Part 9

"I love you. I love you. I love you." The words repeat in my mind, echoing even as the world fades away and darkness swirls around me. I told him!

But I'm still not ready to die. I'm scared to die. It's so cold and I can feel Spike's arms around me. I want to stay with him. I finally told him and now I'm dying. But I told him. I have that at least. My body relaxes with this knowledge and I can let go.

*****

The darkness starts to part and my thoughts become my own. I regain consciousness and my first thought is, I'm not dead. I'm not dead. It takes a second to sink in. I'm not dead. Although the way I feel right now I kind of wish I was. My head is splitting- metaphorically speaking- my wrist hurts, my neck hurts, hell, my whole body hurts.

And what the fuck is that sound? That beeping. It's annoying. I wish somebody would turn it off. Wait a sec.

My mind clears and I struggle to open my eyes. I'm lying in a hospital bed. The beeping is my heart monitor and there's a stiffness around my wrist- a cast. Bunches of tubes and needles protrude from my arms, but I don't care. Instead focus on the blonde head resting on the edge of my bed and the cool hand clutching mine.

His eyes are closed and he's deathly still. He's asleep. It's become normal to me not to see the rise and fall of breath when he's sleeping. It never strikes me as strange. I smile to myself as he growls, his face shifting into vampiric ridges and then back again. He's dreaming.

Wow. I never knew I could feel so happy to see someone. It's like my heart is swelling just looking at him. This is my second chance. I almost lost him. Not again. I'm not going to let it happen again. I don't care if he doesn't love me back. I'm going to love him whether he likes it or not. How can I not?

He begins to stir, he lifts his head off the blankets and looks up at me- his face the picture of concern. I manage a weak smile and at this he lets out a cry and his arms are around me. My aching body screams at the action but I don't make a sound. I just want to feel his arms around me.

"I thought I'd never see you again," he says. "Bloody scared me to death." He holds me out at arms length and his tone turns angry. "Don't ever do that again!" But then I'm cradled once more to his chest and he's stroking my hair and planting kisses on my forehead.

It takes a moment before I realize that I'm crying. "I…I'm sorry," I stutter. "For everything. I was just…just scared. Spike…I-I-"

"You're awake!" Dawn exclaims from the door. Her arms are filled with little bags of snacks and a tray of coffee. She sits the snacks and tray down on a table by the door and comes to sit beside me on the bed, pushing Spike out of the way. "How do you feel? Do you need anything?"

"No…I'm fine."

"Spike told me what happened. Are you…do you want to talk about it?"

I shrug. "Not really much to talk about. I just…I feel really stupid now. I mean…Lestat was a vampire. I know the rules. Please don't feed the vampires. But…it was like he had some kind of hold over me. And I didn't exactly fight it. Not until it was almost too late. And not until after I hurt…" Wait. I look up and the room is empty other than Dawn and myself. "…Spike," I finish dumbly. "Where'd he go?"

Dawn looks around and shrugs. "I don't know."

*****

Four days. Four frigging days and I haven't seen hide nor hair of him. Dawn has come by every day to check up on me. She hasn't seen him either. But she talked to him on the phone. She said he sounded weird.

They're releasing me today. I get to go home. About time. I'm beyond sick of this hospital room. There's nothing on the TV and nothing else to divert my mind from thoughts of Spike. Why hasn't he at least stopped by?

I won't let myself hear the nagging voice in the back of my mind that says my almost-dying words were too much for him. That he's wigged out about them and doesn't feel the same way and just doesn't know how to tell me.

I don't care if that is true. I'm not going to apologize for my feelings. I love him and I'm going to tell him as often as possible, even if he doesn't want to hear it. Near-death experiences are funny that way.

Dawn comes in and looks at me expectantly. "Ready?" I nod.

The ride to the apartment building is silent except for the radio and Dawn's chatter. I don't say anything. In truth, I'm a little scared to go home. The apprehension has built a nice little knot in my stomach with a matching lump in my throat.

Everything will change after this. Good or bad change, I don't know. But nothing is ever going to be the same.

The car pulls up outside the building. "Want me to go up with you?" Dawn asks.

I shake my head. "No." I gotta do this alone. "Thanks for the ride." I climb out of the car and wave half-heartedly to Dawn as she speeds off.

The climb up the stairs seems to be a record in shortness, as I find myself in front of the apartment door in no time. Mechanically, my key is in the lock and turning it and then I'm inside. It's cold. It's cold and dark. Spike's left the A/C on again and it feels like an ice box in here. I turn it off, rubbing my arms to warm them up, careful to avoid the plaster cast around my wrist.

Where's Spike? I listen for sounds of him but there are none. His bedroom door is closed, I find when I walk down the hall. I press my ear to it and knock softly. "Spike?"

I push the door open. He's in bed. It's dark in the room and the dim light from the hall casts eerie shadows across the plains of his bare chest. His arm is thrown over his eyes and I can't tell if he's awake or not. I call his name again.

The arm moves and he looks up at me- his face blank. I'm suddenly nervous. I take a seat on the edge of his bed and fight the memories of what happened here just a few days ago. My fingers pick at the sheets as I search for something to say.

"Where've you been? You…you didn't come to see me. You just kinda disappeared…"

"I had some thinking to do."

"Oh." Silence. Wow…and I thought this would be hard… "I never got to finish what I was saying...after I woke up." More silence. Wow. "I am sorry for everything that happened. Like I said, I was scared. Lestat…he offered me what I wanted. That day, in the mansion, he said that I was an easy kill, because I wanted it so bad.

"In the hospital, I had some time to think…" What with not being visited and all. "…and I realized that it wasn't the bite that I wanted. I didn't want to be a vampire I didn't want the danger and the pain and the pleasure. I mean, I did. But that's not why I gave in so easily to him."

Spike looks at me expectantly. "Why did you then?"

"Because I wanted you." Here goes nothing… "I love you and I've been too scared to tell you. I was afraid to lose you. But then I almost really did. I almost died and I don't know if you could ever feel the same way about me but I just-"

His lips cut off my rambling. They're so soft, so cool, and there's sparks in them when they touch mine. His movements are gentle, loving, but with a restrained yearning behind them that I feel, too. I'm dizzy when he finally pulls away and rests his forehead against mine.

"You scared me pulling a stunt like you did," he said. "Don't ever do it again. I love you too bloody much." I want to scream with joy but as he pulls me onto his lap, I figure the screaming will come later. He kisses me softly, so softly that I barely feel it. "Wanted to do this…" he mumbles between kisses "…so long…when I almost lost you…I-"

"I know. Me too," my words are breathy. I gasp as my shirt is unexpectedly torn from my body. Though his kisses are tender and slow, he strips me of my clothing rapidly, with barely restrained passion and in no time I'm naked and pinned beneath him.

He's already nude- he sleeps that way- and I pout a little when I notice this. "No fun…"

His chuckle is a deep rumbling in his chest, which I can feel vibrating against mine. "Next time," he whispers in my ear. Then he turns his attention to my neck, kissing and nipping at the skin, eliciting a long moan from me. Spike's cool tongue traces the line from my neck to my collar bone, down the valley between my breasts, to my navel, and then his blonde head disappears under the sheets and I cry out as his tongue dips inside me.

Shit, it's so good… I cry and moan as the pressure inside me builds. His tongue works eagerly, dipping in and out of me, teasing me, making me want more. When I come, my back arches and my eyes close. They open again to see Spike hovering over me, watching me with a fascinated look in his eyes.

"So bloody beautiful, " he murmurs, more to himself than to me. "Always wondered what that'd look like."

I grin. "I always wondered what that'd feel like."

He laughs and I take the opportunity to roll him over onto his back. His azure eyes gaze up at me, the love and lust obvious in the glowing orbs as I use my hands and mouth to explore the many muscles of his chest. As I do, my hips rock on his and I feel his growing hardness beneath me. I small devious smile plays on my lips and I rock a bit harder. Soon he growls and clutches me by the arms, flipping me onto my back.

"Can't take much more of that love," he says before unceremoniously burying himself inside me. I cry out with the shock and pleasure of it and I feel my head spinning with the surge of adrenaline through my veins.

Nothing's ever felt this good before. Not even a vampire's bite gave me the rush- the raw emotion- that being with Spike like this does. He let's out a half-growl-half-moan as our hips meet again and again.

I look up at him. His eyes are open, locked with mine. They're so clear- so intense. I know that he's completely here with me. My other lovers' eyes were cloudy. I knew they were somewhere else- with someone else. So was I, so it didn't matter much. But Spike is exactly where he wants to be. With me.

It's with this thought that I come again, my inner muscles tightening around him. God, it's so amazing. I kiss his lips softly. "I love you," I whisper. At those words, he comes inside me, his face the picture of ecstasy. Fuck, he's amazing.

When his body finally comes to rest on mine, he buries his head in the crook of my neck and his hands entwined in my hair. "I love you so much. Why the hell did we wait so long to do that?"

I sigh and play with the hair on the back of his neck. "We're just stupid, I guess," I respond breathlessly. Spike lifts his head to look at me and grins, but his face turns serious as his eyes drift to my neck. I know what he's thinking and I shake my head. "No…I have all I need."

"Really?"

I nod and he gets a very self-satisfied look on his face. His eyes run over my body and he does that thing with his tongue inside his mouth- that rakish, come-fuck-me look to accompany the slightly evil glint in his eye. "Wanna go again?"

The End

A./N.— Well, that's it guys. What'd you think? Tell me. Just push that little button down there…yea…that one.

I hope you liked. I apologize for any corniness in the love scenes. But in my defense I'd like to state for the record that not once did I use the word 'throbbing'. Thank you.