"Crawling"
Author's note- This is technically the first time I've written a total angst song fic. It's basically Inuyasha trying the think of his human and his youkai sides, and Kikyo vs. Kagome. Please don't flame! And this fic is in Inuyasha's point of view.
Disclaimer- I don't own Inuyasha. Rumiko Takahashi does. And I don't own the song "Crawling". That credit goes to Linkin Park.
* * * *
Crawling in my skin
these wounds they will not heal
fear is how I fall
confusing what is real
It's the new moon. The worst night in the whole damn "calender" or whatever that wench calls it. I feel empty each time the stupid thing comes up. My stupid human side acts all pathetic and weak. Especially now that Kagome has "graciously" allowed me to stay at her house during that time. Now the damn wench won't leave me alone! Can't she see that I need to be alone at a time? Huh? She can go do those goddamn tests she complains about missing, or whatever.
I look over my shoulder, and see a small pond in Kagome's backyard. Near the Goshinboku tree. Cursed tree. Sighing, I walk over towards it, and climb (pitifully, I might add) up it, a few branches below the scar. The one that even in my human form, makes my youkai blood boil.
It's Naraku's fault, I try to tell myself, but it's not true. It's my own goddamn fault. Suddenly, without warning, I fall asleep in the branches.
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
consuming/confusing
this lack of self control I fear is never ending
controlling/I can't seem
(*This takes place a few days later*)
I hold onto the Tetsusaiga, tightly. I run quickly, away from Kagome, away from Kikyo. Away from the hanyou me. Another attack. By Sesshoumaru, of course. My youkai blood has risen to the surface, again. Even with this sword in my possession.
I stop beside a lake, in a clearing. I can see the moon clearly, and it signals a full moon. The strongest night of the month. I stop running, but stomp over towards the lake to wash off the dried blood. Pain leaks from each wound each time the water washes over it.
I look at my reflection, and see my youkai form. My eyes, bright red with violet slits, and the red stripes on my cheeks. Then, I look to the left of my reflection, and see my human form. The pathetic form. I growl at it, and swipe at the reflection, trying to rid it from my memories.
But it remains there. It remains a part of me.
I growl, angrily, and, putting my clothes back on, run from the lake.
to find myself again
my walls are closing in
(without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's
just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
so insecure
crawling in my skin
these wounds they will not heal
fear is how I fall
confusing what is real
(*The day afterward*)
Kagome looks at me, warily, as does the taijiya and the bouzou. It's as if I'm gonna just jump out and kill them. Might as well, for all the trouble they put me through. But, I do need Kagome to find the damn shards... but after... Nah, I don't think I'll kill her then.
I look at all of them, and jump into the branches of a nearby tree. I can barely hear "he's moody again" from one of them.
I don't give a damn what any of them think about me, and they know. I growl at nothing but myself.
Why am I tormenting myself like this? The youkai me wants to rip and tear and shred their bodies until... until what? Until I want to kill some more?
But my human, pathetic self, it wants to help humans. Feh. Like I'm actually gonna do that. I look down at the group, and see only one face in my direction. Only one face filled with compassion and pity.
Damn Kagome.
discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
distracting/reacting
against my will I stand beside my own reflection
it's haunting I can't seem
to find myself again
my walls are closing in
(without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's
just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
so insecure
(*The next new moon*)
Kagome's sitting with me, holding my hand as if she understands. Understands what?! That she's human? She's used to the weakness, to the lack of eyesight, smell, or hearing? Gods, she's dense sometimes.
"Inuyasha... I'm sorry..." she whispers. Even in my human form, I can hear her say it. "You probably want me to be alone... I'll leave..." She walks away, faster so that I won't be able to catch up.
I won't follow though. I'm not some baka puppy that follows it's owner, which Kagome isn't. I pull at the beads around my neck, even though I know it won't come off.
I look around at my surroundings. After an afternoon of growling and the infernal "sit" regimen, I convenced Kagome to stay in the Sengoku Jidai while I'm human.
I feel her aura. Her, of course, being Kikyo. I walk towards her aura, and find her waiting for me.
"Inuyasha... I've been waiting for you..." She says. I look at her, but... unlike my hanyou self, I can't feel anything for her except for remorse and sadness. "Come with me to hell... Leave my reincarnate here."
I don't answer, instead, I close my eyes. She walks up to me, and wraps her arms around my waist.
"I love you, Inuyasha... stay like this..." She whispers, as she kisses my face. I push her away.
"What about me? The real me? The hanyou?" I ask. She doesn't answer. I finally know. I narrow my eyes, and walk away.
What is going on with me?! I would never do something like that towards Kikyo! I sigh, and sit on the cold ground, waiting for sleep to come and take me from this torment of being a human.
crawling in my skin
these wounds they will not heal
fear is how I fall
confusing what is real
there's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
consuming/confusing what is real
this lack of self-control I fear is never ending
controlling/confusing what is real
(*The night after*)
Kagome sits beside me. She looks at my face, while I move my eyes away. I don't want her to look at me. But my eyes disobey me, and lock with her own. She blinks slowly, and grabs my hand.
"I may not understand so much, but... I do know about being alone," She says, and falls asleep with her head on my shoulder.
I look at her sleeping form. With so much confusing thoughts running through my head, I still can't help but think: I'm not alone anymore.
* * * *
Author's note- Whoa. Really long, ne? Anyway, hopefully, you liked it. I got the idea from listening to my mp3s and was reading Inu fan fics at the same time. I was also thinking of doing one on the Matchbox 20 song, "Disease".