Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me.
"Cho, quidditch is really not a suitable activity for a young woman in your situation."
She acts like he got me pregnant or something.
"Oh, so you do read the paper mother."
"Whatever do you mean, my child?"
She knows what I mean.
"Cedric. My boyfriend."
"Yes I know dear."
See?
"Well don't act like nothing has changed!" I snapped.
But nothing had changed. Not really. But I'm the only one who knows that. I'm Chinese; Cedric needs a 'proper girlfriend'. So he broke up with me, him being the more serious about the relationship anyway, therefore this having little effect on anyone's life. But, that same night, he died. Everyone expected me to grieve, so I did, on the outside at least. I cried for the loss of a friend, rather than the loss of a lover. I felt very little on the inside.
Every
day
It's as if I play a part
Now
I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
Nevertheless, because the face I had shown to the outside world showed my anguish, people assumed I was deeply mentally affected. This started up rumours on the gossip mill, ranging from my 'suicide attempt' (never happened!) to my quitting the quidditch team. The latter was what my mother was referring to and was a much more pronounced rumour so much so that I received owls from members of the Ravenclaw quidditch team asking me whether or not it was true. How considerate of them! Even if I do not truly feel the amount of pain they think I do, if I only feel a little pang every time his name is mentioned, to the best of their knowledge, I am on the edge of suicide. Its very nice of them to check out their quidditch prospects. No "How are you Cho?" or "How are you coping with the gut wrenching pain you appear to feel whenever people even refer to the love or your life?" It's nice to see how much they all really care. But since they asked, I thought maybe it would be a good idea to play up to the grieving widow part. So I added fuel to the rumour fire by saying that talking about quidditch was too painful and it was possible that I would not return to the pitch after all. I'm sure I will be caught in this web of lies. So maybe I should tell the truth for once instead.
But I cannot fool my heart.
Maybe I did love Cedric once. I don't know. I'm only just 16 and although adults consider that plenty old enough to be mature about their feelings they clearly don't remember what it was like being my age. I liked Cedric, sure. But I think what I liked most was the fact that he liked me. Or I thought he did. He doesn't love me anymore; he can't. He's dead. But I'm beginning to realise that I might be in love. Even though Cedric's death was only a few weeks ago I am starting to comprehend that maybe I was in love with someone else all along. The feelings that surged through me last year when I stepped out onto that pitch to play my first ever game as the Ravenclaw seeker were overwhelming. It was not just the fact that I was finally getting my wish but also the fact about the boy who stood opposite me. Ha Li Po Te. Harry Potter, to the English. It is impossible to avoid having heard of him. But this was my first actual face-to-face contact with him. And I understood what love was for the first time ever. But then Cedric asked to the Yule Ball and everyone expected us to have a relationship. And so we did.
Who
is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
The lies keep on coming. I can no longer distinguish between them and the truth. It is only a week until school begins again. My parents are questioning whether or not I shall return. I got 11 O.W.Ls last year, top of my year. They are willing to let me completely drop out of school because of the death of one I supposedly loved. I do not feel anything anymore when his name is mentioned.
How can I explain this to people?
How can I show them who I am inside?
A/N: Based (very loosely) around Reflection from Mulan. It kind of took on a life of its own. My first attempt at a serious Harry Potter fic, it's about Cho and her feelings after Cedric dies. Please R&R, no flames but some serious CC would be adored! Tell me what you think and please suggest changes.
Rating: PG? Not even!
Disclaimer: Not mine! JK: I'm broke, don't even bother suing! This is set in the universe monkeymouse writes in so I even stole half the ideas from there! Sorry!