But do you love him?
I don't know, I don't know, oh Gods, I don't know...
Aeris started down the stairs, looking around anxiously. Where was he hiding? She could not think straight, could not seem to come up with an answer. All she knew was she had to find him, and talk to him, before he...
She turned towards the bridge unknowingly, and stood awkwardly in the doorway, looking around. Cloud and Tifa were there, as was Cid, of course, and Cait Sith, slumped. Nanaki lay in his usual place with his head on his paws, and Rude leaned against the wall, nearest to her, and she felt his questioning gaze on her.
Cloud turned after a moment, noticing her, then blinked a little, concern spreading across his face as he started toward her. "Aeris, are you all right? What happened?"
She shook her head slightly, realizing belatedly that it was quite obvious she had been crying. "I'm fine," she lied. "I got something stuck in my eye is all... Have you... Have you seen Sephiroth?"
He shook his head slowly. "No... not since I talked to him before... Why?"
"Nothing. I just wanted to talk to him."
Nanaki padded over to sit at her feet. "Perhaps he is speaking to one of the others."
She looked down at him. "Oh? Who, do you think...?"
He thought for a moment. "Minerva?" he suggested.
Thank you, Nanaki. Logic... It's failing me at the moment. She bowed her head in silent thanks and turned back out the door, trying not to appear as though she was hurrying. Aeris reached Minerva's door and paused in front of it, shifting from foot to foot, then knocking softly.
The door opened a crack and Minerva stood behind it, eyebrow arched. "Yes?"
"...is Sephiroth there?" she asked.
"What do you want?"
"I just... I want to talk to him."
The girl shook her head. "He said he needed to think without you distracting him. Perhaps later."
"Please," Aeris begged. "I need to talk to him."
"He told me to turn you away. I am sorry."
She sighed, looking down at her feet for a moment, then finally back up at Minerva. "Can you at least tell him something for me?"
The girl hesitated, then nodded.
"Tell him... that he didn't do anything wrong, except to run away."
"All right," she replied. "I will tell him." She hesitated, then pulled shut the door.
Aeris sighed again and leaned against the wall a moment, closing her eyes. She felt Nanaki rub his cheek against her leg and started a little; she hadn't realized he had followed her.
"You are fooling no one in saying there is nothing wrong," he said. "Something has upset you."
She managed a smile, crouching down to stroke his mane. "It's nothing for you to worry about, Nanaki. I'm fine."
"No, you are not," he insisted. "What is wrong?"
"I... can't talk to you about it. It's silly, really. Just... something I didn't mean to do." Something Sephiroth didn't mean to do, you mean... But of course, if you tell him that, he'll worry more.
He studied her uncertainly, then nodded a bit. "All right, Aeris." He paused. "You should rest while you can. We will be there in a few hours."
"Right..." she agreed, scratching him under the chin, then standing up and straightening her skirt. She smiled a little, then returned to her room, closing the door softly and leaning against it a moment. Oh, Sephiroth... I don't mind either...
Minerva closed the door softly and turned to face Sephiroth, who sat slumped on her bed, head down and eyes staring unseeing at his hands. "Tell me again why you do not wish to speak to her...?"
"I... I shouldn't be near her," he murmured. "I did not mean to... but I... I could not stop myself..."
She tilted her head in query. "What did you do?"
He closed his eyes and did not reply.
She walked over and sat down near him. "Were you the one that made her cry?"
"Yes... but that's... I..."
"That is not what you are confused about," she finished for him.
"Right..." he sighed miserably.
"You heard what she said. That the only thing you did wrong was to run away."
Sephiroth shook his head. "How can she say that...? I should not have... She does not need me complicating things... So why did I have to...?"
Minerva watched him uncertainly. No composure left whatsoever... What was it that had broken him like this? "I can give you no answers if you do not tell me what you did."
"I cannot tell you," he said, taking a deep breath and attempting to smooth his expression. "I... I am sorry I bothered you with this. But I cannot face her now... Not after... what I did."
"Then stay here for now and sort through your feelings. I do believe, however, that she can help you better than yourself, whatever it is."
He shook his head firmly. "I can't..."
She sighed, laying down on the bed with her back to him. "I am going to sleep. If someone knocks, wake me that I may answer it."
Lucrecia stood to one side of the gate and watched them approach. Some of those returning were in groups of two or three, and others kept to themselves. Most of them she did not recognize, but she picked out Aeris, Elena, Nanaki, Vincent, and her son from the group. Most of them looked tired or battleworn.
The first few reached the top of the steps, glancing at her without recognition, but she smiled at them anyway. Aeris was near the front with Nanaki at her heels, and she smiled brightly upon seeing Lucrecia. "Hello," she said, pausing for a moment and glancing over her shoulder. "We've brought him back... I don't think he knows you're alive, though."
Smiling, she nodded. "Thank you. And welcome back."
Aeris nodded, then turned to follow her friends. Lucrecia watched her for but a moment before turning her gaze to Vincent as he made his way up to her, stopping near her, but a polite distance away. She wondered why he bothered, but then realized that three and a half decades of isolation could not be forgotten so easily, even for her.
"Welcome back, Vincent," she greeted, moving a little closer. "How did things go?"
He held her gaze with apparent effort and answered softly, "Hojo is dead, as is Talya... however, we have brought both Sephiroth and Hojo's... newer specimen, Minerva, back with us. None on our side were seriously injured..."
She nodded, looking him over anyway, then stepped even closer to embrace him. "I'm glad you're back safe," she said.
He placed his good arm around her. "...and I am glad to find you waiting for me."
"Why wouldn't I be waiting?" she asked, not expecting an answer. He only shrugged.
She stepped back and looked beyond to where the last few people were making their way up the steps. There was a girl with silver hair and stoic expression-Minerva-and a redhead walking beside her. Trailing some paces behind them, came her son, Sephiroth, head down and melancholy eyes intent on the steps beneath his feet.
She hated to see him thus and wanted nothing more than to embrace him and comfort him, but she knew she could not. Not yet. So instead she smiled when he reached her, though he did not seem to notice her, and greeted, "Hello, Sephiroth."
He paused and looked up at her, then blinked in surprise. "...Mother?" he asked softly.
Lucrecia nodded. "Oh, it's so wonderful to hear you call me that... wonderful to see you. There's so much to say..." She glanced at Vincent and bowed her head apologetically. "Do you mind, dear, if we talk alone for a while...?"
He shook his head. "Not at all. This is the first time you have seen him since he was a baby; I understand."
She smiled and walked over to take Sephiroth's hand, leading him back towards the inn, where she hoped her room was still empty. She felt his gaze on her, and she glanced back at him once to meet that gaze-blue-green eyes filled with a quiet intensity. Finding her room at the inn vacant as she had hoped, she pulled him inside and let go his hand, turning to look at him.
Sephiroth quietly closed the door, then turned, studying her, but avoiding directly meeting her eyes. "...I suppose Aeris revived you," he said at last.
"Yes," she confirmed, unable to keep from staring at him. Her son! "You've grown so much since I last saw you," she said, laughter behind her voice. "Just a baby... And you're so handsome, too. Even though you are a little battle-worn."
He only shrugged.
Sitting down on one of the beds, she beckoned for him to come closer. He sat down on the opposite bed, head lowered once again.
"...and you have my eyes," she went on. "I'm so proud..."
Blinking, he looked up at her with a raised eyebrow. "What do you have to be proud of?"
Her smile faded and she looked down at her lap. "Vincent would have it that I did not know about all that you've done... But I do know." She looked back up at him. "I don't condemn you for it. I only... I'm so sorry I was never there for you, during all the times you were alone and in doubt."
"You died. How could you have been?"
She shook her head. "The Jenova brought me back eventually... I should have tried to return to you... or something. And in any case, I made many mistakes before hand that led to the whole mess..."
"You could not have forseen what happened. It is not your fault."
Lucrecia smiled and looked up at him, only to find him staring at his feet again. "We've both made mistakes, Sephiroth... They're partially our fault, partially the faults of others..."
He glanced up at her, then shook his head. "My actions were my own. Hundreds died at my blade, and no amount of water can cleanse these hands." He held the two, black-gloved, before him, staring at them as though he saw the blood of those hundreds staining them.
She moved to sit beside him, taking one of his hands in her own. "I don't want you to do as Vincent has done, punishing yourself for decades for your mistakes, no matter how great they were. Punishment will make up for nothing. It doesn't undo what's been done, or make up for it in any way. You should be living your life, and saving others, as you did for Katrina, as you did for Kari, as you did for Aeris."
"I took Aeris's life to begin with," he replied. "It was only fitting I give it back."
"You could have simply let things lie, could have dismissed her as dead and gone, a person of the past, but you didn't. You brought her back. It couldn't have been easy..."
"For either of us," he ammended. "She... has had a harder time of it than I. Her love married another, and she was swept up in my battle with Hojo... and now with Jenova."
"...and she is a reminder to you of all that you did in your other lives," Lucrecia said. "Isn't she?"
Sephiroth blinked and glanced at her again. "I had not thought of that. But... yes, I suppose she is. And yet, she helped me in so many ways..."
"Even though she was a victim of yours, she treats you kindly, doesn't she?" she asked, watching her son closely.
He shifted uncomfortably and kept his gaze lowered. "Perhaps too kindly, for one such as me. She is too reckless..."
"You mean in the way that she chooses to fight every battle where her friends are involved?"
"That... and in her persistence at remaining close to me. I am dangerous still. I wish she would stay away. And yet..."
Lucrecia smiled. "And yet she's your friend and you want her close."
He nodded mutely.
"Well, you don't seem dangerous to me," she said. "Although, being your mother, I suppose I'm a bit biased. Still, I watched you when I could, dreamed about you when I was alive. I think I know you well enough to say you won't hurt her."
Sephiroth shook his head. "You cannot know what goes on inside my head, or what I've done these past few days."
She looked at him searchingly. "...do you want to tell me?"
"No."
Sighing, she let go his hand. "Well... if you ever want to talk, about anything, or nothing at all, I'm here for you. Will you remember that?"
"I will," he answered, standing.
Lucrecia stood, too, anxiously. "Where are you off to?" she asked.
He glanced at her over his shoulder. "...somewhere where I can be alone, to think. Besides, you've much to say to Vincent, do you not?"
She nodded. "I do. But... You're my son, but this is the first time we've spoken. I..."
Turning to face her, he blinked in mild confusion. "What is it...?"
She slipped her arms around him and held him close. "My son, all grown up... no longer a child..." she explained in fragments. "I never got to watch you grow... never got to hold you... And now..." And now, he was an adult. But he was still her son, and she wanted to embrace him, even though it was not the same as holding a child. She shook her head. "I'm sorry. I'm being selfish, aren't I?"
"You're not," he replied, returning the embrace. "I... I have longed for this moment as much as you have."
"You were so lonely, weren't you?" she asked sadly.
"Yes..."
Slowly pulling back, she looked up at him. "Are you still lonely?"
He looked away. "...not nearly as much as I used to be."
"Well... I suppose nothing changes too quickly."
Sephiroth shrugged.
She smiled. "Now, I've delayed you long enough, unless you've changed your mind. You've probably got a good deal to think about... so go on and find your isolated spot." She paused, fingering a lock of his tangled silver hair. "You should wash up, and buy some new clothes," she told him.
He nodded silently and turned to go, pulling open the door. He hesitated a moment in the doorway, then slipped out and closed it behind him. Lucrecia stared at the door until she was quite sure he had left the inn, then sat down on the bed. Vincent would come in a moment, she was sure. For now... she needed to think, too.
Her son was all grown up, and more like Vincent than she had thought... That alone was enough to worry her. He blamed himself too much, did not think highly enough of himself. But that Aeris girl... he had never had any friends before, but he considered her one. He had done many things for the Cetra, she was sure. And he had said Aeris was helping him, as well.
Helped. Past tense. She frowned slightly. He wanted her to stay away, he said... She hoped he was only insecure and did not intend to avoid the girl. Lucrecia figured that if Sephiroth thought Aeris's presence and words helped, then they must have done him a world of good. He was not one to use 'help' so lightly...
Knock, knock, knock.
She looked up, thoughts scattering. "Come in."
Vincent stepped in quietly and she smiled at him as he carefully closed the door behind him. "Sephiroth left, so I assumed that..."
She nodded, inviting him to sit beside her. "Yes, we're through talking for the moment, and I want your company now."
He sat down on the bed, watching her indirectly and saying nothing.
"Tell me... What's his relationship with Aeris?"
Vincent blinked a little, apparently surprised by this question. She wondered what he had been expecting. "...she means a lot to him, though it is difficult to say exactly how much... As for Aeris... I am unsure. She is very kind to him, but she is that way with everyone..."
"Mm..." she said thoughtfully, a slight smile on her lips. "We'll have to keep an eye on those two, won't we?"
"Indeed."
She lay back on the bed. "...the last of the Cetra and a creation of science. Opposites. Of course, they do say opposites attract..." She looked over at Vincent, smiling. "But then, they're never so different in the end, are they?"
He tilted his head and did not reply. She did not expect him to; she was only musing aloud.
"You look tired," she went on. "Do you want to sleep a while...? We can talk once you're rested... And relaxed," she added. "You don't talk much when you're tense like this."
Vincent shook his head, the ghost of a smile on his face. "No, I don't. Perhaps I should rest..."
He made to get up, but she straightened and lightly grasped his arm. "There's no need to move. Lay down; I'll keep you company, if you don't mind."
Shaking his head again, he paused to remove his boots-at which point she remembered her own and did likewise-then laid back as instructed. She shook her head at him and bent over him to unfasten the buckles on his cape. "Since when did anyone sleep fully clothed?" she asked reproachingly.
He shifted to pull the cape from beneath him, then settled down again, watching her uncertainly. She lay down beside him, her head on his chest. "I'm tired, too," she said by way of explanation. "I wasn't sleeping well. But I think I should have no problems with it now that you're back safely."
Lucrecia closed her eyes, feeling something cold against her and realizing she was near his left side; his claw was resting straight beside him and she could feel it through her clothes. She ignored it though, not wanting to call Vincent's attention to it. Besides, if it was part of him, then she would accept it. She loved him, and she would accept all of him, as she would do for her son.
Her thoughts drifted away beyond memory, down winding paths of pleasant musings and finally down into quiet slumber.
Nanaki had found beds for everyone who needed them, even the Turks, which surprised Reno a little. He'd spent the day they'd arrived wandering about and talking to people, finding out what was going on, then conked out in the home of some shopkeeper late in the night. By the time he finally woke up again, it was noon. He rolled out of bed, put on his shoes, and went off in search of food.
His search, however, was quickly forgotten when he saw Minerva walking slowly along the strip of shops, looking at the wares. She shook her head whenever one of the keepers tried to talk to her. Reno walked over to her.
"Hey," he greeted.
She stopped her walk and looked down at him. "Hello."
"Windowshopping?"
"Excuse me?"
He gestured to the shops. "You know, looking at stuff in shops when you're not going to buy anything."
Minerva shook her head. "I do not understand."
He blinked. "Huh?" She moved around him and continued on her walk. He followed, taking a few quick steps to catch up and walk at her side. "You mean, you don't know what shopping or buying is?"
"No. I never set foot outside the lab until four days ago."
"So... no one ever told you about the stuff that goes on outside it?" he asked.
She glanced at him with a raised eyebrow. "Why would they bother?"
He shrugged. "I dunno... Anyway... um... See, if you want something, you have to buy it, which means exchanging Gil for it."
"Gil?"
"Money. Currency. Everything is worth so many Gil. Get it?"
She nodded curtly.
"So people sell things, like all these shopkeepers here. That's how they make their money. Other people do it in different ways. Mercenaries, entertainers, writers... things like that."
Minerva nodded again. "What about you?"
Reno ran a hand through his hair. "Um... I'm a lazy bum. I don't work, and I don't get paid. Elena and Rude work, and I live with them."
She glanced at him. "...I see. They support your needs."
"Yeah. I do work occasionally though. Odd jobs that people have for me. Check the reactor every now and then, make sure it's still off. Wonder if there's any other power source that'd be better..."
"What does your nightstick run off of?"
"Huh? Oh, we've got a stock of batteries to feed it power. 'Sides, it's not like I've been using it much these past five years."
She nodded. "Where do you live?"
"Over in Junon."
Another nod. She turned her attention to the shops again. He studied her a moment-ripped, dirty clothing, blood still staining her shirt in many places. Her face was clean, but she hadn't bothered with her arms or legs.
"Did you want new clothes?" Reno asked. "I'll buy you something."
She blinked and looked down at herself. "...what for?"
"Well, you kinda need 'em, unless you want to try to get the bloodstains out of those, and mend all the tears."
"Nn. But why would you waste your money on me?"
"I'm not allowed to be generous?" he asked.
"You... have already done many things for me," she said hesitantly.
He shrugged and grinned. "So've you. It's no big deal, anyway."
Minerva studied him a moment, expression unreadable. What was she thinking? he wondered. Had no one ever bothered with this? No one ever done something so small as buy her something or give her something? "...all right."
"Okay. You've got lots of shops to wander through, lots to choose from. Find something you like."
"Like? It does not matter to me."
"What do you mean, it doesn't matter?" he questioned. "You want something comfortable that fits, don't you?"
She shrugged. "Comfort, size, and durability make sense, but otherwise I have no preference."
"No favorite colors or styles?"
The girl shook her head.
"Well... have you always worn blue and black?"
"Yes."
"Then how about a change?" Reno suggested. "Get something red, or yellow, or white, or something."
"All right."
But she did not stop at any stores. He shook his head and grabbed her hand, leading her into the nearest one. She freed her hand immediately and cast him a glance and a slight frown.
"Sorry," he muttered. "But you weren't stopping anywhere. Pick something out, why don't you?"
Minerva turned to the racks of clothing with a sigh, picking up what must have been the first red thing she saw. It was a sleeveless crop top, lacing up by the neck. She showed it to him without expression.
"Um... It's neat, but would you actually wear that?"
She shrugged. "I told you, it makes little difference to me."
"Guess you could always wear it under something..." he said, shaking his head.
Pulling out the next item, a longer, red-brown shirt tying around the neck, she tilted her head. "Such as this?" she queried.
"Um, sure."
She hesitated, fingering the hem of the red top, then collected the two of them and looked to him.
"Shorts," he prompted. "Unless you want a skirt or something."
She shook her head. "Skirts are impractical..." she said, moving off towards a different part of the store.
Reno followed her. "Always the logical approach," he commented.
"That is the only approach I have ever known," Minerva replied, choosing a pair of green shorts without hesitation. "What other is there?"
"Emotional, I guess," he answered, nodding at her choice. "Red and green are supposed to go good together," he said.
She shrugged. "I suppose."
He went to the shopkeeper to pay for the clothing, then asked, "Is there somewhere she can change?"
"Right back there," the woman responded, pointing to a door in the back of the little store. "She can go ahead and use my bedroom. I've heard you two are with the group who killed that Professor Hojo."
He nodded. "Right. Thanks."
Minerva had already slipped silently through the indicated door and closed it behind her. He waited for her, leaning against the counter. She returned a few minutes later in her new attire, old clothes folded and tucked under her arm. There was a tattoo on her right shoulder, he noticed. Twenty-three.
"You look great," he told her. She did not reply. "What're you gonna do with your old clothes?" he asked.
She shrugged. "Dispose of them."
"No sentimental value to them?"
"Why would there be?"
He held up his hands. "Hey, I dunno."
"Miss," the shopkeeper said, "if you're just going to get rid of them, I'll take them."
Minerva turned, handing her the clothing.
"Thanks again," Reno said, then turned to the silver-haired girl. "Come on, let's go."
She followed him out of the store. "Where exactly are we going?" she inquired.
"I dunno. We're walking."
She scoffed a little and said nothing.
"...what's with the tattoo?" he asked.
"I am a clone of Sephiroth. The only successful one, it seems."
"You're a clone? Shouldn't you be...?"
"Male?" she finished, glancing at him. "...I am not an exact clone, nor was I meant to be."
Reno blinked. "So you know why you were made."
"Yes," she answered curtly.
"What for, then?"
She did not answer.
"All right..." he went on hesitantly. "So... were your other genes from your parents or something?"
Again, no answer.
"Do you have parents?"
"I suppose you could say that," she said, eyes downcast.
"Who were they, do you know?"
"I know," she replied. "Talya was my mother."
Reno stared at her a moment. "She was your mom? And she died... What about your dad?"
"I will not tell you. It is best if no one knows."
"Is he alive?"
"Yes."
"Do you like him?"
"Yes."
"So what's wrong with telling someone?"
She shook her head. "There is no need for you to know either the answer or the reason... I will keep it to myself as I have done with everything else." Reno moved towards her, arm outstretched, but Minerva jerked away from him. "What are you doing?" she demanded, voice turning harsh and eyes changing from their previous blue to a green.
"Hey, calm down," he said amiably, stuffing his hands in his pockets instead. "Jeez, I was just gonna give you a hug. You looked like you needed one."
The girl blinked slowly and did not relax. "...a hug?" she questioned.
The redhead was startled. "You mean you don't know what it is?" She shook her head. "Well, uh... can I show you?"
"...it is not some sort of punishment?" she asked cautiously.
"No no, it's a good thing, Min. Besides, you didn't do anything wrong."
"But I..."
Reno grinned and shook his head. "Hey, I don't care if you don't answer my questions. It's none of my business. Curiosity is all."
"...all right..."
"So that's a yes? I can give you a hug?"
"I suppose so..."
"Cool," he said, moving to her and wrapping his arms around her. "This is a hug," he explained. He pulled back slightly and looked up at her. "Only, you've gotta hug me back, see?"
Minerva shook her head. "Why? What is the purpose?"
"I dunno," Reno said as he stepped back. "It just feels good." The girl looked at him questioningly and he shrugged. "Comforting maybe? Most of the time I just do it 'cause it's fun and, uh... 'cause I like girls. I dunno."
"...so you only hug girls?"
"Well... I do... but, uh... See, it all has to do with what's socially acceptable," Reno explained, scratching his head. "It's usually a sign of affection. Friends hug their friends, sisters hug their brothers, guys hug their girls, mothers hug their kids..."
"Mothers hug their kids..." Minerva echoed, then turned away. "Mine never did."
"That sucks," Reno stated eloquently. "And now she's dead..."
"You pity me for it," she said flatly. "You shouldn't bother. I never cared about her."
The redhead hesitated. Normally, comforting a girl would be a sinch, but... Minerva didn't want the comfort, which meant if he tried in the conventional way, she'd only resent him for it. Finally, he placed a hand on her shoulder, even though he had to reach up slightly to do so. It was a little strange to like a girl who was taller than him. "Minerva..." he began.
"I know what you are going to say and I am going to ask you not to say it."
"But, I-"
"I don't want to hear it," she snapped, still not turning around.
Reno was beginning to get a little angry. "You can't tell me what I can say and what I can't!" he exclaimed, marching around to her front so he could look her in the eye. Her face was expressionless. "I'm going to say whatever the hell I'm gonna say, and you're gonna listen, whether you like it or not." So much for comforting her.
Minerva only shrugged at this, as if it didn't matter, but she shifted her gaze to her shoulder, where his hand had been.
"You shouldn't lie to yourself. You did care about your mom, no matter how she treated you. Didn't she try to be nice to you when she could?"
The silver-haired girl did not answer.
"But you've got to understand," Reno went on, trying not to feel like an idiot. He didn't know much about Talya. "She was a Turk, right? Turks don't go around loving everyone. That's why they're Turks. They're not supposed to care."
"Then how do you know she did?"
"I was a Turk, too. Hell, we're not supposed to care, but sometimes we do anyway. And I know you felt something at her loss; you steeled up real well after that." He ran a hand through his crimson hair. "So what if she didn't hug you and kiss you on the cheek like most moms do. She must've done something."
Minerva looked at him, and he almost expected her to ask what a kiss was. "...I'll bet she hugged Sephiroth sometimes."
Reno blinked in surprise. "Huh? Sephiroth?" She only nodded as the Turk frowned. "So what? You're jealous 'cause your mom cared more about Seph than she cared about you? Sort of like sibling rivalry, only he's just the adopted kid? You're her daughter, and she cared more about some other kid than you?"
Her eyes seemed a little more green now than they had been a moment ago. "You do not understand. I am merely saying that she probably cared about him; she was capable of affection. She did not, however, care about my existence, nor I about hers. I do not care about affection. It does not matter to me."
"That's a lie," he said simply.
There was very little blue left in those narrowing eyes, he noted. He wondered if it meant she was angry with him. "Are you implying that I want to be loved? That I am weak?"
Reno shook his head. "Yes to the first, no to the second. Two different things. Just because you want love, it doesn't make you weak. Hell, everyone needs it. You're strong 'cause you've managed to last without it. Aren't many people who can do that."
"But I am different from them. I do not need it, so it is a weakness to desire it."
"Naw, you're not so different." Minerva's eyes flickered before settling on a pure green. Those pretty eyes could be so expressive, if only he knew how to read her moods.
"What do you mean?"
There was a small cluster of crates huddled against the side of a nearby shop, which happened to be the last in the line of them, and he sat down on one of the boxes. "Well... I mean, you don't look or sound any different." He grinned at her. "You don't feel any different either."
She did not smile. He wondered what she would look like with a smile on her face. Someday, he'd have to make her grin. "That does not make me the same."
"I know... but... you have feelings just like the rest of us, whether you want to admit it or not. Anger, bitterness, guilt, you're guilty about fightin' us aren't you?"
"Yes."
He was surprised she even answered, let alone admitted it. "See?"
"That does not prove anything."
"Um... well... ya see, you've gotta have other emotions, 'sides them. They're only the bad ones. But you haven't had the chance to feel the better ones." He gestured to the crate beside him, inviting her to sit down. To his greater surprise, she sat.
"Why do you even bother?" she asked him.
"'cause I care about you."
Minerva blinked. "Why?"
"Because you're you."
"Why does that merit liking?"
Reno frowned, unable to figure out an answer, and wondering why it should be so hard. "...um... I dunno, really..."
Minerva studied him intently. "I know why I like you."
"Wh...what?" he stammered, turning to stare at her incredulously.
"You do not lie to me. You treat me the same as anyone else..." She looked slightly amused. "Better, perhaps, for you have not teased me yet. And you listen to me."
Reno ran a hand through his hair, grinning in embarrassment. "Jeez... most people just call me a drunken womanizer or a bastard..."
"Womanizer?"
"Um. A guy who goes after girls so he can have sex with them, basically."
"......oh."
He shifted uneasily. "But, uh, that's not what I'm trying to do now."
"I know," she replied.
"So... uh... what were we talking about?"
"You were going to tell me why you like me." Minerva's eyes remained on his face, an unreadable blue-green.
Reno fidgetted again. "Oh... right..."
"You haven't any idea, have you?"
He shrugged in surrender. "Not really."
The girl stood and he thought, maybe, just maybe, that she smiled a little. "Perhaps I should leave you to think about it. I may deny certain things, but I have reasons for everything. Nosce te ipsum."
"Huh?"
"Know yourself."
"Oh... I'm an idiot, aren't I?"
Minerva shook her head. "No. Many brilliant people hardly know themselves. Sephiroth, for instance, has only just begun to understand himself."
"With Aeris's help..." Reno muttered.
She did not appear to acknowledge the comment. She strode off at a much faster pace than before, though she was certainly not hurrying, and he watched her go. Know yourself, huh?
"Hi, Aeris," Katrina greeted as the Cetra approached. She and Miera were seated on a ledge halfway up the cliff, looking out at the rest of the canyon.
"Hello, Katrina, Miera," Aeris answered, sitting herself down near them. "How are things going?"
"Oh, fine," the girl replied. "I've been helping out a little with the preparations, and I talked to Elena about what happened. You guys had quite a time of it, didn't you?"
She nodded. "Yes, we did..." She turned to Miera, smiling. "And how about you?"
"Good, good... It will be nice to see the Candle lit again, and people gathered about it. I have not seen anyone besides Sephiroth sitting there since it when out."
"Sephiroth?" Aeris asked.
Miera nodded. "Yes. All by himself. I must say he worries me."
"Mmm," the Cetra agreed.
"Did something happen to him while he was at the lab?"
The question earned her a sharp glance, one she hadn't known Aeris could give. "He was in a laboratory, a place which he hated immensely, with Professor Hojo, whom he hated much more, and treated as a specimen. You shouldn't have to ask..."
"Sorry..."
She shook her head. "No, that's all right. I didn't sleep well last night..."
"Is there something on your mind?" Miera asked her.
"Not really." She turned then and looked over her shoulder, just as Sephiroth walked out onto the ledge. His gaze fell on Aeris, and he paused, then turned and strode back inside.
"What's up with him?" Katrina asked, frowning worriedly as she followed Sephiroth's departure with her grey eyes.
"He's been avoiding me ever since we got back," Aeris said.
"Why?"
She shook her head, but gave them no answer.
"Maybe you should go after him and ask him why," Katrina suggested.
The Cetra shook her head again. "I've tried following him. I can never seem to catch up, and then I lose him around some corner..." She sighed, then stood. "Well... I've got work of my own to do. I just wanted to check up on the two of you."
"Okay. See you."
"Goodbye."
Aeris turned and walked back inside. Katrina shook her head. "She's not looking too great..."
"No," Miera agreed. "And neither is Sephiroth."
"I think those two need to talk."
"Perhaps, but I don't think there is anything Aeris can do at this point."
"What do you mean? Why is he running away from her?"
"He is afraid of himself; I can see it in his eyes. I hear he has his memory back now. His memories of killing her must torment him, and he fears that he will do it again. She will not be able to help him until he can be in the same room as her without bolting."
"So... who helps him that far?"
"I do not know. Anyone who can get near enough to speak to him, to reassure him." Miera smiled apologetically at Katrina. "I do not mean it as an insult, but he does not care for you as much as he does Aeris, so perhaps..."
The girl tilted her head in question. "Perhaps what?"
"He would be less afraid of hurting you."
"You think I should go talk to him?"
"You should try, at the very least." She hesitated. "Of course, there is a risk involved if his fears have any truth to them."
"What about you?"
"Somehow I believe that you will have a better chance with him." She smiled again. "I have not known him as long as you, and he would be right in refuting my words."
"I guess that doesn't work then." She started to get up, then paused, perched on her heels. "Do you think now's a good time...?"
Miera nodded. "Why not? He can only get worse... In fact, I would say the sooner you talk to him, the better."
Katrina hopped to her feet. "All right," she said. "I'll do my best."
"Be strong, and be brave."
She blinked a little, eyeing Miera uncertainly, then turned to follow after Sephiroth. She had a pretty good idea where he had gone, and, sure enough, she found him up near the observatory, sitting on the edge of the cliff and looking down at the people below. He was wearing a simple black T-shirt now, she noticed, instead of his old black trenchcoat. She walked over and sat down near him, but he did not so much as glance at her.
"...hi, Seph," she said awkwardly.
He nodded slightly, but said nothing.
"How are you doing?" she asked.
"Fine."
She nearly sighed, but stopped herself and persisted. "You don't look fine..."
Sephiroth glanced at her breifly. "I am all right. I do not see why you should care anyway."
"I'm not allowed to care about a friend?"
This earned her a raised eyebrow. "Friend?"
"Yeah," Katrina replied. "Or would you rather not be?"
He shook his head slightly. "I just... doubted anyone would call me that..."
She smiled a little. "I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one. What about Minerva, and Aeris?"
"Minerva... is more like a sister. And Aeris..." He trailed off, frowning slightly.
"You've been avoiding her lately. Did something happen between you two?"
Sephiroth turned away. "It does not concern you."
"But she's your friend, isn't she? She considers you one, anyway. Don't you think she might want to see you?"
"She is being foolish if she wishes for my company," he replied bitterly. "I am her murderer; she should want no part of me."
Katrina shook her head. "But you brought her back, didn't you? She's forgiven you for killing her. You're sane now anyway. It's not like you're going to do it again. She wants to be with you. It's you who's been staying away from her. What for?"
"I have not the confidence in myself that either of you has... I cannot control myself as well as you seem to think."
"You've been all right so far," the girl argued.
He looked at her sharply. "How do you know? And what good is 'so far' anyway? It guarantees nothing."
"If you're that unstable, what good is staying away from everyone going to do?"
"I am protecting them..." he answered, then frowned slightly at his words.
"But you're more likely to snap if you go through this alone," she told him. "If you have people to help you, like Aeris, maybe you'll regain your control. Right now you're just putting the lid on your anger and letting it simmer."
"What am I supposed to do with it?" he demanded harshly. "I cannot take it out on anyone."
She thought for a moment. What did she do to get rid of her anger...? "Well... it sort of fades if you're happy or having fun," she said finally.
Sephiroth scoffed. "And since when did either of those apply to me?"
"Well, they really don't apply to you when you're alone, now do they?"
"Most people hate me," he said dryly. "I will find only more anger in their company. And do not say that Aeris does not hate me, because her friends certainly do, and the worse for it when I am with her. In any case, she would prefer to be with them, no doubt."
"I wouldn't say that," Katrina disagreed. "She hasn't been smiling as much since she got back, even though she's got more to smile about. Why do you think that is?"
"Perhaps because she plans on leaving them soon to fight Jenova with me and dislikes the thought," he suggested. She was a bit surprised he had come up with an answer.
"No," she said. "I'll bet she misses hanging out with you. Maybe she even feels she did something wrong for you to avoid her like this."
"But I was..." he started, then glanced at her and shook his head. "She did nothing. And she should know it."
Katrina held up her hands slightly. "Maybe she doesn't."
He shook his head. "No matter. It is not safe for her to be near me."
"What do you mean it's not safe? You haven't hurt her in this life. You haven't hurt anyone that didn't deserve it."
"How do you know?" he repeated. "Perhaps I will attempt to kill her again. Perhaps I will snap when I am with her. I do not want that to happen..."
"You're fine around me," she said. "Why should it be so much harder with her? She's even closer, isn't she? So, wouldn't it be harder to hurt her, rather than easier?"
"You do not understand," Sephiroth clipped. "Stop pretending that you do."
"Then explain it to me!" she exclaimed in exasperation. "I've been asking you, but you aren't answering very well."
He stood abruptly. "What do you want from me? You want me to face her again, after what I did? I cannot. I will not."
Katrina climbed to her feet. "What do you mean, 'after what you did'?" she asked.
"It is none of your business," he answered harshly, turning away.
"But you're the one who brought it up!"
"You are the one who is pestering me to go back to Aeris when you know nothing of what has happened between us and what might happen yet. You have not the knowledge or wisdom necessary to make decisions such as that. Now leave me be, and take your words of 'reassurance' elsewhere. I do not need them."
"You need them, but not from me," she ammended. "You need Aeris to comfort you. She's better at it."
His expression was violent and his eyes shone emerald. "I do not want to be near her! Have you not heard my words? I should be the best judge on my mental state, and I believe it dangerous for her to be near me. And it is dangerous for you now as well. Go, before I hurt you."
"It's not going to be any safer for her if you stay away now," Katrina went on desperately, her heart not letting her leave, however frightened she felt. "She's going with you to kill Jenova, isn't she? If you're still unstable then, you're even more likely to hurt her, aren't you? So you have to be able to control yourself around her. And you're not going to be able to do it if you avoid her all the time!"
Sephiroth stepped forward and grasped her violently by the shoulders. "You do not understand," he growled, "so you had best shut your mouth before it gets you in trouble."
"What trouble?" she managed, trying to keep her voice from quaking. "You wouldn't hurt me. I know you wouldn't."
"Foolish words. I have killed before, so why should it be any more difficult now? A few paces behind you is the edge of the cliff. All I have to do is push you and you will fall to your death."
"But you won't," Katrina stated, her voice a bit firmer, though her heart was racing, its beats sounding loudly in her ears.
"How can you be so sure?" Sephiroth asked, eyes narrowing.
Oh, Gods, she hoped she was right. "You're not a murderer. Not now." She took a deep breath. "You think you can do it? Go ahead. Try."
He stared at her, emerald eyes filled with anger and amazement, and she stared back, grey eyes filled with both fear and hope. "You must have a death wish," he stated.
"I'm trying to prove something to you," she answered, unable to tear her gaze away from his. She dared not look behind her, for fear of seeing just how far she had to fall...
Sephiroth shifted his grip on her shoulders, as though to push her away, and stood frozen thus for a long moment. Her heart thudded loudly in the thick silence. Would he do it? Would he really kill her? She didn't want to die. Oh Gods, she didn't want to die. What was she doing? What are you thinking? she chided herself. He wouldn't kill you... would he?
He tensed, hands moving forward ever so slightly, then shook his head. "What am I doing?" he asked himself, releasing her and stumbling backwards. Katrina felt her legs give way beneath her and she dropped to the ground, sitting there, eyes wide as what had almost happened hit her full force. When she finally managed to look up, she saw Sephiroth standing several paces away from her, looking ready to bolt. She struggled to her feet.
"Sephiroth, wait."
"But I almost..." he said, voice hardly above a whisper.
She took a step towards him. "But you didn't. I knew you wouldn't."
"But I..."
She shook her head. "It's okay. I'm fine. And you know now, that you can't kill anyone as easy as before." Her voice was shaking, and she scolded herself for it.
Sephiroth took another step back. "I... If I had... you would have..."
"But you didn't, and I'm still alive," she said, half to reassure him, half to reassure herself. "And if you couldn't kill me, then of course you couldn't kill Aeris, right? You couldn't even hurt me."
He lowered his head, hair falling forward to hide his face. "But I came so close..."
"And you stopped yourself."
"What if next time, I...?"
Katrina shook her head, not wanting to think about it, but knowing she had to reassure him. "There shouldn't be a next time. What would Aeris say to make you so angry? And anyway, you care a lot more about her. I'm sure it'd be harder to her that way."
He nodded slowly, but did not reply.
She laughed nervously, sheepishly. "I was being kinda stupid anyway, provoking you like that..."
"Yes, you were," he agreed, then added hesitantly, "but brave also. I thank you..."
She smiled. "Does that mean I've accomplished something? Are you going to stop avoiding Aeris?"
Sephiroth hesitated. "...I will not avoid her, but I will not seek her out either."
The girl nodded. "I guess that's better than nothing. I'm going to head back down now. Will you be all right by yourself?"
He muttered something under his breath, but nodded silently and strode back to the ledge, sitting down heavily. She stood watching him, as if to reassure herself, then turned and climbed back down the ladder to return to Miera.
"How did it go?" the feline asked.
Katrina sat down beside her. "He said he wouldn't avoid her anymore..."
"I get the feeling that that is not all that happened between you, but I will not pry."
She nodded her thanks. "Now Aeris just has to seek him out..."
Miera nodded. "But Aeris is having difficulties of her own concerning him. What is bothering her, I don't know."
"Neither do I. Strange, how she seems so open and yet you don't really know what bothers her, while Sephiroth is so cold, and you can figure out what's wrong..."
"Indeed."
Katrina leaned back on her hands. "When did Nanaki decide the Candle was going to be lit again?"
"Tomorrow night."
"Mm. I haven't ever been to a celebration where the whole village is invited. It'll really be something, huh?"
"Yes, it will."
"Elena?"
"Yeah?"
"Who am I?"
"Who are you? You're Reno, that's who. What in the world are you asking for?"
"But who exactly is 'Reno'?"
"You're scaring me..."
He sighed. "Nevermind... Hey, you know a place to eat?"
"Why don't you try the inn?" she suggested. "I hear they've got pretty good drinks there, too."
He stared at her for a moment. Here she had been the one to scold him and Rude for wasting their money on alcohol, and practically forced them to stop, dragging them away from bars-he remembered the agony of withdraw, and how moody he'd gotten-and eventually weening them off of it... And now here she was, casually suggesting that he go have a beer.
"What?" she asked.
"Since when did you decide it was okay for me to drink again?"
Elena shrugged. "One or two won't matter, I guess. You look like you need one, and I guess you deserve something for your efforts."
"Just hearing you say that I deserve something makes me feel a lot better."
"Oh come on," she said, "you did just help kill Hojo and save that girl and stuff, didn't you? Isn't that worth something?"
Reno held up his hands. "Yeah, sure. I just never thought you'd acknowledge it."
"Well, you did something right for once, and I'll make note of it, even though maybe your motives weren't so great."
"What's that supposed to mean? There somethin' wrong with hating Hojo?"
She turned to him with her hands on her hips. "Don't play dumb. You like that Minerva girl, don't you?"
"So what?" he asked, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"It's always about girls."
He shook his head. "It's different this time."
She blinked, eyeing him uncertainly. "What do you mean?"
He shrugged casually. "I'm not after her for my usual reasons. She's... different from the others."
Elena broke into laughter. "No way. Don't tell me that you, of all people, are falling in love! You've gotta be kidding. You are, aren't you?"
Blushing, he turned away, muttering, "Elena, you should understand, unless your thing for Tseng was just a silly crush."
"How dare you-" she began angrily, and he turned back to her.
"I didn't think so. So don't tease me about Min."
"But Reno, you-"
"I know," he cut in again. "I know I've never been serious about anyone before, but... there's gotta be a first, right?"
Elena shrugged. "I guess... I don't understand why you picked her, though. I mean, what do you see in her that's so special?"
"That's what I'm trying to figure out..." he answered, walking off again. There were few places really secluded now that everyone was so busy, getting ready for their celebration-both of the relighting of the Candle, and the victory of Reno and the others.
He headed for the inn, plopping down at a corner table below the stairs. A waitress came over, and he ordered whatever was cheepest and settled down to think. The other few people at the table left him alone after a few failed attempts at conversation.
Why did he like Minerva?
She had bothered to ask his name. She had begged him not to fight a suicide battle. She had continued to take him seriously despite his joking. Had anyone ever done that before? Not really. He was just Reno, a womanizer, a drunk, a lazy bum, a Turk who only worked for the money. But she didn't think so. She hadn't labled him. Neither had Aeris, but Aeris still had never entirely trusted him or taken his words completely seriously... She had her reasons, though, he guessed, so he didn't blame her for that.
Minerva, however, seemed to think that he was-or could be-just as good as anyone else. She was accustomed to people lying to her, being cruel to her, so even Reno seemed honest and gentile... And, he realized, he was. To her, anyway. He felt more comfortable around her than anyone else, because he knew she wouldn't laugh at his opinions or viewponts, or tease him if he tried to express something personal.
Not like Elena at all; she would laugh, and she would tease. Not like Aeris, who seemed oddly beyond his reach, who he couldn't talk to, even if she did care. Minerva, too, put up a front, but it seemed partially because she didn't know how else to act, not just because she didn't want anyone to really know her. Maybe she had decided Reno was trustworthy, but he didn't expect her to be able to tell secrets she had always kept from everyone and never before considered telling.
Aeris, while appearing very open, kept a lot of secrets because of what she was. And no matter how much she trusted someone, she never told them. He had never understood why, and that was what kept him from falling for her. She was kind and she listened very well to other peoples problems, and always insisted on helping them, but... who was Aeris, really? He certainly didn't know.
Who was Minerva? A girl who had suffered a lot, and wanted desperately to be strong. She probably hated herself for having to obey orders, and called it a weakness that she couldn't disobey them. But she was strong, because she chose pain over succombing to Professor Hojo. And now? She was so innocent, though she pretended not to be. And surprisingly ignorant of many simple things, including how to act with other people. She was awkward, and yet confident at the same time. It was almost cute. No, it was cute.
But... who was Reno? ...a guy who hid behind jokes and alcohol, not understanding what real pleasure was, and seeking it in the wrong places. A guy who didn't understand himself, and thought money would be enough to make him happy. And who would ever want to know someone like that? No one. So he didn't let them. Bear, women, joking, teasing; his friends knew there was something beyond that, but he never let them know what it was, really. He hadn't known what it was.
Helping out his friends, and helping Minerva, over the last few days had felt... well, wonderful. Made him feel like he was actually good for something, rather than nothing. He'd found out he could be genuinely nice, and that, although sometimes it was harder to tell the truth, it felt so much better than lying...
Who was he? He wasn't sure yet. But he was finding out, and that would have to do for now.