Back in Mordor...
Sauron: Where's my ad in the Yellow pages? Oh, and where's my Ring?
Ringwraith#6: Uh-oh...
He runs out of the doors, leaps on to his horse, pays for parking and gallops off
Sauron sticks his head out the window and yells
Sauron: NOT HAPPY MAN! Uh, a little help here please. My damn head's caught
Sarumon: Ha ha!
Sauron: Help me or I'll cut your allowance!
Sarumon quickly pulls him out of the window
Some guy runs past with a sign saying 'O'Brien Glass Repair'
Sauron: Dammit!
Sarumon: Has Sauron got a boo boo?
Sauron: Shut up moron!
Sarumon: Okay, okay, I was just trying to help
Back in Bree...
Merry and Pippin are still singing 'We Are the Champions'
Sam is still sitting at the counter
Merry: Hey Pip *hic* what comes next?
Pippin: I don't *hic* know dude
They start singing 'Strawberry Kisses' instead
Frodo jumps up on the table and starts dancing to cause a diversion
Pippin: Yay Frodo!
Frodo: Shut up you idiot!
The guy, who says he is 'Strider', smacks his head
Strider: Dammit!
Frodo starts singing 'I Believe in Miracles'
He whirls the ring, which he stuck on a chain, around his head
Frodo: Where ya from, you sexy thang you!
He blows kisses into the crowd
He puts the ring on and disappears
Everyone cheers
Frodo appears next to Strider
Frodo: How was that?
Strider: It wasn't what I had in mind...
In the morning, the hobbits wake up to find Strider sitting near the door
Pippin: ARGHH!
Strider: Shut up!
Pippin: Okay
Merry: Who are you?
Strider: Let me introduce myself...
He jumps up and starts a rap
Strider: My name is Strider Yes I'm the real Strider All you other fake Striders Are bloody hard-tryers So won't the real Strider Please stand up Please stand up Please stand up
Strider: Ring a bell?
Merry: No
Strider: I have an ad in the Yellow Pages
Frodo: Are you that window cleaning guy?
Strider: No
Frodo: Damn! Who is that window cleaning guy...?
Strider: Forget it!
Pippin: I can't remember a thing...
Merry: Headache...
After Merry and Pippin have thrown up and been given Panadol, Strider decides it's time to leave
Strider: I have decided it's time to leave
Hobbits: Ooh!
Strider: We make for Rivendell
Hobbits:Ooh!
Strider: Shut up, will you
Hobbits: Ooh!
They leave with 200 people tagging along behind them
Strider: From here we enter a journey fraught with peril. You should turn back
The people keep following them
Pippin: We're going to Mordor
The people keep following
Frodo: To, um, to clean out...SAURON'S UNDERWEAR DRAWER!
All the people scream and run away
Merry: Cool!
Strider: Um, you're not really going to do that are you?
Frodo: I thought you knew the plot
Strider: Well, you changed it last night so now I don't know what to expect
Frodo: Heh heh heh...
A few days later they arrive at Weathertop
Strider: Merry, Pip, you set up your tent. Frodo and Sam, set up yours. I'll set up mine
Frodo: Hey, how come you get a tent to yourself?
Strider: Cause I'm the King
The hobbits stare at him, then burst out laughing
Merry: That's a good one Stride
Strider: No, I'm serious
Pippin: Yeah, and I'm Peregrin Took. Nice to meet you!
Merry: Pip, you are Peregrin Took
Pippin: Oh yeah...
They burst out laughing again
Strider: I feel a big headache coming on...
He leaves
The hobbits set up their tents
Pippin: Merry, you don't stick that pole there! It goes like this
*SMACK*
Pippin: Oh, okay maybe it doesn't..
Merry: $%#$!
Frodo: Watch where you're swinging that pole Sam!
*SMACK*
Frodo: %^#$!
Sam: Oh, uh...sorry
Nine guys dressed in black come up
Black guy#1: Wwwwoooouuuulllldddd yyyyoooouuuu lllliiiikkkkeeee ssssoooommmmeeee hhhheeellllpppp?
Hobbits: Sure!
The nine guys help the hobbits put up their tents
Hobbits: Cool!
Black guy#9: Ooookkkkaaaayyyy, wwwweeee'rrrreeee ssssuuuuppppppppoooosssssssseeeedddd ttttoooo cccchhhhaaaasssseeee yyyyoooouuuu nnnnoooowwww
Hobbits: ARGHH!
They run up to the summit of Weathertop with the nine black robed guys chasing after them
Frodo: Dead end!
Sam: Whadda we do now?
Pippin: Conscience says 'SCREAM'
Hobbits: ARGHHH!
Nine guys: ARGHHH!
Pippin: You guys aren't supposed to scream
Nine guys: Oooohhhh....
They pull their swords out
Nine guys: Aaaallllllll ffffoooorrrr oooonnnneeee aaaannnndddd oooonnnneeee
ffffoooorrrr aaaallllllll!!!!
Merry: Hold your robes before they fall!
He darts forward and slashes at Black guy#5
Black guy#5's robes fall down
Black guy#5: EEEKKKK!
Hobbits: Ewww!
Strider jumps in
He is waving a torch and his sword
He throws his sword arm back and hits Merry in the head
Merry is knocked out
Strider: Oops!
Frodo is running around screaming with five of the nine guys behind him
Frodo: EEEKKKK!
Five guys: Aaaahhhhaaaa!!!!
Frodo stops at the red light
It goes green
He runs off screaming again
He falls over
The five guys fall over him
Frodo gets poked with a knife
Frodo: Ouch you jerk! That hurt!
Black guy#6: Ssssoooorrrrrrrryyyy!!!! IIII hhhhaaaavvvveeee a bbbbaaaannnnddddaaaaiiiidddd iiiiffff yyyyoooouuuu lllliiiikkkkeee
Strider throws petrol on the nine and sets fire to them
Nine: ARGHHH!
They run around madly and then all fall of the hill
Strider: Ha ha ha! Suckers!
Pippin: Uh, Strider...
Strider: Not now, I'm gloating
Merry: Nah, you really should look...
Strider: What?
Merry: Your pants are...
Pippin: On fire
Strider: Wah?.......ARGHHH!
He jumps around screaming
Merry grabs a fire hose that happens to be on hand and sprays him
Strider: Ahhhh!
Frodo comes walking up holding his shoulder and cursing loudly
Frodo: Ow ow ow! That stupid moron! You could poke an eye out with that thing!
Sam: Mr. Frodo!
Strider: He's been stabbed with a Playskool Blade. It is beyond my skill to heal. We must go!
Pippin: Aw, but we ain't eaten...I mean we haven't eaten
Strider: You ate just before!
Pippin: Ah, but we ain't eaten now...wait, that didn't sound right...
Strider throws Frodo over his shoulder
Frodo: Ouch!
Pippin and Sam follow dragging Merry
Strider throws them each an apple
Pippin gets hit in the head by one, and is knocked out
Sam: Oh, great! I'm not dragging them all the way to bloody Rivendell
Strider throws Pippin over the other shoulder and grabs Merry by the ankles
Sam: Hang on, weren't we supposed to have a pony?
Strider: They cut that bit out
Sam: Oh, great!
Next: Our intrepid explorers reach Rivendell, Frodo is ill, the Council of Elrond begins and more on Bored with the Ring
Sauron: Where's my ad in the Yellow pages? Oh, and where's my Ring?
Ringwraith#6: Uh-oh...
He runs out of the doors, leaps on to his horse, pays for parking and gallops off
Sauron sticks his head out the window and yells
Sauron: NOT HAPPY MAN! Uh, a little help here please. My damn head's caught
Sarumon: Ha ha!
Sauron: Help me or I'll cut your allowance!
Sarumon quickly pulls him out of the window
Some guy runs past with a sign saying 'O'Brien Glass Repair'
Sauron: Dammit!
Sarumon: Has Sauron got a boo boo?
Sauron: Shut up moron!
Sarumon: Okay, okay, I was just trying to help
Back in Bree...
Merry and Pippin are still singing 'We Are the Champions'
Sam is still sitting at the counter
Merry: Hey Pip *hic* what comes next?
Pippin: I don't *hic* know dude
They start singing 'Strawberry Kisses' instead
Frodo jumps up on the table and starts dancing to cause a diversion
Pippin: Yay Frodo!
Frodo: Shut up you idiot!
The guy, who says he is 'Strider', smacks his head
Strider: Dammit!
Frodo starts singing 'I Believe in Miracles'
He whirls the ring, which he stuck on a chain, around his head
Frodo: Where ya from, you sexy thang you!
He blows kisses into the crowd
He puts the ring on and disappears
Everyone cheers
Frodo appears next to Strider
Frodo: How was that?
Strider: It wasn't what I had in mind...
In the morning, the hobbits wake up to find Strider sitting near the door
Pippin: ARGHH!
Strider: Shut up!
Pippin: Okay
Merry: Who are you?
Strider: Let me introduce myself...
He jumps up and starts a rap
Strider: My name is Strider Yes I'm the real Strider All you other fake Striders Are bloody hard-tryers So won't the real Strider Please stand up Please stand up Please stand up
Strider: Ring a bell?
Merry: No
Strider: I have an ad in the Yellow Pages
Frodo: Are you that window cleaning guy?
Strider: No
Frodo: Damn! Who is that window cleaning guy...?
Strider: Forget it!
Pippin: I can't remember a thing...
Merry: Headache...
After Merry and Pippin have thrown up and been given Panadol, Strider decides it's time to leave
Strider: I have decided it's time to leave
Hobbits: Ooh!
Strider: We make for Rivendell
Hobbits:Ooh!
Strider: Shut up, will you
Hobbits: Ooh!
They leave with 200 people tagging along behind them
Strider: From here we enter a journey fraught with peril. You should turn back
The people keep following them
Pippin: We're going to Mordor
The people keep following
Frodo: To, um, to clean out...SAURON'S UNDERWEAR DRAWER!
All the people scream and run away
Merry: Cool!
Strider: Um, you're not really going to do that are you?
Frodo: I thought you knew the plot
Strider: Well, you changed it last night so now I don't know what to expect
Frodo: Heh heh heh...
A few days later they arrive at Weathertop
Strider: Merry, Pip, you set up your tent. Frodo and Sam, set up yours. I'll set up mine
Frodo: Hey, how come you get a tent to yourself?
Strider: Cause I'm the King
The hobbits stare at him, then burst out laughing
Merry: That's a good one Stride
Strider: No, I'm serious
Pippin: Yeah, and I'm Peregrin Took. Nice to meet you!
Merry: Pip, you are Peregrin Took
Pippin: Oh yeah...
They burst out laughing again
Strider: I feel a big headache coming on...
He leaves
The hobbits set up their tents
Pippin: Merry, you don't stick that pole there! It goes like this
*SMACK*
Pippin: Oh, okay maybe it doesn't..
Merry: $%#$!
Frodo: Watch where you're swinging that pole Sam!
*SMACK*
Frodo: %^#$!
Sam: Oh, uh...sorry
Nine guys dressed in black come up
Black guy#1: Wwwwoooouuuulllldddd yyyyoooouuuu lllliiiikkkkeeee ssssoooommmmeeee hhhheeellllpppp?
Hobbits: Sure!
The nine guys help the hobbits put up their tents
Hobbits: Cool!
Black guy#9: Ooookkkkaaaayyyy, wwwweeee'rrrreeee ssssuuuuppppppppoooosssssssseeeedddd ttttoooo cccchhhhaaaasssseeee yyyyoooouuuu nnnnoooowwww
Hobbits: ARGHH!
They run up to the summit of Weathertop with the nine black robed guys chasing after them
Frodo: Dead end!
Sam: Whadda we do now?
Pippin: Conscience says 'SCREAM'
Hobbits: ARGHHH!
Nine guys: ARGHHH!
Pippin: You guys aren't supposed to scream
Nine guys: Oooohhhh....
They pull their swords out
Nine guys: Aaaallllllll ffffoooorrrr oooonnnneeee aaaannnndddd oooonnnneeee
ffffoooorrrr aaaallllllll!!!!
Merry: Hold your robes before they fall!
He darts forward and slashes at Black guy#5
Black guy#5's robes fall down
Black guy#5: EEEKKKK!
Hobbits: Ewww!
Strider jumps in
He is waving a torch and his sword
He throws his sword arm back and hits Merry in the head
Merry is knocked out
Strider: Oops!
Frodo is running around screaming with five of the nine guys behind him
Frodo: EEEKKKK!
Five guys: Aaaahhhhaaaa!!!!
Frodo stops at the red light
It goes green
He runs off screaming again
He falls over
The five guys fall over him
Frodo gets poked with a knife
Frodo: Ouch you jerk! That hurt!
Black guy#6: Ssssoooorrrrrrrryyyy!!!! IIII hhhhaaaavvvveeee a bbbbaaaannnnddddaaaaiiiidddd iiiiffff yyyyoooouuuu lllliiiikkkkeee
Strider throws petrol on the nine and sets fire to them
Nine: ARGHHH!
They run around madly and then all fall of the hill
Strider: Ha ha ha! Suckers!
Pippin: Uh, Strider...
Strider: Not now, I'm gloating
Merry: Nah, you really should look...
Strider: What?
Merry: Your pants are...
Pippin: On fire
Strider: Wah?.......ARGHHH!
He jumps around screaming
Merry grabs a fire hose that happens to be on hand and sprays him
Strider: Ahhhh!
Frodo comes walking up holding his shoulder and cursing loudly
Frodo: Ow ow ow! That stupid moron! You could poke an eye out with that thing!
Sam: Mr. Frodo!
Strider: He's been stabbed with a Playskool Blade. It is beyond my skill to heal. We must go!
Pippin: Aw, but we ain't eaten...I mean we haven't eaten
Strider: You ate just before!
Pippin: Ah, but we ain't eaten now...wait, that didn't sound right...
Strider throws Frodo over his shoulder
Frodo: Ouch!
Pippin and Sam follow dragging Merry
Strider throws them each an apple
Pippin gets hit in the head by one, and is knocked out
Sam: Oh, great! I'm not dragging them all the way to bloody Rivendell
Strider throws Pippin over the other shoulder and grabs Merry by the ankles
Sam: Hang on, weren't we supposed to have a pony?
Strider: They cut that bit out
Sam: Oh, great!
Next: Our intrepid explorers reach Rivendell, Frodo is ill, the Council of Elrond begins and more on Bored with the Ring