Chef

"Well this career looks rather safe," Xavier sighed as the students were settling into the kitchen for the next career demonstration.

"Oh yeah," Shipwreck rolled his eyes. "Right."

"Greetings boys and girls!" A short, fat man with a wild beard and glasses called out to the students. "I am Chef BA LaCarte! The initials stand for 'Bon Apetit', which is the motto of all good chefs!"

"So what's your motto?" Shipwreck called out from the back.

BA chose to ignore this. "I am going to tell you all about what it's like to be a chef. I will even show you how to make a recipe."

"Or in your case how not to make a recipe," Shipwreck quipped.

"Funny guy," BA quipped. "This from a man who needs a recipe to make ice."

"At least I know how to follow a recipe, what's your excuse?" Shipwreck said.

"Dad will you put a sock in it?" Althea snapped. "Don't heckle him!"

"Thank you Althea," BA smiled.

"BA is perfectly capable of screwing this up without your help!" Althea said. "Go ahead BA."

"Let me tell you about what drew me to cooking. There is nothing more satisfying than making a good meal for hundreds of people and making them happy," BA smiled.

"How would you know what that's like?" Shipwreck called from the back.

"SHUT UP!" BA snapped. "As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted, cooking opens many doors to you."

"Yeah doors to the bathroom, doors to the emergency ward…" Shipwreck quipped.

"You want this serving spoon up your…?" BA shouted waving the utensil.

"Um I think we ought to start with the demonstration shall we?" Hank asked.

"Right," BA nodded. "Now you can see here are all the ingredients as well as the utensils. You need the right tools for the job. Bowls, spoons, a vat, a whisk, a flame thrower-extra large, an electric cattle prod…"

"We did mention that BA used to work for Cobra right?" Roadblock asked.

"Which explains his lethal cooking," Shipwreck quipped.

"Keep it up funny man!" BA growled.

"How about we adults take a walk while BA finishes his talk," Roadblock guided Shipwreck out the door. The rest of the adults followed.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Logan asked.

"Yeah BA could give those kids a bad case of food poisoning," Shipwreck said.

"We're in danger of that anyway when Kitty or Jean cooks," Logan smirked.

"I still wish I could find someone else to speak along with the Joes," Xavier sighed. "No offense."

"Don't worry about it," Shipwreck waved his hand. "It's going fine. Okay we had a rocky start at the beginning but things can only get better from here on in."

"Provided BA doesn't blow up the kitchen or something," Hank said.

"That won't happen," Roadblock told him.

"Professor! Professor!" Kitty ran in.

"Kitty what's wrong?" Xavier asked.

"It's the dish BA was making!" Kitty said hysterically. "It's gotten out of control!"

"What do you mean out of control?" Logan asked.

"I think it's alive!" Kitty yelled.

"Kitty that's impossible," Ororo said.

"Uh…maybe not," Roadblock gulped. "I think we'd better check it out before things get hot!"

They all went into the kitchen where it was complete pandemonium. Roaming around the kitchen was a huge green blob making noises. Scott tried to shoot his optic rays at it but it merely absorbed them. "It has no effect!" Scott shouted.

"My lightning isn't working either!" Ray screamed.

"It's eating the table!" Tabitha yelled.

"Run!" Althea shouted.

"Oh no! Not again!" Roadblock shouted. "It's time to retreat ladies and gentlemen!"

"You mean this has happened before?" Ororo shouted as they fled the kitchen.

"Unfortunately," Roadblock groaned. "I thought we destroyed that recipe!" *

"We gotta stop that thing!" Sam shouted. "It's making more of a mess than a bull with diarrhea!"

"Don't hurt my baby!" BA shouted.

"If we don't stop it your baby will eat us all alive!" Shipwreck snapped.

"Calm down Precious!" BA shouted. "Daddy's here!"

"Precious is gonna get sliced!" Logan charged with a snikt of his claws. He started tearing into the blob, splattering pieces everywhere.

"MY BABY!" BA cried.

"Oh this is just disgusting," Pietro zoomed out of range.

"Gross! I've been slimed!" Jean wailed.

"This is gonna take forever to clean out of my fir!" Kurt shouted. "I thought the Toad was slimy!

"Hey!" Todd snapped. Then he got splattered. "Aw gross! Man I hate it when you're right!"

Bobby froze the blob with his powers as Logan chopped away at it. "I think we've finally got it under control!" Logan shouted. Then the blob broke out of its prison. "Or not…" He ran out of the way of the rampaging green mass. "BA remind me to kill you!"

"I don't believe it," Kurt groaned. "We've finally met someone who's a worse cook than Kitty!"

"Hey!" Kitty hit him with a piece of fruit.

"Even their food is crazy," Remy said in shock.

"Just once…" Xavier sighed. "Just once I'd like to see the Joes go somewhere and not cause mass destruction!"

"That ain't gonna happen, Chuck" Logan watched as the Joes and Misfits chased the green blob around. "Just not gonna happen."

* From the short story Breakfast at the Pit. Read it, it's fun! So what career comes up next? Wait and see!