When you walk away,
You don't hear me say, please,
Oh baby, don't go.
Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight.
It's hard to let it go.
~"Simple and Clean," Utada Hikaru
The people of the village were going about their lives as usual. A pair of children chased each other around, one accidentally bumping into an Elder and falling hard. He got up, appeared to apologize, and then ran off again. The Elder shook her head and turned back to the woman she had been talking to. A middle-aged couple strolled along the shops, looking but not buying, smiles on their faces.
"That should be us," Lucrecia said to him as she joined him on the walkway.
Vincent glanced at her. "Did you want to go walk through the town, then?"
She shook her head. "No. Not for the moment, anyway. The view is quite nice from up here, isn't it? A lovely place for an observer."
He nodded, returning his gaze to the children as they continued their play. "I know. You would rather me stop putting myself on the outside, but it is hard when I have done it ever since I was a child."
"That's why I'm here. To be your link to them."
"Among other things," he added, glancing briefly at her. She smiled. "What did Sephiroth want?" he asked after a moment.
"He had some questions about Hojo," she replied. "And in all actuality, it might have done you good to hear his words, but I think he would have been too uncomfortable to speak them in front of you, considering..."
"I see."
"...I think she is falling for him, Vincent," Lucrecia remarked after another pause.
"Aeris?"
She nodded. "Did you see her blush?" she asked with a smile. "And the whole time I spoke to Sephiroth, she was watching him with the faintest smile on her face. Of course... I'm not sure she realizes it yet."
"And what of Sephiroth?"
"Oh, he loves her, all right. He seems so... at ease around her. He looks to her for support and guidance. And he also seems quite devoted to her."
Vincent looked to where the pair sat by the Candle, both hands joined, Aeris smiling at Sephiroth, who tentatively returned the look. "Yes, he does. He needs her healing power... but what could she possibly need from him?"
Lucrecia leaned against him. "Someone to confide in?"
"Why Sephiroth?"
"...because he wants to help her in the same way that she helps him."
"I would not think Aeris needed that."
"Of course she needs it. A person can't keep giving and giving; they have to get something back."
"...but Aeris would never admit it. She does not want to be a burden to anyone as they are to her."
"But Sephiroth is willing."
He nodded. "I suppose so."
"Vincent?"
"Yes?"
"...yes."
He blinked and turned to look at her. "...so... when?"
"After we get settled in Nibelheim, I think. A small affair, of course. We've no need of anything showy."
Vincent nodded. "...I suppose we're going to live in the mansion?"
"Yes, that would be logical. No doubt there is a lot of work to be done, but we have time."
"Did you really want that many children?" he queried.
Lucrecia looked up at him, laughing. "What, six? No, no... but I think I might want one or two... If it's all right with you, that is."
"If it makes you happy, my love, then it is fine with me."
She smiled, then took his hand. "Come on then. Let's go find Cid and see about getting to Nibelheim. I'd rather not walk all the way, even if it is possible." He nodded and followed after her.
Cloud had returned to the inn after the meeting, to think. This mission was different; he cared about it, but he was not the leader. Sephiroth was the leader. Only... this was a different Sephiroth, one with emotions, it seemed. The man was an enigma to him, but he was important to Aeris, so, for her sake, he would try to hold back his hatred and do as everyone else seemed to be doing--giving him another chance. But Gods, it was hard even to think of him as changed...
And Aeris... what had she gotten herself into? In love with Sephiroth? Part of it, he admitted, was a pain that she had chosen Cloud's rival over him, but he was still worried that the swordsman might snap again. He hoped that with Aeris doing whatever it was she did--he couldn't comprehend that ability of hers--she would be able to keep him sane. And if Sephiroth really meant what he said about wanting to help her, too, then maybe the two could actually live happily together. He knew no one would appreciate him continuing to be so grudging and unforgiving about the whole affair, but it was so hard. Sephiroth had taken everything from him.
The door opened and closed, and he looked up as Tifa walked in, smiling fondly at him. "My pensive husband," she remarked, sitting down at his side. Not everything, he corrected. Thank the Gods he had Tifa. Without her...
"Hi, Teef," he replied.
"What are you thinking about now, hmm?"
He shrugged.
Shaking her head, she smoothed her expression. "All right, so it's something deep. Do you want to talk about it?"
"I was just trying to figure out how I'm supposed to deal with Sephiroth..." he told her. "He's taken practically everything from me. I almost lost you to him once... But Aeris cares a lot about him, so I can't go on hating him, can I?"
Tifa smiled in commiseration. "I know. It's even more difficult for you than for me. But I think the only way to stop hating or fearing a person is to get to know them, which is hard, too, when you start with so many negative feelings..."
"Getting over Aeris was the first thing I had to do," he said. "And probably the hardest."
The brunette blinked and stared at him in silence. He knew she wanted him to go on.
"I can't protect her anymore," he sighed. "I can't talk to her. She's as nice as she always was, but she keeps her distance. I think maybe she feels like she's hurting me, but her being distant has helped. I don't know her anymore. She's... she's Sephiroth's now. She's a stranger to me, and I can't love a stranger." Cloud turned to look at his wife.
"But you, Tifa, I've always known you. I've spent my entire life falling in love with you and not realizing it, but now I can finally say it: I love you, Tifa."
She threw her arms around him, tears of joy in her eyes. "Oh, Cloud, I love you, too."
He pulled her into his lap, fondly stroking her hair. "Sorry I've been such a terrible husband, pining after another woman when I had you all along."
"It's all right, Cloud," she said, roughly wiping at her eyes. "I think you really fell in love with her for a while. She was what you needed then: someone to open you up. I was too afraid that you didn't love me, but she was so bold... She wouldn't let you remain so cold and unfeeling. I'm grateful to her... I just hope she really has found what she needs in Sephiroth."
"Me, too."
"Are we still going to fight Jenova?" Tifa asked him. "Afterall, you only wanted to go to protect Aeris... but she has Sephiroth in case she can't defend herself."
Cloud frowned. "Until Jenova is dead, she can still influence him. I'm going."
She twisted to look at him. "But you have her cells in you, too..."
He closed his eyes. "And that's just another reason to go."
Nodding, she leaned back against him. "You want to prove that you're strong enough to defy her, too."
"...you don't have to come along, Tifa," he said softly. "You don't have to fight anymore."
"Wherever you go, I go. That's how it's always been, isn't it?"
"No," he replied. "I used to follow you."
"But then I got too weak to lead..."
Cloud shook his head. "I got too weak to follow. I didn't realize I'd almost won you, and then I made myself forget I ever wanted you at all."
She closed her eyes. "Sorry."
"It's my fault, and I made you pay for it. I should be apologizing."
"Well, then I forgive you."
He smiled and held her closer. "I love you, Teef." Gods, it felt good to say that.
"I love you, too," she answered again. ...and equally good to hear it.
I have been thinking as you told me to, Jenova said quite suddenly.
He blinked in surprise. Have you?
Yes. And you only hate me because you believe the humans' pretenses. You think they really are what they say. They think they really are what they say.
Then how can they be anything else?
They try to analyze themselves, come up with something that seems to make sense, and then accept it. No matter that they are not capable of feeling and thinking as they conclude. They act on instinct and then rationalize that to themselves.
Sephiroth shrugged. Isn't instinct nothing more than thought done faster than the conscious mind can register it?
Yes, but they make too much of it. They complicate it when it is really quite simple. They think their emotions are so deep and pure, and their thoughts so profound.
Then you think love is simply sexual attraction, and comprehension only the accepting of lies?
With humans, yes.
What, you think yourself capable of the actual actions of loving and comprehending, rather than simulating them? he scoffed.
No, but at least I can recognize that I am not.
That is a contradiction in itself. How can you say you are incapable without coming to some understanding of yourself?
You still don't get it, do you?
Apparently not. But go on. This is rather amusing.
Amusing! she cried indignantly. I suppose it is for you, isn't it? You like to try to refute my words. It's only a game to you, of course, and I am nothing more than this damned voice in your head. I wish you would even think of me as you thought of Hojo! You're capable of understanding, and you figured him out. Or do I have to die for you to be willing?
You want me to understand you? Then how about you show me what really happened all those years ago?
Silence.
You don't want to, do you?
But I'm certain you can make something out of silence even, Jenova said dryly. So could Aeris, I suppose.
Aeris cannot talk to you. But you want me to? Fine. Your refusal to speak for any length on that topic indicates that you've been lying about it for a long time, and also that the experience did hurt you. You don't want to talk about it and you don't want anyone to know what really happened. Perhaps you're even ashamed of it now.
I am not ashamed, she muttered.
Denial, he commented simply.
Annoyed, she changed the topic. How do you intend to find me tomorrow so your little band can kill me?
I have a fair guess at where you are now, and perhaps I know your mind well enough to guess where you might go from there. You cannot move as quickly as I can.
I may not be able to teleport, but you might as well call it that; I can move very quickly when I need to.
He knew it was true; she had, afterall, managed to keep up with him--more or less--when he made his own jumps from place to place. So with the warning his mind would give her by concentrating for the actual spell, she could easily be far gone by the time he got there. She would always know where he was headed and have enough time to get away. He frowned in annoyance.
Quite a difficulty, isn't it? Jenova asked, sounding self-satisfied. Her turn to annoy him.
You cannot run forever.
Oh, I think I can. You'll tire out long before I do; I feed off the Planet, and you only have a set amount of energy, remember? Oh... so I suppose that means that the longer you keep up the chase, the more energy I take from the Planet. Hmm.
A plan lay half-formed in his mind and he shoved it into a remote corner of thought before Jenova could see it. He frowned again, partly because of her mockery, partly because of what he might have to do...
Ah, my dear boy. It would be so much simpler if you just came back to me...
Simpler perhaps, but not right.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Minerva sit down beside him. "Are you arguing with her also?" she asked.
He nodded slightly.
That's right; you find the harder path more noble. Nothing is allowed to be black and white.
Because nothing is black and white. Quiet now. I want to talk to Minerva.
Fine, fine. Speak to your daughter.
Sephiroth started. Daughter?
Jenova gave him no reply.
He sighed and shook his head. After a moment, he glanced at Minerva, who sat silently beside him, head turned slightly away to the west. He turned his attention to the village. It did not make any difference if she was his daughter... did it? Or was he obligated to act as a father to her? Do fathers normally hug their children, too? he remembered her asking. So she knew. Of course she knew. But what was a father supposed to do? He had no example to follow. He could only be a friend to her, and provide what answers he could. That would have to be enough.
"You should stop pushing him away," he said finally, not looking at her. "Any pain he brings you will be worth it in the end."
She turned to look at him. "So you have spoken to him."
"Yes."
She scoffed and turned away again. "It is my decision whether or not to let him close."
"He wants to be close to you, and I think you want him close also, but you're afraid it might hurt you--whether it be your pride or your heart."
"My pride?" she queried.
Sephiroth glanced at her. "You do have a reputation as a loner, you know. Perhaps you think having a relationship will make you appear as though you need to rely on someone."
She only shrugged.
"You should know you are the only one who cares about that. If you don't have to be alone, don't strive for it."
Minerva sighed and lowered her head. "I thought for the longest time that in loving someone, one had to deal with their failings, but you share everything, don't you? So that your combined strengths can dispell your combined weaknesses..."
"Something like that," he agreed softly. "Just as two minds think better than one, two hearts beat stronger than one."
"Even Aeris is afraid to take that final step, it seems. To bare herself entirely." She studied him thoughtfully. "Indeed, it seems you are the bravest of us all."
He shook his head. "I still keep things from her. True, we cannot speak of everything, but..."
"You would answer any question she asked of you, do anything she wanted you to. I think that is as open as one can be." She closed her eyes. "Me, I have secrets to keep."
"Secrets are sensitive thoughts for sharing with those you can trust to respect them, and mend you if the keeping of them caused you pain. There is no point in keeping them forever to yourself."
Minerva shook her head as she looked up. "But I want mine to die with me."
"Reno can keep secrets, to his death if need be. Yet some things you do not have to tell; people will figure them out on their own." He looked at her pointedly.
She nodded. "So you know that much. Likely you will figure the rest out on your own, if it concerns you, but I will not be the one to speak it to you."
They sat in silence for a moment, Sephiroth weighing something in his mind. "...there is something I need to do. You will understand it soon enough. Explain it to Aeris if she needs that. And... I want to show you something in case I do not get another chance."
The girl tilted her head. "What is it?"
He closed his eyes. "A memory of mine that should be of some importance to you," he answered. He sensed her assent, and brought the scene to mind.
Talya sat slumped against a control panel, her red-brown hair tangled, much of it falling in her face and fluttering slightly with each ragged breath she drew. Blood marked the corner of the one eye not covered by the clinging strands, as well as the side of her face and the corner of her mouth. More red stained her in numerous places, and a stray feather clung to her bare, bleeding arm.
Sephiroth crouched down beside her, a frown set on his face. "I am sorry it had to turn out this way..." he said quietly, looking over her wounds.
"It's... all right," she replied with considerable effort. "And I know... what you're thinking... Don't bother..."
He shook his head. "If I don't heal you, you will die."
"I know."
"You want to die?"
"You think... it's selfish of me...? Fine... if you want me... to live, go ahead... You're... the only one who cares..."
"That's not true. Minerva will care. Vincent will care. Why do you want to die?"
"Maybe you can... live through each day... remembering how you hurt... people you love... because you're strong like that... but I can't."
"Talya..."
"Too many beatings... I know they screwed you up... Can you even bear... to be touched now?"
"I know you did what you could. I forgive you for what you were forced to do, and I am sure that Minerva can do the same once she comes to understand you."
"Minerva... doesn't give a damn... I let her down... Should've... run off when I had the chance... Taken you with me..."
"She cares. Otherwise she wouldn't be so hurt by you. So please, Talya... I can't keep you alive if you don't want to live."
She tried to grin, but it looked more like a grimace. "Sorry, Seph... I'm too weak, just like Min always thought. Tell Valentine... tell Vincent... that I'm sorry I never... tried to help him out... And... if you ever see your mom... tell her I'm sorry... I didn't do a better job... Take care of Aeris... like you always tried to... Oh, gods, and tell Min I love her..."
"I will," he answered. "And I am sorry, too... that I have been so cruel to you lately. For so long, you were my only friend. I should have been kinder to you."
"Don't worry about it, Seph... I love you anyway. It's hard to hate you... when you see what you've... been through."
"I wish everyone could see it that way..." he murmured.
"Aw, come on... you'll be surprised..." She paused. "Smile for me? ...just once? Don't think... I've ever seen you smile... except in mockery..."
He blinked a little, then shook his head and tried to smile. He doubted it came out right, but she grinned a little anyway.
"Thanks..."
"Goodbye, Talya..."
"Bye, Seph..."
He let the memory fade and looked at Minerva. She kept her eyes lowered.
"Why didn't you tell me before?" she asked.
"You weren't ready to hear it," Sephiroth replied.
She nodded. "I suppose not. Have you told Vincent and your mother?"
He shook his head. "Not yet. The opportunity has not come up, unless I wanted it to be completely awkward..."
"I understand," she told him. "If you cannot, I will tell them."
"Thank you..." Minerva got to her feet, and he stood as well. "...one more thing," he said uncertainly. After a moment's hesitation, he put his arms around her in an awkward embrace. He was surprised when she returned it.
As he stepped back, she looked up at him steadily. "You have nothing to apologize for; you did not even know I existed. And... I think I would prefer it if we continued to be brother and sister, and let everyone think the same, unless one of us chooses to share the secret."
He nodded. "I agree."
"Now go spend whatever time you have with Aeris. Stay the night here, with her, if you can."
"...I will," he answered. "Do you know where I can find her?"
"Inside," Minerva replied, motioning behind her with a toss of her head.
Sephiroth nodded and turned to walk into the rock chamber.
"Planet?" she whispered softly. When she felt its attention, she went on. "I wanted to ask you if... if Sephiroth could live and do you no harm."
His life hurts me not. Only the Crisis from the Sky pains me.
"Are you glad that he's going to kill her?"
Very glad. I knew he would redeem himself.
"So you've forgiven him?"
I have.
"...but the Cetra are still scornful," Aeris finished with a sigh.
Do not worry, child. All will settle in time. Some have forgiven him already. You bore one of the greatest accusations of all, yet you chose not to use it against him.
"That would be cruel, to shoot him down when he was so eager to change."
But, oh, my daughter, it takes a strong heart not to carry grudges. I do not quite understand your kind of emotions, but I can watch. Very few can do as you have done.
Aeris smiled. "What do you make of him, Planet?"
She felt soft laughter spread through her, as of a breeze over hillside grasses and wildflowers. Such a beautiful thing, this love. He has a good soul, child. Scarred, but true. I myself will do what I can for him.
The Cetra blinked a little at this, then simply nodded minutely. "Thank you."
The Planet's presence left her, and she sat silently by the ledge, looking out at the stretch of red canyon before her and the clear blue sky that met it at the horizon. What was it the Planet had hinted at? she wondered. Despite the Planet's tone--though tone was not the word for it--she felt slightly uneasy at its words.
"Do you mind if I join you?"
She started a little and turned to look up at Sephiroth, who stood uncertainly in the archway leading back into the tunnelling. She smiled, abandoning her worrying train of thought, and motioned beside her. "Not at all."
He sat down at her side, but not too close, and looked out at the view, saying nothing.
"...we still haven't figured out where to go," Aeris said after a moment. "I've been thinking, and the places you could do the most good would be Midgar and Wutai."
Sephiroth nodded. "The people who are still in Midgar need a lot of help clearing away debris... I don't know what they would make of me aiding them, when I was the one who caused the disaster in the first place."
"They'll consider it only proper, I think. You made the mess, so you get to clean it up." She grinned a little.
"I'd have to agree with them. And then... If we went to Wutai..." He frowned. "Yuffie may be willing to give me another chance, but the rest of them won't be. Apologies will mean nothing to them; they do not make up for the deaths of their dearest ones. They may not even allow me to aid them. They won't trust me. But then, I suppose anywhere I go, I will have to face the hateful gazes. But in Wutai especially..."
"And why is that?" Aeris asked. "They may hold a grudge against you especially for being such an efficient general, but even unreasonable people will have to agree that it was war. People died on both sides, and you were just trying to keep that loss of life from being heaviest in your troops."
"It was war," he agreed, "but I was on the wrong side. I should have seen that."
"But you didn't, did you? And what led you to joining SOLDIER anyway?"
He faltered. "I... It was the only significant thing I could remember after I fled the laboratory. I had vague recollections of Hojo and Gast, the lie that Jenova was my mother, and a desire to join SOLDIER to prove myself."
"To whom?"
Sephiroth shook his head. "I don't know..."
Aeris did not mind his vague replies. She only felt an aching in her heart when she imagined how it must have felt to be so uncertain, to know so little. "What was it like in SOLDIER?"
He shrugged. "The cold, military routine and precision of it suited me fine. It seemed familiar to me somehow, though I could remember very little." He paused then, as if sensing she wanted to hear anything he was willing to share on the topic, went on. "They tried to teach me at first, but once I got into the library, I read all the books on military strategy and technique and understood it all better than they."
"Did they promote you then?"
"Only a few ranks higher at first. It is understandable that they felt offended by a mere boy being smarter than they, especially because I had not gone through their training. But eventually President Shinra found out about it and made me one of his generals; it surprised me a little, but now it makes sense. He must have known about me from Hojo's experiments, so he would know what I was capable of. Within the month, I was the general."
Impressed, she asked, "Were you ever nervous because of it? I mean, you had the mind, but you'd never led anyone before..."
Sephiroth shook his head. "No, not really. I was confident in my abilities, and I suppose they felt comfortable with that..."
"You could trust yourself, and they soon found that they could trust you, too."
He nodded. "...it was always important to me that our maneuvers during the war risked as few lives as possible. If I saw the danger to be too great, I refused to follow the President's orders."
"And I'm sure they appreciated that, too." She smiled a little. "But you see? Even then, you were looking out for other people."
He merely shrugged it off. "There is no use in wasting men. The better you look after your men, the more they are willing to follow you, and the more efficient the army becomes."
"I still think you did it, at least in part, because you valued life."
"...then why did I not hesitate to kill?" he asked softly, closing his eyes.
"The quicker Wutai's army was defeated, the fewer battles were fought, the fewer times the soldiers had to risk their lives, and the sooner they could go home. And anyway, it was either Wutains or your own men who would die; strangers or men who trusted you. Any hesitation, and more of your own might have died."
"But I was protecting the wrong side, so what does it matter?"
"You know the soldiers weren't the corrupted ones; it was Shinra. They fought to preserve their way of life, and you should have known better than anyone that if Shinra suddenly collapsed, thousands would lose their jobs. Materia selling would have ceased to be a profitable trade. The people in the Midgar slums would have been left to darkness, starvation, and even more crime than before. And what would the people on the plate have done, when they no longer had any backing to their wealth? Perhaps Wutai was right, but you could have seen it and still fought for Shinra."
"...and yet worse than that happened anyway, because of me. Both Wutai and Midgar were devastated."
She gently lifted his head, hoping he would look at her; he opened his eyes and met hers for an instant before glancing aside. "You didn't know that would happen when you fought for Shinra."
"I was cold, Aeris," he murmured. "What did I care for either side?"
"Don't say that. How could their indifference to you hurt if you did not care about them?"
He did not reply for a long time, then shook his head and smiled at her. "There is no use arguing with you, Aeris. You have all the answers."
The Cetra laughed softly. "I only wish that were true."
"I told you before; I don't mind. You should stop worrying about it."
"I can't stop, Sephiroth. It's tearing at me, too."
He studied her thoughtfully. "Is that why you came up here?"
She nodded.
"Should I go?" he asked, already starting to get up.
Aeris caught his sleeve. "No. Stay. I... I want you to stay."
Sephiroth sat down again. "Then I will."
"Back then," she said softly, "I would never have thought you could be so devoted."
"What did you think of me then?"
She looked out at the horizon. "You know... I never really thought of you as working for Shinra... I didn't know about Mako reactors, just that I hated the science department." She smiled faintly. "So to me, as to the rest of us, you were Midgar's protector. Of course, most other girls my age were more interested in your appearance..."
The swordsman shook his head slightly. "I always hated that."
"Well, you are handsome," she laughed, poking him, "but I decided to be sensible and concede that you were out of my reach. Mom didn't like SOLDIERs anyway, though she was as shocked as anyone when Shinra announced your death."
"Hmm," was all he said.
"You'll probably get to meet her," Aeris told him, amused.
"At least you haven't got an older brother," he replied.
"Oh, I think Cloud's bad enough, isn't he?"
Sephiroth smirked. "Yes, I suppose so."
"But he should know by now that I care about you. So he's just going to have to get used to it."
The swordsman leaned back on his hands. "I think he will always hate me, though. He will only be civil with me for your sake."
"What about you?" she asked.
"I... have a lingering dislike of him, but I've really very few reasons to hate the man. He was right, afterall."
She sighed. "Please don't tell me you still hate yourself..."
He sat up and looked at her; his eyes were blue. "Not hate. The dislike is not strong enough for hate, but it is still there..."
Aeris took one of his hands. "And don't you ever tell yourself you aren't worthy of me, or that I would be better off without you, because neither is true."
He lowered his gaze. "You've no idea how wonderful it feels to hear you say that."
She smiled and squeezed his hand. "I'm glad." In the contented pause, she felt her stomach rumble and blushed in embarrassment.
"Hungry?" Sephiroth inquired, looking up at her again with a faint smirk of amusement.
"Very," she answered. "Do you mind if I go eat?"
He shook his head. "Of course not."
Aeris stood, tugging on his hand as she did so. He blinked, then got up also. She laughed a little. "What I meant was, do you mind accompanying me, because I'm sure it's quite boring to watch someone eat."
"Nothing you do could ever bore me," he replied.
She laughed again and turned to lead him towards the inn's common room. "Come on. Let's go see if they'll still give me a free meal. They've been very generous to me since we got back. I think it's Nanaki's doing."
"Possibly. But you should know the villagers love you, and they might do it anyway."
"You think so?"
He nodded.
"I'll have to thank them before we leave."
"We both will have to thank them."
She glanced at him, and they walked on in silence. The common room was busy this time of evening, but Aeris managed to find them seats at one of the tables, though they shared it with four villagers--good friends by the look of them. She apologized for intruding, but they told her it was all right and welcomed the both of them with smiles before returning to their meals and their conversation. Sephiroth was silent and his eyes were a blue-green that seemed almost wary. She offered him a smile of assurance and he did his best to return it.
The waitress seemed a little surprised upon finding the swordsman and the Cetra there, and she stumbled over some of her words as she asked what they would like. Aeris replied politely, but Sephiroth asked for nothing. The girl bobbed her head and hurried off to the kitchen.
Aeris shook her head. "It's surprising how nervous she was..."
"Not really," Sephiroth said. "You're practically a celebrity, and I am... well, me."
"I don't think she was afraid of you. Just nervous."
He blinked. "...then it is surprising."
"Oh, come now," she said, "you don't look very threatening with that posture."
The swordsman, sitting slightly slumped with chin in hand, querked an eyebrow at her. "I don't?"
She giggled. "That must have been a terrible blow to your pride, yes?"
"Not really," he remarked lightly. "You forget that you're biased."
"Maybe. But if you want to pretend you still look all big and bad, that's fine with me."
Sephiroth only smirked.
The woman next to Aeris laughed, apparently having been watching the two. "Somehow I think he won with that look," she remarked to the Cetra. "True, it's a different kind of threatening, but I'd be no less frightened if it were turned on me."
"I think I can handle him," Aeris said, laughing, too.
Their mirth, however, seemed to sober the swordsman, and he shifted his gaze to the next table, all expression gone from his face. The Cetra thought she understood; as far as teasing went, he had several trump cards--killing her and kissing her both among them--but the thought of using them must have disgusted him, and so he retreated back into himself.
She liked his sense of humor, though, even if he did often come across something painful and immediately cease to joke. When the woman beside her turned her attention back to her friends, she said as much, leaving out the last part.
"I wasn't aware that I had much of a sense of humor," he commented.
"You do," she told him. "And it suits you."
He grunted, and she shook her head chidingly. The serving girl returned with her food, and though Sephiroth appeared to be absently watching the villagers at the next table, Aeris had little doubt that his attention was on her even as she ate. Normally, she would have been quite embarrassed about how quickly she was eating--and about the fact that the swordsman was sitting idle--but he did not seem to mind, and somehow that set her at ease.
When she finished, she pushed her plate off to the side and leaned her head in her hands, peering at Sephiroth. After a while, he looked over at her questioningly. She smiled and straightened, asking, "What are you thinking about?"
He hesitated before replying. "I am in the midst of all them"--he seemed to gesture with a quick glance around the room--"and yet I am not a part of them at all."
"Neither am I," Aeris said.
"But you could be if you wanted."
She shrugged. "So could you." Then she grinned. "You're just more shy than I am."
The swordsman scoffed, but said nothing to deny it.
"Hard to believe this is the same Sephiroth who led armies and had women practically begging him to even look at them," the woman beside Aeris remarked. She was just finishing up her own meal, and her friends were leisurely taking their time.
One younger friend who sat at Sephiroth's left shook her head. "I think it makes perfect sense. You've never had a girlfriend before, huh?" She gave the swordsman a wink and a nudge in the side, causing him to shift uncomfortably.
"And I still do not have one," he replied evenly, but... was it her, or did he look like he was blushing? She stifled a giggle with her hand.
"Well, maybe you should ask her out," the woman went on.
"No, no, if he's the shy one," the elder of the two argued, "then maybe she should ask him out."
Laughing and blushing at the same time, Aeris intruded before the pair could get any further. "Please, I'd rather not have someone play matchmaker for us."
"You'll do all right on your own?"
She nodded, trying to smooth her expression.
"Best of luck then."
A girl on the woman's right leaned across the table. "Don't forget to invite us to the wedding!"
Aeris laughed, shaking her head. "If there is one, we will."
"But you two were obviously made for each other," the young woman told her.
Sephiroth was growing more and more uncomfortable, and, seeing this, the Cetra stood up. "Well, thank you for the... um... friendly conversation, but we really should be going." She turned and strode off to find the waitress, the swordsman as her shadow. "Excuse me," she said, catching the girl by the arm. "How much...?"
"Oh, no," she exclaimed. "We could never charge you, Miss Aeris."
"But--"
"Please, your meals are on the house, as are many of your friends.' We owe a lot to you."
Sighing, Aeris bowed her head in thanks and exited the inn, pausing some paces beyond the doorway.
"...thank you," Sephiroth murmured to her after a time.
She turned to glance at him, then shook her head. "Don't mention it. It was embarrassing for me, too, though I don't begrudge them their fun. I just wish they would let you be..."
"Most of their words were said to you."
"No, they were said to the both of us. I just answered them. And... I know words can hurt even when said in good fun--they didn't realize how tender a topic that is with you."
"It's no better for you," he insisted.
She shook her head again. "You can easily stay aloof to hatred and scorn, but you're lost when it comes to friendliness."
"...but I don't mind your teasing."
Aeris smiled. "I'm your friend, aren't I? That gives me teasing rights. Now let's go reclaim our spot before someone else appropriates it."
He nodded and calmly took up her hand--to her great surprise--and lead her back up to the ledge where they had been sitting.
"The sun's already set," she sighed as she sat down.
Sephiroth sat at her side, casting her a glance. "The sun sets every day..."
"But that doesn't make it any less beautiful."
"You don't think you would ever tire of watching it?"
She shook her head. "No, of course not. Each time, it feels like I'm seeing it for the first time... And it's never the same, so it might as well be."
"Mm. I once felt that way as a child, but now... It's hard to be amazed at simple things anymore."
"...I'll have to get you back your other wing, then, so you can fly again," Aeris murmured absently.
He blinked and looked at her. "What?"
She gave a start and stared back at him. "I... um..." She quickly shook her head and looked away. "...I had a dream once, where you only had one wing. More of a nightmare actually, but..."
He fidgetted. "You had a nightmare about me...?"
"No, no..." she said quickly. "That's not what I meant. It's just... well... you died, and everyone said I'd done it..."
"Oh..." The swordsman hesitated. "I wonder what it feels like, to be blamed for a death and not actually have done it..."
"Not nearly as terrible as murdering, I'm sure..." the Cetra reasoned somewhat reluctantly. "At least you can believe in yourself, even if no one else does."
"But for the killers, who do they have, if not themselves?" He glanced at her. "I am lucky to have you to trust me, Aeris. I am lucky to have had this many chances as well."
She looked down at their hands. "You wouldn't have really broken though, without me... would you?"
"I don't know. But I could not have healed either. For a time I considered killing myself once I had done what I could to make amends..."
"Oh, Sephiroth," she said, leaning against his shoulder and looking out at the sky, which by now held only a hint of color. Most of it was a deep blue-black. The brightest of the stars were already showing their faces. "I'm so glad I got caught up in all this. If I hadn't... well... I'd still be looking for someplace to belong."
"Any one of your friends would readily take you in."
"But I wouldn't belong with them. I never did, really. I was kind, a good friend maybe, but an enigma to them all the same. Us, though, we can understand each other. My place is with you."
He did not reply.
After a time, she shifted to look up at him. "Is something wrong...?"
Sephiroth shook his head. "It is just that... there is nothing I can say to that."
"Oh..." she said, settling against him again. Something in her heart told her that wasn't all, but the feeling was so tiny that she named it doubt and quickly dismissed it. She felt so comfortable here at his side, so warm, so content. And she felt that she could deny him nothing. Was this love? It seemed like it. Yet still something held her back from the conclusion. Some fleeting thought of uncertainty that left her doubting. But he was so very dear to her...
A light touch on her arm, hesitant, then, seeming to gain confidence from her lack of protest, strengthened to a firm but gentle arm around her, keeping her close. Aeris smiled and closed her eyes. She could stay like this forever, she thought. No warning in her heart or mind, no one to laugh or look at her askew, or even to regard her with that closed gaze of accepted misunderstanding. The Planet's anguish was but a dim pang in the deep recesses of her soul, and its hopeful song for the coming battle was far louder, humming in tune with her own hope.
And in this deep silence, with only the muted voices and sounds of the villagers to be heard, as faint as though they were miles distant, there were no weighted questions, no words to suppress her own, no hateful or indifferent voices to counter.
In the warmth, no cold machinery, no insistant and eager arms, no soft and black caress of death.
There was only Sephiroth.
Or was it all just her own illusion? Doubt and uncertainty threaded their ways through her thoughts, sharpening them. Her own mind demanded an answer of her heart, which could only wince in reply. There was a note of worry even in the Planet's gentle hum. Sephiroth's shared past with her spoke of cold and darkness as much as it did of warmth and light.
No, the peace was incomplete, but she wanted to forget, just for a time, all those cares that bore down on her so heavily. And here in his arms, she could feel safe to do so. He would hold reality and duty back while she took a moment to stand free of them and rest from her toils. He would let nothing harm her when she was thus naked. She could not do the same for him yet, but she could explore this world of hopes and bring back words of comfort to him, and he would smile and modestly thank her for it, though he had been the one who let her step out to search in the first place.
Maybe they would go to Wutai, she thought. True, it would be hard on Sephiroth at first--it would be anywhere--but she was certain that in time the people could come to accept him, and some would befriend him if he let him. Yuffie, certainly. And with his skills surely he would be a great help to them. Perhaps even the negative reminder of the old war would motivate the people again. But they'd soon see what Aeris saw. They would realize there was not a trace of 'evil' in him, and that his coldness was born of uncertainty rather than the lack of a heart. He would sooner give his life than take another's.
And surely this undivided faith in him, this joy and hope for a future with him... wasn't this love? She thought of Cloud, and what that felt like... The barely-suppressed excitement when he said her name, the happiness she had taken from his slightest smile, her fondness for even his annoying habits. Cloud, who had tried to be so strong a leader and been so boyish underneath. They had shared so much together and yet she hadn't known him nearly as well as Sephiroth.
In fact, she had never found out the truth about his past. She had felt from the beginning that there was something not quite right, but she had never been able to get the answer from him because he himself had not known it. Yes, he and Tifa had referred to it a few times while she watched them, but they generally avoided the topic. Aeris would have to find time to ask him about it. And pray that in talking to him about something so personal, she would not start to attatch herself to him again. There was no way that she could build this second life around him.
Not when she could--and wanted to--build it around Sephiroth. Was this love? She would have answered yes quite readily had there not been the wordless question that she could not pin down. That nagging worry that begged her to wait, wanted her to be dead certain. It had something to do with... with something he had said that night on the Highwind, but whenever she remembered it, all she could think of was his kiss.
Absently, she lifted a finger to her lips, opening her eyes ever-so-slightly. After a moment, she lifted her head to look at Sephiroth. "I'm practically falling asleep," she said, laughing softly at herself. "It's not even that late."
He shrugged lightly. "You will need all the rest you can get for tomorrow..."
Again the doubt. And again she dismissed it. "Then I think I will sleep... You don't mind, do you? It's so terribly comfortable, here in your arms..." She blushed a little and lowered her head in a half-hearted attempt to hide it.
"No, I don't mind," he answered softly.
"...and you'll be here when I wake?"
"Yes."
Satisfied, she nodded and settled herself against him. She closed her eyes and for a time was merely content to sit there listening to the faint voices drifting up from below them and the pleasant goodnight's of the villagers in the tunnels behind and the steady beating of Sephiroth's heart. Eventually, though, sleep embraced her as well.
She sat at a circular table surrounded by inky blackness. She was herself, and yet she could see herself sitting there, delicate hands folded neatly on the table, hair tied back with the pink ribbon, dressed plainly in white, green eyes gazing steadily at the woman across from her.
She had never seen the woman before, yet she knew her. Her hair was a silky black in this light, her shadowed face pale, her clothing various shades of blue, and her accusing eyes a pale pink. The woman held an aura of one who had once considered her a rival, but had conceded and come with the intention of apologizing--the intention, yes, but the old feelings persisted.
"Why did you make him hate me?" the woman asked. Her voice was unfamiliar, but Aeris knew at once who she was, and what she was talking about.
She spoke as through a clear haze. "Why do you blame me for it? You could have told him the truth."
"And tell him that I murdered my own friends?" Somehow the woman's straightforwardness did not surprise her.
"You killed them...? Why?"
"I wanted to kill the weaklings, the liars, the ones who thought they understood, but weren't capable of it--I always have. But how was I to know my virus would spread to my friends?"
"And yet when they asked you why, you attacked rather than explained?"
"I had wanted to get rid of the imperfections. My friends were dead. Why should I have cared about the others?"
"You just didn't want anyone to know of your mistake, and you blamed the Cetra for your own mistake. Your intent was malevolent to begin with. Did you even really care about your 'friends'?"
The woman turned her head away in aversion. "You are kind to everyone else, but so harsh to me."
"It's true though, isn't it? Why lie to comfort you?"
"You comfort Sephiroth, even though he has killed just as many as I have."
"But he knows he was wrong--he's always known--and he accepts that. He's willing to make up for it. You're still refusing to take blame because you've no excuses, no cushion of 'I thought I was right.' Not like Sephiroth. But he would accept the blame. I know he would."
"I will accept the punishment, if he does as well."
Aeris felt herself fading. "He's punished himself enough..."
"You just want to keep him for yourself," the woman said spitefully.
"I'm being selfish? He wants to be with me."
"Does he?" There was pain in her eyes. The only one she had actually...
"Surely you've noticed it. I'm not forcing him to stay."
"But maybe he feels obligated to." ...fiercely and protectively...
"He loves me, and I love him. Please don't take him from me... Go alone. You can go alone, can't you? Can't you do something with your own strength alone?"
But suddenly she found herself speaking to no one. Briefly, she felt a sense of loss, of failure, and then her awareness faded and she remembered no more.
Aeris opened her eyes as the morning's grey light stroked her face. She stared ahead of her in confusion for a moment, forgetting where she was, then looked up to see Sephiroth looking down at her.
"Morning..." he murmured.
She smiled despite the lingering uneasiness in her heart, though she could remember nothing of her dream save its absense in her memory. "Good morning."
He only looked away.
"What's wrong?" she asked, a frown replacing her smile.
"Aeris... there is something I must do. You will hate me for it, but I can see no other way..."
"I could never hate you, Sephiroth..." she said, though uncertainty threaded her voice. He knew that, so what was he thinking would make her loathe him?
He shook his head and released her, slowly climbing to his feet. She nearly fell over from the loss of his support, but caught herself with a hand and stood also. "Maybe you won't, but the others..."
"...what are you talking about?" Aeris asked, growing more and more anxious.
The swordsman turned to look at her, eyes an unreadable blue-green. "Minerva will understand. She does not know of my plans, but she will understand once she sees what happens... I can only hope that I am strong enough. If I am not, she will know. Please do not endanger yourself by going with her if that happens."
She shook her head in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"I cannot explain. Even what I say now is..."
Aeris reached up, gripping him by the shoulders, her eyes pleading. "Sephiroth, please don't leave me out of this. Whatever you're doing, let me come with you."
He laid a gentle hand against her cheek. "That is the last thing that I can do. Perhaps I was wrong before to say it was dangerous for you to be near me, but now it is a certainty." He removed her hands from his shoulders and clasped them for a moment in his own before releasing them and turning to go.
"Please, don't go..." she whispered.
He did not turn around, but paused, head lowered. "She is waiting for me. I must."
Her eyes widened. "...if you go, you may never come back," she said urgently.
Sephiroth turned back to her, eyes that beautiful crystaline blue, uncertainty shining in them. He smiled faintly. "I may yet. Aeris... I love you."
She stared back at him, tears in her eyes. Her voice would not work. "I... I..."
The smile faded, and he shook his head minutely. "It's all right, Aeris. I do not mind. I am not worthy of you anyway, even if you say it is so. Forget me, and find someone better suited." She shook her head, but still the words would not come. A tear trickled down her cheek. He stepped back towards her, wiping it away with a gloved finger. "Shed no tears for me. I am still alive, aren't I?"
"Sephiroth..." she whispered. "I... I am deathly afraid... My heart tells me that you will not return. Please..."
He watched her a moment in silence, then leaned down and kissed her softly on the cheek. "If you wish it," he said, "I will return. I promise."
Aeris put a hand around his neck to hold him close for a moment as she returned the kiss. "...I'll hold you to that."
The swordsman nodded, paused, then straightened and turned to leave. She wanted to run after him, to keep begging him to stay or let her go with him, but her feet were rooted to the floor. She stared after him with glistening eyes darting numbly over his long silver hair, the heels of his black boots, the gloves hiding his hands...
He had put them on again, she noted, the thought only bringing fresh tears. Why, when she had finally found her Promised Land, did he have to go? It felt so cold without him...
Sephiroth paused when he was certain he was out of her sight and leaned against the wall, head lowered. He hadn't wanted to make her cry... but he had had to tell her something. He could not simply leave without giving her some kind of goodbye, without telling her...
He shut his eyes tightly. She had been unable to say anything. Did that mean she did not love him? He did not know why it hurt so much. He had never expected her to, thought it better for her that she didn't, and now, when he was certain of it, it hurt?
He inhaled shakily, then blinked, lifting a finger to his cheek and pulling it away. Wet... Was he crying? Frowning, he rougly wiped away what tears there were and pushed away from the wall, heading down a set of stairs.
"Hey, Seph!"
He paused at the bottom, glancing to his left. "...hello, Yuffie," he replied tentatively.
Her eyes held a gentle concern. Nanaki, sitting by her feet, regarded him with a similar expression. "What's wrong?" she asked.
The swordsman shook his head. "Nothing..."
"You are leaving, aren't you?" Nanaki said.
He nodded, looking down.
"...and you just told Aeris," Yuffie finished. She took a step towards him. "Are you going to fight her alone? It is your fight, afterall..."
"Yes," he answered. "I am going alone. I... I do not want her in danger."
The ninja shook her head slightly, but her expression was sober as she walked closer to him, head slightly bent so that she appeared even tinier next to his towering form. She paused, then took his hand and placed in it a crimson orb. She looked up into his face, dark grey eyes shining. "May the Water God Leviathan watch over you in the battle to come," she said softly. "Wutai places its faith in you to destroy the Crisis from the Sky and save the Planet from the grip of death." She closed his fingers over the materia, took a step back, and bowed gracefully. Nanaki cast her a look of approval.
"Yuffie..." Sephiroth murmured, shaking his head.
"I believe in you. You just make sure you come back. Aeris'll kill you if you don't."
"Or, rather, we will kill you in her name," Nanaki ammended with a slight grin.
"Right," the ninja confirmed.
The swordsman smiled faintly at their little joke, albeit half-heartedly. He bowed his head. "Thank you both for your support and your acceptance. You've no idea how much it means to me... I shall try to make myself worthy of your friendship." He paused and glanced back towards where he had left Aeris. "And if I do not return, take care of her."
"We will," Nanaki answered, "but we would rather not have to."
"I know." He turned to go.
"G'bye, Seph!" Yuffie called after him.
"May you return to us, the Planet willing," Nanaki said. He thought he heard the ninja giggle at the guardian's formality. Sephiroth felt a pain in his heart for their cheerful fairwell to him, but outwardly he showed no sign of it. His expression was closed.
Jenova, are you listening? he asked.
Oh, yes, Sephiroth. I am here, she responded, sounding pleased. Perhaps she had noticed his unease and fragmented explanations of what he was doing. What do you want of me? Are you finally coming to your senses?
Does your offer still stand? If I... If I join you, you will let me spare Aeris and her friends?
Yes, of course!
He nodded to himself. Then I've made my decision.
You are joining me, then?
Yes, he replied. I... I do not want Aeris to die... She means too much to me...
It figures that you would go against her wishes to protect her... Even so, I know you are a clever one. I am not going to believe you will not fight me simply because you claim to join me.
I did not think so. What would you like me to do to prove my intentions?
How about you behead that man there?
Sephiroth looked up to see that he was near the gate now, and standing near it was the gatekeeper, gazing outward, not at him. He closed his eyes for a moment, and took a deep breath. Aeris, forgive me.
The Masamune sang as it arched through the air and severed the man's head from his body. The head fell to the ground, bounced, rolled a few inches, and the body toppled over a moment later. Sephiroth strode on, eyes on his blade as he watched the blood slowly disappear.
Very good, my son, Jenova laughed. Very good indeed.
He only frowned slightly and quickened his step to put some distance between himself and the Canyon. It would not do to have Cloud discover his deeds and set out after him once again. It would happen eventually, but he wanted to be far from here when it did.
What is it? Did that man's murder make you uncomfortable? Well, don't worry. You will get used to it again after a few more die.
Mother, where are you?
Oh, it is wonderful to hear you say that again! You have finally admitted that that woman is not your mother?
Perhaps she is, he replied evenly, but she was never there for me. Your cells brought her life again, and yet she did nothing for me. You were trapped, so of course you could do nothing... But you cared, didn't you?
Yes. And I still do, my son.
Where are you? I want to see you again.
Now, now, don't be so hasty. You said many cruel things to me. Do you apologize?
He pushed his disgust far back into a corner of his mind. I am sorry. I wish I could take back my words, but I know I cannot... Can you forgive me, Mother?
How could I deny my son his wishes? Of course I forgive you. As for where I am, your initial guess was not wrong. But I would have left had you headed there intending to kill me. I will wait for you there.
Sephiroth nodded. It had begun there... and now it would--begin again. He shook his head. What was he thinking? No, no, it would not end there. He focused his thoughts, bringing up the familiar image of the Northern Crater as he last remembered it. Darkness flickered around him, fading away again to his mental image of the crater. Slightly different now, but still the crater...
"All right, Mother," he said aloud. "I am here."
Author's Notes: Finally moving on with the plot again. And a cliffhanger. Ha. Um... yeah. I'll try to get out the next chapter soon before someone beheads me. O.o