Today is the day that I reenter the outside world. It is scary to me. I do
not even understand why this is so. I think that I am afraid of what shall
happen to me. I am crazy as I have told you before. I am not ready for
everything. I have not developed my grasp on this entire power thing yet.
What is a girl to do? I feel insecure. I am not that sort of person. I just
do not become insecure about anything. Insequrity is not in my nature.
Okay, enough of this. I cannot let any one know that I am afraid. I don't
need you to feel bad for me. Not at all.
"When are we leaving?" I ask with a very cool exterior.
"You are afraid, aren't you?" you ask with sympathy.
Gee great. So much for that! "Afraid? Me? No! I have no reason to be afraid. When are we leaving?" I ask again brusquely.
"You are afraid." You walk up behind me and wrap your arms around my chest affectionately. That is quite uncharacteristic of you. It surprises me greatly. "You have no need to fear. I will be with you always. Nothing will happen to you. You are too powerful to anyone to so much as lay a finger on you if you don't want them to."
"My power works that way?"
"Of course."
"Like this?" I say in my mind that I don't want your arms around me. Nothing happened. "Why didn't it work?"
"What were you doing?" You asked sounding surprised.
"I said in my mind that I didn't want your arms around me anymore. If what you said is true then you should have been forced to let go, right?" I asked.
"It doesn't work quite that way. First of all you need to form a command. Second, do you really not feel comfortable around me after all this time?" You let go of me.
I back away. "I feel less comfortable around you every day."
"What have I done wrong?" You come towards me with a hurt look in your eyes. So handsome. It isn't fair.
"What have you done wrong? Nothing! Absolutely nothing about you is WRONG. In fact you do almost everything right. You just drive me insane sometimes. Absolutely insane. You are perfect. I would be so much happier if you wore a very large paper bag. I have no envy for a paper bag." I backed up a bit more.
"You know..." You raise your eyebrow. "If you back up much further you will run into the wall."
I laugh nervously and back up more. "You don't me understand do you?"
You walk forward a bit more. "I understand perfectly but you do realize that communication is essential between us. When something is bugging you do not hold it back from me. How can we spend eternity together if you don't ever tell me what is on your mind?" You step forward reassuringly.
"I am not good at this at all. I am no good at this. I have no fear of you you realize.It is just that I am afraid of what happens when I kiss you. I feel death when ever I do." I step back and bump into the wall. "Well I guess you were right weren't you?" I laugh very nervously. "I can't deal with this, really I can't. You mean so much to me. Am I acting silly or what? My friend Michele would call me crazy. She would be all o- Well I don't even want to think about it... I cannot understand why I feel like I should not have you. It isn't natural. You-"
"If I ever do anything good in my life it will be to teach you not to babble." You smle again. "Do not fear it. Nothing can harm you but yourself." You step forward and kiss me. Your lips taste like death. So sweet but so sour all the same.
"I will die." I push away from you.
"You cannot die. You are immortal."
"Then why is it that I feel like you are about to suck my soul out through your lips every time you kiss me? I am so confused. It scares me. It is as if each kiss tells the future. I feel like I will die as I have told you. I want you so badly and I cannot seem to let myself have you. My brain will not allow it." I sink down against the wall so confused and angry at myself and angry at you for being so very desirable. So what if I taste death? It seems that death has been my fate since I met you! There is no saving me. No matter what I do. This is not what determines my fate.
You go and sit on the couch and look very handsome in the process of doing so. "Do as you wish. I desire only for you to tell me what is on your unreadable mind and to be honest with me. It is all that I require from you. You cannot even do this much for me?" You ask rather angrily.
"Life isn't as simple when you are not in control of it, is it?" I stride over to you resolute, finally. "Well I KNOW the feeling. It isn't easy. Ever since I have came here you have made all my decisions for me and now it is time for me to finally make one of my own. THAT isn't easy either! I don't know what I am doing or where I am going I only know what I feel right now. Maybe I will die but I do not know this and at least I decided my place on it."
You stare up at me incredulously smiling at my spunk. "This is why I love you." You stand up but before you continue to speak I gently press my finger to your lips.
"Still I feel the need to ask why is it that you want me? I am not extraordinarily beautiful, I am not skinny, I am obnoxious, and I am irritating beyond belief."
You remove my finger from your lips. "Yes, you ARE quite irritating. Will you never understand me? I am not shallow as you may assume."
I sit down on the couch. "You are in no way shallow. I could not stand you if you were. I am just rather..."
You suggested, "Self-conscientious?"
"Of course." I continued, " I can not allow myself to fear this any longer. I cannot let silly superstitions get in between us. Do not be angry with me now. Sit down with me. Make me happy."
You do as asked and I kiss you just to spite my fears. Your lips taste like death still but I ignore it. It is rather nice if you think on it long enough. So placid. Your lips linger for a few moments and then they slide down my neck. The taste of death lingers after your kiss. A vibrant tingling sensation works its way down my spine and I forget about the death that will come. I can not possibly keep my thoughts on that when you are here like this. Next to me holding me gently. You make me feel as if I would rather be no place else. You are so unusual. Your dark shadowing aura consumes me in to it delightfully.
The music we had danced to yesterday began to play in the background. Its wordless tune grinding its way subliminally into my head and vanquishing all my worries. I feel as if I will be safe forever. You will always be here to protect me from the loneliness of forever. You will always be here to protect me from myself. I kiss you again with such pleasure and delight from your presence. I do not worry anymore. There is nothing to worry about. I have been silly to fear death. I have been mad just to worry at all.
************ I do not like writing that sort of stuff****** (So ha) Use your imagination!
When I awake I find myself to be entwined in your long sensual limbs. How nice it feels. I watch you sleep for a while trying to figure you out. As you said before I do not understand you. Not at all. All I know is that you make me feel like a goddess. Even Aphrodite although that surely is not me at all. I am not like that. Not at all. I understand another thing now. Your entire aura is a false one. Around you I can sense darkness but I see now that it is only a shadow. It is a shadow of all the bad things that you have done to the world. It is a mirror of your guilt that you have never let yourself forget. I doubt that you ever will. Your conscience is absolutely overwhelmed, isn't it? At heart you are anything BUT the darkness that seems to loom over the exquisitely beautiful features of your face. Anyone who has seen your smile could not deny that this is true. It is such a warm smile full of genuine love, care, and vigilance towards the feelings of others. Save me from that smile or my heart will lose all perspective.
You are wiggling your toes as if you are enjoying music. How loveable. I was quite serious about that paper bag, you know. My life would be all so much easier. Then again it wouldn't be half as much fun as it is now. The dog, Hunter, jumps up on the bed. The toe tapping halts as you look up and say, "Get off this bed!" with a very menacing tone of voice.
"Fine then." I say with mock frusration. "If that is how you feel about me." I hop out of the bed, but the dog snuggles in my place and right under the covers. I grin at your position.
"Where are you going, now?" You ask me.
"We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz."
"Serious now." You say with a rather fake no-nonsense look plastered on your face.
"Hunter will keep you warm. I plan to get dressed and go see that art exhibit you promised me. I expect dinner too."
"Dinner, huh" You get out of the bed determined to follow me but change your mind half way and attempt to remove the dog from the bed. "Get out from under there!"
"He just wants some loving too. I think that he is rather fond of you." I say.
You give up and go into the bathroom after me. "What are you planning on wearing, your highness?"
"Ha ha. I knew you would see it my way! I am working on the clothing right now. I can not really seem to get this conjuring to work out right." I say standing in front of the mirror conjuring different dresses.
You look pleased. "You are very advanced for just four months of practice. What tastes you have. You look like an artwork!"
"Thank you and you look like a piece of art, also. The only difference between the two of us is that you don't require clothing to do that." I grin.
You just shake your head at me. Why is it that I can never seem to get you to blush? Your eyes open a bit. "No... wait! I have got it." You conjure a magnificent looking dress of gray velvet with blue trimmings and a delicate silver tiara and necklace. "You look like a goddess." You sound very pleased.
I blush although you are some what correct. Getting you embarrassed with take quite some work at this rate!
"When are we leaving?" I ask with a very cool exterior.
"You are afraid, aren't you?" you ask with sympathy.
Gee great. So much for that! "Afraid? Me? No! I have no reason to be afraid. When are we leaving?" I ask again brusquely.
"You are afraid." You walk up behind me and wrap your arms around my chest affectionately. That is quite uncharacteristic of you. It surprises me greatly. "You have no need to fear. I will be with you always. Nothing will happen to you. You are too powerful to anyone to so much as lay a finger on you if you don't want them to."
"My power works that way?"
"Of course."
"Like this?" I say in my mind that I don't want your arms around me. Nothing happened. "Why didn't it work?"
"What were you doing?" You asked sounding surprised.
"I said in my mind that I didn't want your arms around me anymore. If what you said is true then you should have been forced to let go, right?" I asked.
"It doesn't work quite that way. First of all you need to form a command. Second, do you really not feel comfortable around me after all this time?" You let go of me.
I back away. "I feel less comfortable around you every day."
"What have I done wrong?" You come towards me with a hurt look in your eyes. So handsome. It isn't fair.
"What have you done wrong? Nothing! Absolutely nothing about you is WRONG. In fact you do almost everything right. You just drive me insane sometimes. Absolutely insane. You are perfect. I would be so much happier if you wore a very large paper bag. I have no envy for a paper bag." I backed up a bit more.
"You know..." You raise your eyebrow. "If you back up much further you will run into the wall."
I laugh nervously and back up more. "You don't me understand do you?"
You walk forward a bit more. "I understand perfectly but you do realize that communication is essential between us. When something is bugging you do not hold it back from me. How can we spend eternity together if you don't ever tell me what is on your mind?" You step forward reassuringly.
"I am not good at this at all. I am no good at this. I have no fear of you you realize.It is just that I am afraid of what happens when I kiss you. I feel death when ever I do." I step back and bump into the wall. "Well I guess you were right weren't you?" I laugh very nervously. "I can't deal with this, really I can't. You mean so much to me. Am I acting silly or what? My friend Michele would call me crazy. She would be all o- Well I don't even want to think about it... I cannot understand why I feel like I should not have you. It isn't natural. You-"
"If I ever do anything good in my life it will be to teach you not to babble." You smle again. "Do not fear it. Nothing can harm you but yourself." You step forward and kiss me. Your lips taste like death. So sweet but so sour all the same.
"I will die." I push away from you.
"You cannot die. You are immortal."
"Then why is it that I feel like you are about to suck my soul out through your lips every time you kiss me? I am so confused. It scares me. It is as if each kiss tells the future. I feel like I will die as I have told you. I want you so badly and I cannot seem to let myself have you. My brain will not allow it." I sink down against the wall so confused and angry at myself and angry at you for being so very desirable. So what if I taste death? It seems that death has been my fate since I met you! There is no saving me. No matter what I do. This is not what determines my fate.
You go and sit on the couch and look very handsome in the process of doing so. "Do as you wish. I desire only for you to tell me what is on your unreadable mind and to be honest with me. It is all that I require from you. You cannot even do this much for me?" You ask rather angrily.
"Life isn't as simple when you are not in control of it, is it?" I stride over to you resolute, finally. "Well I KNOW the feeling. It isn't easy. Ever since I have came here you have made all my decisions for me and now it is time for me to finally make one of my own. THAT isn't easy either! I don't know what I am doing or where I am going I only know what I feel right now. Maybe I will die but I do not know this and at least I decided my place on it."
You stare up at me incredulously smiling at my spunk. "This is why I love you." You stand up but before you continue to speak I gently press my finger to your lips.
"Still I feel the need to ask why is it that you want me? I am not extraordinarily beautiful, I am not skinny, I am obnoxious, and I am irritating beyond belief."
You remove my finger from your lips. "Yes, you ARE quite irritating. Will you never understand me? I am not shallow as you may assume."
I sit down on the couch. "You are in no way shallow. I could not stand you if you were. I am just rather..."
You suggested, "Self-conscientious?"
"Of course." I continued, " I can not allow myself to fear this any longer. I cannot let silly superstitions get in between us. Do not be angry with me now. Sit down with me. Make me happy."
You do as asked and I kiss you just to spite my fears. Your lips taste like death still but I ignore it. It is rather nice if you think on it long enough. So placid. Your lips linger for a few moments and then they slide down my neck. The taste of death lingers after your kiss. A vibrant tingling sensation works its way down my spine and I forget about the death that will come. I can not possibly keep my thoughts on that when you are here like this. Next to me holding me gently. You make me feel as if I would rather be no place else. You are so unusual. Your dark shadowing aura consumes me in to it delightfully.
The music we had danced to yesterday began to play in the background. Its wordless tune grinding its way subliminally into my head and vanquishing all my worries. I feel as if I will be safe forever. You will always be here to protect me from the loneliness of forever. You will always be here to protect me from myself. I kiss you again with such pleasure and delight from your presence. I do not worry anymore. There is nothing to worry about. I have been silly to fear death. I have been mad just to worry at all.
************ I do not like writing that sort of stuff****** (So ha) Use your imagination!
When I awake I find myself to be entwined in your long sensual limbs. How nice it feels. I watch you sleep for a while trying to figure you out. As you said before I do not understand you. Not at all. All I know is that you make me feel like a goddess. Even Aphrodite although that surely is not me at all. I am not like that. Not at all. I understand another thing now. Your entire aura is a false one. Around you I can sense darkness but I see now that it is only a shadow. It is a shadow of all the bad things that you have done to the world. It is a mirror of your guilt that you have never let yourself forget. I doubt that you ever will. Your conscience is absolutely overwhelmed, isn't it? At heart you are anything BUT the darkness that seems to loom over the exquisitely beautiful features of your face. Anyone who has seen your smile could not deny that this is true. It is such a warm smile full of genuine love, care, and vigilance towards the feelings of others. Save me from that smile or my heart will lose all perspective.
You are wiggling your toes as if you are enjoying music. How loveable. I was quite serious about that paper bag, you know. My life would be all so much easier. Then again it wouldn't be half as much fun as it is now. The dog, Hunter, jumps up on the bed. The toe tapping halts as you look up and say, "Get off this bed!" with a very menacing tone of voice.
"Fine then." I say with mock frusration. "If that is how you feel about me." I hop out of the bed, but the dog snuggles in my place and right under the covers. I grin at your position.
"Where are you going, now?" You ask me.
"We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz."
"Serious now." You say with a rather fake no-nonsense look plastered on your face.
"Hunter will keep you warm. I plan to get dressed and go see that art exhibit you promised me. I expect dinner too."
"Dinner, huh" You get out of the bed determined to follow me but change your mind half way and attempt to remove the dog from the bed. "Get out from under there!"
"He just wants some loving too. I think that he is rather fond of you." I say.
You give up and go into the bathroom after me. "What are you planning on wearing, your highness?"
"Ha ha. I knew you would see it my way! I am working on the clothing right now. I can not really seem to get this conjuring to work out right." I say standing in front of the mirror conjuring different dresses.
You look pleased. "You are very advanced for just four months of practice. What tastes you have. You look like an artwork!"
"Thank you and you look like a piece of art, also. The only difference between the two of us is that you don't require clothing to do that." I grin.
You just shake your head at me. Why is it that I can never seem to get you to blush? Your eyes open a bit. "No... wait! I have got it." You conjure a magnificent looking dress of gray velvet with blue trimmings and a delicate silver tiara and necklace. "You look like a goddess." You sound very pleased.
I blush although you are some what correct. Getting you embarrassed with take quite some work at this rate!