me!
Copy cabbit: Well, if she does, I'll just hire a replacement. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go and fetch Albert. *leaves*
Dart: *watches Copy cabbit leave* I am so dead...
Meru *grabs Dart* C'mon, you've got a dance to learn! *does a few waltz-like steps, then slams Dart into the wall*
*Meanwhile*
Copy cabbit: *outside library door* Albert! Unlock the door this instant!
Albert: No!
Copy cabbit: I'll blow it up!
Albert: I'm not coming out!
Copy cabbit: *thinks for a second* Hm...*lightbulb lights up over her head* Oi! I've got an idea! *gets out a verry large dictionary* Oh Albert...I've got a dictionary!
Albert: Really!? *unlocks the door, rushes out, and is grabbed by the arm* Hey!
Copy cabbit: You'll get the book after you've given Dart some etiquette lessons.
Albert: *whimpers*
*a few hours and a few broken bones later, Dart has been tied to a chair and placed in the dining room. Albert and Noish are nearby. None can escape, as Copy cabbit has sealed all of the exits*
Albert: *eye twitches* Once again, Dart...what do you use to eat lobster with?
Dart: Um...my hands!
Albert: *thinking* Must not kill Dart...must not kill Dart...
Noish: For the 30th time...you use a fork and a knife to eat lobster, not your hands!
Dart: *as if he heard it for the first time* Oh...I see...
Copy cabbit: *bitch-slaps Dart* Moving along...*brings in various wines* We're going to show you how to drink wine properly, and what foods go with what wine.
Albert: Do you even know about the types of wine?
Copy cabbit: No, and I don't know how to perform a Japanese tea ceremony, either, but that's not the point.
Albert: Then what is the point?
Copy cabbit: That as long as we can fake it, we shall. If the fangirls kill Dart, we'll just replace him.
Albert: And how do you expect that to fair with the readers?
Copy cabbit: No biggie! They'll love it!
Albert: *sweatdrop*
Dart: *looks at wine* What is this?
Copy cabbit: Wine. Something you'll never have again.
Dart: Cool! *starts drinking the wine*
Copy cabbit: Anou...Dart?
Dart: *still drinking the wine*
Copy cabbit: Well, minna-san, it looks like Dart is going to be drunk.
Dart: *slurred speech* Whyy~yyii~iinnnneee
Copy cabbit: *sweatdrop* This should be interesting...
To Be Continued...
Well, ya heard me! I need 20 insane fangirls who want to be with Dart to review this chapter, so hurry up and review! Jest tell me what you want to be called, and what kind of weapon you'll be bringing! And as I've said before, if Dart's not your preference, I can always switch him out with another bishie...except Albert.
Albert: And why not me?
'Cause you probably have 50 million dollars.