Part 2

Lestat…what the bloody hell kinda of name is that? Sounds like a poof, if you ask me. I glance over at Jade. She's lost in her own little world. Hasn't said a word since we left the Bronze, hasn't told me anything about the guy except his name. My mind wanders back to the kiss I witnessed and a sharp pain stabs at my heart. I sigh. It's like that every time she gets a new boy toy.

But there's something different this time. Something doesn't feel right. That guy irked me. I think back, remembering watching Jade open her lips invitingly to him, remembering her flushed skin and the small smile playing on her lips when she returned to the table. I remember the scent of her arousal. Stronger than I'd ever sensed it.

The night is silent except for our footfalls on the pavement as we walk to our apartment building. We reach it in silence and ascend the stairs. Damn elevator's broken again. I unlock the door and when we're inside, finally I can take it no more. "What do you know about this…Lestat guy?"

She looks up at me and in that moment I can tell she's keeping something from me. I can see it in her eyes. She looks away immediately. "Um…not much. He's just a guy."

"Jade," I say menacingly.

"What?"

"There's more to this. I know it."

She sighs. "Lestat's…not just a guy. He's…a vampire."

"What?" I scream despite myself. "A vampire? Are you out of your bleeding mind?"

"You're a vampire!"

"I'm different!"

"Only because you have a stupid little piece of metal in your brain!"

I have to bite my tongue. The words I've been longing to say to her just almost flew out of my mouth. No, I'm different because I'm in love with you.

I stare at her silently for a moment before heading down the hall to my room. Her rapid footsteps are behind me and then I feel her hand on my shoulder. There's an urge to jerk away from her touch. But I don't.

"I'm sorry," she says meakly.

"Promise me you won't see that vampire again."

"No. I can't promise you that."

Anger replaces my previous melancholy. "Can't or won't? Damn it, Jade! This isn't a game! Do I have to beat it into your head? He's dangerous. I thought you were past all that."

"Past all what?" she demands.

"Past wanting to destroy your life!"

I remember that night, three years ago. She'd been out partying as usual. Then she came home. When I found her, she was a sobbing mess, sitting at her vanity. All the make-up was gone. The façade was gone. She was so beautiful. She'd let go. Let go of all the grief in her life. Let go of the pain and the memories. She'd started over. I held her as she cried and it was the first time I realized I wanted to hold her like that for eternity. But now she's on a frighteningly familiar path and I know where it ends.

I clench my fists at my sides. I'm going to have to put my foot down. "You're not seeing him again. And that's final."

"This is bullshit!" I hear her cry as I go into my room and close the door.

*****

That son of a bitch. Who does he think he is? I scowl as I lay awake in bed.

He's just worried about me, I know. But I'm gonna ignore the part of my brain that just said that- the part that's also telling me that Spike's right and I'm insane to even consider seeing Lestat again.

I brush a trembling finger over my lips. I can still feel Lestat's cool mouth over mine. I smile.

There's something so inticing about the forbidden. Knowing what you're doing is wrong only seems to add to the excitement and enjoyment of it. I shudder as I think of the enjoyment I could get out of Lestat's forbidden fruit.

No! Bad thoughts! Bad Jade! What do I want to tempt fate for? I know this vampire wants to kill me- possibly turn me. There's no way he just wants a nice shag. And my life's finally on track. College is going good and though I still have no fucking clue what my major is, I have high hopes for my future. And so does Spike.

Spike. Now there's a quandary. Talk about forbidden fruit. If he knew how I felt… I shudder to myself. It'd be the end of my world. I can't lose him. Not now. Not ever. I love him. But he can never know it.

It makes me cry sometimes. I never thought myself capable of that kind of love- the love that surpasses 'You're hot so let's screw.' And the one guy that I finally truly love is the one guy I can't have.

Sometimes I see him look at me like…like he loves me like I love him. But I know that he just loves me in that, 'Hey, pet, what do you want to watch on the telly tonight?' way. The first year in the apartment I considered it a possibility that he might love me. The whole, "I'll shag you one day" bit fueled this belief. But as time passed our relationship changed. I changed. He changed. And I'm now convinced that my feelings are one sided.

So I take what I can get- those little moments when I can rest my head on his shoulder or hug him or give him a kiss on the cheek. They hurt. But they're worth the pain.

I glance at my bedside clock. It's almost five in the morning. He'll be in bed. Best time to apologize- when he's incoherent.

I get up and trudge across the hall and open his door a crack. The heavy drapes are pulled and there's not a bit of light anywhere. So I feel my way slowly across the room. I trip on his boot- the pig- and I catch myself on the edge of the bed.

"Teach you to go sneaking about a bloke's room," his voice comes from the darkness of the bed.

I scowl. "You could've warned me about the damn shoe. I'm not the one in here with night-vision." I climb onto the bed and feel around until I'm under the covers. "Light, please?"

He chuckles and I hear the click of the switch before the room is dimly illuminated by the lamp on his bedside table. He's shirtless. Damn it. Turn the light off. Just turn it off and this will be so much easier.

"Did you want something, pet? Cause I'm a bit tired." His voice is cold. I really pissed him off this time.

"I want to say I'm sorry."

"OK."

"I'm sorry."

"Well, now that that's done-"

"Spike, I mean it! I'm sorry." I can't stand it when you're mad at me. It scares me. I'm scared I'll lose you and all I want you to do right now is hold me. Why can't I say that out loud?

He scowls. "Does saying you're sorry mean that you won't see lover-vamp?"

So that's how he's gonna play it? "No."

"Then you didn't really apologize did you? You didn't admit you were wrong."

"But I'm not wrong," I insist. Why does he make me do this? I am wrong. I know I'm wrong. But my damn pride isn't gonna let me tell him that.

"We have nothing more to say to each other, Jade." He reaches over and turns off the light. I don't want to leave. I want to lay down and snuggle beside him and say that I was wrong and I love him. But he's mad. I doubt he'd take kindly to cuddling. And there's no way in hell that I'm turning into Jade-shaped goo for him. Not again.

Damn him. He can just go fuck himself. I put myself out there and apologized and he throws it back in my face. Well, forget him. I don't need him.

Yes. I do. But he doesn't have to know that. In a huff I climb out of the bed and leave the room, making sure to slam the door behind me.