Chapter ten now. Why do I go and state the chapter number before I start
writing? It isn't as if it was not already obvious, right? I love writing
this story so much. I wish people took the chance to review it. Especially
my wonderful supportive friends I have. Right Michele? Don't worry. I am
still pretending to smile. I need good feedback on this. I thank my Aahz
like friend for giving me such. I need to know what I am doing though. This
is not just a quick fun writing for me. I am experimenting with my
abilities. Do I complain a lot? Oops I am sorry. Is my writing even
comprehensible? Some times I feel like I am speaking German. No one cares.
Oh well. I will ramble just for the sake of rambling. I will NOT quiet down
either. It is not in my nature to do so.
The sun is setting over a very splendid day as it has done everyday and it always will. A sunset is not an unusual thing. But today I feel as if this was my very first sunset. The world is in a whole different light. I have experienced so many regular things today but those regular things seem to be glorified when I experience them with you. I have seen many note worthy human triumphs today. They are thes things you usually don't even note.
First we saw the art exhibit. Surrealism was and always will be my favorite art style. It is like my dreams. So vivid but hard to decipher at times. In the coming time I will learn how to do it. I will do it well. I need goals do I not? That is what you have been trying to tell me by bringing me out into the public. A person needs aspirations other wise living is dreary and redundant. Love is an aspiration to some. The desire to create and nurture a family is one of the greatest joys that a loving person could ever do in their lifetime. It is a shame that some people do not even consider it. They could rush through life gaining money but never to be truly happy. How I miss my own family. I could not even think of what might become of the man who slaughtered them if he was ever to come face to face with me again. I should not think of this. I cannot allow myself to become hateful. It is senseless. I am too powerful to become hateful as you have told me numerous times. I could ruin everything... as you nearly did so seven thousand years ago.
I try to focus on better things. I can not be angry forever. I watch you as you watch the ocean in the dimming light. You are back to your taciturn ways again. You are silent just absorbing everything and pondering things that I doubt I could grasp in a millennium. You have a lot on your mind, as usual. I see so clearly now what depends on me. You truly need me. I will do great things if only to please you. I hope that you realize that. Great or foolish things. It matters not I would do anything just to make you happy.
I hate to bother your thoughts but I am in need of conversing with you now. Your voice is pleasing to me. "I want to thank you for all this. I might never had seen things as well as I do now if it were not for you."
"Hmm." You are still deep in thought and reluctant to speak with me. I can only see your hair loose in the wind flowing back from the sea. You do not turn to look at me but say, "I am not as good a force in your life as you may think. What makes you believe that I have not done you evil?"
"Evil? What evil is there to possibly conceive?" I put my hand on your shoulder and you shudder under my touch. "What is wrong? You seem to be upset over something. You have done wonders for my vision and my comprehension on what is truly important. I cannot be greedy when I am near you. There is no way you could ever consider your influence over me a negative one."
You sigh in exasperation. "Hardly. You are in no way greedy. I am the greedy one. Whatever happens it is my fault. I had intervened in your life. I wanted you so. You are changed for ever. Your mental state is hardly a stable one."
I look at you with disbelief. "And in no way can you assume blame for that! It was not your fault that my family was killed. That is what has been shaking my mind. It has nothing to do with you."
You sound angry but not at me, "Did I not help it along? I showed you things that scare you still. I have given you such a power that could destroy everything for my own greedy purposes. I wanted you so I put every thing in jeopardy at the will of a shaken heart."
I stick my finger on my chest as you look at me remorsefully, "This shaken heart of mine is
only frail so that it may grow stronger. My will is returning. Do you not see it more so everyday? I feel renewed. The tragedy of my former existence was shattered, yes this I admit but the bonds of our love that pulled it back together have only made it stronger than it ever was before. I have something to believe in now. I will not shatter again."
"And what do you believe in? Tell me for I find nothing reassuring about anything that has transpired over the last year. I sucked your enchanted and befuddled mind into something that you did not grasp the entire concept of. You knew not what I was offering. You could not have possibly weighed anything under that enchantment to the level it needed to be weighed at. I put so much on your shoulders and I cannot help but feel that it will be to the distress of us both. I am sorry that I ever did this to you. I put so much in your hands you just do not feel it's effects yet. Nothing can redeem me."
"Perhaps this is so but I will not blame you. Whether you will admit to it or not you are human it does not matter that you are immortal. You can make mistakes. We all do it. Can you never forgive yourself? I see you suffer so much under the weight of your conscience. It is troubling to watch. Forget what you have done. You have changed. You are here with me now and have done nothing to make me believe that you are a evil man. Live a clean slate. If you do anything do that for yourself."
"You don't seem to grasp the extent of what I am saying." You say.
"No I understand it all but I fear that you have not listened to a single word that I have said. Let us speak no more on this matter tonight. Look the sun has gone. Lets go home. To be truthful I want more of what we had this morning."
You smile for the first time since we had begin watching the sunset. "Yes, let us argue no more tonight. We had such a nice day. You have no idea how long it has been since I went out with a companion. Shall we?" You hold out your hand for me. I accept it and we begin walking home.
The blue of the sky is beginning to deepen to the inky color that I always found fascinating between the sunset and nighttime. Twilight, the deepness of the sky is a thing I shall never forget as we return home. In a alleyway that we are about to pass I hear a sound I distinctly recognize as a muffled scream. I have heard it before, I will never let it leave my mind when I lay to sleep at night. I drop your hand and rush to it in consternation before you could think to stop me. I will not allow this to happen again! No one will be forced to die like that around me! As I streak into the alley to stop what I fear is happening. Sure enough I spot a man with a knife to woman's throat. How cruel. This man will not live this down. Not if I have anything to do with it.
"And does this have to do with money. Or do you just kill to get your kicks. You perverse bastard. Leave her alone! If you want a real challenge try me on for size. Look I have no weapon. Leave the woman alone!" I holler at the man with a knife.
He looks up at me startled and then that is replaced quickly with a look of sneering anticipation on his grimy visage. "Oh a willing one ay? I will run you through a couple times and then we can see how brave you really are."
"Let her go first and then you can TRY and take me. You think that you scare me. Knife or no you could not hurt me for all that you tried. Come on just attempt it." My voice is full of the venom that I have stored for the man who killed my family. This is not safe. I should not do this. I will not kill this man. It proves nothing.
"What makes you so sure of yourself you ugly bitch? I will let her go but you will not run. Come here now."
I straighten my features to hide the anger in my thoughts and stride right up to him and spit in his face. "Do it now."
The thief wipes the spit off his face smearing it with mud in the process. In anger he slits the woman's throat and grabs me by mine. "You damned wretch!" He hollers in fury. "I will make you wish that you died much faster. I am going to cut your tongue out and then force feed it to you. Then I will-" He began convulsing on the ground coughing up his organs. He died almost instantly.
I sink down on my knees and hold my head in my hand sobbing at my lack of self control. You walk over to me not even bothering to sidestep the mess I made. You lean down and wrap your arms around me speaking to me softly although I cannot possibly be comforted.
"You were absolutely right. I am unstable. I have no self-control. Did you see me." I sputtered out at you.
"Do not worry about it. You wanted to save that woman's life. He deserved it. He would have killed again." You continue to try and hush my crying.
I stand up furiously to face you. That is exactly the reaction that you did not want. "Why is it to be my decision who gets to live or who gets to die? Who has that right? You surely do not nor do I. You cannot say this. I did not mean to kill him. I really did not want to kill him. I could not help it." I lean against you to attempt to comfort myself.
"Come on then. Let us go home. I will do what I can to relax you. You need to pay heed to your own words, Teqon. Forgive yourself and live a clean slate. Do not let your conscience overwhelm you."
The sun is setting over a very splendid day as it has done everyday and it always will. A sunset is not an unusual thing. But today I feel as if this was my very first sunset. The world is in a whole different light. I have experienced so many regular things today but those regular things seem to be glorified when I experience them with you. I have seen many note worthy human triumphs today. They are thes things you usually don't even note.
First we saw the art exhibit. Surrealism was and always will be my favorite art style. It is like my dreams. So vivid but hard to decipher at times. In the coming time I will learn how to do it. I will do it well. I need goals do I not? That is what you have been trying to tell me by bringing me out into the public. A person needs aspirations other wise living is dreary and redundant. Love is an aspiration to some. The desire to create and nurture a family is one of the greatest joys that a loving person could ever do in their lifetime. It is a shame that some people do not even consider it. They could rush through life gaining money but never to be truly happy. How I miss my own family. I could not even think of what might become of the man who slaughtered them if he was ever to come face to face with me again. I should not think of this. I cannot allow myself to become hateful. It is senseless. I am too powerful to become hateful as you have told me numerous times. I could ruin everything... as you nearly did so seven thousand years ago.
I try to focus on better things. I can not be angry forever. I watch you as you watch the ocean in the dimming light. You are back to your taciturn ways again. You are silent just absorbing everything and pondering things that I doubt I could grasp in a millennium. You have a lot on your mind, as usual. I see so clearly now what depends on me. You truly need me. I will do great things if only to please you. I hope that you realize that. Great or foolish things. It matters not I would do anything just to make you happy.
I hate to bother your thoughts but I am in need of conversing with you now. Your voice is pleasing to me. "I want to thank you for all this. I might never had seen things as well as I do now if it were not for you."
"Hmm." You are still deep in thought and reluctant to speak with me. I can only see your hair loose in the wind flowing back from the sea. You do not turn to look at me but say, "I am not as good a force in your life as you may think. What makes you believe that I have not done you evil?"
"Evil? What evil is there to possibly conceive?" I put my hand on your shoulder and you shudder under my touch. "What is wrong? You seem to be upset over something. You have done wonders for my vision and my comprehension on what is truly important. I cannot be greedy when I am near you. There is no way you could ever consider your influence over me a negative one."
You sigh in exasperation. "Hardly. You are in no way greedy. I am the greedy one. Whatever happens it is my fault. I had intervened in your life. I wanted you so. You are changed for ever. Your mental state is hardly a stable one."
I look at you with disbelief. "And in no way can you assume blame for that! It was not your fault that my family was killed. That is what has been shaking my mind. It has nothing to do with you."
You sound angry but not at me, "Did I not help it along? I showed you things that scare you still. I have given you such a power that could destroy everything for my own greedy purposes. I wanted you so I put every thing in jeopardy at the will of a shaken heart."
I stick my finger on my chest as you look at me remorsefully, "This shaken heart of mine is
only frail so that it may grow stronger. My will is returning. Do you not see it more so everyday? I feel renewed. The tragedy of my former existence was shattered, yes this I admit but the bonds of our love that pulled it back together have only made it stronger than it ever was before. I have something to believe in now. I will not shatter again."
"And what do you believe in? Tell me for I find nothing reassuring about anything that has transpired over the last year. I sucked your enchanted and befuddled mind into something that you did not grasp the entire concept of. You knew not what I was offering. You could not have possibly weighed anything under that enchantment to the level it needed to be weighed at. I put so much on your shoulders and I cannot help but feel that it will be to the distress of us both. I am sorry that I ever did this to you. I put so much in your hands you just do not feel it's effects yet. Nothing can redeem me."
"Perhaps this is so but I will not blame you. Whether you will admit to it or not you are human it does not matter that you are immortal. You can make mistakes. We all do it. Can you never forgive yourself? I see you suffer so much under the weight of your conscience. It is troubling to watch. Forget what you have done. You have changed. You are here with me now and have done nothing to make me believe that you are a evil man. Live a clean slate. If you do anything do that for yourself."
"You don't seem to grasp the extent of what I am saying." You say.
"No I understand it all but I fear that you have not listened to a single word that I have said. Let us speak no more on this matter tonight. Look the sun has gone. Lets go home. To be truthful I want more of what we had this morning."
You smile for the first time since we had begin watching the sunset. "Yes, let us argue no more tonight. We had such a nice day. You have no idea how long it has been since I went out with a companion. Shall we?" You hold out your hand for me. I accept it and we begin walking home.
The blue of the sky is beginning to deepen to the inky color that I always found fascinating between the sunset and nighttime. Twilight, the deepness of the sky is a thing I shall never forget as we return home. In a alleyway that we are about to pass I hear a sound I distinctly recognize as a muffled scream. I have heard it before, I will never let it leave my mind when I lay to sleep at night. I drop your hand and rush to it in consternation before you could think to stop me. I will not allow this to happen again! No one will be forced to die like that around me! As I streak into the alley to stop what I fear is happening. Sure enough I spot a man with a knife to woman's throat. How cruel. This man will not live this down. Not if I have anything to do with it.
"And does this have to do with money. Or do you just kill to get your kicks. You perverse bastard. Leave her alone! If you want a real challenge try me on for size. Look I have no weapon. Leave the woman alone!" I holler at the man with a knife.
He looks up at me startled and then that is replaced quickly with a look of sneering anticipation on his grimy visage. "Oh a willing one ay? I will run you through a couple times and then we can see how brave you really are."
"Let her go first and then you can TRY and take me. You think that you scare me. Knife or no you could not hurt me for all that you tried. Come on just attempt it." My voice is full of the venom that I have stored for the man who killed my family. This is not safe. I should not do this. I will not kill this man. It proves nothing.
"What makes you so sure of yourself you ugly bitch? I will let her go but you will not run. Come here now."
I straighten my features to hide the anger in my thoughts and stride right up to him and spit in his face. "Do it now."
The thief wipes the spit off his face smearing it with mud in the process. In anger he slits the woman's throat and grabs me by mine. "You damned wretch!" He hollers in fury. "I will make you wish that you died much faster. I am going to cut your tongue out and then force feed it to you. Then I will-" He began convulsing on the ground coughing up his organs. He died almost instantly.
I sink down on my knees and hold my head in my hand sobbing at my lack of self control. You walk over to me not even bothering to sidestep the mess I made. You lean down and wrap your arms around me speaking to me softly although I cannot possibly be comforted.
"You were absolutely right. I am unstable. I have no self-control. Did you see me." I sputtered out at you.
"Do not worry about it. You wanted to save that woman's life. He deserved it. He would have killed again." You continue to try and hush my crying.
I stand up furiously to face you. That is exactly the reaction that you did not want. "Why is it to be my decision who gets to live or who gets to die? Who has that right? You surely do not nor do I. You cannot say this. I did not mean to kill him. I really did not want to kill him. I could not help it." I lean against you to attempt to comfort myself.
"Come on then. Let us go home. I will do what I can to relax you. You need to pay heed to your own words, Teqon. Forgive yourself and live a clean slate. Do not let your conscience overwhelm you."