Lister, Rimmer, Cat, Kryten, and Holly belong to Grant/Naylor Productions and I guess the BBC.
I am using them without permission, but I am not and do not expect to make money from this.
Rated PG : harsh language, tasteless jokes.
Last chapter. This was a lot of fun to write, and I hope you enjoyed it. Many thanks to those who read and especially those who reviewed. See you next time.
"Trip! I think I've got it!" Holly's image on the monitor was radiant. Trip hoped it was only happiness at the possibility of getting them out of danger.
It had been a long night. When Kryten had appeared to relieve him, Trip had finally gone to the cabin he was sharing with Lucas. It had taken a while for them to get to sleep. Lucas had been quiet and said little about his guard duty with Nadira, who was being watched by Katie for the rest of the night. Trip had also not been talkative, not wanting to admit a computer had a crush on him. Now he was reporting back to work with Holly, hoping both of them could pretend last night never happened. But he doubted he would be that lucky.
"Great, Holly! What is it?"
"Kryten and I have worked out a modification to the Holly Hop Drive. We think it will reverse the previous effects, recreate the timehole back to Earth in the twenty-first century, and transport Red Dwarf back where we came from."
"Wow! You mean we can go home?"
"Yes, Trip."
"That's great! I was so worried we'd be stuck here forever! You're the best, Holly!"
"Thank you, Trip." Now there was an undertone of unhappiness in Holly's voice. Trip noticed it only for an instant before she went on, her voice normal again. "We think you should check our calculations, just to make sure."
"Of course." He sat at the instrument panel and began to call up the information screens. "I'm sure it's right, if it was your idea, Holly."
"I don't know. I don't exactly have a spotless track record." She went on in a slightly worshipful voice, "But if you agree, it must be right."
With a faintly nervous sigh, Trip settled down to work.
"Guys, something funny's going on around here," Cat said, bursting into Lister and Rimmer's cabin.
"What the smeg are you on about?" Rimmer complained. "And what makes you think you can walk in here without knocking?"
"The door opened! Why should I knock?"
"We might be doing something private that we don't want you to see."
Cat grinned toothily. "Hey, maybe there's something to this knocking business. If you two monkeys are doing anything private, I definitely don't want to see it."
"What's going on that's funny, Cat?" Lister broke in.
"I was sleeping in one of my usual places, down in the lower cargo decks. When I tried to get up, I was... heavy!" He appeared to become weak, and sagged into a chair. "It was terrible! I thought I gained weight! Thought it was the ten fish dinners I ate last night!"
"How do you feel now?"
"Fine."
Lister raised his voice. "Holly!"
"Yes, Dave?"
"Is something wrong with the artificial gravity?"
"We're near a black hole, Dave. Parts of the ship that are nearer the hole are subjected to a stronger gravitational pull. The parts that are most distant from it are experiencing an apparent reversal of gravity as the entire ship is accelerated toward the event horizon."
Lister considered the implications of that information. "Huh?" he inquired.
Holly sighed. "The gravity of the black hole is so strong, and Red Dwarf is so big, that the parts of the ship closer to the hole are being pulled in faster that the rest."
"Okay. What does that mean?"
"That means, as we're sucked in, the ship will be stretched out. It will break apart from the stress, and be pulled into a thin strand of matter."
"That does not sound good," Rimmer said.
"It isn't. Of course, by that time, you will all be dead."
"How reassuring."
"However, Trip, Kryten, and I have a plan. If you will all report to the control room..."
Lister jumped down from his bunk. "Let's go."
They were all gathered in the control room, the Red Dwarf crew on one side, the Power Rangers on the other, pink-haired Nadira in a corner by herself. Lister glanced around at all of them, waiting until they were paying attention before nodding to their android crew member.
"Holly has repaired the Hop Drive," Kryten announced.
"Again?" Rimmer stared skeptically. "What's it going to do this time? Materialize us in the middle of a star? Turn us inside out?"
"Hopefully it will reverse its previous effects. Transport Red Dwarf back to where we started from, safely away from the black hole, and create a reverse timehole back to Earth."
"This is the opinion of a computer that's gone space senile and a 'bot whose major expertise is in cleaning toilets." Rimmer looked around, inhaled, and smiled. "I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm filled with confidence."
"Rimmer." Lister's voice was resigned.
"I checked it all out. I think it'll work," Trip said.
"Brilliant!" Rimmer was at it again. "The twelve-year-old in a green fright wig who likes to run around in spandex tights thinks it'll work."
"Rimmer. Shut the smeg up."
"We really have no choice," Kryten pointed out. "We can use the Hop Drive or get pulled into spaghetti."
"I vote for the Hop. I never liked spaghetti," the Cat said.
Wes took a look around at his group. "We're willing to take the chance. Like he said, there's no choice. And we need to get home." Even Eric nodded.
"Rimmer?"
"What the smeg. I can only die once."
"Nadira?"
She looked startled. "You're asking me?"
"You're in this too. Sure."
"I'm not sure I want to go home." She glanced at Lucas for a moment. "But we have to get out of here. And I guess I have to go back. I vote for the Drive."
"Okay." Lister turned to the unimposing box that housed the Holly Hop Drive. "What do we do?"
"It's all set, Dave," Holly's voice answered. "All you have to do is hit the button."
Lister looked up at the monitor. "Wait a minute. If we're creating a timehole back to Earth..."
"Yes, Dave. You can go through it, too."
Lister took a deep breath, joy flooding through him. "Earth! At last! Cat, Rimmer... We can go home!"
"But... won't we land in the beginning of the twenty-first century?" Rimmer asked. "There were no holograms then. I'll be a freak."
"So will I," Kryten said sadly. "There were no androids of my type then."
"And what about me?" the Cat asked. "Of course... I'm so handsome, they'll love me anyway."
"Each of you must choose whether to go or stay," Holly said. "But it has to be now. Listen."
Lister raised his head. As they all fell silent, he could hear a sound over the thrum of the engines, a faint creaking, as if the fabric of the ship was being strained -- or stretched.
"The ship is being pulled apart. She can't take the stress much longer."
"Okay. Here goes. All aboard the timehole who's going aboard. I'll count to ten." Lister raised his hand over the Hop Drive.
"Sure you won't stay, Trip?" Holly asked. "No one else will ever love you the way I do."
"That's for sure. I mean... I know, Holly. I'll never meet -- er -- anyone like you again. I'll always think of you."
"Oh, Trip, our love will last forever, won't it?"
"Yeah. Forever. I'll -- um -- never forget you."
"I'm not going, Listy," Rimmer said. "Take care of yourself. I hope you get that little farm on Fiji you wanted."
Lister grinned, surprised. "Thanks, smeghead. Good luck."
"And it's been... an experience meeting all of you." Rimmer turned to the Rangers and Nadira. "Especially you ladies. I wish we could have become better acquainted."
"Yes... thanks for everything," Jen said. She smiled, including Rimmer, Cat, and Kryten. "All of you have been great."
"Time's up," Lister said quietly. "Here we go." He brought his fist down on the 'On' button.
Brilliant, swirling light filled the room as the ship lurched, metallic shrieking sounds ripping through the air. Lister shielded his eyes as the timehole formed, like a black and purple whirlpool in the middle of the room. He saw the Rangers brace themselves and leap into it, Lucas pausing long enough to grab Nadira's hand and pull her with him. He reached out to clutch the Cat's arm, found his balance, and started forward.
Another powerful lurch threw them both to the floor. He rolled over and pushed himself to his hands and knees, crawling forward, trying to scramble to his feet. The timehole flared and brightened. Lister paused, raising an arm over his face. With a silent pop, the timehole shrank, lost color, and disappeared. Lister stopped, staring, the Cat in the act of trying to help him up. It was gone. Lister cried out incoherently in rage, frustration, and grief.
Silver Hills, year 2001:
"Wow. We made it." Wes picked himself up slowly. They were back in the warehouse doorway, the same spot they had been in when the timehole took them. He looked around at the others. They all looked shaken up, but uninjured. Lucas was helping Nadira to her feet.
"Everyone okay?" Jen asked. They all nodded. She looked around. "Lister and the Cat aren't here."
"They were farther away. I saw them lose their balance," Lucas said.
"They didn't make it through in time," Katie said, her voice sad. "Too bad. I feel sorry for them, stuck all alone in that ship. I hope they transported away from that black hole okay."
"They did. I'm sure they did. And... I have a feeling things will turn out better for them soon," Trip said. And Trip's feelings were, of course, usually right.
"Nadira? What's wrong?" Lucas asked. Nadira had a hand pressed to her head. She looked up at him, her face tense and strained.
"I... remember," she said quietly. "I remember everything now."
"In that case -- you're under arrest," Jen said, taking a step toward her.
"Jen... can't we leave her alone? Just this time?" Lucas asked.
"Don't bother." Nadira's expression was suddenly scornful. "I was just leaving. My daddy must be worried." She swept a glance over all of them. "Lucky for you I wasn't myself on that ship. You all would have been in big trouble."
"I guess the truce is over," Lucas said, his voice with a trace of bitterness.
"Yes... I guess so." Nadira's mask of hostile arrogance fell for a moment, leaving disappointment and hurt. "Lucas..." she said softly.
"Maybe someday..." he said, just as softly.
"Maybe." With a quick movement she triggered her transporter and disappeared in a sparkle of light.
"Well, if playtime's over, I'd better get back to work before I get fired," Eric said. "So long, kiddies. Next time you're in a mess, don't call me."
"Eric..." Wes called. Eric turned back to face him. "Remember what I said."
"You mean that touching offer of friendship? Fat chance."
"I meant it."
Eric looked at him coldly. But his voice was not entirely unfriendly as he asked, "Want me to say hello to your father for you?"
"Uh... you think he'd be interested? Or are you being sarcastic again?"
"He's asked about you a couple of times. I guess he's interested." Eric's face was still cool and blank, but there was an unfamiliar spark of sympathy there.
Wes smiled. "Yeah. Say hi for me. And thanks."
Eric turned away with a last glance. "See ya, rich boy."
The mining ship Red Dwarf, stranded in deep space, three million years in the future:
"Smeg. Smeg, smeg, smeg."
"Too bad, Listy. Stuck with me for all eternity."
"Shut up, Rimmer. I'm not in the mood." Lister rolled his head back and slumped in his chair.
"I'm sorry. Really, I am. Lost my chance to be rid of your slobbiness and the Cat's incessant preening."
"It's not even so much still being stuck here with you. I had hope... real hope. And then it was just snatched away."
"All of this is because of your high hopes. We wouldn't have used that smeg-infested drive and gotten into that mess if not for your hopes of getting back to Earth."
"I need that hope, Rimmer. It's all that keeps me going."
"A fat lot of good it does you."
Lister found himself smiling. "It wasn't all bad. We had company for a little while. Other people. Women. Holly even found true love." He looked at Rimmer with a grin. "You acted like a human being for about a second. And who knows, maybe the Rangers got something out of it."
"Well, I still say no good came from it."
Lister got to his feet. "Doesn't matter. At the very least it was a laugh."