Gifts
Light? Light is the essence to which we all are born. It brings us all forth, into a world of wonder and meaning. It holds for us the key to a better place then that of which we lived or came from. Allowing us to see everything in its brightness, but what is light? Does it sit within us all, waiting for the day it may fade? Hoping to achieve an even brighter essence, then that of a soul bathed in its light. What of the darkness, that comes to consume it. Does it ever really block the light from all that have touched it? If he had asked him self that question long ago he would have said no. Darkness sits within us all, waiting, watching, and plotting for the light to dim. Even the briefest flicker allows the darkness to set in, spreading its long shadowy fingers through out the very core of us. It feeds on the weak, which know nothing but despair, but it consumes the strong, which have strayed into its false embraces. It whispers lies to all who may hear, promises of no pain, heartache, and struggle. He had fallen into its vice grip clutches, unaware of what it would mean to him and the friends that had surrounded him for so long. Wind can not be seen unless there is something to let its presence be know; leaves rustling, windmills turning, waves crashing on a shore, all of this lets us know that it exists yet we can never see it with our own eyes, it has no form or mass, it just is. Humanity has the conception that good and evil exist only when there is something to show for it, just like the wind, yet good and evil both exist on their own, they sit within everything. Seeing isn't believing and believing isn't seeing, he had learned that lesson the hard way and on his own.
A warm gentle breeze lightly grazed the muscular arm, giving off the appearance of a lovers caress, pure, warm and comforting. Its green misty fingers trailed lightly over the form of a battered man giving piece and rest to this once great warrior of the light. Circumstance had led him form his chosen path, bringing him closer to that which he had always fought, and he had struggled with his choices for over two years now. If only he had known then, what he knew now maybe things would have been different for everyone, but he would never know if that would have been true.
"Have you walked hand in hand with the darkness for so long, that there is nothing left of the man you used to be inside you?"
A child's voice whispered into ears he had thought were dead, for he knew with out a doubt that he had died trying to fight against the very darkness that had consumed him years ago. He didn't answer, no answer was needed or expected, he just lied there on the ground, which felt like a bed of feathers and let the gentle voice and breeze give him the piece and comfort he had been searching for.
"You think you are evil because that's what they want you to believe, but your not,"
she stated.
"Your no more evil, then I would ever be. Don't you see? The choice you made was during a time of darkness for all involved, it was the only choice. You did the right thing no matter how wrong it may have felt. We all do what we must to survive; yet you believe that what you did was a great wrong to are dark knight. He knows more then anyone what its like to walk, and be one with the darkness, is that not the reason for his atonement now? He does not realize that to be forgiven, one must learn to forgive as well. Do not worry, he will see that one day, and when he does his soul and his demon will become one, but only when he can learn to forgive himself, and others who have wronged him. We have already forgiven him, and you, but it's not enough and it will never be until you both can see that what I speak of is true."
Her voice whispered like the ringing of small bells.
The man's body began to knit back together, with the warm feeling that had cocooned him, it felt like heaven, and he never wanted to leave. When he felt his body become whole once more he smiled, the pain was almost gone, even the heavy pain that had sat within his chest from the night he had taken Connor, and his world had gone from light to dark. It was so quite he could hear the pounding of his heart, and the blood that rushed through his veins giving him life. Wesley realized two things at once when the haziness began to subside from his body and mind. He wasn't dead, he could feel his body and the life that flowed within it, and the voice which spoke to him was familiar, he hadn't heard her voice since leaving Sunnydale years ago. He opened his eyes to see if it really was Dawn that had been speaking to him. Laughter filled the air around him, giving off a sound of pure joy, while calming him at the same time. This small light voice was power, so much power that it left him in awe when his eyes finally looked on the image of the voice its self.
The room was round, at least it appeared to be, he couldn't tell for sure because it looked like the night sky, for all the blackness that lay in-between each little burst of starlight, the room seemed filled with light. It was impossible to tell where the light came from, but it was beautiful and ethereal, like the green shimmering light that looked down on him now, at least it appeared to look down on him, he couldn't be certain for it had no true form. He opened his mouth to speak, but found he could not. His eyes opened wide with fear as he tried to voice his words. That sweet laughter filled his ears once more, as the laughter died down she spoke,
"you can not speak here, no one can, this place is sacred. It's the beginning or I should say its before the beginning, there is no time or space here, it just is. Language does not exist here, only though, so just think what you want to say and I will hear you just as you hear me now"
the voice whispered.
"Why am I not dead?"
He thought. Just as he had thought the words they rang out into the still starry room.
"It isn't time for your death, we still need you, and a lot has changed since you were brought here."
"How long have I been here for? I don't remember coming here, I only remember dying in the battle."
"As I've told you, time has no meaning here fore it does not yet exists, so I can not say how long you have been here?"
"Do you know how long its been on earth then?"
"You have been gone for six months, but your world isn't what you remember it to be, its hell now, well its hellish and things are much different now."
"Did anybody survive?"
"Yes"
she sighed sadly.
"You sound sad, why?"
"My form still lives,"
her voice broke into a sob.
"Dawn is alive, but how, you're the key,"
Wesley whispered.
"Yes, I am, but I was made human, so as long as I exist so will my body. Dawn and I are not two separate entities, we are one, and she just doesn't know how to use the power that we have. Her mind has been shattered, she's changed and I am not sure if she can fit the pieces back together, it could take years, or she may be a broken child forever."
"If it is as you say, then how can you be here without her, to be one and the same, you would both have to be here."
"But we are both here, one cannot exist with out the other, we come to you now because her mind and body sleep, it's the only way. I cannot let our power out when she is awake, our mind cannot take it."
"I am sorry, it must be hard." "It is, but it's always harder on those who are good, and pure."
Wesley sat staring at the key, absorbing all she had said. Her last statement had struck a cord inside him, it had been so hard for so long now for him, could that possibly mean that he was still good. Had he played the fool, letting Lilah into his life, letting her blind him to certain things, even going as far as to help his friends, only to have done the wrong thing in the end. She played off of him, and he had let her for years now, he could even go as far as saying she had won their battle of wills. So maybe his will wasn't strong enough to fight anymore, but then maybe that's what she had wanted him to believe all along.
"I am assuming I'm here for a reason, and not just to talk. What do you want from me?"
The green shimmering energy danced before his eyes, while she contemplated how to proceed with what she had brought him here for.
"You haven't entirely lost the watcher inside of you Wesley, its nice to know that you can still be counted on to get right down to business, even in the worst of times. We need you to help Angel bind his soul to the demon, we also need you to fight for our side again, for the years to come."
"Ok, slow down for just one moment, Angel is to bind his soul to the demon, are you mad. He needs to bind his soul to his body and get rid of Angelus altogether."
"No, Wesley do you not understand every thing I have told you so far? Dawn and I are only separate in our personalities, but we make up a whole, if one of us was to parishes the other would as well. We have to take the good with the bad in order to maintain ones self. Angelus and Angel are one and the same, they just need to be brought together, to become whole again, like when Liam was mortal."
"He will not hurt the people he loves if his alter ego is loose?"
"I don't know the answer to that question, he may hurt all of you, but even the best of men hurt those they love sometimes, all I am saying is that he will no longer be the Angelus or the Angel that you know because he'll be whole."
"So he could kill us still, if this works."
"No, I didn't say kill, I said hurt, and there are many different forms of that emotion. You will see that in time. I would not say the things I do if it was not important. Can you not feel what I say is true?"
"Yes I can feel it, and I will do what you ask, but what do you want of me besides the obvious?"
"The Powers that Be have asked me to give you a choice, go back as you were before we brought you here, and help bind his soul, but after that is done you will die again. Or go back as one of our messengers, bind his soul, and fight for our cause until what's been done can be undone."
"How long will it take to fix what's happened to the world."
"I do not know, but I do know that you would die a mortal death before you ever saw the world change into what it once was."
"I don't understand, how can I choose any of the two choices when I will die with what ever choice I make, I can't help you fix it if I'm not there."
"Wesley do you not know what a messenger is? You wont be human anymore."
"What you'd turn me into a demon?"
"No you wouldn't be a demon. Lets just say you would be more enhanced then if you were human. For every forty years that pass you will age as if only a year had passed in that length of time. Death cannot touch you from the outside, it can only touch you from within, old age will be your demise, and we can only give you more time, not forever. They have also decided to give you three gifts to help you and those that may surround you, but you will learn of them when the time is right."
"So I wont live forever, I will die sometime, it just wont be as soon as I thought?"
"Yes, we did not think you would want to live forever."
"No, I don't want to live forever, I've seen first hand the loneliness that walks with forever, and I don't want to have to go through what he has for all these years."
"I see you've made your choice, and it's the right choice only good will come from it. I don't have much longer, my body is starting to wake."
Dawn whispered.
Wesley noticed the change in the room as Dawn's whisper faded. Everything was becoming hazy and grey, almost as if this place could not sustain the key in its waking moments. Images were rushing in and swirling around the room, they were all broken and jagged, sharp and dull, dark and light and soft and hard all at once. He could see the mess that had become Dawns teenaged mind, he knew that what ever she had gone through had been horrible to reduce her to this broken thing that flashed and swirled around him. He looked at the key before him, as other shapes much like her own green shimmering body came to stand beside her. They all had their own colour that helped to define who they were and had been.
"Dawn, how? They are souls aren't they?"
"Yes Wes, they are, and I wont let them cross over, they are still needed, only they have a while to wait until its time for them to return, unlike you who is needed now. They will help as they are now, with putting Dawn's mind back into one piece. She doesn't realize that what she sees in her waking moments is reality and not fantasy, she thinks she's gone crazy, she doesn't know that they are the souls of the ones who will always protect her. Its time Wesley, lie back and close your eyes, this will be an unpleasant experience."
"WAIT! How, how is this even possible."
"The key's energy is older then time its self, there are things I could do that would leave you speechless, everything is possible, only when you give up do the things that are possible become impossible, remember that Wesley, if anything at all remember that and the possibilities will be endless."
She whispered.
"Will I see you again?"
"You will see me only when I need to guide you, but you wont remember ever speaking with me again, we cannot interfere once we send you back, there are rules we have to follow, it is the only way, but you will remember what needs to be done when the time is right. Now close your eyes there isn't much time left, my power is beginning to fade."
He had so many questions that would go unanswered, but he could see the haven he had awoken in shimmering out of existence. Laying down he shut his eyes and waited, for what he didn't know. Time seemed to stop as he waited which was funny since time did not exist on this plain, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years could have passed by and he would never know because everything here just was. The first change started with a feeling of lightness within his body, which surprised him. Slowly he began to tingle from head to toe, the warmth that had surrounded him was gone now, and a hard unfeeling cold took its place. Wesley became frightened with this big change inside his body, as a over powering nausea hit him full force. He was being pulled in all directions, torn in two and then being quickly stitched together again. He was falling, and fast, plummeting to wards something he didn't know, but that wasn't possible. He couldn't be falling he thought to himself, if he had been falling then he wouldn't feel like he was being pulled. He realized as the sensations grew into a feverish pitch, that the pull he felt was the pull of time and space, he was being hurdled through it at a speed that was going to rip him in two over and over and over again. There was no end to this horrendous feeling he thought, no way to know where he was going and in what direction, so he opened his eyes. That was a mistake he wished he had never made, as he watched the bright colours race towards him at an alarming rate, or was he racing towards them? He didn't know, if the pulsing colours hadn't been making him so sick in mind and body he would have found the experience beautiful, alarming, but beautiful. He was moving faster then the speed of light, faster then time its self, this proved Dawn's words about possibility lying within everything. His mind was screaming as was his body, this journey was going to kill him. His body began to shut down, the experience was just too much for a body to remain aware of the changes that where happening at this speed. Conscious thought was the last to leave him as the colours turned to black.
***********************************************
The sound of shattering glass and a bone crushing crash made the occupants in the small office jump. Moving quickly Angel ran out the door and in to the lobby, looking for the intruder. The others were just steps behind him when he saw it, broken and bloody and very much naked on the lobby floor.
"Oh my God, he fell through the skylight, is he, is he dead?"
Fred asked in shock.
"I don't know? Its almost a three story fall, I don't think any human could survive that."
Angel whispered. Taking a step closer to the fallen man he tried to see his face, maybe they knew him.
"Dad! What's going on, I heard a crash, are we being attacked?"
Conner yelled from the second floor.
"No, just stay where you are until I am sure that it's safe."
Angel answered back.
"Angel cakes, this isn't possible, I…. I mean we saw this person die the day the battle started, he was dead, this isn't possible"
the host whispered.
"What, you're making no sense Lorne, who is he?"
Angel asked while looking at his friend.
"Wesley! Its Wesley"
he replied softly. Angel turned to look at the man that had betrayed him and his son, but the old feelings of rage and betrayal didn't rise up in him, only an age old sadness filled his chest.
"Conner, go get a blanket quick, and Fred,"
"I am going Angel, first aid kits in the kitchen now, I'll bring water too."
Fred said before Angel had the chance to finish his sentence. Angel nodded and then turned, striding over to Wesley, he scooped him up gentle and headed to the stairs, Lorne wasn't far behind him, mumbling to himself the whole time.
Angel was just laying Wesley down on his bed when Conner came in with the blanket. Taking the blanket from his son, he quickly covered Wesley before Fred could see him. She came running moments later with tears in her eyes, as she looked at the still pale figure on the bed. Shaking her head sadly, she handed the box to Angel, and then turned and ran from the room sobbing. The three that remained in the room watched her go sadly.
"I know what she's thinking, and it's going to hurt her a lot. I wish I could take some of her pain away."
Angel said sadly.
"I know, I do too, I even have some of the same questions that are running through her mind right now, but I wont ask them because its not for us to decide who comes back and who doesn't. Its up to them, I just hope they haven't made a mistake choosing him, and not Gunn."
The host said softly. After that silence filled the room as the remaining two watched Angel carefully clean Wesley's body, and bandage him up. His movements were fluent and graceful as he worked quickly and effectively, snatching any wounds that still bled. Once finished the vampire pulled a chair up to the bed and sat down watching him, as he lay their oblivious to all that lay around him. As the hours past his son and Lorne left him in his watch, Fred needed them right now more then the man that lay on his bed. Even in sleep Angel could see the pain of past mistakes etched on his face. He is a lost soul, Angel thought as he stared at the man he had once called friend.
"If he is a lost soul, then doesn't that mean you are suppose to help him, is that not what you do to atone for your past crimes and betrayals."
A voice inside Angel's head asked. Angel shook his head trying to rid him self of that voice, he didn't want to think about that now, it would only lead to brooding and the way he had handled the Wesley situation, all he wanted right now was to have Wesley wake up. His wish came true as the man on the bed moaned, and moved his head. Angel sat forward, leaning over him, as he watched his eyelashes flutter on his cheeks.
"Wesley, Wesley can you hear me? If you can you have to open your eyes. Come on Wes I know you can do it."
Angel said quietly. Wesley moaned again, as his eyes slowly began to open. He was desperately trying to focus on the objects around him, when HE came into focus leaning over top of him. Wesley could see the questions in Angel's eyes, but they would have to wait, the pain that was surging through his mind and body was just too much for him, and he could feel himself slipping back into the dark abyss of his mind, where the pain could not touch him. Angel could see that Wesley wasn't going to remain awake for long, the pain in his body was so strong that he could smell it. Angel watched as he faded into the beginnings of unconsciousness, it would be hours before he would wake again, and he never got the chance to ask him what had happened to him, but then he spoke one word before his word became dark again. Angel sat back, while he said the word over and over again in his mind, what could he have meant by it, and why that word out of many. Angel became lost in thought while he remained by Wesley's bedside, his lips moved forming a word over and over again. It carried on the still air, as it came out as a whisper
"FORGIVE"