Inane - Bren Eldrid Bera
The song is Zeromancer's Germany. This is just a little fic I wrote to pass the time when I should have been doing homework. You know how it is... (Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.)
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He was dying. Every little second since the day they had broken up, Jimmy was dying. He couldn't live without Ashley. He had been a real jerk to act like that towards her. But now it was too late. She had her sites set elsewhere. Jimmy was no more. He had let everything slip through his fingers.
He would sit in class everyday, watching her while pretending not to watch her. She didn't notice him anymore. He was invisible. She was his everything and now she was gone. A real jerk.
It had been true love on his part. He knew it. No one else could make him feel the way Ashley did ever again. He was lifeless, soulless. Scum of the earth. Why had he let her go like that? Ruined, wrecked, and miserable, Jimmy sat, in his room, deciding his fate.
Some days are just a copy
Of a day you had before
You flash yourself thinking
You can't take it anymore
Ashley knew Jimmy hated her. He was always watching her, waiting for her to mess up. She shouldn't have acted like such a bitch to him. They would still be together if she had only been nicer. He was perfect. She had let everything slip through her fingers.
She tried to ignore the cold, unforgiving stares, but she couldn't. She tried to pretend she didn't see him watching her. But secretly, she was watching him as well. He was Mr. Right but then she had to go screw it all up with that 'drug trip'. Of all the people she had lost, why did it have to be Jimmy who hated her the most? Why was she being treated like this? So Ashley stood, gripping the railing of the overpass bridge, deciding her fate.
Never feels more alone
When you're in a crowded room
And bang your head to a wall
You feel nothing at all
Jimmy knew what he had to do. He couldn't stand living in a world without Ashley. He just couldn't bare it. Picking up the pen, he wrote. The letters changed into words which told a story. A story of how he had become lost, of how he didn't deserve to live anymore. Not without Ashley.
Just want to feel the same
Some things will never change
Just want to feel the same
Some things will never change
Ashley watched the little children play in the fenced off park near the highway. She focused on a pair in particular, a boy and a girl, off in their little own world building a sandcastle. They seemed so innocent... She could remember such times with Jimmy. But there was no more Jimmy. There was only the empty void of loneliness that had come to plague Ashley's heart. Looking down once more at the road beneath her, she knew it wasn't a long enough drop. If she wanted cleanse the world from her taint, she would have to get higher.
Always knew you'd be a star
Now I know that's what you are
And we cry
To a new beginning
We deny
A new beginning
Jimmy looked over the note once more. There were tears streaming down his face and he felt like his heart had been ripped in two. The letter contained his final words to the world. He had been a jerk. Ashley wouldn't have to stand his presence anymore.
Folding the letter in half, he put it in an envelope and addressed it to 'Ashley'. Putting the message on his nightstand, Jimmy looked around his room one more time – the last time. He quickly spun around and headed to the bathroom. Shutting and locking the door, Jimmy turned and started searching for the razor he had placed in the cabinet earlier that week. Finding it, Jimmy sat down on the toilet and slowly rolled up his sleeve. He had been a jerk in the end.
So let me introduce to you
This favorite play of mine
A comedy called Germany
You may not understand
Ashley rode the elevator up to the top floor – the thirteenth - alone. She was in an old department store. One that had been built long before people had openly started killing themselves. That was why a large gap existed in the same location going all the way through the store. You could actually see the first floor from the thirteenth. She and Jimmy had often come here to shop for random items; presents for each other, their friends, just little things. But no more...
Exiting the elevator, Ashley slowly approached the banister. She didn't look down. She knew what lay below her; people shopping, laughing. Never again....
She climbed up on top of the railing and let her legs dangle. She still didn't look down.
The funny thing it's about someone
Who's never been alone
Just trying to be a friend
So you can start all over again
Jimmy felt the pain. He had been feeling it since he had first followed the vein up his arm with the razor. The pain was a bitch. But it wasn't greater then the way he had been acting. He had never deserved Ashley. Jimmy watched the blood flow out of left arm. It had been about twenty minutes since he had made that cut. He traded the razor to his left hand and used it to trace the veins up his right arm. This time, he pressed down harder. The pain increased and Jimmy was becoming dizzy. 'All for you Ashley...' he laughed out.
Just want to feel the same
Some things will never change
Just want to feel the same
Some things will never change
A crowd had been gathering around Ashley as she sat. Nobody dared approach her, less she jumped. But Ashley didn't see the people. She only stared straight ahead, thinking, in a world of her own.
The Rent-A-Cops were clearing out the floors below. If she did jump, they didn't want it to be on a customer. A couple of people were shouting at her 'not to do it' and 'she had a long life to live'. Ashley frowned at the last one. What was a life without Jimmy? She leaned forward and let gravity take control.
Always knew you'd be a star
Now I know that's what you are
And we cry
To a new beginning
We deny
A new beginning
Jimmy had dropped the razor on the floor half an hour ago. His vision was too blurry to find it. But even if he did have it in his hand, he doubted he could lift any of his limbs to use it or find a clean place to cut. Jimmy had used that razor to its full advantage. More tears streamed down his face. He could actually feel his body shutting down. Parts of his brain were turning off. He was becoming very cold. Jimmy just concentrated on one thing. Ashley.
Always knew you'd be a star
She was falling. It was almost like flying. Almost. She watched the floors go by and counted down to her fate. Memories plagued her. Happy, sad, whatever, she had been with Jimmy. Thinking about all the times she had spent in this very store, never really realizing it would be her demise. But at the end, Ashley was just thinking about one thing. Jimmy.
Now I know that's what you are
He lost all feeling with his body. Jimmy's mind went black.
And we cry
She was now twenty feet from the ground and was aimed for a clothing rack.
To a new beginning
Jimmy Brooks was declared to have died from loss of blood, among other things at 11:44 AM.
We deny
Ashley Kerwin was declared to have died from impalement, among other things at 11:47 AM.
A new beginning
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