***

"Must be strangely exciting

To watch the stoic squirm." - Alanis Morissette "Uninvited"

***

"Don't move."

Dib froze. Almost immediately he felt a blunt object press against the back of his head. His hand automatically went to his gun.

"You draw that weapon you'll be dead before you hit the ground."

The voice was female, smooth, fiery and somewhat dulcet although it was obviously an effort on its owner's part to keep it low and menacing. Dib clamped on his bottom lip when he felt her hand reach around his waist and slip under the open trench coat. Grasping the gun, she relieved him of it. He shut his eyes for a second, mouthing, "Shit!"

"All right," the voice continued, sounding calmer. "Turn around. Wait - !" He stopped. "Raise your hands in the air - and then turn around slowly."

Doing what he was told, Dib faced her. His mouth almost dropped open. Instead he half-closed his eyes in recognition. "Invader Nia."

They were eye to eye, thanks to the new metal spider legs holding her tiny former aloft. She smiled.

"Oh fuck me," Dib whispered, still not over his shock.

She just grinned wider. "I'd love to." At his reaction, she chuckled. Dib smoldered. "I have to tell you," she began keeping her laser trained on him, making sure he knew full well of her intention to use it if he tried anything. "You're not an easy human to find."

"Well, that was kind of the idea." He might be scared to death but his old defense mechanism, gallows humor, still worked.

Nia circled around him, motioning he do the same. Side stepping, he watched her finish lowering the last two back legs from the trees. "I've been tracking you for several weeks now. When I finally managed to locate you, it was all a matter of getting you alone. I've been watching you for a long time. You, your sister and that traitor." A sly tone crept into her voice. "Of course all that has been taken care of."

"Taken….care of?" Dib said weakly. Anger flared in him suddenly at her nasty implication. "IF YOU DID ANYTHING TO MY SISTER . . .!"

"You'll what?" Nia showed him his handgun pinched by the butt between two fingers. "You seem to have forgotten who has the upper hand here."

Frustrated and stuck for a retort, Dib forced himself to remain calm. "What did you do to them."

"Your sister is all right. Merely unaware of the situation. I have no use for her. Of course," Nia pretended sympathy. "I had to, by Empire law, carry out my civic duty toward traitors. You can sympathize of course." Dib's face began to change to shock as she went on. "All's fair in love and war, hmm?"

"He's . . . Spunk is . . ." Dib shook his head. "Impossible. I just saw him a second ago."

"That's all it takes, Dib." Nia winked at him. "Don't worry it was nice and quick. Though," she shrugged, "I can't make any promises on how your sister will react when she finds him."

Dib was finding it more and more difficult to control the vehemence coursing through him. Jesus Christ, what have I done? I took sympathy on a freakin' monster . . . saved a goddamn demon. Spunk is dead because I let her live. Should have pulled the trigger when I had the chance. His eyes dilated and he suddenly had trouble breathing. "You bitch." It was weak, tinged with a sob. He stalked toward her, ignoring the weapon she held.

She took a step back, the light of excitement glowing in her pupils. Yes. It was going according to plan. Playing right into it like a good little human. She kept the gun trained on him. "Oh Dib, you're such a stupid beast. Here I have your gun thing and my laser pointed right at your large head and you're blind to either. Don't you realize the odds were NEVER in your favor?"

"Shut up."

Oh this was too easy. Please tell me they aren't THIS easy to manipulate. Nia continued backing up although she was picking a particular direction. He didn't know she had studied this area so intimately she knew exactly where she was backing to.

"It was bound to happen someday," she kept going delighting in his internal agony, at wanting to give in to his hatred and at the same time self-preservation kept him from doing it. "If it wasn't me it would have been Zim."

"I'D RATHER IT HAVE BEEN ZIM!" he raged. "I WANTED it to be him . . . oh God if you knew -!" Dib growled and stopped stalking, clawing internally. "If you only knew . . ."

"Try me." She smiled again. "I know more than you think, Dib-human. So much more."

Almost there.

Dib eyed her for that cryptic comment and kept following her; his mind was clearing and he was finally beginning to suspect something. Her movements were too deliberate, too placed. Too planned.

"We're going somewhere. You're leading me."

Her smile froze for a second. Just a second enough for him to see it.

He gave her a Look. "You think I'm stupid?"

"No." Recovered, Nia shook her head. "Yes, I'm leading you."

"Where? To your ship?" Dib made a complete chop gesture with both hands. "Forget it! I'm not going to give up my freedom now after trying like hell to keep it all these years!"

His face darkened. "If Zim wants me, Zim has to come get me. No sending his flunkies to do his dirty business for him. This isn't Star Wars for Christ's sake!"

Invader Nia frowned and for the first time she became a bit peeved. "Hey, do you think I like doing shit for that excuse for an Irken? If I had it my way, you'd be dead. Unfortunately the dumbass wants you alive although he gave me certain liberties." Nia began to smile. "Besides," she said as they came to a large open area of wood that had a lot of boulders and other hunks of rock. Perching atop one of them, she looked down at him from her loft. "It's going to be more fun this way."

Then she tossed his gun to him.

Dib immediately reacted and caught it. Completely perplexed he peered at her closely. "What's going on?"

Nia cocked her own weapon for an answer. "I'm giving you a head start. If you value your comrades' lives, you won't run to them." She gestured with her laser. "Go."

"Go?" Dib flared. "I'm NOT a coward!" He brought up the gun and pulled the hammer back. His voice shook. "I-I'm not going to take pity on you this time."

He won't do it. He's shaking. How strange - for someone who has taken so many Irken lives he finds it difficult taking mine. Never thought I was so special. Mockingly she opened her arms. "Want me to paint a little target on my torso for you?"

Ah. Yes. There. That hate. In another moment he'd be mindless.

"You're not saying anything to me!" Liar.

"Am I?"

"Shut up!" Dib started to back away. He held his gun up in a position for nonuse. Negotiating his way around a boulder he spoke through his teeth. "You can't fuck with my head!"

"What makes you think I'm doing anything?" Nia replied at length. "Look at me. I'm just talking to you."

Dib made sure there was a place for him to duck. Then he fired. Not at her but in her general direction. Swiftly he ducked behind the rock and crawled on his hands and knees to hide behind another one. Keeping his breathing even and slow, Dib pushed his back up against the granite, muzzle pointed skyward. Counting under his breath, he peeked over top. Fortunately he didn't need to get his whole head up thanks to the hair spike. He saw the green beam careen over his head. Cursing he ducked again and pulled back the hammer again. "I'm trapped."

Checking again, he spotted her before she saw him. It gave him a chance to fire although she did her weird liquid like motion of ducking out of harm's way.

"How does she do that?" he wondered going back down again. Running low, he made it halfway across the open area before a rain of fire caused him to surrender his escape path temporarily. Diving behind another rock, he realized why she had led him here. This place was perfect for a gunfight. Here only stupidity got you killed - and the odds were evened out. Everything was in both of their favors. It was a game, he mused. This is the board and we're both the players. The weapons are our checker pieces. May the best toy win.

Then it hit him. He could very well die today. Invader Nia didn't strike him as a particularly loyal creature, either to Zim or the Empire. More a renegade out for Number One. This was going to be tough. I'm smart, I can survive this. I'm Dib. Protector of Earth. This is what I'm doing and that's who I am. I also hope I'm not bullshitting myself about it.

"This alien isn't smarter than me," he muttered. "But man, if she isn't making it hard!"

He peeked again, spotted her and fired. His aim was dead on, in the respects it terminated the use of two of the spider legs. She stumbled to the ground with a yelp, struggling for balance before heaving herself up again. Good. Now she had only two left to hobble around on. If he could disable those in time, he might just win this. Okay, got a plan. Not much of one but it's better than ducking and rolling.

"Ready to give up?" He heard her call. "Eventually you're going to run out of bullets."

Don't answer. She wins every time you answer.

Dib rose up again and prepared to fire. Nia was ready for him this time and fired first.

He felt a white-hot sensation pierce his shoulder. The force blew him off his feet and he skidded across the dead leaves until he fell. Suddenly he was at a strange angle, staring up through the treetops that framed around his vision. Numbness spread throughout his entire body. Still it didn't keep him from groping around for his gun, while turning over on his knees to do so.

A foot stepped on his hand. He gave a cry and pulled it away. The owner of the foot hooked him under the stomach and pushed him back flat on his back. Pressure on his chest increased dramatically and suddenly he was looking into a pair of deadly beautiful green eyes. The little Irken female was standing on his chest, fists on her hips. A sinister grin stretched across her face as she leaned down to his.

"Isn't it strange how the little guy always comes out on top?" She chortled at her bad joke. Narrowing her eyes down at him she spoke. "You played into my hands, Dib. Practically walked right into them. Just a word here and word there and you sold yourself completely." She actually looked a little disappointed. "You haven't been lucky because you're smart, Dib, you're lucky because you learned to shut yourself off." She knelt down and touched his upper lip with her index finger like she'd seen human female villains do to male heroes in motion pictures. "When did that change, hmm? Did it start with me?" Closer she whispered, "Why was I special?"

Dib was absolutely terrified, too much so to be of any intelligent conversation. He was losing blood; her standing on his ribcage made drawing air next to impossible and the only thing on his mind was Gaz. He wanted to know if she was all right, he wanted her to appear and save him like she'd always done for him in the past.

When he didn't answer, Nia quit the act. Annoyed she hopped down to the ground. "Well, I'm glad it's over with. I'm tired and if I don't come back with you alive, he's gonna start yelling again." She bent back and stretched. Exhaling she turned back to Dib who watched her intently.

She took out a handheld device. "By the way, I lied about killing Spunk."

Then she touched it to his head and plunged him into darkness.

***

"Hey Spunk."

"Hello Gaz. Get a rabbit?"

"Nah, they're too damn fast. Where's Dib?"

"What are you talking about? Isn't he with you?"

"No. I thought he was with YOU."

"I told him to go look for you. You mean, you never saw him?"

"No . . . oh shit. C'mon."

"What?"

"Later. I just hope I'm wrong . . ."

***

Damn, I'm bored.

Zim paced around the space station, stopping every once in a while to gaze down at the earth. He grumbled something vile under his breath and kicked a passing SIR unit who was patrolling the halls. The poor thing sped up and ran a flurry of panic activity assaulting its internal switchboard. Meanwhile the alien made two fists and brought them down on the windowpane. Growling he dug his digits in and dragged them, leaving long deep indentations. They squeaked and squealed all the way down.

Things weren't going well. He had to admit it. The humans had fled into their hideouts like rats in a sewer system. Every recon sent out came back with nothing. He cursed the rebel Irkens and their careless treachery of the guarded secrets of the Irken elite. How dare they take it upon themselves to dish out any kind of information they like! He thought. What did they think they were entitled to, the human Constitution?! The worst part was more and more were dissenting everyday, enticed by this "freedom" human culture seemed to represent to them. Whatever gave them that sordid idea beat the hell out of him.

It wasn't the worst of his problems. The Tallest were growing more impatient by the second. They finally gave him a set ultimatum: conquer earth within the next year or the invasion is officially scrapped. There were always other planets. Besides they already had themselves another planet in the wings and were ready to save their resources to go there instead. However having spent so much time on this one, they were willing enough to let Zim have one measly last shot at redemption. One shot and one shot only.

One year. One lousy, icky Earth year to conquer that whole huge blue thing with clouds. One year to prove himself a worthy invader. One year to be in complete control.

Or not, such as was the case.

"Why?" he muttered aloud. "How can this thing be such a miserable failure?! I am Zim and Zim is more than capable of conquering a planet all by himself." He halted. "No, wait, others are helping me. None of the others needed help. Huh." He dwelt on it briefly. Rising again he drew himself up. "Well, of course I needed help! This planet had six billion stink-beasts! How easy would it have been for me to have conquered so many alone?" Zim's eyes went from side to side. "But if they're so stupid, how come I'm not - we're not - winning? How come? Huh?" Frustration abound, he started kicking at the wall, sometimes banging his head against it. "None of this makes any sense! WHY AM I FAILING? WHY?!?!" Gradually he stopped and drew back to reason. "But no, I'm not going to lose my temper over this. I am a superior being and I . . . . WHY MUST THIS BE?!"

"Um, Zim, sir?"

Zim quit ranting. Invader Nia - who always seemed to have an impeccable knack for timing - waited. Perfectly poised, her stern expression marred by the odd look she was giving him.

She spoke again. "Is there something amiss?"

"No, don't be silly." Zim brushed himself off with flourish. "Just a minor setback, nothing at all to worry about." It hit him suddenly. Invader Nia was here. Four weeks and nothing and now here she was . . . His Irken equivalent of a stomach did flip-flops. "If you're here then that must mean . . ." Rushing to her he grabbed her by the shoulders. Intently he looked right through her. "Did you . . . is he . . ."

Nia replied. "He's down in a holding cell on the lower sector."

Zim gave a whoop and let her go so roughly she stumbled back a little while he trumpeted. "Yes! Oh this is excellent simply astounding!" He pumped both fists in the air and had himself a happy little moment. "Victory for Zim!" Blithely he ignored the sourpuss and frankly bored expression she was giving him.

"Now that I have completed my use for you, sir," Nia began after getting tired of waiting for him to come out his happy strut. "May I request I be sent back to the Massive to continue my duties?"

Hearing that, Zim fought back a grumble of envy. Nia was one of the special service soldiers - the kind that were bred especially for solo missions where Me mentality and independent thought were stressed. They also protected the Tallest during invasions. In Zim's limited capacity, he understood and was often confused by some of what he attributed to be "human" qualities in her.

"Sir? I really would like to be getting back."

"Not yet," he told her. "I want to see Dib for myself." Suspecting something, he eyed her. "Why are you so eager to leave?" He felt something knaw at him. "You better not have killed him." He was surprised to hear the deadliness in his own voice.

Nia, like usual, only appeared annoyed. "No, sir, I did not kill him. You told me not to."

Zim groaned. "I KNOW I said that! What do you think I am? An idiot?!" Infuriating, she was so infuriating! That stolid insolence didn't help Zim feel any better either. He decided to let her know it wasn't appreciated. After all, he gave an inward laugh; I'm in charge around here.

Totally blasé, Nia replied, as he knew she would. "No, sir, I think you're crazy." She finally realized he was coming toward her, pure fury in his eyes. Rather than panicking she let him come closer and closer. She even let him shove her against the door behind her. One hand on her chest, he used the other to hit the button beside it to open it.

She moved back as he continued to advance on her.

He made sure she was inside and slapped the button a second time. The door shut, separating them.

What? This wasn't what she had expected.

"I'll see you later, Nia!" she heard him called gaily through the door. "Make yourself comfortable, you're gonna be in there for a long time!"

Then the next thing she heard was his footsteps fading into the distance.

***

I can't see anything . . . everything is so . . . blurry. But it hurts . . . I was shot . . . Green eyes . . . red blood, my blood . . . Am I dead? No. Can't be. Gaz, where are you? Help me, please, please help me. Where am I? I'm scared, I'm so scared . . . Please don't let them hurt me . . . please, please, please . . . going away . . . I'm going . . . away . . . I'm . . .

He blacked out again.

***