Second Chances
Part One
She was being pulled in her endless wandering, through the very pits of what she believed to be worse then hell. No matter where she traveled, images of another life, another place, another time, haunted her. Called to her. Sleep became impossible for days on end, not wanting to remember the horrors of another life. She allowed her mind and body to become so exhausted, that when she would close her eyes to rest there wouldn't be anything but the blessed darkness. It never worked out that way, oh there was darkness, but there were also flashes of memory as well, until sleep finally took her. But even in sleep, there was never the darkness that she sought, that one small grace that she wished to become one with. For in that state she could feel nothing, and be nothing, and nothing would exist. No demons, no form, no world, no life, just the never ending void of darkness that would bring the peace she long for. It was only in her conscious moments that she ceased to remember, or perhaps a better phrase would be she herself had ceased to be anything at all. It was during these times that she became a living, breathing statue, where no one could touch her, and where loneliness was the only presence that remained able to penetrate her walls and barriers. It was only in the moments before sleep and awakening, that the statue became a shell of her former self, the girl and the slayer known as Buffy. It was then that the feelings of despair and hopelessness consumed her, making it all things that touched her, and came close to her. It was in the air, the ground, the hellish red shy, and it was within her tortured soul. In moments like these she would remember and the heartache would fill her, making her soul scream. It would sit, twisting and turning, clawing at her flesh from the inside out, raging throughout her body, making it burn with a pain so deep and profound, that she knew it would always be there, whether she remembered or forgot. She knew then and only then, that life had no taste, heart, and meaning anymore.
Six months of wandering through the southwest, had turned up little towns and small cities that were desperately trying to rebuild, what had once been their homes and lives. She never stays long in these places, the people didn't trust strangers, and she never blamed them for that. Everything they had ever believed in was gone now, and it was hard to grasp that, let alone understand that. If the people she encountered began to get agitated with her presence after a few days she would shrug it off and begin her journey once more, hoping to find a place where she would be welcome to remain. It never happened, not even when she had found that small child that sat crying by the bodies of her parents. The girl had been no more then five years old, with bright blue eyes, that were shedding tear after tear down her dirt smudged face. Something had ripped through her heart at the sight of the girl, making it hard to breath. She was so innocent, and small. It wasn't right for her to be sitting in the street crying over the two people that should still be here to take care of her. Elizabeth moved towards the girl slowly, until she stood towering over her small form. Two bright watery eyes looked up at her imploringly, yet fearful at the same time. What had this child gone through, to make her fear those who looked to be just like her?
Long brown hair, that was dirty and stringy framed the small china doll face of the child, as she dropped her chin to her small heaving chest, breaking eye contact from the lady that stood over her. A sob escaped past her tiny puckered lips, she looked like a broken little doll, and she was all alone in this hell. Elizabeth dropped to the ground in front of her, and reached out to her, lifting the small face to look her in the eye again. Huge teardrops rolled one after the other down her chubby cheeks, leaving clean skin in their wake. The child's lips trembled harshly as she looked at this lady before her, not understanding what was happening or why it was happening at all. A soft bell like voice filled her ears, when the child spoke.
"Mommy…. Daddy…. wake up. You wake mommy and daddy up? Please!"
The girl sobbed between each word.
"I can't wake them up sweetie, I wish I could, but I can't. Do you understand what I am saying?"
Elizabeth whispered brokenheartedly. The girl's crying seemed to magnify, and echo off the structures that stood around them. Each gut-wrenching sob was quickly followed by a strong hiccup, as the girl seemed to get smaller right before her eyes. So much pain, in such a small helpless being wasn't fair. What would happen to this little innocent, who didn't have the ability yet to understand what had happened to her little world? A small spark of light seemed to pierce through Elizabeth's heart, causing her to close her eyes. What it was she didn't know, but it was changing something inside of her, she was sure of it. A tear slowly fell past her closed eyes, as she shook her head sadly. She came back to herself, as she felt warm soft trusting flesh circle her neck. Opening her eyes she tilted her head down, to look at the head of the child against her shoulder. Slowly she raised her arms to cradle the little form against her body, and rock her while she cried.
Time seemed to stop, as they sat on the ground holding each other, as the girl cried and shook in fear. The first thing the Elizabeth noticed after what seemed to be hours was the people that were slowly creeping towards her and the girl. Elizabeth stiffened, not knowing if they were human or not, or if they were a threat to the young one in her arms. When they were no more then five feet away, an old man with grey hair, and cold hard brown eyes stepped forward. She quickly realized that he was the leader of this small-frightened group of survivors. She looked at him with only faint interest while she continued to sooth the child as she cried. This seemed to make the man angry, for he came right up to them, and looked down on them threateningly. Elizabeth didn't waver in the battle of wills that seemed to be going on between them. She would wait for as long as it took for him to speak, and she would do it with out showing any weakness on her part. The man exhaled loudly after no more then five minutes of this battle, he shook his head angrily as his lips parted.
"Get that child to shut up now, before her cries make them come back to finish what they started this morning."
He hissed loudly. Elizabeth remained silent and unmoving, the only thing that showed was amusement in her bright green eyes, as she looked at him, and the way he changed colour with his anger, but why he was angry she didn't understand, especially towards a defenceless child.
"Did you hear me? Are you stupid, get her to shut up, before more of us die. This isn't a game, its are lives were fighting for here."
He yelled. Then quickly clamped a hand over his mouth, while him and the others looked around fearfully. What they were looking for was unclear, but she knew that it couldn't be good, if it made them this fearful.
"And does she not have a right to live, and be as frightened as you are now?"
She spoke with conviction, and belief in a steady voice.
"No, those things should have killed her along with her parents this morning."
There was no feeling or emotion in his voice, as he said those condemning words. Elizabeth was shocked, and it showed on her face. This man would wish death on a small defenceless child, with no emotion what so ever.
"She deserves to live as much as the next man or woman, more so then anyone else here because she's just a defenceless child." Elizabeth stated coldly. A rage was beginning to build inside of her after being with out emotion for so long.
"That is exactly why they should have killed her. She was careless enough to wander out when the attack started this morning, and her parents were stupid to try and save her. Well they saved her all right, but at the cost of their own lives and now she's alone and a threat to all of us again. And make her shut that excessive noise up, she end up getting us all killed I tell you."
He spat, with an angry nod towards the child. The girl whimpered softly and buried her face in Elizabeth's neck as she began to cry louder, she didn't understand why the man was angry with her or what she had done to be so bad, and make the mean man not like her. Elizabeth tightened her hold on the girl and cooed to her softly, trying to still her fears and confusion. When the child had settled somewhat she looked at the faces of the people before her coldly, until her gaze rested once more on the old man.
"She's just as scared as all of you, but her fear is worse because she doesn't understand…"
she was cut off by him.
"And do you think we understand what's happening or even why it's happening?"
He yelled.
"No I don't. But you can think about it and try to understand it because you're all old enough and capable of that kind of thought. And like I was trying to say, she is just a little girl, and her mind isn't able to think about things on the same level as you or I. You should be protecting her because she will be your future. Don't you see that with out her our race will die out in this hellhole? Then tell me how we can ever come to understand what's happening or why its happening? When I was young people use to tell me that children were the worlds future, yet you wish death pone the one being that could be the one to ensure the future of the human race. Do you really care more for the long life you have already had, I mean your what 75, 80. You don't have much longer left I can tell, yet this little girl can't be more then 5 years old, and you would have her die before she has even had the chance to live, just so you can what? Live a few more months, when she would have years. Mmhp you make me sick, all of you do, to care so little for the ones who are unable to care for themselves. Is this what humanity is going to become, a bunch of people to worried about themselves, to help those who need it. Well if that's the case, then your all no better then the monsters and demons that come and slaughter you one by one. Look at her she's just a small girl who disserves a chance at life, no matter how bad it may be, and she disserves to be loved, truly loved, and watched over until she's old enough and strong enough to protect herself."
Elizabeth stated calmly, although that was the furthest emotion raging with in her. She could see two of the observers were crying and shaking their heads, maybe she could get these people to watch out for this little small miracle that had survived the end of days when so many had most likely perished. She was so deep in thought that she jumped when the man spoke again.
"That was a very nice speech, but it changes nothing, she will be our down fall, and then were will that leave the future. It will be a future of corpses, only the strong survive, the weak all die and she is weak. Now make her shut up and then hand her over, and be on your way, we don't take kindly to strangers, especially those who try to tell us what is what."
He snarled. Elizabeth noted that he was getting angrier by the minute, and it made her happy to see that, and she knew how she could also make him even angrier. Smiling sweetly she asked
"why do you want the girl now, didn't you just finish saying that she was a danger to you all?"
His face seemed to change two shades of purple as his voice rang out loud and menising in the still pungent air,
"because once you get her quite, we can take her a few miles from here and leave her to those things, as I said before only the strong survive."
Elizabeth felt the first signs of an all consuming rage fill her chest, and she knew she was about to unleash it on those that stood before her, especially the old man who had dared to say those horrible in human things, he was as much a monster has the things that ran around killing those that had survived. She stood suddenly bringing the child with her, as she rose to her full height, even if that height wasn't as tall as the man before her. She gently placed the child on her small feet behind her, and then turned to the man who was beginning to seem more and more like the deil himself. Small chubby little hands which were dimpled at the knuckles clamped around her right thigh, as the girl cautiously peeked around her toned leg to look up at what Elizabeth was glowering at herself. Tears shimmered in her blue eyes as her little mind tried to make sense of every thing she had heard, but it was hard because she didn't understand everything they had said, her mind was unable to comprehend what it all meant. She remembered her kitty Snowy had chased a mouse once and then caught it, and then it didn't move or run anymore. Mommy said that Snowy by accident killed it, and that it had gone to heaven with all the other mouses that had been killed by accident. Her mind rapped around the word killed, she knew its meaning, but why did the mean man want her to be killed and then gone to heaven. Mommy and daddy wouldn't even let her cross the street by herself so why would this man want her to be gone to heaven by herself. And what did the word died mean, he used that word too, he said that mommy and daddy were died, but mommy and daddy hadn't gone to died cause they were lying on the ground right there, so they couldn't have gone to died, cause they were still here, and sides they would bring me with them. Mommy and daddy never go away to any place with out me cause they say I am their baby sweet pea. This mean man is making up bad things and that's not very nice, and mommy always says to be nice just so you don't make people cry, but he makes me cry and mommy and daddy just stay a sleep not making it all better with hugs and kisses. Maybe I did something to make them mad at me, but I know I was a good girl just like they told me to be, sides mommy cries when I cry so she would have give me hugs and kisses rights. Oh no, no, no the mean man is coming now, mommy please wake up, its morning now. This nice lady is yelling. She looks like mommy when she yells at daddy for being what's the word she says, oh yea dimwitted, that's it that's it. I am not so scared now cause the nice lady is beauifuls just like my mommy, and mommy would be soooo happy cause she gave me hugs and kisses to make me not so afraid of the monsters that were here. But still where is died cause if mommy and daddy were going there then I have to be able to know the way too, so we can be a family, me mommy and daddy, maybe mommy and daddy will let the nice lady be in my family to cause I likes her a whole lots. Their so lot of words that I never sawed before, maybe mommy or daddy will tell me what it is or maybe the nice lady will tell me. The small child thought to herself while the argument began to get louder and louder between the man and Elizabeth.
The young one was pulled from her thoughts when the nice lady gently peeled her hands off of her leg. Once done she quickly took the two steps that brought them within an inch of each other, Elizabeth boldly looking up and the man looking down.
"Just give us the child, you were right, we'll care for her."
The man said. Elizabeth didn't believe that for one moment, while she remained staring into his eyes, the eyes were the windows to the soul, and his eyes held nothing but lies and deceit.
"You're lying! She's coming with me when I leave here tomorrow, so you and your precious life wont have to worry anymore. I'll do what all of you wont, I'll protect her and she will live a long life, even if it kills me."
She screamed in his face.
"You can't take her, she doesn't belong to you."
"What! You are making no sense what so ever, you tell me your going to leave her to die and now that you have the chance to keep yourselves safe from her weak state, you tell me no. If I am correct she doesn't belong to you either."
"Wrong little girl, she does belong to us. Her parents are dead, and she was left in our care, by them while they still lived."
"Right care. But your not giving her care, your going to give her death, and I wont let you do that you'll have to kill me first, but let me tell you it wont work. I am harder to kill and get rid of then you think, never judge a book by its cover, and if you want to find out then I am game."
"I don't want to fight, I just want you to hand over Jessica and then be on your way. If you keep heading in the direction you were heading, then in 3 to 4 days you'll hit L.A. So just give me the girl."
"No, like I said you lie. You don't want to care for her, you want to kill her, I just can't understand why?"
"Just give us the girl before they come back, so we can get off the streets."
"You didn't seem frightened a minute ago, until you mentioned the girl and the things that did this to your town. Why is that? Why…Oh my god, where are the other children?"
"What? There are no other children, none survived but her."
"You lie, where are they? You better tell me now, oh I swear on all that is holy that I will kill you and tare this place a part until I find them."
"There are none, I've already told you. Now Jesse come over to me and take my hand little one."
The man said while looking at the small child with hatred. Elizabeth looked at the man in alarm, she knew that he had done something to the children that had lived, he had sold his soul to the devil himself, she was sure of it, and she just didn't know what he got in exchange. Elizabeth turned in a way that enabled her to look at Jesse, but still keep a watchful eye on the man.
"Jesse, honey. You have a very beautiful name that goes perfectly with how beautiful you are."
She whispered sweetly to the child, there was no reason to alarm the poor girl more then she had already been. Elizabeth noted the man get down to the same level as the frightened child before speaking to her.
"Jesse, come and take my hand so we can go and let this nice lady be on her way to her own home. Then I can tell you about your mommy and daddy, and why they won't wake up. Ok."
He tried to sound soothing and calm, but Elizabeth sensed the lies behind it, and in the next moment it appeared the child had as well.
"You are a very, very mean man. You made my mommy and daddy get hurt. Why, was I bad like the others you sent to the monsters."
She asked pleadingly trying to understand all that was happening. Elizabeth remained very still and tried to piece together what the child was saying.
"Jesse! Enough talking, come with me right now, before you up set everyone."
He yelled in irritation.
"No, you take me back there, Jesse no go. Jesse stay with mommy and daddy. Mommy and daddy saved Jesse from the monsters. You go to the monsters, no take Jesse. Mommy says you bad, and I say you mean. I won't go. I stay with mommy and daddy and the nice lady that gives hugs and kisses."
She yelled while tears ran down her cheeks, and she waved her small fisted hands in all directions trying to get her point across, in a way everyone could understand. Elizabeth noted the dark look that crossed the man's face, just before springing towards the small child that was now wailing loudly. That sound alone would have been enough to shake the heavens and bring the angels racing towards her, in hopes of keeping her safe. A scream tore from her little lungs when she saw him reach towards her with his big hairy hand, closing her eyes she waited for the smack that would come form him. It never came, the only thing she heard was a pain filled shout, which caused her to open her eyes and stare at the scene before her. Elizabeth had moved faster then the human eye could follow grabbing the hand that reached for the child before it ever made contact with her new young charge. She snapped the hand back breaking at lest three of the bones in the hand along with both bones of the wrist. She let him go and watched as he fell to the ground cradling the injured hand against his chest, she also noted that the others moved back in fear of her, which caused her to smile coldly at them.
Elizabeth smiled to her self when two young men finally moved forward, ceasing their leader and dragging him away. She watched until they all had disappeared around a building, leaving her and Jesse alone on the street. Turning back to the child, she pulled in a large breath at the sight before her. Jesse was crumpled on the ground hugging her mother tight, as her small body shook with the force of her silent sobs. Tears sprang into her green eyes for the little waif of a girl who sat holding on to the only things she ever knew.
"How do you explain death to a 5 year old, and how do you make them understand what death means."
She thought to her self sadly. She moved to kneel beside Jesse, and let her know that she was here for her. One small hand made contact with her knee, while those bright blue eyes looked up at her in confusion.
"Mommy and daddy wont wake up will they?"
She whispered in a tear strained voice.
"No sweetie, they wont."
She said quietly, but god this was going to be hard.
"Why?"
"Did your mommy and daddy ever tell you how sometimes bad things happen, and we don't know why, or even how they happen?"
"I think so. Did a bad thing happen to my mommy and daddy? That why they won't wake up."
She cried. Tears had began to run down Elizabeth's face as the air in her chest seemed to be squeezed out slowly making her words catch and flow out unevenly.
"No baby, they won't wake up. They had to go away, and I know they are watching you from where they are."
"But they no leave Jesse. They always bring Jesse with them, sides their right here see."
Jesse said with determination and hope. The heart that couldn't break anymore seemed to be breaking all over again for this poor little girl.
"Ok, sweetie I am going to explain this the best that I can, but if you don't know or understand something I need you to tell me, so I can help you understand."
"Yea, I listening."
"Your mommy and daddy had to go to heaven. You know what heaven is don't you Jesse."
"Yea, its where mouses go when they get killed by my kitty, but mommy and daddy didn't get killed, they get dead, the mean man said that they got dead not killed."
She said with such innocence that Elizabeth had to look away to keep the cry that was rising up inside of her.
"What's your name?"
Jesse asked softly. That soft bell like voice brought her out of the pain, and she looked at her again, and smiled.
"My name's Elizabeth"
she said. Then reaching over she enveloped the child in her arms and settled her on her lap as she began to explain the rest of her explanation.
"Honey when people die, or when they are dead, they also go to heaven with the mouses."
"But there still here."
"I know baby, there bodies stay here, but the thing that makes them your mommy and daddy, the thing that sits right here inside their chest leaves and goes to heaven."
"They come back, cause when I go to Katie's house, I come back, so mommy and daddy come back from heaven right."
"No Jesse they wont, when you go to heaven you can't come back."
"They don't love me anymore, is that why, they no come back."
She cried as more tears fell from her eyes.
"No sweet, its not because they don't love you. I know for a fact that they love you very, very much, and that they would do anything and everything they could to come home to you, but they can't because it doesn't work that way. So never ever think that your mommy and daddy don't love you for even one second."
"But if mommy and daddy are in heaven, then whose going to love Jesse, and read bedtime stories to me. I'm not allowed to be alone. Mommy and daddy say I'm not big enough yet."
"I know your not sweetie, and that's why I am going to take care of you, your mommy and daddy would want that wouldn't they?"
"Yes mommy would like you lots and lots, cause you just like my mommy, but I see them again right?"
"Yes Jesse, you will see them again one day."
"I have to be killed or dead to see them won't I Izabuff."
Jesse began to cry harder and louder, as the words tumbled from her mouth.
"Yes baby, but that won't be for a very, very, very long time. You still have your whole life ahead of you, but I do know that when you do get to heaven that your mommy and daddy will be waiting to give you hugs and kisses, and until that day, they will always be right here inside your heart, and watching over you."
Elizabeth whispered.
"But I stills what my mommy and my daddy, I don't want them to be dead."
"I know baby, I know. I wish they could still be here with you too. But Jesse I do promise you that the pain and the sad feeling inside will go away in time, and if you ever want to talk or even cry I'll be here forever."
"You promise you no get dead too."
"I promise forever to you Jesse, I'll never leave you for any reason."
Standing up with Jesse in her arms she began the long journey to the city of Angel's. Maybe she would be able to live after all. Jesse was going to be hand full, and Elizabeth was hoping just for that.
Jesse had cried the first night, refusing to eat or speak. Elizabeth let her call out for her parents until sleep had finally taken her small body in to a restless sleep, maybe dreams would come to her, that would make her forget the pain for awhile, and then maybe by morning she would eat, and not cry so much. Not that the crying was bad, it was just that water was scarce and this desert was hot day and night, if that's what you could call either of the two. Dehydration was going to become a worry if she continued like this before they reached L.A. Morning came with huge raindrop tears, but Jesse did eat and drink a bit, to Elizabeth's delight. Only two more days of travel to go, and then she could get Jesse all cleaned up, and allow her the time needed to greave for her lost parents. Two hours of walking began to show on her little charges face, she was tired and her lips were already cracked and dry.
"Jesse here you need to drink some of this, you don't have enough water inside your body from crying, but that's ok cause this will help you. Please drink it, and then how would you like to have a piggyback ride for a while, it'll be fun I promise. Besides you can rest then, you wont have to walk anymore to day, how's that sound."
Elizabeth asked, trying to sound enthusiastic about everything that was going on. She knew it had to be hard for the child to be uprooted the way she was especially after the events that had occurred in her young life.
"Ok Ebuff, I'm very thirsty, and I love piggyback rides daddy gives me them all the time."
The child's face dropped with those words, and her little foot began to dig into the dirt, while she looked at anything but Elizabeth. She came down to Jesse's level and took her hand, while she waited for Jesse to look at her. Jesse's blue eyes met green a few minutes later, and Elizabeth smiled warmly.
"Hey, its ok to talk about them. I just got the very best idea ever, here you drink this while I tell you ok sweetie."
She said softly.
"Oh ok Ebuff."
Jesse replied.
"That's my girl. Now how about you tell me, all about your mommy and daddy while I give you a ride. Would you like that?"
"Oh yes, yes, yess."
Jesse cried with excitement.
"Well then you better hop on cause the piggy is leaving the station."
Elizabeth said with a laugh. Jesse laughed as she jumped on to Elizabeth's back and the two girls started walking again. Her little bell like voice floated around them as they continued on their journey, until slowly the pauses in between each word got longer and longer. Elizabeth knew the moment Jesse was asleep because she had become dead weight, not that she was to heavy for her to carry. Jesse couldn't have weighed anymore then 50 to 60 pounds, which was nothing for her. Elizabeth walked on throughout the rest of the day and night as Jesse slept peacefully in her arms. The city of Angel's she thought about in the long hours of night, but the thought of Angel's brought back a memory from what she thought must be her past.
~ He stood no more then twenty feet away in between two fire trucks, and stared at her. No words were spoken, he had already told her, he wouldn't say goodbye if they lived. Well they had and now he stood there looking at her, memorizing every inch that was Buffy, as she did the same to him. Time froze that moment and placed it inside both their minds forever, nothing could make them forget that one heartbreaking moment of loss. Then it was over and he was turning away from her forever, leaving her to live in the light, as he walked in the darkness and out of her life. The smoke had swallowed him whole as he left her there, watching him leave. It was over; the greatest love she had ever known was gone now forever.~
Elizabeth came out of her memory when she glimpsed thousands of tiny lights in the distance; walking faster she made her way toward them being careful not to wake Jesse with the bounce in her light steps. The closer she got to the city of Angel's the more she noticed this slight tingling sensation that seemed to start in her stomach and then spread through out her body. What it was she didn't know, but for some strange reason she whispered one word into the early morning light, and she didn't know why or what it could possibly mean.
"ANGEL"