Author's Note: What is all this?  I mean, here I am, slaving away at a non-humor fic, and everyone reviews WHAT?  The non-humor one?  Oh, no… they have to review my humor fic, which I just wrote randomly and put on it because I had nothing better to do and I really was going insane with workload!  SEVEN REVIEWS!  IN!  TWO!  DAYS!  I've had the serious one up for four days, and nobody cares about it!  *Sniffs.*  How is this happening?  What's wrong?  Well, anyway, since I know you're such great fans and I'm on every single one of your favorite author's lists (*cough, cough*) I'm sure you'll be happy to read and review that one, too!  Even if I do get flames!  For heaven's sake!  And do you have anything better to do than listen to this rant, which is going on and on and on ad infinitum until you don't know what I'm talking about?  Which is all right.  I have another thing to say, too.  Why do you want a Tortall fic so badly?  What's wrong with Emelan?  I mean, is there anything wrong with them?  Is there something wrong with me?  Just by reading this far, you probably have some sort of strange disease, too.  Either that, or lots of courage.  I admire your perseverance.  And anyway, just to spite you, I'm writing about Tortall!  Wait… um… is that even logical?  But you know, I said everyone was writing about Tortall, so… um… *shakes head in confusion* never mind…  On with the story!

Kel, Daine, and Alanna compare how good the books about them were, comparatively.

Alanna: I go first!  Pick me!  Me!

Daine: What makes you so special?

Alanna: *smugly* My book came first!

Kel: Which proves that you have the worst books, because Tamora was just experimenting with you!  By the time she got down to me, she could write well.  There aren't any corny plot devices in my story!

Daine: Oh, so what do you call your ability as a commander…

Alanna: …Your upbringing in the Yamani Isles…

Daine: …Raoul's bringing you on as a squire…

Alanna: …Your unexplained determination to be a lady kni–

Kel: *cringing* Oh, fine, fine!  So there are a lot of plot devices in my story.  But still, they're all in your story too, Alanna, and a whole lot more –

Alanna: I was brought up in the Yamani Isles?

Kel: Besides that!  You have –

Daine: I never knew she was a great commander!

Kel: Well…

Alanna: And you may recall that King Jonathon took me, not Raoul.

Kel: Yeah, but you do have an unexplained determination to be a lady knight!  And you have the really powerful gift, and –

Alanna: *hurriedly* Yeah, well enough about my book, let's talk about Wild Magic!

Kel: That is so full of plot holes.

Daine: Yeah, well it's not so different from Alanna having the hand of the goddess on her!  At least I don't have a book with that title!

All: *Gasp*

Author: She does?

Alanna: *impatiently* I thought we were talking about Daine's series!

Author: Oh yeah.

Alanna: And anyway, Daine, you are half-goddess!  If that's not corny, I don't know what is!

Kel: You don't know what's corny, Miss I-Won't-Love-Anyone.

Daine: Well, I can talk to animals!  She can just heal!

Alanna: And scry, and use war-magic, and find the Dominion Jewel, and –

Daine: Oh, shut up.  Talking to animals is cooler!

Kel: Why do we care what a turtle's thinking!

Daine: We don't!

Kel: Oh.

Daine: Plus, without me Carthak would have overrun Tortall!

Alanna: Without you the Stormwings wouldn't care about us too much anyway.

Author: We are getting way off track here!  I have to run and catch a plane to Miami!

Kel: *innocently* Oh, you can run?

Speeding comets smash into the second chapter and it explodes with a… um… really cool sound effect that I'm too lazy to think of right now.

Author's Note: Yeah, that was pretty pointless as well.  It was longer, which is because I didn't actually work on the serious fic today, and it's not midnight, and… yeah.  Not that it was midnight when I wrote it or anything… um… I mean… well, read and review, please!  You shall be richly rewarded!  *Trumpets blare and two huge golden coins that a brief examination would reveal to be cheap counterfeits made of pyrite come down from the sky and land on a nonexistent lawn.* These could be yours if you gave me one billion trillion gazillion dollars!  Or, if you read and reviewed the story!  Wait… you've already read… well, then, please just review!  You shall be richly – wait, I already said that, didn't I?  Oh, well.  Bye!