Author's Note: I now have twenty-five reviews! Many people appear to be very bored. Especially me, because I keep writing these things. I love reviews! They're my friends! Except for flames, which haven't come yet for this story, and I'd appreciate it if my reviews continued to be pure. *Angelic voices begin to sing annoyingly.* *To Angels* Shut up! Anyway, this one is, as promised, about Emelan… I'll figure out what it's about soon… I have to really soon, since the little italics that say what this story's going to be about are down there. (Actually, I kept putting down horrible topics for the second chapter, because I was experiencing semi-writer's block, but then again, do you care? Probably not.) So, here it is!
Lark, Frostpine, Rosethorn, and Niko talk about what the blue pox actually was. WARNING: Magical Gibberish ahead. If long, multisyllabic words make you queasy, do not continue beyond this point. Failure to comply with this warning may result in mud slides, decapitation, random IRS visits, and images of Snape extemporaneously riverdancing. Thank you for heeding this message! (P.S. The preceding warning does not apply to potential reviewers)
Niko: The random fat content of the slices of bacon indicates that the people actually died of congestive heart failure.
Lark: But the healers said everyone died of… *tries to remember Briar's Book, and fails* …other causes…
Rosethorn: Yeah, they're called 'fevers'. Live with it.
Lark: Do you see any indication that I'm not living? Dead should stay dead. It's not like you can say anything about life, Ms. My-student-brought-me-back-from-the-dead.
Rosethorn: Oh, come on! It's an expression!
Niko: *frowning* Hello, people, we're talking about the blue pox.
Frostpine: I thought we were talking about your resemblance to a tomato!
Niko: Well, WE AREN'T.
Frostpine: But it said… *Checks long topic sentence. Face falls.* Oh.
Lark: *taunting* Where's Mr. Perfect now, huh?
Frostpine: I, uh, had to leave him home today.
Rosethorn: Hey, guys, his face fell! And the rest of his body didn't!
All: Oooooh...
Frostpine: It's a hidden talent of mine!
Niko: ANYway, back to the blue pox. Why do you think it was blue?
Lark: *sarcastically* Someone put food coloring in it?
Niko: *Seriously considers this possibility, and frowns.* No, the food coloring wouldn't have spread with the disease, and the disease obviously reproduced this blue color. It raises an interesting question, though. Could someone with magical food coloring have been rummaging through the sewers and found –
Rosethorn: It was a joke, Niko, you dork.
Niko: *offended* I am not a dork!
Random Reviewers: DON'T INSULT NIKO!
Author: Fine, fine. Whatever makes you happy.
Frostpine: Wait. Didn't we have to find all (um…) thirty-six keys –
Lark: Or less.
Frostpine: Shut up. You don't even know what I'm talking about. Anyway, didn't we have to find them in order to discover the cure for the disease?
Rosethorn: No, DUH! I shouldn't have to stay here for such elementary nonsense. *Looks pleadingly at Author.*
Author: I might do it if you said pretty please, and worshiped me…
Rosethorn: Gee, I was just joking! You gods are so gullible!
Author: I wonder why I even waste my time on you.
Lark: Because you get good reviews off us?
Author: Yeah, that's it. Keep going, guys.
Frostpine: Look. If Crane has all thirty-six keys, doesn't he know the exact structure of the 'locks'?
Rosethorn: Yes…
Frostpine: So why can't we ask him for the answer?
Other Three Mages: NO.
Niko: I want to find it out myself!
Lark: Crane's a bit off in the head. He just might throw himself at me and attempt to assassinate me just for being within five hundred feet of him.
Rosethorn: Frostpine, you're nuts. I WANT OUT.
Author: *Shrugs.* Okay.
A completely arbitrary asteroid bursts into flame and hits the fifth chapter.
Author's Note: Yes, it's stupid. Review anyway, and receive a cookie! I actually have a really good idea (I think it is, anyway; you may not agree with me, as you probably have a normal brain) for the next chapter, which will follow the pattern and be Tortallian. The dead characters of Tortall will argue about which of their lives was most meaningful… I can see lots of great material there. For all you Faithful lovers, Faithful will also be there, as well as – well, I can't give it all away now, can I? Actually, I can't, because I don't know everything about it, but oh well. I guess you (and I) will just have to find out next chapter, won't we? And just for the record, I'm going to add the little line that everyone adds on these Author's Notes, and say "Assuming there is another chapter." Please bear in mind that you can disregard that statement (unless nobody reviews this chapter, and maybe not even then) because I enjoy writing this story even more than you appear to enjoy reading it. I could be wrong, of course. I'm often wrong. Oh, yeah. Time for the daily rant about Emelan verses Tortallian fics. *Everybody groans and covers his or her ears.* Hey! It's not that bad. This time I have something constructive to say. I think that a lot of the new Emelan fics that are already out could be improved upon. Were I a flamer, I would say they were trash (or some slightly worse term). But I am not a flamer, I am a writer and an occasional reviewer. The characters are just too… way in-character. You know, Lark's too sweet, and Briar's too sneaky. Just some tips! I'm not saying all the fics are bad; on the contrary, many are quite good. I'd just like the people to kind of ease up on the deeply in character outlook. After all, it hasn't exactly gotten them reviews, so this is constructive criticism. I'm not even reviewing them with this information! So I can't be flaming, especially since I didn't name anything! Wow, this is really getting long. On that note, I leave you. Farewell, fellow Reviewers!