Neon Genesis Evangelion
Disclaimer: I don't own EVA.
Forgive or Forget ?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A young man was staring out of his window. It took him long to build this house. The window he was looking out was a window without the glass. He was glad he had a roof, since it was raining outside. He could live this way, he only needed walls and a roof. He didn't even have a roof. And yet, he survived this long….He always wondered why ?
'I can't believe this, I can't believe them. I still can't believe it, it's been years, I don't even know how many. They abandoned me, they blamed me, they left me to die. Third Impact was my fault. Toji's injuries are my fault, his little sister's are my fault. Kaoru...was my fault... I can't take this any longer.
I haven't seen them for a long time, and I am quite happy about it. I now live alone, between the mountains. No one cares for me, and I don't care about me either. I no longer care about everything and everyone. I thought they cared for me, yet I was deceived once again.
Misato, I really thought Misato cared about me. But she tossed me away immediately after Third Impact. Blaming me for everything. Asuka never cared about me, so she just screamed at me, telling me to get the hell out of their lives. Toji was restrained by several people, he tried to hit me, stomp me probably. Kensuke just turned his back at me. I guess I deserved it, for being a coward, a weakling. The one good thing that happened was the death of my father. '
'And now I live alone. In the darkness I live, and I am happy this way. No one to yell at me, no one to blame me.. no one to hurt me... To be lonely is better than to be hurt. I am happy when I'm alone. The only thing I like now is loneliness. The word is negative, but for me it's the best I have. I'm useless, I shouldn't have been born. I caused Third Impact, I killed people...'
'I really thought they cared for me. Third Impact...wasn't entirely my fault. The world has changed back to its normal state. After I saw Asuka on the beach, I thought it was hell. She did hate me, so that's why I thought it. But everyone else returned. And they all spit in my face, after they thought nothing would be normal ever again. '
'But now everything's normal again, after maybe three or two years. I can not forgive them, simply because I don't want to be hurt again. I thought they cared for me, and then I found out they didn't. I can not forgive them for it. They, everyone, blamed it on me, Shinji Ikari, the black sheep of humanity. It's very odd I didn't kill myself. I suppose I was already ashamed of myself, and didn't want to make it worse by committing suicide. It is the ultimate sin, I think..
I wonder how they think about it.. about almost killing me, hitting me until I stopped breathing, stopped moving. I wonder how ashamed humanity will be, after they find out Third Impact wasn't my fault at all. Will they crawl to me, begging for forgiveness ? Will they take pity on me ? I don't care, what's done is done. They did the wrong thing, and I can't forgive them for it. I mean, they almost killed me, and here I thought they cared for me…I guess I was wrong…like always.
I always knew it would turn out like this. Whenever I show myself, my real self, and try to do good things for the world, I end up getting hurt. Never shall I do anything ever again for this stupid and unfair world. '
'I remember when I was strangling the life out of Asuka, she was just too weak to do anything against me, so she caressed my cheek, a failed attempt to hit it. After she regained enough of her strength, she started to scream at me and hit me probably a hundred times. I cried all the way, but she didn't care, she just kept hitting me, until I stopped crying...and stopped breathing..'
Flashback
"I feel sick."
Shinji got off Asuka and continued to cry for he as witnessed the end of the world and saw how he was being refused by people he thought he knew...
"Shinji.." Asuka spat out poisonous.
Shinji looked wide-eyes at Asuka, expecting to be attacked any time now. But Asuka fainted again, leaving Shinji to himself for now.
"I....I'm sorry.."
Two days later..
Shinji was getting hungry, he hadn't had anything in these three days. Asuka hadn't slept at all and it seemed she was extremely frustrated seeing as she was stomping around and cursing at everything. Shinji just shrugged and stared at the red sky, filling himself with guilt. All of a sudden Asuka screamed his name..
"Shinji, Get the fuck up now !!"
Shinji complied, he had never seen Asuka this mad. Without a warning or something of the sort, Asuka punched hard in the face. Shinji fell hard backwards and held both his hands on his now bleeding nose.
"You...This is all your fault !! You sick, crazy weakling !!" Asuka screamed.
Asuka kicked Shinji hard in the side several times.
"You.. You must PAY !!! Everyone died...because of you !!!" Asuka screamed, while kicking Shinji.
Shinji, by now, was crying as he accepted every kick and punch Asuka threw at him, believing it was all his fault.
"I..." Asuka was shedding silent tears "I hate you Shinji !!!"
And she kept kicking and punching Shinji, screaming all the while.
"I hate you !! I hate YOU !! I HATE you !!! I HATE YOU !!!"
Asuka's tears were unnoticed by Shinji, since he blacked out..
End Flashback
'I remember when the others came back, I awoke after someone threw some cold water in my face. Mean, furious glares were watching me. I saw their disgusted looks, looks I was very familiar with.
After feeling the pain from Asuka's attacks come back to me, Misato started to yell at me, telling me this red world was all my fault, she told me she hated me now, for destroying everything. I started crying again. I saw almost twenty people in front of me. Hikari started slapping me as well, it seemed her slaps were even harder than Asuka's, but it could feel harder because her attacks were on top of Asuka's previous attacks. It hurt, it hurt a lot, I cried as Toji punched me in the face several times. Other people, people I didn't know started screaming at me, telling me how much they hated me. I blacked out again, when I woke up I was all alone, abandoned and forever to be forgotten...'
Flashback
"He's waking up." Toji said, as he stared holes in Shinji.
"Uhhn ?" Shinji mumbled.
"Wake up, Shinji !" Asuka yelled in his ear.
Asuka slapped Shinji several times in the face, trying to wake him up. Although she did hit him a little too hard.
"Oow.." Shinji groaned, as the pain he had forgotten, came back to him...hard.
Shinji saw some familiar faces, like Misato, Asuka, Kensuke, Toji, who was standing on one leg and he was leaning on a stick, Hikari and other people he didn't know.
"Listen, you idiot.. You do know this is all your fault, right ?" Asuka said, while pointing menacing at Shinji.
"...Yes.." Shinji whispered.
"After all that has happened, the world still died.." Misato said.
"Yeah, and all because of Ikari." Toji said.
"Ikari....the name is a curse to humankind." Misato said and nodded.
"I...I'm sorry.." Shinji whispered.
"Sorry ? You're sorry ? For destroying mankind.. you're sorry ?" Misato yelled.
"Hmph...Shinji, we hate you" Asuka said, speaking for all the others.
"Do you even know what you have done ?! This entire world is broken, all because of you !"
"But.. I.. I never.. I didn't have a choice !!!" Shinji cried.
"Stop being so weak, it is because of that this all has happened !" Asuka yelled.
Shinji's loud sobs made the others stare disgusted at him. Suddenly, Hikari appeared from behind Toji and slapped Shinji hard in the face. Shinji looked at Hikari and he fell even deeper in his own despair.
Hikari hit him again....and again....an again.. and ten times, twenty....until Misato stopped her. Toji limped toward the bleeding Shinji and punched him square in the face.
"Asshole..."
Shinji continued to sob, he heard how all the people in front of him started to scream at him. Some people hit him a few times while others spitted on him. This went on for a long time. Shinji just fazed out and tried to ignore the pain inside and outside of him..
End Flashback
'Now here I am trying to forget it all. But I still remember everything. The pain, the screams, the surroundings, the smell, everything. I wiped a lonesome tear away from my eye as I stare out the window.
"I can not forgive humanity for this..."
I have nothing, and that will never change. I am nothing, and that will never change either. I do hope I will die a natural death soon, though. I have nothing left to live for, considering I had nothing left to live for to begin with. I walk away from the window to start making dinner. As I pass a mirror while walking to the kitchen, I stopped and looked at myself. I am pretty built compared to three years ago. I work out every day and it's showing. I had to develop some muscles and train to defend myself.
In the past years, some people tried to hunt me down, and they tried to kill me for causing Third Impact. In the beginning people caught me and almost hit me to death, leaving me to rot in the forests that are surrounding my house. '
Flashback
"Is….is it him ?" A voice whispered.
"Maybe, let's find out." Another voice whispered back.
Shinji was terrified, he found himself surrounded by dark figures, in the middle of night. He cursed himself for still being outside this late.
"It's a boy…it could be him.."
"Use your flashlight !"
Shinji found himself staring in a blinding light. Several gasps were hears as the others recognized him.
'This is bad..'
And soon, the much older men were kicking and punching Shinji around like rag doll.
End Flashback
'But now I can defend myself. I don't know why I started to train, seeing I do have a death wish. But if people are just going to hurt you very badly, but not kill you, it's better to fight back.
I wonder how they reacted at seeing the world changing to its normal self. Life is unfair, they will never know it wasn't entirely my fault, they will always see me as the bringer of destruction, humanity's weak link... They will never know, I actually did the right thing. I actually made the right choice then, but they will never know...and they will always blame me... '
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"It's been long enough..."
"Yes. It's time humanity knows their own true nature, and knows who their real saviour was.."
"Only then will he find his own strength, and only then mankind can live again."
"But...will he forgive his own kind.. for its betrayal...for its weakness."
"Humanity is weak...he, more than anyone knows this...surely he can understand."
"He has been betrayed and tortured through his entire life."
"Yes, and because of that, he became the Chosen. No one has been hurt as much as him."
"I feel sorry for him."
"Yes, we all do. Humanity will pay for its weakness."
"Humanity's scapegoat will make the choice...again."
"He has proven himself to be strong."
"Yes. His first choice was perfect. Third Impact had been prevented."
"But mankind almost destroyed his soul because of its disbelief."
"I doubt if he is still strong enough.. he has lost most of his own natural strength.."
"His own race has made him weaker, much weaker. There is a possibility he will no longer defend Humanity."
"Indeed. Does mankind even deserve to exist ?"
"We will find out. Ikari Shinji has the answer..."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On earth, Lilith appeared. She watched from afar how humanity had developed itself. Soon, it will begin...or it will end.. Humanity will see what they have done wrong. Humanity will see what their faults are, and there are many. Mankind's saviour can be the saviour again, if he chooses to be. But first, humanity will see what really happened during Third Impact, and every man and woman on earth will be ashamed...
How forgiving can one boy be ?
Will he care if mankind stopped existing ? Does he still care about anything, after all that has been done to him ? Will Shinji Ikari save the world again, now that he thinks he knows how everyone thinks of him ? If I were him, I would let humanity have its end right here and now. Their cruelty doesn't deserve to live on. They do not deserve to be forgiven. If the boy does forgive them, he could be considered to be as noble as a god could be… even more so. And that is very…..impossible..
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TBC
Yep, sorry, another short fic. This one will have maybe two or three other chapters…
Yes, OOC, but I will explain it further in the story..