Disclaimer: The characters depicted here belong to Yu Watase and some of the dialogue is taken verbatim from the Viz translation. No plagiarism or disrespect is meant. I hold only the highest regard for Watase-sensei and the people at Viz. Please don't sue me.

Author's Note: Like all the installments in this series, this story stands alone. It is not necessary to have read any previous chapters to understand this one. Also, as each installment is written in a different style and dealing with different issues, they don't even take place in the same universe.

Malicious Play: Valley of Director's Tears
A parody of Valley of Tears (manga chapter 49)
By Corina "Mako" Borsuk

"Miaka? Tamahome? What's going on with Nuriko?"

"Aaaachoooo!"

"Cut! Cut!" the director shouted. "Nuriko, you're supposed to be dead! You can't sneeze!"

"Sorry. Sorry. But, all this make-up is bothering my allergies."

"Whatever. Let's just start again from the top. Tasuki?"

"Gotcha."

"Roll camera! Take two!" The director pointed at Tasuki and shouted, " Action!"

"Miaka? Tamahome? What's going on with Nuriko?"

"She . . . fought with a Celestial warrior . . ."

"Cut!" The director shouted.

"What?"

"It's Seiryu warrior," Tasuki reminded. "Seiryu, not Celestial."

"Hey, Tasuki, don't yell at me. You're the one who messed up his lines 14 times last week," Tamahome said defensively.

"What, are you counting?"

"People, people, please. Let's act like professionals," the director begged in that long-suffering tone that meant he was used to this sort of thing. "Just take your places and we'll start again.

"Roll film and action."

"Miaka? Tamahome? What's goin' on with Nuriko?"

"She . . . fought with a Seiryu warrior . . . and just now . . . she . . ."

"You . . . you damn fool! What kinda ass are you? WHAT GOOD DID YER DYIN' DO!? Ya bitch! Wake the hell up!! NURIKO!

"She was . . . um, what's my line?"

"Now whose messing up? I really shouldn't be surprised. You've never been able to do a scene in less than five takes."

"Tamahome, stop picking on Tasuki," Miaka ordered.

"Geez, not only can you not act, but you have to get your girlfriend to defend you. Although, considering she got you the job . . ."

"Why you," Tasuki shouted. "I'm tired of you and your jealousy."

"Jealous!? What are you talking about?"

"You think I don't know how much you want Miaka. I've seen the way you look at her during your scenes together."

"It's called acting," Tamahome retorted. "I'm sure you've heard of it, Tasuki. It's what you're supposed to be doing."

"ENOUGH!" the director finally shouted. "Shoot's over. Go cool off you two, and tomorrow I don't want you saying anything but your lines."

As the cast dispersed—Miaka trying to calm her boyfriend, Tamahome giving Tasuki evil glares, Nuriko complaining about having to spend another hour-and-a-half in make-up the next morning, and the rest rushing off the set before another fight broke out—the director turned to his assistant and asked him to call the Seiryu cast in early so they could shoot their scene.

"Thank goodness Yui and Nakago are professionals," he said. "You don't see them letting their divorce get in the way of their work."

The End