5.A New 'Friend'
In the deep, dark woods surrounding Mallet Castle, something stirred. It squinted against the early morning sunlight, and jumped ten feet in the air when a gunshot rang out in the castle. The intruder's sensitive ears and experience with such things told it that it was most likely a pistol shot, and of very high caliber at that. It decided that it would have to be very careful when it invariably discovered an entrance to the keep. It took one last look at the sun, just beginning to show over the horizon, and moved from it's sleeping hollow. It dashed quickly and soundlessly away toward the castle, and after a few minutes you couldn't tell for the life of you (as was most likely to be the case) that anything had ever been here at all.
Bad to the Bone music played as Cloud roared up on his motorbike, fresh from a test drive on the exceedingly rough motorcycle course. His new hog was the result of many long hours spent in the garage, toiling over complicated blueprints, cursing greasy hands when a vital part slipped and caused the complete reconstruction of a given area of the bike, and last, but not by a country mile least, having to endure working within five feet of Cid and his trademark attitude. This by far was the most trying of the ordeals that Cloud had to go through. He speculated that God had laid them out to test his devotion to the bike. In any case, it was now finished. And it was the best he had ever ridden in his life. So HA God. As Cloud took off his helmet, he was filled with joy and happiness. Then he saw Tifa and Aeris both waiting for him at the door. His day was immediately hell again. He sighed, considered getting back on his bike, and then came to the depressing conclusion that they would still be there when he came back. He locked his bike down, looked at the doorway, and sighed when he saw that he wasn't hallucinating earlier.
Squall strolled by the kitchen door. He had planned on dropping in for a quick snack, but upon seeing Cloud, Tifa, and Aeris all in there (at one time no less), he just kept right on strolling. He wasn't quite out of hearing range when the inevitable argument broke out.
"You outstandingly brazen bitch! Get away from him!"
"Make me, you disgustingly putrid sack o' shit! Cloud's mine!"
"Ladies, ladies, there's no need for all this name calling...."
"You stay out of this!"
"Yeah! You don't even have a say in the matter!"
"Can't we all just get along?"
"NO!"
"Don't you yell at him!"
"Oh shut up!"
And so on in that tone of friendly conversation. Squall considered fighting his way in to help Cloud, but then thought better of it. He reasoned that it was better for only one man to have to suffer than two. His conscience clear, he continued on down the hall. About fifteen feet later, there came a high-pitched shriek and a crash from the kitchen. This was followed by running footsteps. Cloud tore past Squall at a clip Sonic The Hedgehog would be proud of. Squall was forced to jump straight up, or be run down. When he landed, Cloud had already vanished around the bend. Squall decided to follow. As he rounded the corner, a hand snaked out of a door and yanked him inside. Immediately after, Tifa and Aeris dashed by, hunting. Three guesses for whom.
Cloud removed his hand from Squall's mouth. "You sunavabitch, I saw you in the door. You didn't even look twice. I aught to take my sword and ram it all the way up your ass. You traitorous turncoat you."
"Eloquent today, aren't we? As to your sword idea, you just try it pretty boy. If you did have the balls to try it, there would indeed be a good deal of combining of asses and swords, but I seriously doubt that you would enjoy the experience." Squall answered coolly.
Damn him, Cloud thought. Squall always seemed to do everything coolly, from eating to insulting to kicking ass. "I would, believe me, but I need your help."
"And you expect to get help from me after that threat and branding me a traitor?"
"You can prove me wrong by helping me out here."
"Hmm....So I can. But the fact remains. You threatened me with a, quote, 'sword rammed up my ass.'"
"Grrrrrr.....Fine. I'm sorry. Look, I'll buy you a drink sometime. Just help me okay?"
"...........Whatever. Suits the hell out of me. So, how is it exactly that you need help? The girls seem to be acting about as normal as usual."
"That's because you haven't had the 'privilege' of living with them for over two years. They may seem normal to you, but to me they're much more tenacious than usual. For example, when they fight, they usually don't break stuff. This time they shattered Malon's prized Oriental platter."
"God save their souls. Anyway, I see your point. But what do you want me to do?"
"I need shelter and escape routs from all the Rainbow Soldiers in order to keep my hide in one piece until this blows over. When I say 'shelter,' I mean provisions, books, anything that can help me be as self-sufficient as possible. The less I am seen over the next few days, the better."
"*snicker* Assist you in being self-sufficient?"
"What? Oh damn, you know what I mean!"
"Alright alright, I'll see what I can do. Most should agree to help a fellow Soldier in need."
"Most?"
"The few who don't agree will just have to be convinced."
"Ah."
"Yeah. Now, hole up here for a bit while I enlist the help of the other guys. I assume I need not tell you to be as quiet as possible. If they poke their heads in, there's an empty space under this floor stone here that we use to hide things from the girls every now and then. Dante uses it mostly for smuggling such forbidden things as, ah, 'Special' magazines and......well.....that's it. At least you'll have something to do while you wait. The time of my departure draws near, but before I go, let us pray to God that Tifa and Aeris don't think to search here."
Cloud and Squall bow their heads a moment, then Squall vacates the room. Cloud is left to his own devices, which, judging by the information revealed by Squall not very many moments ago, are best left undescribed.
Squall stepped from the room, straightened his jacket, and turned to strut off on his mission. He took one step, and had to stop short to avoid running Tifa and Aeris over. Though his face betrayed nothing, his mind was racing. Had they heard his conversation with Cloud? If so, how much had they heard? Depending on what, if anything, overheard, what was his punishment? He came to the decision that he would stall for Cloud. He cleared his throat loudly. Very loudly.
"AHEM. Hello TIFA. Hello AERIS. How are you today?" he said, you guessed it, coolly. He leaned against the door to Cloud's hideaway.
"Oh, fine. We were just looking for Cloud. Have you seen him?" Tifa asked.
"Why, now that you mention it, Cloud did come tearing around that corner a moment ago. He's long gone by now. What happened?" Squall answered innocently.
"Well, it seems he suddenly remembered something very important all of a sudden and ran off. Do you have any idea as to what it could be?" Aeris questioned.
"Not for the life of me. But I could spare a few minutes to help you look for him." Squall had a plan.
"Thanks bunches Squall. That would be a big help." Tifa accepted gratefully.
"Okay. We can start by looking in this room here." He opened the door and motioned the girls in. "Ladies first."
They stepped into the room. Squall noted with satisfaction that the floor stone was perfectly in place, right on down to the pattern matching. He moved over and stood on it, pretending to look up into the rafters. Aeris glided to an old couch and proceeded to search it by kicking it repeatedly. Squall winced every time. Not noticeably, of course. Meanwhile, Tifa had marched over to a moldering wardrobe and was punching it to smithereens. Squall began to see what Cloud was so desperate to escape from.
Finishing his search of the ceiling, Squall finally ventured, "Well, it seems he isn't here. I'd help you some more, but I've got to go spar with Dante. Got to keep the men in shape, you know." And he walked out.
After a few more seconds of trashing the room in their search for Cloud, the Devilish Duo vacated the room as well. Cloud breathed again. He then climbed out of the cubbyhole and locked the door. If the girls found it locked again when they came back to search the room again, it would arouse no particular suspicion, as all doors in Castle Mallet were locked and unlocked at least ten times a day. No one bothered to keep track of it. Once that job was accomplished, Cloud lit a candle, picked up a magazine, and sat down to wait.
After Squall had left the room, he had set off at a trot to find Zidane. He would help Cloud. If not out of the goodness of his heart, then for a platter full of sandwiches. Squall started by looking in the many kitchens throughout the castle. Then the lounges. Then finally everyone's bedrooms. After many hours of searching, Zidane was nowhere in sight. That was a very bad sign. If Tifa and Aeris had gotten to him first and offered him enough food, Zidane would probably have already found Cloud. Cloud would feel betrayed, but worse, Squall would be remembered as hiding him. Praying that he was not too late, Squall ran for the hideaway at top speed.
Cloud yawned. He was bored. Why? Because Trish had apparently found this little hidey-hole and had cleaned it out. Most likely into the castle furnace. All that was left was one Time Magazine. And Cloud had read it twice already. Then it hit him like a two-ton boulder.
"OH SHIT! If Trish knows this place, she'll tell the girls to come look here! I've got to get out of here!" As he was heading for the door, the lock rattled. He stopped short. What to do, what to do? Where could he hide? He realized that he was officially screwed. So he just stood in the middle of the room and waited for the inevitable pain and torture.......
Then he heard a crash, then a scuffle just outside the door. It must be Squall! It was about damn time, in Cloud's opinion. After a moment, the fight ceased, and the tune "Shave and a Haircut" was tapped on the door. Cloud rushed to open it. As soon as it was unlocked, Squall shoved his way in, carrying Zidane over his shoulder.
"Where have you been, man? I've been waiting forever!" Cloud exclaimed.
"You blew through that many magazines so quickly?" Squall asked incredulously.
"Trish found the stash. There was only one Time Magazine."
"Her way of saying 'get a life,' I suppose. The girls got to Zidane before I could find him. As such, he is no longer a reliable compatriot. At least not today. Maybe tomorrow we can win him over. For now, I need three things: that cubbyhole, a heavy chain and padlock set, and an unconscious Zidane. Step aside please." Squall proceeded to dump Zidane unceremoniously into the hole, throw the Time Magazine in after, shut the lid, and padlock it tightly. He estimated that, depending on how long Zidane would be out, the improvised prison would hold him for maybe, say, five hours, give or take. But it was the best that could be done under the circumstances.
"You done yet? We have to split, and I'm talking ten minutes ago!" Cloud grated nervously.
"I'm finished. Let's go." Squall replied coolly (do I even have to say how he does things anymore?).
They evacuated the room with all due haste. They turned in the direction of Dante's room, as he had tunnels leading to just about everywhere in the castle in his room of sleeping. About fifteen minutes into their escape, they heard woman's voices. They immediately ducked around the corner. Directly after they settled themselves to wait, Katt and Fara rounded the corner, chatting amiably. Surprising, really. The two were usually at each other's throats over various matters best left untold. Only something they had a mutual interest in (besides men) would be enough to enable them to tolerate each other for any length of time. That they were chatting like old biddies at a quilting bee meant that whatever they were up to was pleasurable in the extreme for them. Squall and Cloud could count the number of such activities on one hand between them. Certain foods, weapons of mass destruction, the pain and discomfort of chosen hated ones, and........
The answer hit both refugees at the same time. Like Dante hits bars. Very, VERY hard. The last shared interest between the two Femme Fatales was a good hunt. Preferably a hunt of intelligent prey. Like the men. The two guys began to sweat profusely. They could only hope that the viscous man-eaters would soon pass and be gone.
The women were almost gone when Katt suddenly stopped short. She lifted her nose, sniffed lightly, snorted, and rubbed her nose furiously.
"Damn that stinks!" she coughed.
"What? I don't smell....... Wait. Now that you mention it, I smell something bad too." Fara said.
"You damn straight it's bad! I haven't smelled something this bad since Fox came in from working on his Arwing all sweaty and covered in oil."
"It does carry the scent of sweat." Fara conceded, casting about, "And the scent is of nervous perspiration." Fara finally stopped turning in circles, looking straight at the boys' hiding spot. "Now I wonder if that could be the man we're after....." she growled lightly.
"Maybe. If it is, Tifa and Aeris will surely be pleased. I hesitate to conjecture what they'll do to him. They will probably break out their trademark torture kit, which was last used on Sephiroth when he attempted to kill Aeris. There sure wasn't much left of him to talk about after that little incident." Katt purred menacingly.
All these mind games were just too much for Squall and Cloud. As the two hunters advanced, Cloud's nerve broke. "Run! Run for your life! If you're captured, do yourself a favor and kill yourself if you can't break free! Trust me, I know what to expect from them!"
Squall secretly agreed, but would never put on a display like that in public. Word would get around. As fast as Zidane steals wallets. His reputation would be marred forever after, providing he lived through the horrible, unspeakable tortures he would undoubtedly be subjected to. Cloud, however, could be excused.
In the scant seconds that they were in hearing range of each other, Squall shouted, "Meet me at coordinates 56-42-90! Do not be followed! You have ten minutes!" Then they were cut off from further contact by the simple yet arduous task of keeping one's head on one's shoulders.
Cloud ran. He ran as if Barney himself and all his mamsy-pamsy wussy-ass friends were half a yard behind his heels wanting to hug and be all snuggly and cute. As it was, what was actually about half a yard behind his heels was not that much better. Fara had chosen the primary prey and was on the verge of slavering at the mouth. Her quarry had managed to escape her for longer than the expected three minutes. As of yet, she had not had the pleasure of hunting anyone but Fox, and he was wise to all her tricks. Cloud, however, was fresh prey, unknowing as to all the various lengths that she would go through to run him to earth. He ran as if possessed of unlimited stamina, ducking, dodging and rolling in an effort to give her the slip. Occasionally, he would whirl at bay, and Fara would match up against the fighting ability of a desperate and nearly crazed Cloud, who's only desire at the moment was to escape to the appointed coordinates in the five minutes remaining to him. The last time he did this, she stopped a good seven feet away, wary of his Buster Sword.
She decided that some mind games were in order.
"Give up, Cloud. You'll never make it. You can't shake me off. The one and only end to this contest is your capture at my hands. It'll go over a lot easier on both of us if you just lay down your sword now. Come on. Face the facts. Surrender to my will." she said invitingly.
However, Cloud had no intention of being taken down to hell without a fight. "Shut it, Fara. You and I both know what they'll do to me. If you want the prize, you'll have to go through six feet of cold steel, five feet of raw muscle, and twenty feet of hard determination! So you just bring whatever you've got to this one. I dare you." he taunted.
"Alright! Just remember you asked for it, boy!" she snarled. With that, Fara leaped at Cloud's throat. He brought the flat of the blade up and shoved firmly. A crack sounded, and Fara reeled back, a small amount of blood showing on her lip. She licked it off with a sadistic grin on her face that said, 'Ah, first blood.' Cloud assumed a ready stance. Fara made several feints and flanking movements, until finally Cloud's back was up against a wall. A dead end. No running from this battle. Cloud swallowed, and tightened his grip on his sword. After a moments pause, Fara dashed in and attempted to knock the sword out of Cloud's hands. He held on to it, but was shifted slightly off balance. Fara pressed her advantage and pinned him against the wall, hoping to crush him into submission. Cloud managed to retain a little breathing room, and gained a handhold on Fara's arm, preventing her from cutting off his air supply. They strained at each other, their faces centimeters apart. Cloud's sense of humor chose this opportunity to show its ass.
"You know, under certain other circumstances, this would actually be a pleasant position for me." he gasped, cracking a smile.
Fara's eyes flashed fire, but she could do nothing without forsaking her advantage, possibly giving Cloud the space he needed to make a comeback. She contemplated a head butt, but thought better of it when she got a good look at his spikey hair. So instead she retorted, "You wish. You couldn't get a girl in a thousand years. The reasons? Your horrible looks, lack of intelligence, and pathetically weak physique. That's just not gal-nabbing material."
"Oh yeah? What about Tifa and Aeris? I doubt highly that they could look over bad looks and stupidity both in a man. And the fact that I am able to match you in a fight proves my strength."
Then Cloud did something completely unexpected. No, he didn't kiss Fara, though he had the perfect chance to do that. He dropped his sword, freeing his other hand, and caught Fara a good one in the kidneys. She gasped, stumbled back, and crumpled to the floor with a sigh. Cloud stood there, muscles quivering from the immense strain put on them, almost dumbfounded that he had won. He had fully expected to go down at her hands, made into bragging rights for Fara from that time onward. He heard slow clapping, and turned to see a most welcome sight. It was Dante, looking for all the world as if he had just seen God get beaten by an ant. Fara coughed heavily. Cloud crouched over her.
"You, *cough* You son of a........ you'll pay for this......" she groaned.
"Be quiet, lest I jab your kidney again." he commanded, "We'll mix it again, but not for a long, long while."
She gave one last groan, and was still. Cloud checked for a pulse, fearing he had overdone it, and was relieved for a reason unknown to him that she was not dead. Perhaps it was his conscience showing through again. It was so embarrassing at times.
"Dude, that was one of the most subtle and painful ways of finishing a fight I have ever seen. You okay?" Dante exclaimed.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just get me to coordinates 56-42-90. I'm supposed to meet Squall there in," Cloud glanced at his watch, "two minutes." And he keeled over next to Fara. Dante shook his head, heaved Cloud up over his shoulder, and started off for the rendezvous point. As he trotted off, he did not see Fara grin faintly, as if the punch line of a secret joke had just been revealed to her and her alone.
Meanwhile, Squall was enjoying the view from the floor, with Katt on top of him. He sighed, contemplating what to write in his will. He gazed straight at the ceiling, barely blinking. Katt had him by the throat, and one arm was pinned down in a highly uncomfortable position. His gunblade lay eight feet away, well out of reach. He blinked, and shook his head. Katt's grip on his throat tightened in response. For the fifth time, Squall analyzed his position. He was on his back on the floor, with Katt on top of him, one hand around his throat, the other holding his arm down. The other arm lay limply, paralyzed from the same blow that had sent his weapon flying. Unless help arrived in the next few minutes, his chances of getting out of here were somewhere in the range of 0.5% to 0. He closed his eyes and sighed, wishing the whole matter was just a dream. That he, Squall Leonhart, had been bested in battle was only a nightmare brought on by extensive exposure to Zidane's presence. Granted, he was taken by surprise, but he was bested nonetheless. Katt's hiss down his ear brought him back to reality.
"You know, right now I could do anything I wanted with you. Torture, maybe. Or something else....." she purred.
Squall strained against her. "You crazy @#$%! I'm taken! Go trap someone else! Rinoa would be heartbroken. She'd probably die from heartsickness!" He grated.
"Hmmmm, when you put it that way, I suppose I should restrain myself. That leaves torture. Luckily, I was born with some torture tools." Katt agreed, unsheathing her claws, "Prepare yourself, fugitive."
Here it comes, Squall thought. He drew a breath, waiting for her claws to rake down his arm. Just before she was able to gash him in any way, a furry ball of pure energy bulled into her left side, crushing her against the wall and ploughing her to the ground. Squall staggered to his feet, grabbed his gunblade, and turned to face this new entity, friend or foe. What he found himself looking at was a furry bipedal mammal of some sort, wearing blue jeans and red shoes. The overall body shape was that of a triangle, with a large, sensitive looking nose and eyes that seemed to take in the world, and process the information into a simple diagram of danger and safety.
"You, hurt?" the creature, a boy obviously, asked.
"Not much. Who are you?" Squall countered.
"Me? I Crash Bandicoot! Much hungry at moment."
Ah, that was it. A bandicoot. "Hungry, eh? Well, come along, we can nab a bite to eat in a little bit. For now, we only have," Squall picked up his paralyzed arm with his good one in order to get a look at his watch, "two minutes to reach my goal. Come on if you're coming."
"I coming! Is food where we going?"
"After we meet up with a friend of mine, we'll hit the kitchen."
"Kitchen good. Who friend?"
"You'll see when we get there."
"Are we there yet?"
"No."
"You sure?"
"Yes."
"Okay." Thirty seconds later, "Are we there yet?"
"Don't start with me Crash."
In the deep, dark woods surrounding Mallet Castle, something stirred. It squinted against the early morning sunlight, and jumped ten feet in the air when a gunshot rang out in the castle. The intruder's sensitive ears and experience with such things told it that it was most likely a pistol shot, and of very high caliber at that. It decided that it would have to be very careful when it invariably discovered an entrance to the keep. It took one last look at the sun, just beginning to show over the horizon, and moved from it's sleeping hollow. It dashed quickly and soundlessly away toward the castle, and after a few minutes you couldn't tell for the life of you (as was most likely to be the case) that anything had ever been here at all.
Bad to the Bone music played as Cloud roared up on his motorbike, fresh from a test drive on the exceedingly rough motorcycle course. His new hog was the result of many long hours spent in the garage, toiling over complicated blueprints, cursing greasy hands when a vital part slipped and caused the complete reconstruction of a given area of the bike, and last, but not by a country mile least, having to endure working within five feet of Cid and his trademark attitude. This by far was the most trying of the ordeals that Cloud had to go through. He speculated that God had laid them out to test his devotion to the bike. In any case, it was now finished. And it was the best he had ever ridden in his life. So HA God. As Cloud took off his helmet, he was filled with joy and happiness. Then he saw Tifa and Aeris both waiting for him at the door. His day was immediately hell again. He sighed, considered getting back on his bike, and then came to the depressing conclusion that they would still be there when he came back. He locked his bike down, looked at the doorway, and sighed when he saw that he wasn't hallucinating earlier.
Squall strolled by the kitchen door. He had planned on dropping in for a quick snack, but upon seeing Cloud, Tifa, and Aeris all in there (at one time no less), he just kept right on strolling. He wasn't quite out of hearing range when the inevitable argument broke out.
"You outstandingly brazen bitch! Get away from him!"
"Make me, you disgustingly putrid sack o' shit! Cloud's mine!"
"Ladies, ladies, there's no need for all this name calling...."
"You stay out of this!"
"Yeah! You don't even have a say in the matter!"
"Can't we all just get along?"
"NO!"
"Don't you yell at him!"
"Oh shut up!"
And so on in that tone of friendly conversation. Squall considered fighting his way in to help Cloud, but then thought better of it. He reasoned that it was better for only one man to have to suffer than two. His conscience clear, he continued on down the hall. About fifteen feet later, there came a high-pitched shriek and a crash from the kitchen. This was followed by running footsteps. Cloud tore past Squall at a clip Sonic The Hedgehog would be proud of. Squall was forced to jump straight up, or be run down. When he landed, Cloud had already vanished around the bend. Squall decided to follow. As he rounded the corner, a hand snaked out of a door and yanked him inside. Immediately after, Tifa and Aeris dashed by, hunting. Three guesses for whom.
Cloud removed his hand from Squall's mouth. "You sunavabitch, I saw you in the door. You didn't even look twice. I aught to take my sword and ram it all the way up your ass. You traitorous turncoat you."
"Eloquent today, aren't we? As to your sword idea, you just try it pretty boy. If you did have the balls to try it, there would indeed be a good deal of combining of asses and swords, but I seriously doubt that you would enjoy the experience." Squall answered coolly.
Damn him, Cloud thought. Squall always seemed to do everything coolly, from eating to insulting to kicking ass. "I would, believe me, but I need your help."
"And you expect to get help from me after that threat and branding me a traitor?"
"You can prove me wrong by helping me out here."
"Hmm....So I can. But the fact remains. You threatened me with a, quote, 'sword rammed up my ass.'"
"Grrrrrr.....Fine. I'm sorry. Look, I'll buy you a drink sometime. Just help me okay?"
"...........Whatever. Suits the hell out of me. So, how is it exactly that you need help? The girls seem to be acting about as normal as usual."
"That's because you haven't had the 'privilege' of living with them for over two years. They may seem normal to you, but to me they're much more tenacious than usual. For example, when they fight, they usually don't break stuff. This time they shattered Malon's prized Oriental platter."
"God save their souls. Anyway, I see your point. But what do you want me to do?"
"I need shelter and escape routs from all the Rainbow Soldiers in order to keep my hide in one piece until this blows over. When I say 'shelter,' I mean provisions, books, anything that can help me be as self-sufficient as possible. The less I am seen over the next few days, the better."
"*snicker* Assist you in being self-sufficient?"
"What? Oh damn, you know what I mean!"
"Alright alright, I'll see what I can do. Most should agree to help a fellow Soldier in need."
"Most?"
"The few who don't agree will just have to be convinced."
"Ah."
"Yeah. Now, hole up here for a bit while I enlist the help of the other guys. I assume I need not tell you to be as quiet as possible. If they poke their heads in, there's an empty space under this floor stone here that we use to hide things from the girls every now and then. Dante uses it mostly for smuggling such forbidden things as, ah, 'Special' magazines and......well.....that's it. At least you'll have something to do while you wait. The time of my departure draws near, but before I go, let us pray to God that Tifa and Aeris don't think to search here."
Cloud and Squall bow their heads a moment, then Squall vacates the room. Cloud is left to his own devices, which, judging by the information revealed by Squall not very many moments ago, are best left undescribed.
Squall stepped from the room, straightened his jacket, and turned to strut off on his mission. He took one step, and had to stop short to avoid running Tifa and Aeris over. Though his face betrayed nothing, his mind was racing. Had they heard his conversation with Cloud? If so, how much had they heard? Depending on what, if anything, overheard, what was his punishment? He came to the decision that he would stall for Cloud. He cleared his throat loudly. Very loudly.
"AHEM. Hello TIFA. Hello AERIS. How are you today?" he said, you guessed it, coolly. He leaned against the door to Cloud's hideaway.
"Oh, fine. We were just looking for Cloud. Have you seen him?" Tifa asked.
"Why, now that you mention it, Cloud did come tearing around that corner a moment ago. He's long gone by now. What happened?" Squall answered innocently.
"Well, it seems he suddenly remembered something very important all of a sudden and ran off. Do you have any idea as to what it could be?" Aeris questioned.
"Not for the life of me. But I could spare a few minutes to help you look for him." Squall had a plan.
"Thanks bunches Squall. That would be a big help." Tifa accepted gratefully.
"Okay. We can start by looking in this room here." He opened the door and motioned the girls in. "Ladies first."
They stepped into the room. Squall noted with satisfaction that the floor stone was perfectly in place, right on down to the pattern matching. He moved over and stood on it, pretending to look up into the rafters. Aeris glided to an old couch and proceeded to search it by kicking it repeatedly. Squall winced every time. Not noticeably, of course. Meanwhile, Tifa had marched over to a moldering wardrobe and was punching it to smithereens. Squall began to see what Cloud was so desperate to escape from.
Finishing his search of the ceiling, Squall finally ventured, "Well, it seems he isn't here. I'd help you some more, but I've got to go spar with Dante. Got to keep the men in shape, you know." And he walked out.
After a few more seconds of trashing the room in their search for Cloud, the Devilish Duo vacated the room as well. Cloud breathed again. He then climbed out of the cubbyhole and locked the door. If the girls found it locked again when they came back to search the room again, it would arouse no particular suspicion, as all doors in Castle Mallet were locked and unlocked at least ten times a day. No one bothered to keep track of it. Once that job was accomplished, Cloud lit a candle, picked up a magazine, and sat down to wait.
After Squall had left the room, he had set off at a trot to find Zidane. He would help Cloud. If not out of the goodness of his heart, then for a platter full of sandwiches. Squall started by looking in the many kitchens throughout the castle. Then the lounges. Then finally everyone's bedrooms. After many hours of searching, Zidane was nowhere in sight. That was a very bad sign. If Tifa and Aeris had gotten to him first and offered him enough food, Zidane would probably have already found Cloud. Cloud would feel betrayed, but worse, Squall would be remembered as hiding him. Praying that he was not too late, Squall ran for the hideaway at top speed.
Cloud yawned. He was bored. Why? Because Trish had apparently found this little hidey-hole and had cleaned it out. Most likely into the castle furnace. All that was left was one Time Magazine. And Cloud had read it twice already. Then it hit him like a two-ton boulder.
"OH SHIT! If Trish knows this place, she'll tell the girls to come look here! I've got to get out of here!" As he was heading for the door, the lock rattled. He stopped short. What to do, what to do? Where could he hide? He realized that he was officially screwed. So he just stood in the middle of the room and waited for the inevitable pain and torture.......
Then he heard a crash, then a scuffle just outside the door. It must be Squall! It was about damn time, in Cloud's opinion. After a moment, the fight ceased, and the tune "Shave and a Haircut" was tapped on the door. Cloud rushed to open it. As soon as it was unlocked, Squall shoved his way in, carrying Zidane over his shoulder.
"Where have you been, man? I've been waiting forever!" Cloud exclaimed.
"You blew through that many magazines so quickly?" Squall asked incredulously.
"Trish found the stash. There was only one Time Magazine."
"Her way of saying 'get a life,' I suppose. The girls got to Zidane before I could find him. As such, he is no longer a reliable compatriot. At least not today. Maybe tomorrow we can win him over. For now, I need three things: that cubbyhole, a heavy chain and padlock set, and an unconscious Zidane. Step aside please." Squall proceeded to dump Zidane unceremoniously into the hole, throw the Time Magazine in after, shut the lid, and padlock it tightly. He estimated that, depending on how long Zidane would be out, the improvised prison would hold him for maybe, say, five hours, give or take. But it was the best that could be done under the circumstances.
"You done yet? We have to split, and I'm talking ten minutes ago!" Cloud grated nervously.
"I'm finished. Let's go." Squall replied coolly (do I even have to say how he does things anymore?).
They evacuated the room with all due haste. They turned in the direction of Dante's room, as he had tunnels leading to just about everywhere in the castle in his room of sleeping. About fifteen minutes into their escape, they heard woman's voices. They immediately ducked around the corner. Directly after they settled themselves to wait, Katt and Fara rounded the corner, chatting amiably. Surprising, really. The two were usually at each other's throats over various matters best left untold. Only something they had a mutual interest in (besides men) would be enough to enable them to tolerate each other for any length of time. That they were chatting like old biddies at a quilting bee meant that whatever they were up to was pleasurable in the extreme for them. Squall and Cloud could count the number of such activities on one hand between them. Certain foods, weapons of mass destruction, the pain and discomfort of chosen hated ones, and........
The answer hit both refugees at the same time. Like Dante hits bars. Very, VERY hard. The last shared interest between the two Femme Fatales was a good hunt. Preferably a hunt of intelligent prey. Like the men. The two guys began to sweat profusely. They could only hope that the viscous man-eaters would soon pass and be gone.
The women were almost gone when Katt suddenly stopped short. She lifted her nose, sniffed lightly, snorted, and rubbed her nose furiously.
"Damn that stinks!" she coughed.
"What? I don't smell....... Wait. Now that you mention it, I smell something bad too." Fara said.
"You damn straight it's bad! I haven't smelled something this bad since Fox came in from working on his Arwing all sweaty and covered in oil."
"It does carry the scent of sweat." Fara conceded, casting about, "And the scent is of nervous perspiration." Fara finally stopped turning in circles, looking straight at the boys' hiding spot. "Now I wonder if that could be the man we're after....." she growled lightly.
"Maybe. If it is, Tifa and Aeris will surely be pleased. I hesitate to conjecture what they'll do to him. They will probably break out their trademark torture kit, which was last used on Sephiroth when he attempted to kill Aeris. There sure wasn't much left of him to talk about after that little incident." Katt purred menacingly.
All these mind games were just too much for Squall and Cloud. As the two hunters advanced, Cloud's nerve broke. "Run! Run for your life! If you're captured, do yourself a favor and kill yourself if you can't break free! Trust me, I know what to expect from them!"
Squall secretly agreed, but would never put on a display like that in public. Word would get around. As fast as Zidane steals wallets. His reputation would be marred forever after, providing he lived through the horrible, unspeakable tortures he would undoubtedly be subjected to. Cloud, however, could be excused.
In the scant seconds that they were in hearing range of each other, Squall shouted, "Meet me at coordinates 56-42-90! Do not be followed! You have ten minutes!" Then they were cut off from further contact by the simple yet arduous task of keeping one's head on one's shoulders.
Cloud ran. He ran as if Barney himself and all his mamsy-pamsy wussy-ass friends were half a yard behind his heels wanting to hug and be all snuggly and cute. As it was, what was actually about half a yard behind his heels was not that much better. Fara had chosen the primary prey and was on the verge of slavering at the mouth. Her quarry had managed to escape her for longer than the expected three minutes. As of yet, she had not had the pleasure of hunting anyone but Fox, and he was wise to all her tricks. Cloud, however, was fresh prey, unknowing as to all the various lengths that she would go through to run him to earth. He ran as if possessed of unlimited stamina, ducking, dodging and rolling in an effort to give her the slip. Occasionally, he would whirl at bay, and Fara would match up against the fighting ability of a desperate and nearly crazed Cloud, who's only desire at the moment was to escape to the appointed coordinates in the five minutes remaining to him. The last time he did this, she stopped a good seven feet away, wary of his Buster Sword.
She decided that some mind games were in order.
"Give up, Cloud. You'll never make it. You can't shake me off. The one and only end to this contest is your capture at my hands. It'll go over a lot easier on both of us if you just lay down your sword now. Come on. Face the facts. Surrender to my will." she said invitingly.
However, Cloud had no intention of being taken down to hell without a fight. "Shut it, Fara. You and I both know what they'll do to me. If you want the prize, you'll have to go through six feet of cold steel, five feet of raw muscle, and twenty feet of hard determination! So you just bring whatever you've got to this one. I dare you." he taunted.
"Alright! Just remember you asked for it, boy!" she snarled. With that, Fara leaped at Cloud's throat. He brought the flat of the blade up and shoved firmly. A crack sounded, and Fara reeled back, a small amount of blood showing on her lip. She licked it off with a sadistic grin on her face that said, 'Ah, first blood.' Cloud assumed a ready stance. Fara made several feints and flanking movements, until finally Cloud's back was up against a wall. A dead end. No running from this battle. Cloud swallowed, and tightened his grip on his sword. After a moments pause, Fara dashed in and attempted to knock the sword out of Cloud's hands. He held on to it, but was shifted slightly off balance. Fara pressed her advantage and pinned him against the wall, hoping to crush him into submission. Cloud managed to retain a little breathing room, and gained a handhold on Fara's arm, preventing her from cutting off his air supply. They strained at each other, their faces centimeters apart. Cloud's sense of humor chose this opportunity to show its ass.
"You know, under certain other circumstances, this would actually be a pleasant position for me." he gasped, cracking a smile.
Fara's eyes flashed fire, but she could do nothing without forsaking her advantage, possibly giving Cloud the space he needed to make a comeback. She contemplated a head butt, but thought better of it when she got a good look at his spikey hair. So instead she retorted, "You wish. You couldn't get a girl in a thousand years. The reasons? Your horrible looks, lack of intelligence, and pathetically weak physique. That's just not gal-nabbing material."
"Oh yeah? What about Tifa and Aeris? I doubt highly that they could look over bad looks and stupidity both in a man. And the fact that I am able to match you in a fight proves my strength."
Then Cloud did something completely unexpected. No, he didn't kiss Fara, though he had the perfect chance to do that. He dropped his sword, freeing his other hand, and caught Fara a good one in the kidneys. She gasped, stumbled back, and crumpled to the floor with a sigh. Cloud stood there, muscles quivering from the immense strain put on them, almost dumbfounded that he had won. He had fully expected to go down at her hands, made into bragging rights for Fara from that time onward. He heard slow clapping, and turned to see a most welcome sight. It was Dante, looking for all the world as if he had just seen God get beaten by an ant. Fara coughed heavily. Cloud crouched over her.
"You, *cough* You son of a........ you'll pay for this......" she groaned.
"Be quiet, lest I jab your kidney again." he commanded, "We'll mix it again, but not for a long, long while."
She gave one last groan, and was still. Cloud checked for a pulse, fearing he had overdone it, and was relieved for a reason unknown to him that she was not dead. Perhaps it was his conscience showing through again. It was so embarrassing at times.
"Dude, that was one of the most subtle and painful ways of finishing a fight I have ever seen. You okay?" Dante exclaimed.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just get me to coordinates 56-42-90. I'm supposed to meet Squall there in," Cloud glanced at his watch, "two minutes." And he keeled over next to Fara. Dante shook his head, heaved Cloud up over his shoulder, and started off for the rendezvous point. As he trotted off, he did not see Fara grin faintly, as if the punch line of a secret joke had just been revealed to her and her alone.
Meanwhile, Squall was enjoying the view from the floor, with Katt on top of him. He sighed, contemplating what to write in his will. He gazed straight at the ceiling, barely blinking. Katt had him by the throat, and one arm was pinned down in a highly uncomfortable position. His gunblade lay eight feet away, well out of reach. He blinked, and shook his head. Katt's grip on his throat tightened in response. For the fifth time, Squall analyzed his position. He was on his back on the floor, with Katt on top of him, one hand around his throat, the other holding his arm down. The other arm lay limply, paralyzed from the same blow that had sent his weapon flying. Unless help arrived in the next few minutes, his chances of getting out of here were somewhere in the range of 0.5% to 0. He closed his eyes and sighed, wishing the whole matter was just a dream. That he, Squall Leonhart, had been bested in battle was only a nightmare brought on by extensive exposure to Zidane's presence. Granted, he was taken by surprise, but he was bested nonetheless. Katt's hiss down his ear brought him back to reality.
"You know, right now I could do anything I wanted with you. Torture, maybe. Or something else....." she purred.
Squall strained against her. "You crazy @#$%! I'm taken! Go trap someone else! Rinoa would be heartbroken. She'd probably die from heartsickness!" He grated.
"Hmmmm, when you put it that way, I suppose I should restrain myself. That leaves torture. Luckily, I was born with some torture tools." Katt agreed, unsheathing her claws, "Prepare yourself, fugitive."
Here it comes, Squall thought. He drew a breath, waiting for her claws to rake down his arm. Just before she was able to gash him in any way, a furry ball of pure energy bulled into her left side, crushing her against the wall and ploughing her to the ground. Squall staggered to his feet, grabbed his gunblade, and turned to face this new entity, friend or foe. What he found himself looking at was a furry bipedal mammal of some sort, wearing blue jeans and red shoes. The overall body shape was that of a triangle, with a large, sensitive looking nose and eyes that seemed to take in the world, and process the information into a simple diagram of danger and safety.
"You, hurt?" the creature, a boy obviously, asked.
"Not much. Who are you?" Squall countered.
"Me? I Crash Bandicoot! Much hungry at moment."
Ah, that was it. A bandicoot. "Hungry, eh? Well, come along, we can nab a bite to eat in a little bit. For now, we only have," Squall picked up his paralyzed arm with his good one in order to get a look at his watch, "two minutes to reach my goal. Come on if you're coming."
"I coming! Is food where we going?"
"After we meet up with a friend of mine, we'll hit the kitchen."
"Kitchen good. Who friend?"
"You'll see when we get there."
"Are we there yet?"
"No."
"You sure?"
"Yes."
"Okay." Thirty seconds later, "Are we there yet?"
"Don't start with me Crash."