Chapter 33

"NO! NO!" James shouted tears streaming down his face. He punched the wall hard. "She can't be! She can't be!" James slid down the wall and held his face in his hands. His shoulders shaking because he was crying. Sirius sat down next to him and placed a arm around his shoulder.

"I'm sorry mate." he said softly to him. James looked up, his face red and tear-stained.

"Why? Why Lily?" James cried loudly in frustration. the door opened and Professor Dumbeldore walked in. His eyes that usually twinkled seemed to be dull and grim.

"James?" He asked. "Would you like to go in and see Lily for the final time."

James nodded getting to his feet. Sirius jumped up and hugged him.

"don't worry mate, Just say you're goodbyes." He said. James nodded again weakly and glanced up at Dumbeldore who was staring down at them.

"I'm ready." James said straightening up and wiping his face.

"Very well." Dumbeldore said and turned and walked out of the door. James followed him.

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James followed him slowly. vaguely aware of where they were going. His mind was somewhere else. His mind was on Lily.

"Here we are." Dumbeldore muttered and flicked his wand and a door creaked open He stepped inside and gestured for James to do the same. the room was white. Very clean James noted. He looked around. Nothing was in the room except a bed with curtains drawn around it. Tears began to well up in James eyes when he saw this. He knew Lily was behind them. A few tears sneaked out of the corners of James eyes and dribbled down his cheeks. He hastily wiped them away.

"stay strong." He thought to himself.

"right James." Dumbeldore sighed. He placed a friendly hand on his shoulder. "I'll leave you too it. This has been a tragedy James. I'm so sorry but you have to remember that life goes on, and when people pass away just remember that they never really leave us. They are always there. Always beside you. You may just not realise it. You won't be able to see them. Sometimes you won't be able to feel them. But They are always there. always. Watching over you. Looking out for you. no-one really ever leaves us James. They are always here." Dumbeldore concluded placing a hand on James heart. James felt tears rolling down his cheeks. Dumbeldore turned and walked out of the room. James stared after him for a few minutes and then remembered why he was here. He turned and stared at the bright white curtain knowing that what was behind it was going to cause him so much pain. He breathed in deeply and walked towards the curtain. He put his hand up and went to draw it back. He hesitated. Then shook his head and pulled it back quickly. He had to do this. Behind the curtain was a bed. Next to the bed was a small table and a chair. James eyes wandered to the bed. Tears flowed down his cheeks when he saw her. Lily lying on the bed. He body white and limp. Her red hair spread out on the pillow. James drew back the chair causing it to scrape on the floor, and took a seat. He reached out and grabbed her hand. Her skin was cold.

"Oh Lils." James whispered. "Why you? why'd you have to leave me." He sobbed quietly tears splashed onto the bed sheets. James lent over her face. she looked so peaceful. As if she was asleep. James put each of his hands on her shoulder and shook her hard. "Wake up!" He said to her loudly. He shook her more violently. "Lily you can't leave me." He said his voice choked with tears. "You hear me Lily. I'm telling you can't, please wake up." He lifted her up and then let go of her. Her body collapsed and flopped lifelessly back onto the bed. "wake up." he whispered and buried his head into his hands sobbing uncontrollably. James began shaking. He stood up quickly blinking back tears. He suddenly realised that he was trying to fool himself. Thinking that Lily wasn't dead. "YOU CAN'T FUCKING WAKE UP BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD!" James screamed taking a glass of water from the table and throwing it hard against the wall causing a crash and splinters of glass to go flying everywhere. He was really upset now. He didn't think he could live without Lily. He loved her. He thought she was the one. How could he carry on when everything around him reminded him of her.

He grabbed her body and hugged it. Then started to cry hard.

"you were there for me Lily. When I needed you." he cried into her chest. "I loved you. I still do love you. I can't let you go." He stepped away from her and let go of her reluctantly. He wiped his face to get rid of his tears but more began to reappear and fall down his cheeks. He slowly stroked her flaming red hair. "I don't want to let you go." he whispered.

(A/N aww that was so sad for me to rite. Sorry I haven't uploaded for the last couple of days but I had writers block and couldn't think of what to write. anyway I hope this is ok. Please review I would really appreciate it. Thanks a lot. Luv ya loads Luv Amy xxxx