London, England
I'd signed my own death sentence and I wasn't even feeling anything. So this is what it's like, I thought, suddenly feeling closer to my boss and my mentor than ever before. I had always said I would give up my life to save another life, to do the right thing. That principle had been challenged now, and I had stood by it. But at what cost?
"If you want to go," I told both the people still standing with me, "go."
This statement was directed at my best friend. I didn't want to see her killed for my beliefs. Actually, that was true for anyone, but especially not her. Michael, however, cut me off. "If you go, then we go," he said evenly. "How many and how long?"
"Five of them, armed. They've compromised the place." I sighed. "Do we tell them and let them know that we know? We've got to warn them."
"No time. Get back on the phone. Get everyone together."
I deferred to Michael's judgment and started to dial. My hands were shaking again. Just as I completed the call and got my basic information out, the door came crashing open. That's when I figured it out.
They were coming for me.
I raised my weapon and prepared to fire until I realized I was looking straight into Tony's eyes. Shuddering, I lowered my weapon. I'd almost shot my co-worker. How far gone was I?
"Come on," Tony said, not giving me the time to answer myself. "We can cut them off if we move now."
Racing out the door, we joined up with the others in the hallway. My pulse was racing. When I had joined CTU, I had made myself undergo intense physical training. I had trained with Jack and Tony for hours, mastering various forms of combat, getting into shape, learning how to survive and how to fight. I'd never had to use any of those skills until today. But people couldn't just be left to die.
"Lex," I said suddenly, "is the data protected?"
"I've got it."
"Get it to the car. I want it safe and out of here." At his unconvinced look I summoned up my best 'Jack Bauer is my boss' tone of voice. "Go!"
"Do what she says, Lex," Tony added, but we were busy running for the elevator.
*Heaven's in your eyes
And it's begging me to lie
You're waiting for a little more
Of those words you want to hear But the silence weighs on meAnd I think it's time to leave
Before I go, you gotta know
Why nothing's ever clear*
"There are five of these guys, and they're trained killers, they could be Nina's guys," Tony was explaining as the elevator descended rapidly. "I'd like to take one of them alive if possible, but… Everybody take one, Weiss, Michael, we cover for these guys," he added with a nod in mine and Leticia's direction. I wasn't offended; we were the weakest in combat, after all. I let the idea slide and decided to just do my job.
Weiss and Tony, at the front of the elevator, were prepared to take the first assault. I felt Leticia to my left and Michael to my right. Everybody was armed, and aside from the two of us, everybody knew how to use their weapons. It wasn't like we were flying blind. This was a choice that we made.
In the silence, Weiss: "Here we go."
And we went.
*You know I have to walk away
Don't you try to stop and save me
When it all falls down
When it all falls down
You know I tried but I can't change
So go ahead and blame me
When it all falls down
'Cause it'll all fall down*
"Federal agents! Drop your weapons!" That was Tony.
A beat of silence, doing the math; Tony wouldn't let them get so far as to draw their weapons.
My safety was off and I put someone's head in my sights. I tried not to think of the fact that he was a person.
Tony fired and I squeezed my trigger, trying not to look anyway as the man went down in a spray of blood and bone. Weiss and Michael fired at the same time I did, their shots dead on. Weiss looked a little surprised at himself. Instinctively, we all re-aimed at the one surviving target. I was shaking. I'd just wounded a guy, and he'd probably die from his injuries.
This was worse than any R-rated movie. But it was also life.
*In the spiderweb
Trapped by what I've said
As you can see I'll never be
What you really want so
I'll just hide behind
This attitude, dissolve my pride
It's made the choice to keep your voice
From creeping to my inside*
More math – one of him, four guns pointed at his head.
As Tony borrowed Michael's handcuffs, we kept our weapons to bear. I figured I'd never be able to eat again. "Somebody will want to notify security," I just said randomly. Michael nodded. I saw somewhere in his eyes that he understood what I had just been made to do.
Good for him, because I certainly didn't.
*You know I tried but I can't change
So go ahead and blame me
When it all falls down
'Cause it'll all fall down*
Outside Vincent's Restaurant
London, England
I stepped out of the car, the emptiness both inside the vehicle and my stomach. Leticia was waiting on the curb and Michael locked the car, looking across it at the both of us. Tony and Weiss were still at the CC, helping with the cleanup and interrogation. Lex was getting the microhpone wiring out of the trunk. I hadn't said much since the shooting.
As I rounded the car to go into the building, where my mid-day appointment with Sarah Everton waited (after she'd heard the news of what had happened, she had agreed to see us promptly), Michael took me by the arm. I looked into his eyes again. The fire was sobering now. I wanted to trust him, more than I wanted to trust a lot of people.
"Is there anything I can do?"
"Just stay safe," I said as Lex was wiring me up. "I don't want to lose anyone else tonight."
"It will be okay," he said, trying to be encouraging. "I know."
The two of us stared at each other for a moment until Lex pronounced me ready to go. I looked at Leticia and the two of us walked across the street into the little French restaurant. As we stopped inside the door, I scanned the room as Tony and Jack had taught me to. My eyes went wide and I grabbed her arm.
"What? Ow, that hurts."
"Sorry." I pointed across the room. "Is that Professor Berghof?"
"Is it? Ew."
"Yeah." Another scan. "Okay, I found her. Over there with the red hair. See her?"
She nodded, and we proceeded to the table (all the while trying to decide if Berghof was a hallucination of ours or not; eventually we had to admit that he was real). Sarah Everton, the red-headed Counterterrorism Center H.R. administrator, was supposed to be our resource person. She assisted PV review teams – although by now it was obvious we were not a PV review team, we were now covering for ourselves thanks to Michael's very quick, Oliver-assisted lie that we were Special Branch – and she was a higher-up.
The two of us slid into the booth. "Thank you for seeing us," I said. Diplomacy first, you know.
"It's not a problem," she said. "Considering what happened today, I'll do anything to put things right."
I tried not to freeze and succeeded. I knew that voice anywhere. I looked away from the menu into Sarah Everton's eyes. Eyes that I knew.
She was Nina Myers.
I watched her face for recognition; she didn't seem to know me (then again, I had also changed my hair color) and she definitely didn't know Leticia. We talked, and we ordered lunch. I was having lunch with my boss's wife's (and my close friend's) killer. It was disturbing, but I know how to play my cool. No immediate threat, but there could be.
Nina/Sarah smiled at me warmly. "I have to say, I expected someone…"
"Older? Yes, I get that a lot." I chuckled. "But it's always good to start early, I suppose."
She nodded. "Being proactive is always a good thing."
Professor Berghof had gotten up and was walking to the door. He had to pass right by our table as he did so. I think he did a double take, but he didn't say anything, which was good, because I didn't want to open that door, or worse, pass out face down in my pasta. Involuntarily, I rolled my eyes.
The conversation continued for almost an hour, with the trading of files and the explanations that went with them and the occasional small talk. I kept details of my "identity" close to my chest, and for her part Leticia did the same thing. I think she knew who we were dealing with. As good as Nina/Sarah was, you really can't hide the soul of a killer from those who know where to look.
We finished lunch, shook hands, promised to meet some other time; as she left and we headed for the restroom, I was really glad Tony wasn't in the car. Hers sped by as I made it to the ladies' room. Done washing my hands, I made my way through the restaurant and out the door. My first instinct was to take a long deep breath, then head directly across the street and launch myself at Lex. My partner seemed surprised, but held on to me.
I came up with only a Krycek quote: "It's all gone to hell."