This is my chapter eleven of Power. Have you enjoyed this? I hope so. I
shall now continue in my fantastical tale about the life of Teqon my alter
personality.
I have finally decided what Sauron looks like. If you have seen Laurence, he is the carpenter for Changing Rooms on BBC, Sauron has Laurence's hair. That is some godly hair, too. Also he has similar facial features to Laurence. He is a bit taller. Extremely tall in fact. Don't ask me why but I just think that tall people are extremely sexy. I wish I was tall. I am 5 foot 7. I want Sauron also to look a bit like the Russian bad guy in the movie Triple X. He should have this 'I am bad' aura to show his guilt he feels and he should have the very pale skin and darkness in his strong features and such. I think that that is what I am envisioning Sauron to look like in this fic. His eyes are this dark gray-blue color like mine are in real life. Don't ask me why I choose to do that. I guess that it is because my eyes can really look very cool, intense, at times. They are the most beautiful thing on my entire person and I felt like sharing. Does that work for you?
I wonder when people are going to get around to smacking me for creating a romance about the evil lord of Middle Earth. Every one seems to like to write about the Elves, the Hobbits, and the big handsome burly men of M.E. Oh well. Can you really expect me to conform? I so much would rather to amuse myself with something slightly different. I am afraid to advance in my plot now. This will be the hardest time for writing in the process of this entire story. I must figure out some reasoning behind what is going to happen in the future. You know what I speak of Lisa. NO, no! Do not cry! The end will fix it all! Oops I am sorry I can not tell you all what is going to happen. I guess that you need to find that out for yourself, won't you? Let me just remind you of this. Death Approaches. Scary isn't it?
The sky was black as we returned home. It was not a true blackness because the sky was unnaturally illuminated by the lights of the city. I am still angered at myself for my actions and lack of self-control. I cannot understand what possessed me at the moment in which I had killed that man. How can you say that he deserved the fate that I gave to him? Surely we both deserve the same fate. I killed tonight. Does the fact that the man was a murderer make my case a clean one? I questioned you on this over and over again to the point in which you were filled with such distaste that if you had not been a better man you might have very well smacked me.
You turned to me after a long period of silence to attempt to sate my anxiety, "You may just be right. If it was entirely wrong of you to kill that man then so be it but please do not torment yourself over it any longer. Just remember it and vow never to repeat it. You will accomplish nothing by continually putting blaming yourself. Move on there isn't a thing to gain by dwelling on it."
"This seems like such wisdom to me but my heart will never let me forget what I have done. So many bad things are happening. With the war and all."
"Do not forget the good things which are happening also. There is always a balance but it seems that in a state of fear you will seem to forget the good." You gesture towards me. "Come here." It was more of a command than it was anything else.
I do so and you wrap your arms around me. I begin to forget my worries as you embrace me with such tender filling love that I cannot think of anything else at the moment. I put my head against your chest and begin to cry. I hope that I will never lose you. Do not tire of me, please. Continue to protect me from myself. It is still a shock to me that such a dark figure as yourself can can be so gentle and caring and genuinely loving. There is no malice in you, no contempt, and no greed as you may think you have. There is only a new-found purity that I will allow myself to never forsake. Never. How can I allow myself to have become so terribly hateful towards my own self? How could I have lasted long, mentally, if I did not so much as even forgive myself. I tell you to forgive yourself so often but can't recognize my own humanity. I should allow myself to make mistakes. Do I? No. I am as bad as you are.
I will resign from my conscience for the moment. I smile at you, "I will free myself from my own chains. I am so tired. I want to sleep. Come on lets go to bed now. Tomorrow with a clearer head I will try to talk this over with you again."
You laugh at me, "Funny, all it takes is a hug, isn't it?"
"They really do wonders. Especially when they are from you." I drag you off to bed. There was nothing to happen. Nothing exciting anyway. I just want to be held. I have always been like that. You are so comforting as I have said a million times before. I go to sleep now.
In the middle of the night sirens begin to erupt from all corners of the city. They blare through the streets. Awakening everyone. Even us in our other worldly surreal home that we had. I try to jump out of the bed to see what has happened but you will not let me go. You hold me down as you tremble with some unknown fear. I can sense that it was only indirectly related to the chaos happening outside. Your fear was more over focused on me. Why? I turn over in your enveloping arms to question you. "What is the matter. Why won't you let me up. Let me up! Now! I have to see what is going on! What if they need my help! I have to get up!" I almost get out of your grasp. I am struggling like a frantic animal with a uncanny premonition. Something is very wrong.
You spring up and pounce on me like a beast to hold my squirming uncooperative form down. "Where is the calmness that I always valued in you? Quit struggling and listen!"
"They need me. I can sense it! People are dying I need to save them! I cannot allow this to happen! I can't!" I continue to try and get up to no avail. "People are dying! do you hear me? Can you not hear their screaming voices in your damn omnipotent head? Have you any common decency or are you just a selfish pig bet on saving your own hide?" I begin to beat on your chest. So useless. I began crying.
"Listen to me now. You are to do nothing. You will attempt to do nothing! This is not your problem!"
"This is EVERYONE's problem! Is it not you who said that in order to retain sanity you needed to remain part of the outside world? What does a person like us do if the outside world is not there. Those people are my family, my friends, the people I grew up with, the people who taught me every thing I know. They are the people who created things to enhance the world, they protected it and cherished it. What about the poets and the dreamers? Will you leave them out there to die? I don't even know what is happening to them! I need to help them. What is the use of this power if we do not use it?"
"If you cared anything for your poets and your dreamers you will do nothing. Do you remember anything that I have told you? Ever? You can do ten fold the damage that they could ever possibly conceive of administering on their wretched foolish selves! Do not forget Murphy's law. You jelly donut WILL land jelly side down. Don't forget that. What could you do to save these people? Will you kill others?"
I looked vehemently at you. "Absolutely not I would-"
You glared at me with such a fervor in your almost crazed eyes, "What will you do? Will you do as I had done to you? Will you enchant their minds until they are all mindless zombies dizzily creeping their way through a miserable pointless life like a colony of bees. To Live and to die. To live and to die? Is that what you want? Tell me clever lover of mine. I now see that the poet and the dreamer is blind to all but the beautiful, is she not? What will you do? Tell me! What could you possibly do to help this situation improve." You are infuriated with me desperately trying to get me to see your way.
I calm down a bit. Your temper shocks me but much more than your temper the truth of your words shock me into almost absolute silence. For a couple minutes all that can be heard is our heavy breathing that is the signal that our violently conflicting emotions are beginning to subside. Your face is still red with the anger in which you had just recently vented out on me. It was necessary. There are so many important things I miss with my impetuous nature. I run my hand across your cheek just to do it. I have never seen you look so upset. Not just angry but terrified. Your cheek is hot and it looks as if your entire face was burning up. My hand slips down your chest you must have gotten very worked up about all this because your chest is the same way. Naughty thoughts appear in my mind, as I ask myself about the rest of you, but at the moment I brush those thoughts away. "I understand my Love, but may I at least know what is happening. Is there no way that we can save anyone?"
You sigh in frustration at my persistence. "There may be a way to do so if we are not to late. This apartment is blocked off so we do not feel the effects in which the rest of the city must contend with."
"Which is?" I ask quickly. I then regret this when I receive your cross look.
"Your are at least as strong as I am. If not that then more so. Use your internal vision. Your telepathic abilities. You must have them. Do you not? I feel that you are already much stronger than I ever was. If you chose to grip your abilities to their entire extent and command them, the effects might be devastating. Yes, command yourself to see through the thoughts and eyes of another. If there still remains another soul in this city to share itself with you."
I am frightened at the prospects of this situation. You let me sit up and I embrace you. "Thank you." I wipe the tears from my red swollen eyes.
"You are welcome and I and most gratified that you decided to listen to me." You say to me.
Like I had a choice I think bitterly. "I feel that that may not have been helped." I smile gingerly and lean up against you. Your arms easily find their way around my midsection as they have so often recently and I slip for my first time into some one else's thoughts. "Oh dear god." I whisper in consternation.
Heeheeheee. Sorry to Freak you out Lisa. It was not this chapter. Worry about the next two though. That should be your real problem. Now if I am correct about this I presume that the rest of this story will be finished in a matter of five chapters at the most. So this should be a 15-16 chapter story at the most. I love this. Oh the wheels are turning in my noggin. What a delightful feeling that is.
I have finally decided what Sauron looks like. If you have seen Laurence, he is the carpenter for Changing Rooms on BBC, Sauron has Laurence's hair. That is some godly hair, too. Also he has similar facial features to Laurence. He is a bit taller. Extremely tall in fact. Don't ask me why but I just think that tall people are extremely sexy. I wish I was tall. I am 5 foot 7. I want Sauron also to look a bit like the Russian bad guy in the movie Triple X. He should have this 'I am bad' aura to show his guilt he feels and he should have the very pale skin and darkness in his strong features and such. I think that that is what I am envisioning Sauron to look like in this fic. His eyes are this dark gray-blue color like mine are in real life. Don't ask me why I choose to do that. I guess that it is because my eyes can really look very cool, intense, at times. They are the most beautiful thing on my entire person and I felt like sharing. Does that work for you?
I wonder when people are going to get around to smacking me for creating a romance about the evil lord of Middle Earth. Every one seems to like to write about the Elves, the Hobbits, and the big handsome burly men of M.E. Oh well. Can you really expect me to conform? I so much would rather to amuse myself with something slightly different. I am afraid to advance in my plot now. This will be the hardest time for writing in the process of this entire story. I must figure out some reasoning behind what is going to happen in the future. You know what I speak of Lisa. NO, no! Do not cry! The end will fix it all! Oops I am sorry I can not tell you all what is going to happen. I guess that you need to find that out for yourself, won't you? Let me just remind you of this. Death Approaches. Scary isn't it?
The sky was black as we returned home. It was not a true blackness because the sky was unnaturally illuminated by the lights of the city. I am still angered at myself for my actions and lack of self-control. I cannot understand what possessed me at the moment in which I had killed that man. How can you say that he deserved the fate that I gave to him? Surely we both deserve the same fate. I killed tonight. Does the fact that the man was a murderer make my case a clean one? I questioned you on this over and over again to the point in which you were filled with such distaste that if you had not been a better man you might have very well smacked me.
You turned to me after a long period of silence to attempt to sate my anxiety, "You may just be right. If it was entirely wrong of you to kill that man then so be it but please do not torment yourself over it any longer. Just remember it and vow never to repeat it. You will accomplish nothing by continually putting blaming yourself. Move on there isn't a thing to gain by dwelling on it."
"This seems like such wisdom to me but my heart will never let me forget what I have done. So many bad things are happening. With the war and all."
"Do not forget the good things which are happening also. There is always a balance but it seems that in a state of fear you will seem to forget the good." You gesture towards me. "Come here." It was more of a command than it was anything else.
I do so and you wrap your arms around me. I begin to forget my worries as you embrace me with such tender filling love that I cannot think of anything else at the moment. I put my head against your chest and begin to cry. I hope that I will never lose you. Do not tire of me, please. Continue to protect me from myself. It is still a shock to me that such a dark figure as yourself can can be so gentle and caring and genuinely loving. There is no malice in you, no contempt, and no greed as you may think you have. There is only a new-found purity that I will allow myself to never forsake. Never. How can I allow myself to have become so terribly hateful towards my own self? How could I have lasted long, mentally, if I did not so much as even forgive myself. I tell you to forgive yourself so often but can't recognize my own humanity. I should allow myself to make mistakes. Do I? No. I am as bad as you are.
I will resign from my conscience for the moment. I smile at you, "I will free myself from my own chains. I am so tired. I want to sleep. Come on lets go to bed now. Tomorrow with a clearer head I will try to talk this over with you again."
You laugh at me, "Funny, all it takes is a hug, isn't it?"
"They really do wonders. Especially when they are from you." I drag you off to bed. There was nothing to happen. Nothing exciting anyway. I just want to be held. I have always been like that. You are so comforting as I have said a million times before. I go to sleep now.
In the middle of the night sirens begin to erupt from all corners of the city. They blare through the streets. Awakening everyone. Even us in our other worldly surreal home that we had. I try to jump out of the bed to see what has happened but you will not let me go. You hold me down as you tremble with some unknown fear. I can sense that it was only indirectly related to the chaos happening outside. Your fear was more over focused on me. Why? I turn over in your enveloping arms to question you. "What is the matter. Why won't you let me up. Let me up! Now! I have to see what is going on! What if they need my help! I have to get up!" I almost get out of your grasp. I am struggling like a frantic animal with a uncanny premonition. Something is very wrong.
You spring up and pounce on me like a beast to hold my squirming uncooperative form down. "Where is the calmness that I always valued in you? Quit struggling and listen!"
"They need me. I can sense it! People are dying I need to save them! I cannot allow this to happen! I can't!" I continue to try and get up to no avail. "People are dying! do you hear me? Can you not hear their screaming voices in your damn omnipotent head? Have you any common decency or are you just a selfish pig bet on saving your own hide?" I begin to beat on your chest. So useless. I began crying.
"Listen to me now. You are to do nothing. You will attempt to do nothing! This is not your problem!"
"This is EVERYONE's problem! Is it not you who said that in order to retain sanity you needed to remain part of the outside world? What does a person like us do if the outside world is not there. Those people are my family, my friends, the people I grew up with, the people who taught me every thing I know. They are the people who created things to enhance the world, they protected it and cherished it. What about the poets and the dreamers? Will you leave them out there to die? I don't even know what is happening to them! I need to help them. What is the use of this power if we do not use it?"
"If you cared anything for your poets and your dreamers you will do nothing. Do you remember anything that I have told you? Ever? You can do ten fold the damage that they could ever possibly conceive of administering on their wretched foolish selves! Do not forget Murphy's law. You jelly donut WILL land jelly side down. Don't forget that. What could you do to save these people? Will you kill others?"
I looked vehemently at you. "Absolutely not I would-"
You glared at me with such a fervor in your almost crazed eyes, "What will you do? Will you do as I had done to you? Will you enchant their minds until they are all mindless zombies dizzily creeping their way through a miserable pointless life like a colony of bees. To Live and to die. To live and to die? Is that what you want? Tell me clever lover of mine. I now see that the poet and the dreamer is blind to all but the beautiful, is she not? What will you do? Tell me! What could you possibly do to help this situation improve." You are infuriated with me desperately trying to get me to see your way.
I calm down a bit. Your temper shocks me but much more than your temper the truth of your words shock me into almost absolute silence. For a couple minutes all that can be heard is our heavy breathing that is the signal that our violently conflicting emotions are beginning to subside. Your face is still red with the anger in which you had just recently vented out on me. It was necessary. There are so many important things I miss with my impetuous nature. I run my hand across your cheek just to do it. I have never seen you look so upset. Not just angry but terrified. Your cheek is hot and it looks as if your entire face was burning up. My hand slips down your chest you must have gotten very worked up about all this because your chest is the same way. Naughty thoughts appear in my mind, as I ask myself about the rest of you, but at the moment I brush those thoughts away. "I understand my Love, but may I at least know what is happening. Is there no way that we can save anyone?"
You sigh in frustration at my persistence. "There may be a way to do so if we are not to late. This apartment is blocked off so we do not feel the effects in which the rest of the city must contend with."
"Which is?" I ask quickly. I then regret this when I receive your cross look.
"Your are at least as strong as I am. If not that then more so. Use your internal vision. Your telepathic abilities. You must have them. Do you not? I feel that you are already much stronger than I ever was. If you chose to grip your abilities to their entire extent and command them, the effects might be devastating. Yes, command yourself to see through the thoughts and eyes of another. If there still remains another soul in this city to share itself with you."
I am frightened at the prospects of this situation. You let me sit up and I embrace you. "Thank you." I wipe the tears from my red swollen eyes.
"You are welcome and I and most gratified that you decided to listen to me." You say to me.
Like I had a choice I think bitterly. "I feel that that may not have been helped." I smile gingerly and lean up against you. Your arms easily find their way around my midsection as they have so often recently and I slip for my first time into some one else's thoughts. "Oh dear god." I whisper in consternation.
Heeheeheee. Sorry to Freak you out Lisa. It was not this chapter. Worry about the next two though. That should be your real problem. Now if I am correct about this I presume that the rest of this story will be finished in a matter of five chapters at the most. So this should be a 15-16 chapter story at the most. I love this. Oh the wheels are turning in my noggin. What a delightful feeling that is.