Neon Genesis Evangelion

Disclaimer: I still don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Forgive or Forget Chapter 3

Shinji was terrified, he couldn't believe everything was happening again. Lilith stood before him, in the form of a giant Rei. And he again had a big decision to make. To save humanity, or to not save humanity. He couldn't believe he was hesitating. Shinji shook his head and made a decision. He just couldn't save them again. Not after what they had done to him.

"You can talk to them, tell them what is about to happen." Lilith spoke, which made Shinji flinch.

Talk to them ? Why would he want to talk to them ? They don't deserve to be warned, they don't deserve anything. Shinji looked at his own hands and saw they were filled with scars. His entire body was a scar. Scars of wounds other people inflicted on him.

"Let me talk to them. I want to see what they feel and think. What they have to say." Shinji whispered.

"Very well." Lilith answered.

Shinji closed his eyes from the pain of the wind in his eyes as Lilith was moving him. Within a second he saw Asuka and Misato before him, and behind them, Kensuke, Hikari and Toji.

"Su-Shinji ?" Misato stuttered.

Shinji looked at them with narrowed eyes. The people before him, were indeed the people that were SUPPOSED to be his friends. They betrayed him with ease, not even feeling sorry for his pain at that time.

"I came to talk." Shinji stated coldly, startling the others, who hadn't seen him yet. He knew he had become more like his father. He was probably even colder than him.

"Shinji.. We.." Misato began.

"I want to know why you came here." Shinji demanded.

"We came.. to apologize.." Toji said carefully.

"Apologize ?" Shinji chuckles for five seconds. "What's the point ? What's done is done. My feelings about it won't change. I won't forgive you." Shinji spoke.

"We understand.. we just want you to know.. we were confused.." Misato said, sobbing.

"So, because you're confused I have to suffer ? I have to feel pain ?" Shinji said.

"No, we just.. we just want you to know, we're sorry." Hikari said.

"Sorry... how often I have used that particular word. I was naive and now realize I never needed to say sorry. I now know and learned from, my mistakes." Shinji spoke.

"Shinji... do you.. do you recognize us ?" Asuka asked.

"Of course. You were my supposed to be my friends. Yet, you were also the first that tortured me. In the beginning, I really thought I deserved and I screwed everything up. But realization struck and I remember I was the one that saved you all. My 'FRIENDS' betrayed me." Shinji spat out.

"We ARE your friends, we just... I.. " Toji began, but never ended.

"I don't care. I don't care anymore. The world can die now. Nothing interests me anymore. Not you, not anyone. " Shinji whispered.

"Shinji... I.. can't we try and start over ?" Kensuke offered.

Shinji frowned at Kensuke, and with every second his frown grew, until Shinji burst out chuckling.

"Try and start over ? Do you really believe that is possible ? After everything you've done to me ? I want all of you dead. Your faces sicken me, your guilt disgusts me. I can no longer take this." Shinji spoke.

"Shinji.. I.. we care for you !" Asuka screamed, shedding some tears.

"But..... I don't care for you... not anymore." Shinji spoke.

"What.. what do you mean ?" Asuka asked.

Shinji focused himself completely on Asuka "I once.... loved you... I really did... And over the years, I truly know what love is. I came to realize I love nothing now.. nothing, Not even Mother Nature, or the sunrise. But in the past, I know what I loved. I loved my friends, who betrayed me. I loved Misato, as a mother, as a sister, but she too, betrayed me. And I even loved Asuka, her more than anyone else, but of course, she betrayed me as well. Love changes to hate, and after hate it usually turns into understanding. But not with me. There is nothing to realize. The memories of the past will always stay with me, rejecting any chance of happiness for me. But I don't care. Which is why I am pleased with what the future has to offer me now.." Shinji told, with a smirk.

"I….. I loved you too.." Asuka whispered, but Shinji didn't hear it.

"I came to tell you... The world will end again. And this time, no one will try to save it." Shinji spoke.

The others fell silent at his admission. Shinji enjoyed their looks, looks of despair. He decided it was time everyone knew he can save them but won't. That will really enjoy him...

"Lilith... show the entire world what happened and what will happen." Shinji asked.

Images from the past shot through every mind on earth. Images of Shinji screaming, refusing Third Impact and in doing so, saving the entire existence on earth. Then all humanity was forced to see how THEY tortured Shinji. And now, Third Impact will resume. And Shinji is allowed to choose for death or life. Now all of humanity can tremble at their own faults. Cry for each other's deaths. And no one deserves a second chance... no one.

As Lilith spoke to all humans, Shinji was enjoying every cry of despair, every regret, every scream of pain and sorrow. He enjoyed the death of humanity now. No longer will he feel pain, his and their pain....

Lilith spoke up.

"What do you choose, Ikari Shinji ?"

Shinji smirked and narrowed his eyes. He sighed deeply and spoke up.

"I want revenge...."

Shinji's eyes widened at what he just saw. He saw himself, colder than his father will ever be, destroying mankind. He saw himself enjoying death.

"This is one of the possibilities, Shinji. If you choose to save the humans from Third Impact, this COULD happen." Lilith spoke.

"That.. will I really become like... like THAT ?" Shinji whispered.

"Yes, eventually, you will." Lilith said.

"So, if I save them, I would kill them, in the end, anyway ?" Shinji asked.

"Yes. It is a rather big possibility." Lilith said.

"I.. I see. is there a positive outcome ?" Shinji asked.

"It depends.. what do YOU think is positive ?" Lilith asked.

"I.. I don't know.. A world without angels, without Evangelions."

"Would that not mean you will lose your purpose ?" Lilith said.

"I didn't have a purpose to begin with. I don't deserve a purpose."

"What do you want, Ikari Shinji ?" Lilith asked.

"I.. I want nothing to change... except, the Angels should disappear." Shinji answered.

"You want to risk getting hurt again ?" Lilith asked.

"Yes. But, can you.. can you kill me, and then make the world back to its normal self ?" Shinji asked.

"You want to die then ?" Lilith asked.

"Yes. If I wasn't there to begin with, none of this would've happened." Shinji said.

"Are you sure of that ?" Lilith said.

"Yes, I am." Shinji answered.

"You know, your choice is different from what I expected you to choose." Lilith said.

"What.. what did you expect ?" Shinji asked, hesitating.

"I expected that you wanted this, but, I didn't expect you wanted to die." Lilith answered.

"If I don't die here, I will be tortured, just like you showed me." Shinji said.

"Not exactly. This way is different. I will show you what it'll be like if you choose to stay alive and if you choose to die."

Shinji watched as Lilith magically showed him another 'movie'.

Shinji saw himself, with a genuine smile on his face, sitting on a chair on a balcony.

'I.. I've never smiled like that before…' Shinji thought, as he watched the images before him.

Shinji watched as the Shinji in the 'movie' was being hugged by a woman from behind.

'Who, who is that ? I.. she's hugging… ME ?'

"I'm not going to tell you who the woman is, it might change the outcome if you choose this. I just wanted to show you that you can find happiness." Lilith whispered.

"Happiness ? I've never felt happiness… not really. So why would I now ?"

"It all depends on yourself."

Shinji watched as the woman let go of Shinji after whispering something in his ear. He watched as Shinji's genuine smile formed into a big smirk. The woman stepped back inside. Shinji soon followed the woman inside, slightly blushing.

Shinji found himself once again, floating in a great darkness. With a very big and quite scary Rei as Lilith before him. Did she want him to choose now ? Why should he choose ? They should know that he's the one that screwed everything up. What should he choose ?

"You see, if you choose to die, you will surely miss the your chance of happiness." Lilith explained.

"But if I stay alive… I will also get hurt.. a lot." Shinji said back to her.

"But the feeling of happiness is stronger than the feeling of pain." Lilith said.

"Are.. are you sure of that ? I've never felt happiness, but I've felt plenty of pain. I.. I don't think there's anything that feels more stronger then pain…" Shinji said.

"Yes, you will have to find out. But all the pain you have experienced has made you strong."

"Strong ? I.. am .. strong ? I.. I know I'm NOT strong. I'm weak… All this is my fault." Shinji said.

"Actually, all this is not your fault at all."

" No ! This is my fault ! I.. I should have, should have done something.." Shinji sobbed quietly.

"You'll have to choose."

"I.. I know."

TBC.