Insanity
By Misha
Disclaimer- Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and is not mine, however much I might wish differently. However, I am not making any money off of this, so please do not sue me!
Author's Notes- This one is rather weird. It's a song fic set to Joydrop's "Breakdown" and focuses on Ron. Basically, it's a possible ending to the Ron/Hermione/Harry triangle. Though a rather dark and depressing one. Sorry, my mind just works that way sometimes. Well, that's it, enjoy!
Pairing- Harry/Hermione, Ron/Hermione.
Summery- The worst part was, he still wanted her.
Rating- PG-13
And I don't hear you anymore
And I can't see you on the floor
Ron watched Hermione sleep.
It had taken years, but she seemed more peaceful now.
Of course, she was still completely lost, but...
Well, at least, she no longer screamed herself hoarse every night haunted by the images of Harry's death.
No, the insanity had taken it's toll and the memories had even seeped away, leaving her empty and lifeless.
The girl in the bed was not the Hermione of their Hogwarts days.
But then, nothing in the world was the way it had been back then.
It's like a nightmare come to life
But don't be frightened of the light
He watched as Hermione curled up in a ball, or a much of a ball as her restraints would let her.
He wanted to soothe her, tell her that it was all right.
But he couldn't.
First of all, because he didn't know how and secondly, because she wouldn't hear him anyway.
He had tried in the days after Harry's death to reach her, but it soon became obvious that it was a lost cause.
She had watched Harry die and that had trapped her forever in a nightmare of her own mind. And there was no taking her out of the darkness and into the light where she could be safe.
And all the days you pushed around
And all the times you lied to yourself
And all the dreams we had just might
"Harry."
Ron heard the whispered words and shook his head.
Hermione had forgotten her own name, everything about her life, but no matter where her mind went, at least some memory of Harry remained.
Ron hated his best friend at moments like this.
He hated Harry for leaving Hermione like this, even though rationally, Ron knew that Harry ahd had no choice.
But, that didn't change how he felt.
After all he was the one who sat at her bedside, watching her slip further into insanity, but she didn't care. He had always loved her, but for her, there had only been Harry.
And now, because she had chosen to love the hero, she lay in a mental institution, her heart broken and her mind in pieces, while he sat by her, devoted to her even now.
Breakdown
And I wonder who you love really love...
"Love you."
The muttered words were probably drawn from a long-forgotten memory that played in the shadows of her mind, but Ron smiled anyway.
"I love you too, Hermione." He whispered, placing a kiss on her forehead. "I always did."
No matter how much he tried not to love her, he couldn't help it.
And it was because he loved her, that he put himself through this torture. That he wasted day after day at the bedside of a woman who did not know her own name, let alone his.
A woman who had been driven insane by her love for another man.
You know I want you too much
You know it kills me the thought
The worst part was how much he desired her.
It was twisted, Ron knew that.
After all, the years in St. Mungos had taken their toll on her appearance. She was so thin, so pale, her hair a ragged mess, circle under her eyes, and self-inflicted scratches.
Nothing like the beautiful girl he had known at Hogwarts.
But he wanted her anyway.
No matter how much he hated himself for it, he would still give anything to possess her.
But it was not to be.
He knew that.
She had already surrendered herself wholeheartedly to Harry's possession.
I want to scream, I want to cry
Just to save myself one last time
Ron sighed and stood up.
It was time to leave.
He would come back in the morning. But he needed to get away, to go back to the every day world and pretend that his thoughts and mind weren't as twisted as they were.
"Goodnight, Hermione." He told her as he left.
Once, he was outside, he let out a brief scream.
Every day was the same. It was torture for him, yet he couldn't tear himself away.
God, this was a twisted triangle.
Two best friends in love with the same girl. Except in this case, one friend died, the girl went insane, and the other friend couldn't help but still love her, even as he realized that she had slipped from his grasp.
And that if he were smart, he would cut himself lose from the agony.
But he couldn't.
No, he was as trapped by his own desires, as Hermione was in her own mind.
They were both insane in their own way and in some ways Ron would have preferred her way.
At least, if you were completely lost, you didn't have to watch as you fell into the same old self-destructive circle.
But, he didn't have a choice.
That was the worst part of all.
That he was really just as much a helpless prisoner to his own insanity as Hermione was to hers.
The End