Second Chances
Part Two
Angel sat in the tall backed chair, cradling his head in the palm of his hands. Wesley still lay only a few feet away in his bed, unconscious. Hours must have past since the last time he was awake. Angel knew it would be awhile until Wesley would wake, but he never thought it would be this long. Leaning back, Angel ran a hand through his messy hair as he tried to find a position that would allow his stiff body to relax. He was tired, so very tired. He hadn't been sleeping well, his search for a binding spell kept him from sleep for days, until his eyes could no longer remain open. Now on top of every thing that was happening, it seems fate was throwing another obstacle in his path. Why the powers brought Wesley back and not the others would more then likely remain a mystery to them all? He did however know that they only do the things they do for important reasons, and Wesley appears to be needed here for the coming years, why else would they bring him back. As Angel sat thinking to him self, he noticed a subtle feeling begin to make it's way through his body. The little hairs on the nape of his neck stood on end, as a strong swirling, tingling sensation filled his entire body. Angel stood abruptly and began pacing the length of the small room. How was it possible? She couldn't be ready yet? Cordy had said it would be a while before she would be ready to fight again. So why was his love in L.A? Had something happened to her? Had Wolfram and Hart tracked her down to insure the threat of the slayer wasn't going to be a problem? All these questions ran at top speed through his head, as he made another sweep of the room. He was so absorbed in his own thoughts and feelings he never heard the door open slowly, or see the girl that stepped in closing the door behind her.
"Buffy"
Angel whispered into the silent room he believed to be occupied by himself and the unconscious man on the bed.
"Angel, I, well that is to say, are you. Well of course your alright, but is there something bothering you?"
Fred's voice carried through the still air of the small room. Angel was pulled from his thoughts at the sound; turning quickly he looked at her. He noticed how she stood fighting almost like her body was unable to remain still for even a moment. He smiled at the thought of Fred ever remaining still for any period of time; it was never likely to happen.
"Fred, you always tell me to make noise while entering a room. It looks like I am not the only one. I didn't even hear you come in."
Angel whispered.
"Well of course you didn't hear me, I mean with you in brood mode, you wouldn't hear an explosion if it happened right next to ya."
Fred said while laughing.
"What were you thinking about? Is it her, or Cordy?"
She asked,
"You can say her name you know, it's not going to make me all broody the way you and Cordy always seem to think it will."
His smile died on his lips as soon as the words left his mouth. A sadness and loneliness filled his eyes giving him that far off look. Fred's heart seemed to stop for a moment when she looked at the pain on his face.
"You see, your doing it right now, with just the mention of her."
She said kindly, not wanting to upset him further. Angel shook his head sadly.
"It wasn't the thought of Buffy, Fred. It was the thought of Cordy."
Angel said.
"Oh!"
Fred's voice dropped to below that of a whisper. If he hadn't been a vampire, he wouldn't have heard the little exclamation that left her barely parted lips.
"I miss her! She was my best friend, even when she was bitchy, tactless, sweet and kind. All of that just made me love her more. She was Cordy, and now she's gone, and it hurts. We've lost so many good people Fred, and with the new rule, we're going to lose more, and I don't know if I can handle that."
Angel finished on a sigh, while raking his hands through his hair. Fred watched him for a moment while trying to get her thoughts in order. If she didn't the pain would be more then she could bare.
"I know, I miss them all too. But what I don't understand is, Cordy was half demon, she had all these powers. How could she have, I mean how could she have died."
Fred whispered, as the tears she was desperately trying to keep at bay pooled into her eyes.
"Half demon yes, but invincible no. You never knew him, but Doyle was half demon as well. Look at me, I'm a demon and yes I know that I can live forever, but I'm not invincible. I can die, just like Gunn, Cordy, Willow, Xander, Giles, Dawn, Spike and countless others who were lost in the final battle."
Angel said with sadness, even though he tried hard to suppress that emotion. There wasn't time to dwell on all they had lost, when there was still so much to achieve for what was left of humanity.
"NO"
Fred yelled, causing Angel to jump in surprise, for she never raised her voice let alone yelled, it had never been something she had done even when angry or scared.
"Oh Fred, I know it's hard to accept that their really gone, with Wesley coming back from the grave. You have to stop this, it'll only kill you inside if you don't."
"No, well not no to them being gone, because I know they are, and well Wesley I don't really want to talk about that now cause its too confusing to even contemplate for me. What I meant to say was no you're not a demon Angel, don't think like that."
Fred whispered, she really didn't want to yell again, it was one of those things she tried not to do because if she did start yelling she always felt like she would never stop. Angel laughed with no humour what so ever in his voice, as he looked at her with shock on his face and regret in his eyes.
"Fred, I'm a vampire. You know that, and they are demons."
"Your right Angel, they are demons, but you're not one of them. You have a soul remember."
Angel looked at her and shook his head hating what he was going to tell her, and knowing that she would never be the same after he told her just how wrong she was, but she needed to know the truth about what he truly was.
"I'm going to tell you something, that I told Buffy a long time ago. I may look like a man, I may walk like a man, but I'm not one. I am a demon Fred, and the only reason I haven't ripped out all of your throats is because of my soul. It's not even permanent, hell it can be ripped from me in an instant, and I would kill you Fred, no question about that."
Fred shook her head while more tears pooled in her eyes. Angel stepped forward to comfort her, but she stepped away from him causing him to sigh before continuing.
"If you ever met Angelus, you could beg all you wanted, about us being friends, about how I could never hurt you or anyone for that matter, and he wouldn't care. If anything he would kill you because I loved you and cared for you. He's with me, always screaming and pushing to get out, and the only thing stopping him is my soul, which as I said can leave in an instant. So you see I am a demon, and you need to know that and understand it because if Angelus ever gets out again, and my soul isn't in the picture than you're as good as dead."
Fred's hand flew up to her mouth as she tried to stifle the sob that rang forth. Shaking her head, she turned and ran to the door as the tears started to flow freely. She threw the door open and sprinted from the room without looking back, and Angel just sighed at what he had just done.
"I think you just killed the fairytale for her Angel. You know you can be such an asshole when you're trying to be noble, I'm surprised you haven't learned your lesson by now."
Wesley spoke quietly, to Angels back. Angel growled loudly at Wesley's voice, and spun around to stare at him. He was sitting up in the bed now, looking at Angel with what appeared to be very tired and knowing eyes. If he had given any thought before speaking, he would have wondered just what he had been through to make him look so defeated and wise.
"Your opinion is a very untimely one Wesley, and besides I don't remember asking you for it. You should really be more careful, because I would like nothing more than to rip your throat from your body."
His words came out on a growl, while his face shifted to that of his demon. Wesley looked at Angel, and laughed. Angel was taken aback, not expecting that reaction to his threat at all. Wesley was doubled over now, pounding his fist on the bed, tears of mirth were running down his cheeks as he continued to laugh hysterically. Angel growled again, as he sat down in annoyance. He had never known the ex-watcher to act so tactless, by laughing at a threat, he knew very well Angel could in all actuality, act upon without a moments notice. He had tried to kill him when he had taken Connor, and Wesley knew that, yet he acted, as through it was the funniest thing in the world. Growing impatient with Wesley's unending laugh fest, Angel yelled.
"WHAT THE HELL IS SO GOD DAMN FUNNY?"
Wesley sat up trying to suppress his laughter, while wiping his face and drying his tears. Once he was calm, he looked to the vampire sitting in the chair by the bed.
"You look like shit Angel! You should really try to get some sleep."
"You don't look so good yourself Wesley, but we're not talking about how we both look. I want to know what's so funny, and than I have some questions that you're going to answer."
Angels voice held a deadly tone, and Wesley could tell that now was not the time for banter, as he realized that the vampire was only holding on by a thread. He briefly wondered what had happened since he was last on earth, to drive Angel this far, but before he got to far in thought he shook the thought from his mind, for a later time. After all he did have other more pressing matters to get into.
"Your threat was funny, since we both know you won't kill me. Remember your soul is stopping you from ripping all our throats out."
He snickered, even though he tried not too.
"Don't be too sure, I remember holding a pillow over your face not that many years ago, and I do believe I made sure you knew it was me and not Angelus."
Angel snarled at the memory of Wes's betrayal.
"That was a crime of passion Angel. There is a big difference between planning to kill somebody, and killing somebody in the heat of the moment. And NO, I'm not saying its ok to go around killing people Angel, I'm just saying that it was understandable with the circumstances, after all you thought your only son to be dead."
"That's not the point Wes, and you know it. I could have killed you even with my soul, and I would have done it with a song in my heart."
"It was understandable, I did betray you and everyone else."
"Yes, but I should have handled it differently. I should have…"
Angel's voice caught on his words and he had to look down. He didn't need Wesley to see the pain in his eyes. Wesley watched him intently before finishing Angel's sentence for him.
"Forgiven me?"
"Yes"
"Why didn't you than?"
Angel raised his eyes to look at Wes's, and there was a deep sadness in his eyes that hadn't been caused by his betrayal.
"You took the one thing, that I thought I could never have. You lost faith in what we all stood for and tried to play the hero, when you should have know we were a team, and we would have done everything to make sure Connor stayed safe, even from me."
"I know that Angel, but I can't change what I did. I admit it was a grievous mistake, but even the best of men make mistakes, after all we're only human."
"We both made mistakes Wesley, and they are in the past. Why don't you tell me what made the PTB send you back?"
Angel sat back with that, getting comfortable he waited for Wesley to start his story. Wesley lay back down, with a sigh. The pain was better, and he could feel his body knitting back together the way it had in that place beyond all time and space. Once he was settled, he looked at the vampire and began his story.
"I have to tell you, it's long and I don't understand a lot of it my self. I can only tell you what I was told to say, the rest can only be known when the time is right, so don't ask me for information that I'm unable to divulge until the time is right."
Angel smiled slightly at Wes's words.
"Alright I won't ask, but it figures they would be the only ones playing by the rules. I think they do it purposely so they can see us struggle."
Wesley laughed at that, for it was true. The powers always played by the rules, even if it means they will lose the fight. Wesley's voice was strong as he started his tale.
Two hours had passed since Wesley had begun to explain how he had come back to the land of the living, and during that whole time, Angel had sat in silent rapture making sure not to miss a single word that was uttered by the man who used to be one of his best friends. It was so much to take in at one time, that it left him dizzy. Looking at Wesley in utter disbelief, everything he had said was wreaking havoc inside his head. He had been sent back with the purpose of binding his soul, and to fight the good fight once more. He was wondering what the hell the powers were up too, for they had even gone as far, as making him half demon. Shaking his head he looked at Wesley, who had finished his story only a few short minutes ago. There were so many questions he wanted answered; yet he knew that he would only find a handful of them answered if he was lucky.
"Who told you all of this?"
He whispered, and Wesley smiled, as he got ready to play the part of cryptic guy for once.
"A little green birdie told me."
He stated as if it had been the most obvious thing in the world.
"What the hell is that suppose to mean?"
"Exactly what I said. It was a little green birdie that told me everything that I've told you. Now do you understand?"
Angel looked at him blankly; his mind was in utter confusion.
"No I don't, and do you know this little green birdie, as you call it?"
Wesley smiled, and something in that smile unnerved Angel to the very depths of his soul.
"I know her! As do you."
Angel looked at him in shock.
"I know her, as in know and not knew?"
"Precisely Angel, and might I say that you truly are the perceptive one tonight."
Angel growled low in his chest, at the innuendo in Wes's words.
"Alright, I wont agitate you with my words."
Wes chuckled as he held up his hands in defeat. A strange look came across Angels face at Wes's behaviour.
"What is it Angel? Why are you looking at me like that?"
Angel responded with out thought.
"You haven't changed all that much since the last time you were part of the gang."
Wesley found himself almost speechless at his words, but he somehow found his voice to reply with the only thing he could.
"So I'm back in the fold then?"
"I figure if the powers can give me a second chance, and forgive me for the horrors I committed in my past. Then I can only do the same, after all who am I to be so petty for wrongs committed in the past, and besides, you were only doing what you thought was right, and I respect that. Don't get me wrong Wesley, I still resent you for what you did, but I can start to forgive, and that's the only thing I can give you right now."
Angel finished with a sigh. He was just so tired of all the fighting, and the weight of loss that sat in his chest constantly that he couldn't deal with all the little things that somehow always found their way onto his already to full plate. Angel stood, and made his way to the open doorway, he had things that needed to be done, but most of all he had to find Fred and apologize for his behaviour earlier, because Angel knew that Wesley had been right. He always seemed to be an asshole when trying to do the right thing, and he just never learned that lesson, no matter how many times he repeated the same mistake. Wesley's voice stopped him in his tracks.
"I wouldn't ask you for anymore then you're willing to give Angel. I may be different because of the choices I've made, but I'm still Wesley. I know when to push, and when to back off, and what you're willing to give me is more then I thought you would give."
"Get some rest; you had some pretty nasty wounds that need time to heal. I'll come check on you in a while, I have somebody to find right now."
He said softly, before closing the door. Wesley stared at the closed door for a bit, while he tried to digest all the things that had past between him self and Angel. Shaking his head he settled down to rest, but his mind wouldn't let him. Too many variables were playing in his mind. How was he going to accomplish any of the things the powers sent him back to do, when Angel was so different then the last time they had been on speaking terms? Wesley's brow ferruled as a voice came into his head.
*You should know how time can change a person, even the ones who seem beyond change, have the last two years not changed you? *
Wesley didn't like where this voice was bringing him, so he rolled over, and shut his eyes tightly, hoping that sleep would come to him soon. Tomorrow would be a new day, and he would finally have the second chance to make up for all the things he had done wrong, and maybe, just maybe he would find redemption for his own lost soul.