I think of you and I'm on my way
Down memory lane with your hand in mine
Guess I'm just not the healing kind
~"The Healing Kind," Lee Ann Womack
She knelt beside the bed, elbows on the mattress, propping her head up. Her green eyes were dull, but not sightless; their gaze was fixed on the man lying lifeless before her. He lay under the covers, hands folded across his chest, silver hair just a little tangled and slightly out of order. If she blurred her vision a little, she could ignore the fact that his chest did not rise and fall and imagine that he was only sleeping.
Aeris shook her head, rousing herself from the fantasy that he would wake up any moment now. A part of her had long since accepted that she would never again see him open his eyes, never again hear his voice, never again feel his arms around her. The slight changes--or lack thereof--kept her ever hopeful.
Afterall, if he was truly just a corpse now, dead and gone, wouldn't his body begin to decay at last? And what about the wounds that he had sustained? They were gone now, leaving behind only smooth skin. No scars.
The Cetra struggled to remember what date it was. November... 29th...? No, 30th. 2056. So it had been over four years now. What did it matter? She felt ghostlike, the soul inhabitant of this City, carrying on a shallow imitation of life. But hadn't she always pretended? So what was a little longer? What further harm could one more day do to her?
Indeed, she had to carry on, if only for him. Aeris did not want to give up on the chance that Sephiroth might truly waken one day. What would he do if he awoke to find her dead? Could he manage to bring her back again?
She lowered her head to rest it on the edge of the mattress, looking sideways at Sephiroth. Would he still want her? Would he even remember her? Even if he did, what would he make of the shell she had become?
Kneeling here in this lonely house, Aeris did not feel as though she could return to what she had been. She had given her heart to a dead man, her soul she had lost in waiting for him, and the cold solitude had numbed her mind. She had nothing but tattered hope, a silly, impossible hope that he would come back, and that his return would somehow restore her.
"Sephiroth..." The name came out in a faint murmur, hardly more than a whisper. She hardly recognized the voice as her own. "Where are you now? Has the Lifestream swallowed you? Have wisps of your soul been joined with others to make a new soul; are you part of someone else now?"
Aeris lifted her head, and her voice rose with it. "Or dare I hope that you're still vaguely conscious, maybe even thinking of me now? Will you wake tomorrow? Will you call my name? Oh, Gods, just to hear your voice..."
Long lashes slowly lowered to hide her green eyes. "If only I could call you back myself... If only they had all found it in themselves to forgive you. How? How could they have been so cruel...? Didn't they see how beautiful your soul was? Didn't they see how sincere your guilt was? Hadn't you already suffered enough?"
Her voice dropped again. "...haven't I suffered enough? Planet, what did I do wrong? What words did they need to hear that I forgot to say? Why...?"
Years ago, this kind of pain would have made her cry. It would have brought tears to her eyes, racked her body with stifled sobs.
But Aeris had made a vow not to weep, not until Sephiroth returned. And now, it seemed that she would be held to that promise forever. No more tears. It was bad enough that her friends had to see her this triste. They did not need to see her cry.
She wondered... how long it had been since someone had last come to visit. She could not recall. Was anyone supposed to visit soon? Did she have to struggle even harder with her pretenses, put on the mask and costume of the cheerful little flower girl from all those long years ago?
She sat up slowly to give her appearance a cursory glance. Disheveled hair, dirt-smeared clothing... She had forgotten to bathe recently, it seemed. The dress, at least, was forgivable; she wore it while gardening, and the dirt was to be expected.
So tired...
Aeris gave a start, hardly daring to believe her senses. Her heart fluttered, and her eyes went immediately to Sephiroth's face. "Planet?" she breathed.
Healed, healed, but tired. So tired. Call sleep? Want sleep. Cannot. But so tired...
"Healed, Planet?" she asked, trying not to sound as urgent as she felt; the Planet's attention was slipping away from her.
Me. Healed. Blessed feeling.
"And Sephiroth...?" she persisted hopefully. Ever hopeful.
Tired... Give rest. Moment...
Its presence faded, leaving her uncertain. Aeris struggled to comprehend the clipped words. The Planet had healed itself; that much she could understand immediately. She wished she could feel happy for it. She knew what a wondrous thing that was. How marvelous it had to feel after having an open, bleeding wound for so long.
But what about Sephiroth? It wanted rest. Perhaps... perhaps it meant that she should give it a 'moment' to rest before it focused its attention on him? Only a 'moment' and she would have him back? But... how long was a moment, from the Planet's perspective? Normally, she knew it would use that term to convey exactly what a moment meant to Aeris, but if it was so tired it could hardly form intelligible thoughts, it was possible that it would revert to thinking in its own terms.
Meaning a 'moment' could be years. Decades at most. The thought filled her with despair. Her hope which had flared so brightly was now hardly more than an ember.
Aeris grasped at it, knowing that hope was all that kept her going. And somehow, she could not give up on even this empty life. Even this was too precious to abandon.
So, what if the Planet truly meant a moment? Even if it was a bit longer than Aeris's definition of a moment, she knew she could wait for it. An hour was a moment to her anyway. A day could come and go and be forgotten all too easily. A week, she could do. A month, she could wait. A year, she could endure. A decade, she...
No, perhaps not a decade, she conceded. But she knew she would try if she had to.
But it was better to think that a moment would be a month or two at the most. She certainly hoped so. And maybe, maybe... she would have him back in an hour or a day...
Hours passed, her mind paying no attention to the hungry protests of her stomach, her eyes fixed on Sephiroth's face, waiting for that instant when they would open, oblivious to how long she had been sitting here, how many meals she had missed, how close morning was to coming around again.
Finally, however, she nodded off, settling into a heavy sleep with her arms draped across the bed, one hand laid on Sephiroth's and her cheek resting on the mattress.
"After four years, I still can't fathom why she picked such a cold place," Tifa was saying, hugging herself for warmth.
"And whose idea was it to visit her in the middle of winter?" Cloud asked.
She shot him a look, and he grinned nervously. "I just thought that someone should go check on her," she sighed. "She hasn't answered the last few times we called, and frankly, I've always been worried about her staying up here."
He nodded his agreement, pulling her close to warm her up. "I know, I know. I'm worried about her, too. But maybe she's just been outside when we've called."
"In winter?"
Cloud shrugged. "Nobody wants to be cooped up inside for months, right?"
"I guess not. But still..."
"Look, here's her house," he interrupted, turning down a side path and pausing in front of the door. "It's probably nothing," he said, though he didn't sound very sure of it. He knocked on the door. Louder. And louder. And louder. He exchanged glances with Tifa.
"Let's just go inside," she suggested. "Maybe she didn't hear. Or maybe she's out."
Cloud nodded and opened the door, stepping inside and looking around. "Aeris? Aeris, are you home?" he called.
Silence. Worry growing, he started towards the living room to check there.
"Cloud? Tifa?" The voice was so faint and cheerless that he hardly recognized it as Aeris's.
He turned around, seeing her peeking out of a room to the left, the door pushed open only enough to reveal her face.
"There you are!" Tifa exclaimed in relief.
Aeris stepped out into the antechamber, closing the door behind her. She smiled, but her eyes held a hazy bewilderment. "I'm sorry. Were you looking for me?"
"We've called a couple times, but you didn't answer," Cloud told her. "And I was knocking just now, and you didn't come to the door..."
She dropped her gaze. "Nn."
"Aeris, is something wrong?" Tifa asked.
The Cetra shook her head. "No, no, everything's fine. Here, let's go sit down in the living room." She turned just a little too eagerly to lead the two into the other room.
Cloud trailed behind, frowning. She looked terribly gaunt and pale, and her mannerisms were obviously a pretense.
Tifa must have noticed it, too, for as soon as they were settled, she asked, "Have you been eating well? You don't look so good..."
"I don't? Hmm. Well, I suppose I have been a bit forgetful lately... But I'm fine, really."
The brunette eyed her critically, then decided to drop it. "So, have you just managed to miss our calls, or were you ignoring us?"
Aeris blinked. "I must have missed them. I do go out sometimes. I have my gardens to tend, afterall."
"Have you... gotten any word about Sephiroth?" Cloud asked tentatively.
She hesitated. "I... The Planet spoke to me about a month ago, I think... It said that it had healed itself, and..."
"And what?"
"Nevermind. It doesn't matter."
"What do you mean it doesn't matter?" he queried. "Did it tell you anything about Sephiroth?"
"Cloud..." Tifa began.
The Cetra smiled, shook her head. "Don't worry about it, guys. I think... Well, however it turns out, I'll be okay."
Cloud looked at her uncertainly. "But... you've been waiting for so long..."
"I can wait a little longer," she replied.
"Is that what you tell yourself every day?"
"I..."
"Aeris, how long is 'a little longer'?" Tifa asked, picking up Cloud's train of thought. "Isn't it about time you ended this isolation of yours?"
Looking down, Aeris folded her hands in her lap. "How can I?" she asked quietly. "How can I go on without him? That's why I've been waiting..."
Tifa gently laid a hand on her shoulder. "But... what if he doesn't come back? What's the point of staying here if he's not going to live again?"
The Cetra looked up sharply. "He promised me he would come back, so I'm going to wait until he does."
"But what if he doesn't?" she repeated.
"You don't understand," Aeris insisted. "I can't go back with you, or anyone, and try to live a normal life on my own. I can't just mourn a little, heal, and move on. This wound is one only Sephiroth can mend. No amount of effort on my part will staunch the bleeding. And I can't pretend for you."
"Have you tried getting over him?" Tifa persisted.
"Tifa," Cloud said. "If she's made up her mind, nothing we say will change it. I know it, you know it, we all know it."
The Cetra smiled faintly. "That's right... I've always been stubborn, haven't I?"
"...and you always get your way eventually," Tifa sighed.
"Nn. What time is it anyway?"
"Early afternoon," Cloud answered.
"Have you eaten? I'm fairly certain I haven't. I could make us something..."
"Yes, that would be nice," the brunette said. "Do you need any help?"
Aeris shook her head. "Oh, no, not at all. I'll be right back."
Cloud watched her leave the room, leaving the door to the living room open as she climbed to the upper level. He turned to Tifa. "You're right; she doesn't look so good. I really wish we could convince her to leave this place. It's not good for her to be alone like this."
"No, it isn't," she agreed. "But she's too stubborn. We'd have to carry her away in a sack."
"...do you really think the Planet will revive him eventually?" he asked.
She shook her head. "I don't know, but I'm beginning to think that Aeris only made that up to comfort herself."
"Well, his body isn't rotting or anything," Cloud pointed out.
"No, it isn't. But does that really mean anything?"
He shrugged.
Tifa sighed. "In any case, I wish we could stay here longer than a few days, to keep her company and at least cheer her up a little."
"Me, too, Teef. Me, too."
She sat down on the edge of the bed with a sigh. They were so worried about her. They wanted her to go back with them, to get over him. Did it hurt them to know she was here alone? Did it hurt them to come here and find her so mournful?
Aeris ran her fingers along Sephiroth's cold cheek. "Would it be so impossible to try?" she wondered aloud. "To wait for you among friends instead of alone? And maybe, I could hold up a little better with them to help me. Maybe they would be a little less worried if they could..."
She shook her head. "No. I can't let them see me like this all the time. Come on, Aeris, be strong... be strong..." Her voice caught in her throat. No... no, no, no, no! No tears... Don't cry... I won't cry. I can't cry. No tears...
Sliding down to the floor, she curled up into a ball against the side of the bed. I won't cry. Just breathe. Just breathe...
A knock sounded on the door, and she started, looking up with wide eyes.
"Aeris, can I come in?" Cloud asked.
No, please don't...
"Aeris?"
I can't... Oh, please, don't come in... I can't pretend right now. Don't, don't, don't.
Slowly, he pushed open the door, his deep blue eyes widening in concern when he saw her on the verge of tears. "Aeris, are you all right?"
"I-I... I..." she faltered. She took a deep breath, tried to pull herself up, failed.
He hesitated, then hurried over to her, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. "What's wrong? What's happened?"
Aeris looked down, away from the compassion in his eyes. She took another breath. "I was just... thinking..." No tears... "I'm such a fool," she went on. "None of you... wanted me to do this, did you? You all thought it was a bad idea. You thought I should have moved on, should have gotten over him..."
"That's what we thought," Cloud agreed slowly, nodding, "but none of us know you well enough to see inside your head and figure out what you need."
She shook her head repeatedly, slightly at first, then more vehemently. "I could have had someone else, couldn't I? I could have just fallen in love again, like Sephiroth wanted me to. He wanted me to forget about him, did you know? And I probably could, too, if I really tried. But I don't want to, Cloud... I don't want to..."
"It's hard to let go," he told her. "You must have loved him a lot, though, to wait this long for him to come back. But what did the Planet tell you about him? Did it--?"
"No," Aeris interrupted. "It didn't tell me that it could not bring him back. That's just the thing. It only told me that it had healed itself, that it was tired, and to give it a moment... A moment...! But, how long is a moment from a planet's point of view?"
She looked up at him, green eyes bright now with anger rather than sorrow. "Don't you see? What a fool I am, to hope that it was some short period of time, that I would have him back soon! I could have had anyone, anyone, but I chose a corpse! I would rather wait forever for a corpse than move on with my life! Such a fool... a godsdamned fool..."
Cloud put his arms around her, pulling her against him. "You're not a fool, Aeris. You loved him, and the Planet gave you hope that you could be with him again. I thought... I thought I heard it tell me I could have you back, too, just after Meteor. That's why I waited at first."
"But you didn't wait this long..." she whispered. "You got over me... Oh, Gods... Please, Cloud, tell me how you did it..." Don't cry... Oh, Gods, don't cry...
"I didn't get over you," he answered. "Not until you came back and showed me just how stupid I was to cling to your memory. I only moved on because Tifa needed me. And... I hate to admit it, but I don't think I loved you as much as you love Sephiroth."
Aeris pulled back from his embrace, daring to look into his eyes. "Then what am I supposed to do? There's no one who needs me like Tifa needed you."
"Maybe not, but we'd all love to have you around again. This isolation isn't doing anyone any good."
She sighed and glanced to her right, at Sephiroth's body. "I... I don't know. Your words sound so logical, but... I don't know."
Cloud offered her a sympathetic smile. "You don't have to decide now. Just... think about it, okay?"
The Cetra nodded. "I will..."
He stood up. "You think you'll be all right by yourself?"
She nodded again. "Yes, I think so. Go on and get some sleep."
Starting for the door, he faltered and turned back, glancing around the room. "You said you slept in here, but... There's only..."
"I'll... I'll spend just one more night down here," Aeris told him. "Just one more."
Cloud nodded slowly. "Good night..."
"Good night."
She watched him leave, then closed her eyes and leaned against the bed. "I didn't cry, Sephiroth," she whispered. "I didn't cry."
"Aeris, are you awake?"
Her eyes snapped open, and she sat up. "Sephiroth?" she asked hopefully. But the sleep retreated from her mind, and she found that it was only Cloud, standing uncertainly near her bed. She stared blankly at him, as though not believing her eyes.
"Aeris...?" he faltered.
She shook her head, remembering where she was and finding words again. "I dreamt that Sephiroth came back to me..." she murmured. "I'm sorry."
"Don't worry about it," he told her. "Anyway, Tifa made breakfast this morning, since you seemed to be sleeping so well."
Aeris frowned. "Again? Nn, I'm being such a terrible hostess, aren't I?" She slid out of bed, straightening her rumpled skirt. She had forgotten to change into a nightgown again, as usual. But what did it matter? She did bother to make the bed before she accepted the plate Cloud offered her.
"I suppose Tifa's a better cook than I am, anyway," she said, though she paid little attention to what the food tasted like. Things like that didn't matter anymore.
"Oh, I'm not that much better," Tifa amended, joining them and taking a seat next to Cloud on the bed opposite Aeris's.
The Cetra shook her head in disagreement, but did not say anything further. She cleaned her plate and set it aside, shifting uncomfortably. They were probably going to ask now. They had asked for the past four days that they had been here, and each day she had answered the same. She didn't like to keep them here, though; they had a two-year-old son who they had left in Shera's charge, and they probably wanted to get back to him.
"...have you decided yet?" Tifa asked softly. "I... I don't mean to seem so impatient, but..."
"I understand," Aeris said. "And..." She frowned, looking around at the room. This house had been her home for the past four years, but... perhaps it was time she left it behind. "I think I'll go. But... not today, if that's all right with you."
Her friend smiled. "Is tomorrow all right?"
She nodded. "Yes, tomorrow is fine..."
Tifa stood again, stepping forward to take up her empty plate. "I'll go clean up," she said, heading off for the kitchen.
Cloud watched her go, then turned back to Aeris. "You're sure about this?"
"Yes," she answered. "I guess it's about time I started being sensible. I'll still wait for him, of course, but I'll try to live while I'm doing so."
He nodded. "And that's all we're asking you to do."
"Do you think Yuffie would mind me staying with her?" she asked after a moment. "We... Sephiroth and I had decided to go there when he returned."
"To Wutai?" Cloud asked, incredulous.
Aeris nodded. "He wanted to atone for what he'd done there when he worked for Shinra. He was always trying to make up for what he did... He thought it was all he could do. But I think that effort would have more than made up for it..."
"So you're going to try to help in his stead?"
"If Yuffie can find any use for me, yes."
He nodded. "Even if you can't help with her governing and whatnot, I think she'll like having you around."
"Wutai's pretty, too," she added absently.
"Yeah..."
She got to her feet. "I'm... going to head downstairs."
Cloud hesitated. "...all right."
Smiling faintly for him, she turned and went down the ladder, entering the room where Sephiroth lay and closing the door behind her. Yuffie probably wouldn't appreciate having a corpse in her house, though. Or at least, her father wouldn't.
Oh well. It'll all work out somehow... She walked over to the bed, sitting down on the edge. She wondered if this city would fade again, become simply ruins once more when she was gone. It was a pity, really, but what could she do? One Cetra could only accomplish so much. She could not revive an entire city. But she had known that when she had come up with the idea to try it. She had known it would be a failed project.
Friend, may I ask your help?
Aeris started. "Yes, Planet, of course you may. It's wonderful to hear from you again. Are you rested now?"
Yes, somewhat. But I am confused...
"About what?"
This matter of reviving a person. It is so very different from granting spirit energy to a new life; I do not supply the life for that, only the soul. So you can see my dilemma, can you not?
She blinked. "You... you want to know how to revive Sephiroth?" she asked, scarcely daring to believe it. And here she had been about to give up!
Yes. I cannot figure out how to do it. Perhaps I am still too tired to figure out anything else new. I have been doing so many strange things lately.
"Indeed, you have, friend," Aeris agreed. "But... do you mean to say that you've cleansed him of the Jenova?"
I have. I only just finished a day ago, and I was pondering how to revive him. I am at a loss.
Her heart leapt joyfully. "Then... could I... Could I simply do it myself?"
If you want. But I know how tired it makes you...
"It doesn't matter," she insisted fervently. "I don't care what it does to me. I just want him back. I want to bring him back."
Then go ahead. I will see what I can do to aid you.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you...!" she cried, swiftly taking up Sephiroth's lifeless hand, regardless of the glove that still covered it. She closed her eyes and plunged her thoughts into the Lifestream, searching, searching. It seemed she found his soul right away. Gods, even his soul was beautiful. She rejoiced in the feel of it as she embraced it with her own and her thoughts.
And as before, she embraced the memories and the pain, and in some part of her, she acknowledged the Planet's increasing attention on her, almost as if it were feeding her energy...
Flash.
Seeing her beautiful face bent over him. She was saying something, but her voice seemed so very far away... His vision was going... His awareness was fading... gone...
Flash.
Screaming words in their minds. I will not let you have him! Never! You do not deserve him! He is mine! Weak, am I? Who is helpless and screaming and sobbing? Damn you! Damn you for stealing him from me!
Flash.
Stop it, you're killing him!
Flash.
A fallen angel then. Because you only have one wing. But I told you I'd mend the other one, didn't I?
Flash.
Sephiroth...
Flash.
...what if... I don't come back...?
Flash.
But for now... the Planet wants me... Goodbye, Aeris. I will come back to you... if I can.
Flash.
I will come back to you... if I can.
Flash.
Come back to you...
Flash.
To you...
Flash.
...You've got a good soul. I can feel it. It's just that your past overshadows it...
......But someone's going to see through that, someday......
Aeris opened her eyes and looked down at him. Oh, please... His lashes fluttered, and suddenly she found herself staring into his beautiful blue-green eyes, nearly losing herself in them. He blinked once, disoriented.
There, the Planet sighed, bringing her back to herself. I did what I could.
"Thank you, friend," she whispered, then turned her attention full on Sephiroth.
A smile spread across her face, and she used all of her will not to embrace him and tell him how much she had missed him, how much she had worried about him, how much she loved him... "You're finally awake," she said, unable to hide a faint quaver in her voice.
He looked back at her, expression blank. "What... do you mean?" he asked in confusion. His hand moved, and his eyes flickered towards it. Sensing his discomfort, she let it go, smile fading a little.
"You... you were dead for four years..." she explained, the waver growing. "I was... beginning to worry..."
He did not reply, and his eyes showed no recognition.
"I'm Aeris..." she whispered desperately.
"Aeris..." he repeated, blinking a little.
"Don't you remember me?" she asked, the tears four years denied threatening to escape her glistening eyes.
Sephiroth closed his eyes as though tired. There was a long silence. She bit her lip and swallowed hard to hold back the sobs in her throat, though she could no longer do anything about the tears sliding down her cheeks.
"I'm sorry, Aeris," he murmured finally, and she did not know what to make of his words or his tone of voice, so she waited. Only a few more moments. She could wait moments. "...it... it is always hard for me to remember things early on. I did not mean to worry you..."
"Then you...?"
He opened his clear blue eyes to meet her anxious ones and smiled faintly. "How could I ever forget you? I am ashamed that I did not recognize you, even for a moment."
The smile returned to her face, but her sobs were not forgotten and she fell across him, crying against his shoulder. He put an arm around her, holding her close, and it was that warmth around her, keeping her safe, that she had longed for, been so desperate for, for all those years... She could not speak, only cry in joy, in ecstasy, in the release from a lonely pain ever-present in her heart and grown to a nearly unbearable pitch.
Sephiroth said nothing, only held her close and watched her silently, his other hand gently stroking her hair.
Finally, her sobs died down to soft hiccups and she pulled back from him in embarrassment. "I'm sorry," Aeris apologized hoarsely. "I didn't mean to be so emotional."
He shook his head. "I understand. Four years you say?"
She nodded. "Four years, three months, and twenty days," she whispered.
He stared at her for a moment, then closed his eyes in shame. "I am sorry..."
"It's not your fault," she said. "I... I'm just glad you're finally back."
"Were you... waiting for me all that time?"
"Yes."
Sephiroth opened his eyes again, and there was empathy there, sorrow for all the pain she had gone through and a wish that it had never happened. "How long... were you going to wait?"
"Forever," she answered, looking down and shaking her head. "Even though just now I had decided to leave here, but only to wait elsewhere. Cloud and Tifa were worried about me. Everyone else probably is, too. But there's no one else for me... No one else I would rather have..."
Pushing back the blankets back from him as best he could with her sitting there beside him, he sat up and moved to embrace her, pulling her back into his lap. She huddled up against him, trying to convince herself that this wasn't just some wonderful dream, that it was real, that she would never wake up from it...
"Hasn't there been anyone with you to comfort you lately? Where are your friends who love you so much? Where are Reno and Minerva?"
Aeris shook her head a bit. "They stayed the first three years or so... but they had their own lives ahead of them, as did everyone else. They all had someone to be with, or somewhere to be going, or something to get done... Me, I couldn't move on without you. You... you promised you'd come back." She smiled up at him, then looked back down. "Certainly, they visited from time to time to check up on me... And I told them I was fine."
"You always were good at pretending," he remarked sadly.
"Not so good lately," she admitted. "Cloud and Tifa came by a few days ago, and I broke down. They've stayed with me since then, hoping to help me move on, but I only agreed to leave here, not to let you go... And I was right; you did come back..."
He held her closer. "Yes, I am here now, and I will never leave your side unless you order me to go."
"I won't," she said with an echo of fierceness in her voice. "Never."
Sephiroth smiled. "I... I am glad."
Aeris hugged him tightly, content now to simply be with him and hear his heart beating, rejoicing in the rhythm of it, and the slow, steady rise and fall of his chest, and the feel of his arms firmly around her, as though he would never let her go.
"...so this is the City of the Ancients?" he asked after a time--she did not know how long. It could have been hours, or mere seconds, and she would not have been able to tell the difference.
"Yes," she answered simply, looking up at his face. Gods, he was handsome; his eyes, closed for all this time, now open finally and that beautiful blue, with an elusive hint of green, slightly tilted and edged by those lashes that had gently shadowed his cheeks. And his hair, for all that it had remained unbrushed and lying beneath him, now shone in the blue-white light in the room and fell softly down his back and framed his face with fine silver strands.
Unknowingly, she reached out to run her fingers through his hair, and Sephiroth turned from his study of the surrounding room to gaze at her. He lifted one hand to hold hers. His hand dwarfed hers, but one thing made her frown slightly; that hand was still gloved in black. She dismissed the thought as he voiced another question, "Did your friends help you to remodel this house?"
"This one, yes," Aeris replied, a little embarrassed. "But there are others that I've rebuilt over the years..."
"I did not think you an architect," he commented with mild amusement.
"I became one," she said. She sat up a little, and he loosened his embrace, though she did not feel any less safe because of it. "I'll have to show you what I've done with the place," she went on, face brightening with eagerness. "So many of the buildings look brand-new, and the furniture, and the linens, and everything. I planted gardens, too. Gardens, Sephiroth! Oh, they were such a comfort to me, always fresh and clean as though they were smiling at me and calling out their greetings."
He tilted his head at her. "This is a bit far north for flowers, isn't it?"
"No," she said, a smile spreading across her face. "And if I could grow flowers in the Midgar slums, I can grow them here. I planted them everywhere. And there's so much to tell you...!"
Sephiroth nodded. "After four years, I expect there would be. I am curious as to how you have been even feeding yourself. Unless you took a job in Bone Village...?"
She shook her head. "I didn't want to go into town that often... Actually, I've become something of a vegetarian in the past year. Minerva used to hunt, but now I rely solely on my vegetable garden. Well... sometimes people will bring treats for me, but it isn't often."
"I see," he said.
"Nn!" she started. "We should tell Cloud and Tifa. And call the others. They'll be overjoyed to hear that you're finally back! And Minerva and Reno can get married," she laughed.
He tilted his head. "You mean they were actually waiting for me?"
"Of course," Aeris replied. "They didn't want you to miss their wedding." Her smile softened and she lifted a hand to his face. "And we can have ours, too, can't we?"
"I suppose we can," he agreed. He paused. "So... I am free of Jenova now?"
"Yes, you are."
"Will you teach me how to hear the Planet?" he asked softly.
She smiled. "Oh, yes, I told you I would, didn't I? But right now I only want to..." She trailed off, slipping her hand around to the back of his neck. "I love you, Sephiroth."
She gave him enough time to answer with "I love you, too" before she pulled his head down and kissed him. She twined her fingers through his silken hair, and she felt him do the same, keeping one hand at her waist. How many years she had longed for this moment! It was Sephiroth who drew back, blushing and regarding her with an almost boyish shyness.
Aeris laughed softly. "Strange, isn't it, how I can be more experienced than you with something?"
He shook his head slightly, still playing absently with her hair. "You know friendship and love are both fairly new to me..."
"Well, you catch on quickly enough."
With a playful grin, he bent down to kiss her again.
"Aeris, I made lu--"
The two broke apart and turned to look at Tifa as she stopped speechless in the doorway.
Aeris grinned brightly. "Hi, Tifa. Look, he's awake! Isn't it wonderful?"
The brunette nodded dumbly, staring at Sephiroth for a moment. She shook herself and smiled back at Aeris. "Well... I guess you were right. I'm not sure what to say. Congratulations? Thank the Gods? Or, rather, thank the Planet..."
"It doesn't matter." The Cetra closed her eyes and laid against Sephiroth. "I'm just glad he's back..."
Sephiroth kept his arm around her, though he seemed uncomfortable under Tifa's gaze.
After a moment, Aeris straightened back. "What were you saying before?" she asked.
"Oh, I made lunch for us," Tifa replied.
She had not known that much time had passed. Well, time is supposed to fly when you're having fun, isn't it? "All right. We'll be up in a minute. We were having an important discussion. Right, Seph?" She winked playfully at him.
The swordsman grinned. "Right."
Tifa fidgeted. "Well... I'll go and tell Cloud..." She turned and disappeared through the doorway.
"'Important discussion'?" Sephiroth questioned with a smirk once she was gone.
"Yes, very important. There's a lot we haven't 'said' over the past four years, isn't there?"
He shook his head slightly. "It is hard to long for that sort of thing when you lack a body."
"Oh?" She shrugged. "Well, it doesn't matter. I have something very important to say." And with that she pulled him down to claim his mouth again.
Sephiroth marveled at the changes that had been made to the house as he followed Aeris to the upper level and into the kitchen. The additions blended perfectly with the style of the original building, and he could only assumed that they did on the outside as well.
Apparently, Tifa had made a fairly simple vegetable stew, and when she uncertainly offered him a bowl, he found himself hungry for the first time since... well, ever. Both Cloud and Tifa watched him silently, as if still trying to process the news that he was, in fact, alive.
Aeris was silent, too, as she ate, but not for any particular reason. She flashed him frequent smiles, seeming content simply to sit next to him. But Sephiroth could tell that the four years had scarred her. He wished there was something he could do, hoped there was something, but for now, it was probably enough for her to have him back.
"So... what are you doing now?" Tifa asked once they had all finished.
"I guess we could go around and pay everyone a visit," Aeris mused. "Or maybe we could invite everyone up here..." She cast Sephiroth a grin. "Your birthday's in two weeks, you know."
He blinked. "It is?"
She nodded. "On the 19th of January."
Tifa laughed. "So you're going to throw him a birthday party?"
"I could," Aeris replied. "But then, I suppose I shouldn't have it here. Too cold for most people, I think."
"Especially for Tifa," Cloud put in.
"So I'm used to Costa del Sol weather, so what?" she said defensively.
He grinned. "Well, I guess we could have it back home, couldn't we? Your bar's big enough."
"And it probably wouldn't matter if I closed it for one day," Tifa mused. "What you think, Aeris?"
"Your bar...? Oh, that's right, the owner of that place near you sold it to you, didn't he?" The Cetra nodded to herself. "Yes, that would probably work." She turned to Sephiroth. "More importantly, what do you think? It'll be your party, afterall."
He blinked again. "Do whatever you like, Aeris. It does not really matter to me as long as you're there."
"You're easy to please," she remarked. "So we'll invite everyone to a party at your place in Costa del Sol, Tifa. But until then, I think we'll stay here. I want to show Sephiroth what I've done and, well... have some time alone with him."
The brunette nodded. "All right. Cloud and I should be able to catch the afternoon ship to Junon and get home tomorrow."
Aeris tilted her head. "No chocobos?"
"And end up leaving them in the cold?" Cloud asked.
"Oh, yes, you're right, of course..." She tucked her hair behind her ear, smiling sheepishly. "Anyway, how about Sephiroth and I join you on the 15th?"
"Okay."
Tifa got up, collecting the dishes.
"Oh!" Aeris cried, hopping up. "Here, Tifa, let me help you; you've been doing so much for me lately, and you're supposed to be my guest..."
The two women disappeared into the kitchen, and Sephiroth stared after them.
"It's good to see her smiling again," Cloud commented.
The swordsman looked back at him, not sure what to say to this.
"I hope you realize how depressed she was while you were gone," the blond went on.
"You think I can't see how much the wait hurt her?" Sephiroth demanded, disliking the other man's tone. "Some wounds she has cannot be healed simply by my being with her again."
Cloud glanced towards the kitchen. "She was calling herself a fool the other day, for waiting this long. I find it pretty amazing she managed to hold up this long."
"What are you getting at?"
He looked back at him. "I just wanted to make sure you knew how devoted she's been to you. I mean, I knew she was stubborn, but I didn't know she was this stubborn. She didn't want anything to do with life until you got back. Do you know how special she is? Do you know what you've got?"
Sephiroth nodded solemnly. "An angel, I know. I will do my best to mend her wings, as she was going to do for me... But I am not like her; I do not know exactly what bothers her, and I cannot always find the right words. All I can do is try."
"I guess that's all I can ask. Just take care of her, and don't die again."
He smirked. "I don't plan on doing so any time soon."
Tifa returned from the kitchen, planting her fists on her hips. "Come on, Cloud. I thought you'd be packing up by now."
The blond hopped up, running a hand through his hair. "Sorry, Teef. It doesn't take that long to pack though."
Sephiroth watched Tifa push her husband around, the two of them laughing, then quietly got up and walked into the kitchen to find Aeris humming to herself as she dried off the dishes. He leaned against the doorframe, content to watch her work.
She finally turned around, noticing him with a startled yelp. She laughed then, with a hand to her bosom. "Gods, I forgot how quiet you were... How long have you been standing there?"
He shrugged. "Only a few minutes."
"Say something next time," she told him, walking over and taking him by the hand as she reentered the bedroom.
Cloud and Tifa each had finished gathering what belongings they had brought and had bags slung over their shoulders. "Well, we'll be heading off," Tifa said, smiling. "I'm really, really happy for the two of you."
"Same here," Cloud added. "We'll see you again soon."
Aeris nodded, waving with her free hand. "See you."
"Goodbye," Sephiroth said simply.
The couple disappeared downstairs and out the door, closing it behind them with a muted slam.
The swordsman turned back to Aeris. "Would now be a good time for you to show me what you have done with this place?" he asked.
She gave a start and looked down, blushing. "I just realized how long it's been since I've taken a bath..." she murmured. "I must smell terrible... Would you mind if I...?"
"Not at all," he replied.
She brightened, rushing off to pull some clean clothes out of a drawer. "I'll be quick, I promise. I just... I always thought I'd be more presentable when you finally came back, and look at me!"
Sephiroth looked her over. True, her clothes were wrinkled and her hair tangled, but what did it matter? "You're still beautiful," he told her quietly.
She rolled her eyes. "I suppose I'm asking the wrong man, aren't I? You'd say that no matter what I looked like."
"Most likely," he agreed, then blinked in confusion as she climbed down the ladder and went for the door.
Aeris paused, glancing back up at him through the opening in the floor. "...it isn't as though I have running water here," she explained. "I have to bathe in the lake..." She grinned and waggled a finger at him. "Don't you dare even think of watching me."
Sephiroth blinked again. "Why would I...?"
"I'm only kidding," she laughed, turning out the door. "I'll be back soon."
He stood motionless for a moment, staring absently at the closed door. Then he turned and looked around. All three of the beds in the room were made up fairly neatly, but several books lay strewn carelessly on the floor by Aeris's.
Most of them were novel-sized, but one that lay open with a pen stuck in between some of the pages looked like a journal with writing scrawled across one page. Another was very thin, looking like some children's book. Had he felt comfortable with looking through her belongings, he might have walked over to investigate, but instead he climbed down the ladder to have a look around downstairs.
The living room was more unkempt than the rest of the house, with one of the pillows for the couch lying on the floor, and more books scattered about the room. A shelf set into one wall was stacked with even more volumes. A thick blanket lay unfolded across the back of the sofa. Sephiroth wondered if she had slept down here at times. The thought occurred to him that perhaps she had cried herself to sleep, and he hoped it was not true.
He glanced out the window, blinked. It faced north, he realized by the landscape. He recognized the path; he had taken it to continue his journey to Northern Crater after he had killed Aeris... Sephiroth tore his gaze away from the view and walked back out of the room, continuing out the door into the cold.
And he found that it truly was cold. He could not recall feeling so affected by the temperature. Yes, the Planet had certainly changed him. "Are you satisfied, Narsa?" he muttered under his breath. "All the rest of you who condemned me to this, are you satisfied? You made Aeris suffer my punishment."
He sighed, sitting down by the door and wrapping his arms around his knees. For him, it had been an indeterminable time in the Lifestream in a dream-like state of mind. For her, it had been over four long years of waiting, waiting, waiting... He wished he could have traded places with her. He wished he could have talked to her then, as he had been able to do in the Promised Land.
But no. He had been helpless. Powerless. Useless.
And now, how could he possibly heal her? He wasn't like Aeris. He couldn't see a wound for what it was and know exactly how to mend it. It was easier for him to hate, to grow angry at those ignorant fools who had caused this to happen, and at himself for being unable to stop it.
Aeris would not like that, though. She would not want him to be angry at himself, or to hate anyone, so he took a deep breath and forced the fury from his mind.
Surely there was something he could do now that he was alive again. Surely he could make it up to her. But how?
He lifted his head to see her practically running along the path, gaze downcast to make certain she did not trip. Her dirty clothes were draped over one arm, and he recognized the dress she wore from the party at Cosmo Canyon which did not seem like so long ago to him. She wore a black coat over it, the one that Minerva had bought her, and that black ribbon was tied around her neck as always.
Sephiroth stood up as she approached the house and finally looked up, coming to a halt in front of him.
"Why are you waiting outside?" she asked after catching her breath. "Or do you still not care if it's cold...?"
"I feel it just as you do now," he replied, "but I can still manage to ignore it. But it doesn't matter." He opened the door and ushered her inside. "You must be freezing with your hair soaking wet."
Aeris nodded, walking inside, and he followed her, closing the door against the cold. She went up to her bedroom to put down the clothes she carried, then turned to him and shook her head. "I could probably dry it, couldn't I? Silly me. I was getting forgetful before you came back, and I'm no better now." She cast a mild wind spell that ran through her hair and took the water from it, leaving it dry and shining.
"Warmer now?" Sephiroth asked her. Instead of answering, she strode over to him and slipped her arms around his waist. He returned the embrace, and she murmured, "Now I am."
He was content to hold her for as long as she wanted. If it felt this good to hold her in his arms again, he wondered how it felt for her, having gone without for so long.
Strangely, though, it was Aeris who pulled back, looking up at him thoughtfully. "Hmm. Short sleeves will never do in this weather," she stated. "But I don't have any jackets for you..."
"I'll be all right," he told her.
She shook her head. "No, you must have something... Oh!" She snatched up one of the blankets from her bed and handed it to him. "Here."
Sephiroth blinked, eyeing the blanket doubtfully before shrugging and wrapping it around his shoulders. As long as it made her happy.
Aeris nodded in satisfaction, then led him back down and outside. "Come on. I'll show you the other houses and the lake and the council room... A-and maybe..." She trailed off.
He knew what she had been considering--the altar. And he wasn't sure if he was ready to go back there yet. "The council room?" he queried, taking her hand and keeping pace at her side.
"Well, that's what I've come to call it anyway," she explained. "It looks like they may have used it for meetings or something. There's a viewing fall in the center that's really quite beautiful. Sort of like the one in the Temple of the Ancients..."
Sephiroth nodded a bit. "I remember that..."
She glanced up at him, then sped up, tugging on his hand. "I've spent a lot of time in there. I like the sound of the water..."
He smiled faintly, dropping slightly behind her.
Aeris stopped abruptly, turning to face him. "That reminds me... I wanted to give you this." She held out her hand, and in it lay a white orb, the size of a materia or perhaps even smaller.
"...the White Materia?" he faltered.
"Yes."
"But, Aeris, it is yours to care for, as a Cetra."
She laughed softly. "You're a Cetra, too, Sephiroth. Or did you forget?"
"But..."
She took his hand and placed the orb in his palm. "Keep it. I don't need it anymore."
He studied it for a moment, marveling at the way the light played off the smooth white surface. "...it's so small," he breathed.
"What did you expect?" she asked.
He closed his fingers around the materia and kept his gaze lowered. "Compared to the Black Materia, I mean..."
Aeris leaned forward to peer upward into his face. "A temple can only be compressed so much," she said.
Sephiroth looked back at her. "I suppose so. And good things aren't always very big, are they?" He traced her jaw with a finger.
She reached up to give him a light kiss. "Referring to me, are you? I'll have you know I'm five foot three, and that's not that short."
He chuckled, shaking his head at her. "Compared to six foot one it is," he replied. "Now, weren't you going to show me that council room?"
"Yes, yes, I was. Come on." She took up his hand again and led him down the path, laughter in her voice, a smile on her lips, and a bounce in her step.