Author's Note: Gee. When your story has thirty-three reviews, you know several things. One is that you secretly had a hidden talent all along. That my talent is to fascinate people with insane and random stuff is not the point. Another thing that it tells you is that you aren't the only one with a lot of free time on your hands. And the third thing it tells you is that by the time you're writing the sixth chapter, you are most definitely obsessed. Actually, it tells me a lot more stuff, not the least that I have (dun dun dun) 33 reviews, but that's not the point. I'm not quite sure what the point is… oh, yeah. Just my comment for the day, there are WAY too many Alanna goes to the convent stories out these days! I mean, gee, how many new and original plots can you get out of one basic storyline? I haven't actually read beyond the middle of the first chapter in any of them, so I don't precisely know why they're getting all the reviews, but I hope they have some individual twists, because I sure can't tell from the summary! Ahem. Reviewers (and ordinary readers), please disregard my rants. Thank you. Oh, yeah. You want the story. Here it is!
Faithful, Roger, Thom, Joren, Liam, and Ozorne argue over whose life was the most meaningful. (Yes, I know there are more dead characters than that, but these are the most important ones I could think of. Maybe a minor dead character reunion later…)
Thom: I go first!
Liam: *rolls eyes* You're worse than Alanna. At least she asks people to pick her.
Faithful: Not that she listens.
Liam: No, she doesn't.
Roger: Ozorne! Joren! Kind of an evil people reunion, don't you think?
Ozorne: Yeah, for the first time we get to match the 'good' people!
Joren: Too bad it's when we're dead… I mean, if we weren't… *glares at Thom, Liam, and Faithful.*
Thom: Quiet. I'm a better mage than Roger!
Roger: Oh? So how'd I suck up your magic, then?
Thom: Um… well… I was… you know… caught by surprise…
Faithful: That was smooth, Thom. Real smooth.
Thom: Whose side are you on, anyway?
Faithful: The Great Mother Goddess's. She's with Alanna right now, but not with you. Stuck-up, idiot mage…
Roger: See? Faithful's on my side!
Faithful: I'm not on your side either, you creep. You're an egomaniac with expensive clothes and spells that aren't worth three galleons.
All: Galleons?
Author: Never mind.
Liam: I'm the best fighter here! My life was the most meaningful!
Joren: The author obviously hates me. This is my first line!
Author: Yeah, I do hate you, Joren.
Joren: I'll get back at you for that. Anyway, I think you tried one of those 'meaningful' things before, with a bunch of other fighters. You failed, as I recall.
Liam: Ah… well… you see…
Joren: Anyway, I would have gotten through the Chamber of Ordeal. But I didn't, because…
Ozorne: Because the chamber doesn't let people with intricate plots to mass-murder other people survive! *Breaks down in tears.*
Roger: Oh, come on. It let me through.
Faithful: Hold on. I need to check something. *Begins shuffling through records.*
Ozorne: *ignoring Roger's attempts at comfort* And I never passed the Chamber of Ordeal anyway! So why am I crying?
Roger: Um… I don't know. Because Joren doesn't care?
Joren: You hit the nail on the head.
Thom: Everybody rally to my side! The Omnipotent force of good always vanquishes the Not-so-Omnipotent force of evil!
Liam: Only in Tamora Pierce's books. And anyway, you died. Why are you arguing for the author that killed you?
Thom: Because it wouldn't be Jolly to do otherwise!
Liam: You're a regular nut case, a –
Faithful: *satisfied* Found them!
Roger: *suspiciously* Found what?
Faithful: The Chamber of Ordeal's records of knights, of course! Now hold on… *traces paw down the list* Roald of Conté, Robert of Conté, Rocky of Conté, Rodney of Conté, Rodney II of Conté, Roel of Conté, Roffo of Conté – why does your family have so many Ro names, Roger? – Roffo II of Conté – wait, he didn't pass – Rok of Conté *Looks up.* Nope, sorry, Roger, you aren't on the list. You aren't a night.
Roger: I'm not? Oops.
Ozorne: See? Even your pathetic attempts at comfort are of no avail!
Liam: Shut up, Ozorne. Everyone else in the room could beat you up in a second and a half.
Ozorne: So? I bet the author doesn't even know how to beat people up…
Author: Wanna end the fic?
Joren: So soon?
Author: Uh-huh.
Joren: Sure, why not?
Suddenly, a two-hundred-mile-wide lightning bolt thunders down onto the sixth chapter and vanquishes it.
Author's Note: By now you know the drill. Read, review, give me good reviews, no flames, already did Emelan / Tortall rant, blah, blah, blah. This wasn't as good as I thought it was going to be… oh, well. I can always revise it and force you to review again! And again! And again and again and again! Well, anyway, I shall see you when I have (probably) forty reviews! Although I may allow less. But please don't take chances! And I'll take off multiple reviews from the same person, so please don't do that. It's just annoying. Thank you! Bye! Support the short (I'm NOT short)!