London, England
"You okay in there?" Leticia asked me, knocking on the bathroom door.
I pushed my hair out of the way, gargled some mouthwash, spit, rinsed and took a long deep breath. It was five a.m. I'd been up for the last half hour, and I hadn't been able to keep my breakfast down. Finally with the taste of bile out of my mouth, I composed myself and opened the door. There were dark circles under my eyes and I knew she was wondering what the hell had happened to me. Not mentioning the nightmare I'd had, I nodded and said, "I'm okay."
She didn't believe me.
I was already dressed for the occasion, one step up from my usual working gear in a black T-shirt that was tight in the sleeves, my usual black leather jacket, and cargo pants with hiking boots. I knew I'd do a bit of running today, and I knew I'd probably get hurt, but that's why I'd brought the first aid kit. My usual Watcher necklace hung around my neck, cold against my collarbone, and my watch was tighter on my wrist than usual. I didn't want it sliding off in a fight. The Ehrlich 400 was in its holster, and I had handcuffs with me just in case. I probably looked like I was trying to go Olivia Benson or something, which maybe I was. I didn't know. I just sat at the little table and tried to figure this out.
"We've got another hour," she said to me gently. "You should go back to bed."
"I won't be able to sleep," I said, looking at her. "I've got to get her off my mind. Only way I do that is in doing this."
"Well, in that case, I may as well stay up."
I half-smiled. "In that case, flip on the stereo, would you?"
When I used to need to psych myself up, I used to play Paul Oakenfold's "Dark Machine." I don't know what it was about that song, but it snapped me into a T-1000 like state of existence – and still does – where I didn't need to blink, to breathe, to feel, just to acquire my target. This time, I had another song in mind. I closed my eyes and tried to find that dark place inside of me I still denied, to bring it out again. She might get scared, but the Terminator in me would be my only lifeline headlong into the void.
*Now I will tell you what I've done for you
Fifty thousand tears I've cried
Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you
And you still won't hear me going under
Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself
Maybe I'll wake up for once
Not tormented daily, defeated by you
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom
I'm dying again*
An hour later Tony showed up at the door with flak jackets for the both of us. I slipped it on, then slid back into my leather jacket, and headed past him down the hall. Michael, Lex and Weiss were all there. Oliver and Vaughan were to meet us on site. I had requested a morning meeting with Sarah Everton at the same restaurant, outdoors this time. Outdoors to minimize the chances of hostages or casualties. Thankfully – or maybe not so – you couldn't tell I was wearing a bulletproof vest as it was a slim one, made specially for me. I felt like an extra in that S.W.A.T. movie with Josh Charles.
"What about telecom?" I asked to Lex as I walked with him.
"I'll wire everyone when we get to the car. I promise you she'll never know." Even Lex, our perpetual comedian, good-hearted soul and optimist, seemed graver today. He knew exactly what was being asked of all of us, and what could we do but rise to the occasion?
"If I get killed today," I told Lex as we exited the lobby, "I want my tombstone to say 'She tried.'"
He looked disturbed but didn't comment, just nodded. Agent's honor.
*I'm going under
Drowning in you
I'm falling forever
Got to break through
I'm going under*
The two cars drove in silence across town. I was in the lead car, Lex driving, Tony in the passenger seat, myself in the back seat by the window with Leticia and Weiss at my side. If I was really going to die, at least I was going to die with a bunch of good people. I put my hand on Leticia's shoulder to let her knew I understood how she must feel as I watched the passing traffic, microphone concealed in my jacket, gun loaded in its holster.
All I had to do was put two tranquilizer darts from the Ehrlich into Nina, with four agents protecting me and another three in the car. I still didn't like the odds. But as Jack told me, you do what you can do until you can't do it anymore.
*Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies
So I don't know what's real and what's not
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can't trust myself anymore
I'm dying again*
The plan was this: I was to make the meeting while my strike team were to take up positions. I was then supposed to tranquilize Nina/Sarah as soon as Oliver, Vaughan, Michael and Tony had the situation under control. She would then be handcuffed, restrained and driven to CIB, where we would begin our interrogation. I could be there the next three days. It made my skin crawl. Only three days, which I assumed could never be enough. I'd make it enough. I had to.
A devout atheist, I decided to pray nonetheless.
*I'm going under
Drowning in you
I'm falling forever
Got to break through
I'm going under*
Our sedan pulled up round the corner, where it had parked the first time. Michael, Tony, Leticia and I got out of the car. Vaughan Rice, who I was promptly introduced to, and Oliver were waiting right there. After a quick briefing, Michael and his team went one way and Leticia and I went the other.
"This is going to get crazy," I said, hoping I remembered all I had been taught. I saw Nina/Sarah's car down the block and knew she was there. This was really happening to us. I checked my audio, got a confirmation from Lex, and checked my gun. I knew they'd be getting all this at CTU.
Sure enough, at CTU, Jack, Mason and Vaughn were huddled around the console, listening only to the silence of my quick breathing and probably crossing their fingers for us all. I could only imagine what Jack, who had treated me both as an equal and as a second daughter, must be thinking.
"Hell of an agent we've got, Jack," Mason told him, but Jack wasn't really listening.
*So go on and scream
Scream at me I'm so far away
I won't be broken again
I've got to breathe, I can't keep going under*
Round the corner, Michael held his gun level, surprisingly nervous. He would probably be the first one on the scene. Tony, Oliver and Vaughan all held their positions as they watched me and Leticia cross the street and enter the restaurant's outside portico, making our way over to the appropriate table.
The two of us shook hands with our killer and sat down. No turning back now. "Do you have anything?" Nina/Sarah asked me. "I hadn't expected we'd see each other again so soon."
"I didn't either, honestly," I said, playing it cool and even, "but things are moving so fast…"
"I understand."
I let the machine in me take over. "I'm faster," I said tonelessly, shoving my chair back and popping two of the Ehrlich's tranquilizers in her in a heartbeat. She looked shocked, then purely furious, and slumped backward into her chair. I heard people screaming. I heard Tony, Oliver, Michael and Vaughan advancing. Leticia held her weapon to cover me as I advanced on Nina, intending to handcuff her. With her last consciousness, she grabbed me by the throat. I struggled to stay conscious, hold my weapon, and desperately call for help. I couldn't get out a sound.
Then they were there, Michael forcibly pulling me back from Nina so hard that she lost her grip and I stumbled backward. He took care of the restraining as everyone else maintained their weapons holds. Michael looked at me and demanded my tazer; I gave it to him and watched him shock Nina out cold definitely. Kind of disgusted by the whole affair, I let them take her to the second car, which would now be the lead vehicle, and helped Leticia replace the chairs.
Little did I realize that I was standing there in a bulletproof vest holding a gun and Professor Berghof was staring right at the both of us. Unlike the many, many times before, he definitely knew who I was now. "I can't explain," I insisted, and took off for the car without another look back. Maybe he'd think it was all a hallucination, if he was lucky.
I'd never been lucky, only good.
As we tracked the second car on its way toward CIB, while I was still gasping for air, I figured that I must really have some D.B. Sweeney-esque strange luck, because it sure wasn't doing anything but putting me and those I loved in harm's way. And this wasn't over yet. I wasn't finished with her yet.