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His head was throbbing; a slow, steady, rhythmic pain that was impossible to ignore. Slowly, carefully, he opened his eyes, shutting them quickly when the pain intensified as the light blinded him.
Moaning quietly, he reached up to the source of the pain, surprised to find gauze and tape covering the place where the butt of Sark's gun had crashed against his skull. As his fingers carefully felt around the bandage, he felt his hand being pulled away, felt it being cradled between two smaller ones.
Shielding his eyes with his other hand, Vaughn slowly opened them. "Syd?" he whispered, hoping she wasn't a figment of his imagination.
A tear slid down her cheek as she leaned forward. "God, I didn't think you were..."
He cut her off as he drew her to him, his lips crashing against hers, possessing them. He pulled back a moment later, the pain causing him to fall back against the cushion.
"Vaughn?" Syd asked, her concern evident as situated herself next to him on the couch.
"You're here." He struggled to sit up only to be pushed back down. He grabbed her hand as she started to sit back. "You're really here," he whispered thankfully. Looking up at her, he noticed she was still rather pale. "Are you okay?" he asked anxiously.
"I think so," Sydney replied, nodding. "When I woke up, I felt a little sluggish, but it's not as bad now."
"You're sure?"
"Vaughn, I'll be fine." She lightly touched the gauze on his head. "What about you?"
"Me?"
"How... What happened?"
Vaughn closed his eyes. How could he tell her what had happened without telling her why it had happened.
"Vaughn? What is it? What's wrong?" Sydney asked nervously.
Eyes still closed, he squeezed her hand, blindly pulling her down to him. As she settled her head on his chest, he wrapped his arm around her, holding her there. "I didn't want to let you go."
"I don't understand. What do you mean 'you didn't want to let me go'?"
He took a deep breath while his fingers lightly stroked her hair. "After you passed out, he said we had to leave. He helped Sark with Will, but he made sure we were off the plane first."
"I still..."
"Let me finish. Please," he interrupted, finally opening his eyes. Unable to meet her gaze, he looked at the ceiling. "There were two cars. They helped Will to one. And then after a small argument, they came back to where I was standing by the plane. That's when he... When Danny..."
"When Danny what?"
"He tried to take you away from me. At first, I wouldn't let him."
At first? The words echoed in her mind. At first... Sydney started to pull away only to find herself being held tighter. Even with not knowing what he was about to say, just the fact he wouldn't let her break contact reassured her.
She placed her hand softly against his cheek and waited until he finally looked at her. "Tell me."
He nodded slightly. "Not knowing what he'd given you, I wasn't about to leave you alone with him, but I wasn't given a choice. When I refused, Danny told Sark that I needed to be persuaded. He pulled out a gun and placed it against your temple. He just smiled and cocked the gun."
Vaughn stopped momentarily, his eyes pleading with her for forgiveness. "I knew he wouldn't think twice about shooting you so I did the only thing I could. I let him take you."
He paused again, continuing before she could say anything. "I watched as he carried you to the other car and there was nothing I could do. After the car you were in was out of sight, Sark forced me into the second one. He didn't seem to be to pleased about being there and I said something about it." He smiled ruefully. "Next time, I'll try to remember to keep my comments to myself."
Sydney combed her fingers through his hair. "Vaughn, you saved my life."
"How can you say that?" he asked angrily, pushing her away. Sliding back a bit, he propped himself up on the arm of the sofa.
She was pretty good in the beating-yourself-up department, so she knew what he was doing. She also knew how to end it. "If what you said about Sark was true, I would be dead now if you hadn't done what Danny wanted." She scooted a bit closer, placing her hand reassuringly on his shoulder. "Nothing happened to me. I'm here. With you. I'm okay now. But an hour ago when I woke up..."
"What?"
"When I woke up and you weren't there with me, I was so scared. I didn't know what was going on, where I was, where you were. The last thing I remembered was Danny, but I wasn't sure if it was real or some horrible nightmare. The one thing I knew was that I had to find out. I started looking around and then I found you."
"Found me? You mean they didn't bring you here?"
Sydney looked away, unable to meet Vaughn's gaze. "I woke up in a bedroom down the hall. I got up and I discovered the door wasn't locked. I wasn't sure what was going on, but I knew I needed to find you. The problem was, I wasn't sure if you were even here."
Vaughn carefully propped himself up against the arm rest before reaching out and linking his hand with Sydney's. "So you came in here and found me."
Sydney nodded, looking away. "When I came in and saw you lying here, I wasn't sure if you were even alive. I don't know how long I stood there just staring at the blood on your face. And then I thought I saw you move so I came over and..." She stopped for second. "I'm so sorry."
Vaughn was confused, and he didn't think it had anything to do with the knot on his head. "Syd, this isn't your fault."
She shook her head. "No, that's not it. It's just..."
"Just what?"
"It's just that now I understand."
"Syd, what are you talking about? What do you understand?"
"What you said in Paris. When we were at the hotel after you found me in the club. Vaughn, if anything would have happened to you, I honestly don't know what I'd do."
He watched as a tear slid down her face, followed by another, and then another. Sitting up slowly, he leaned forward and gathered her into his embrace. "Ssshhh. It's okay. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I promise, you're not going to lose me."
After a moment, Sydney slowly pulled away from Vaughn. She reached over and lightly traced the edge of the makeshift bandage on his forehead. "Will this ever end, or am I just destined to hurt those I love?" she whispered sadly.
Vaughn stilled her hand, clutching it in his own. "Syd, this is not your fault. This," he began, reaching up and pointing to the bump on his head, "is my fault. I kept taunting Sark. I knew I was in no position to do it, but I couldn't help it." He looked her straight in the eyes. "You have nothing to be sorry for."
She stood up quickly, walking across the room. She wished she could believe him, but she knew this time he was wrong. It was her fault and she didn't know how to make it better. She doubted she'd be able to even if she did.
Turning her attention to the bookcase, she let her hand run across the dark, highly polished wood, stopping occasionally to finger a knickknack here and there.
Something on the top shelf caught her eye. It wasn't that the piece was out of place; far from it. It just seemed odd that something that romantic could be found here. Reaching up so she could take a closer look, a smaller item caused her to freeze.
This can't be, she thought as she reached over and slid it to the edge. Lifting it carefully from the shelf, she stood it on the fine point at the bottom. Turning it around, she knew what she would find on the back even before she saw it. "Oh God..."
Vaughn had closed his eyes for a moment, but opened them when he heard her gasp. "Syd?"
Sydney pulled the piece from the shelf, her hand trembling. She had wondered what had happened to it all those years ago...
She looked at Vaughn, too dazed to speak. Walking back to the couch, she cradled the item as if it were the most precious thing in the world. Sydney sat down, sandwiching her find between her hands, still shocked by her discovery.
"Sydney? What is it?"
"It's... It's..."
Vaughn loosened her grip and looked at what she held in her palm. He wasn't sure what he'd expected to find, but the small, apparently homemade, heart-shaped ornament wasn't it. He started to pick it up by the fraying satin cord that ran through a small hole at the top when she pulled it away, clutching it in her hand, holding it close to her chest.
"I can't believe it's here."
"What's here?"
"The first year after..." She stopped, trying to compose herself.
"Syd, just take your time."
Sydney dropped her arms, letting them rest on her legs. She opened her hand, revealing the small heart ornament again. "The first Christmas after we thought she had died, I looked everywhere for this. I even refused to help decorate the tree until Dad found it."
"What was so special about this?"
"I gave this to her for mother's day. We made them at school, but I made a mistake and I ended up with this little hole at the top. I wanted to redo it, but if I had, it wouldn't have been ready in time, so I just let it go and hoped she'd like it, even with the flaw. When I brought it home, I showed it to Dad and he suggested putting this satin cord through it and making it an ornament."
Sydney stopped for a moment as she handed the heart to Vaughn. "I was so worried she wouldn't like it that I just left it on the table with her card and I hid around the corner where she couldn't see me. When she and Dad came in for breakfast, she saw it lying there. I kept peering around the corner so I'm sure she saw me standing there, but she pretended she didn't. She opened it and she just smiled. She took it out and showed it to Dad and then she said that she wished she knew where I was so she could thank me for her beautiful gift."
Vaughn sat quietly, listening to Sydney, trying to reconcile this image of a loving, caring mother with the cold-blooded, ruthless killer he knew Irina Derevko to be. "What did you do?"
"I poked my head around the corner again and when she asked me to come into the room, I did. Once I was standing next to her, she just gave me this big hug and told me that she loved it and that from then on, it would always be the first ornament we'd put on the tree at Christmas."
"That last Christmas before she left, she kept her word. It was the first ornament we put on, and it was the last that came off. So the following year when Dad couldn't find it, I told him that it wouldn't be Christmas without it because if it was on the tree, I knew that Mom would be with us. He looked all over for it. When he couldn't find it, I ran into my room and I wouldn't come out. He came to the door and tried to get me to help him, but I wouldn't. I told him that it wouldn't be the same and that I didn't even want the stupid tree anyway."
Sydney swiped at the tears that had started falling again. She held out her hand and Vaughn placed the heart back in her palm. She closed her fingers around it. "Dad tried to get me to come out; I know he was trying to make that first Christmas after she died special, but I wouldn't budge. The next morning when I came out of my room for breakfast, the tree was gone, all the decorations had been put away and Dad was on his way out of town on a trip. He didn't get home until December 27th. After that, there was never any talk of decorating a tree. For us, Christmas was just another day without Mom."
Vaughn pulled her to him as her sobs began in earnest. "Ssshhh, it's okay."
Even though she knew the answer, she couldn't help ask, "How could she do that to us, Vaughn? How can someone be that cold?"
"Sydney," he began, stopping as her name left his lips. How could he explain something he didn't, could never, understand? "I don't know," he finished quietly.
The honesty of his reply helped calm her. It was odd, Sydney thought, but knowing that he couldn't comprehend her mother's actions reassured her. She scooted closer, tightening her embrace. "Thank you."
"What?"
She leaned back slightly, but kept her arms locked around him. As he wiped away a few stray tears, she leaned her head into his palm. "I thanked you." She watched his reaction, deciding that confusion looked good on him.
"What for?"
She shifted forward. When her lips were only a breath away from his, she answered. "For being you."
********
Downstairs, three men huddled around the small monitor. Davenport was the first to move away. "See what I mean about those two?"
Sark turned his back to the screen. "Unfortunately, I found out in London."
Danny turned off the monitor. Both men quieted when they saw his expression. "Go check on Will. And be ready to bring him in when I tell you," he ordered.
Sark stood, dropping the pen he'd been toying with on the table. "Please just let him remain unconscious until later," he muttered as he stalked out of the room.
Danny started to leave, only to be stopped by Davenport. "Where are you going?"
He pushed Davenport's hand away as he opened the door. "I think it's time I welcomed our guests. Don't you?"
tbc