Hogwarts Vs. Evil Phoenix
Author's Note: This is the first time I write an R-rated story. I rated it R to be on the safe side. I have co-written this with my friend 'Kitty' (who isn't a member of Fanfiction.Net). This is a comedy, so don't take it seriously, because I hate many HP characters which most of you like. If you don't like deaths of Dumbledore, then leave. None of the characters belong to me only to J.K. Rowling. This story is also full of horror.
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'No one must know about this!' declared McGonagall, her nostrils flaring.
'But Minerva...' began Severus when he was overrode by her.
'Quiet! The Headmistress speaks!' she snapped.
'That's right!' added stick up Sprout.
'Damn, Dumbledore was even better than her!' thought furiously Snape.
They were standing outside the toilet, discussing Hagrid's death. Hagrid's body was still inside, not moved from his place.
'We will take the body into the Forest and leave it there!' announced McGonagall.
'Really clever idea, Minerva!' Severus' voice dripped in sarcasm,' What excuse shall we give?'
'We'll think of something.' Mumbled Minerva,' for now, help me with the body.'
So they (McGonagall, Snape, Sprout and Filch) carried the body away into the Forbidden Forest, and left Hagrid in a clump of strawberry bushes.
'Shame on the strawberries,' panted Sprout.
They were carrying the body with their bare hands to the forest, until they remembered to use a levitation charm, but it was already done. Everybody was squashed under Hagrid's weight, until they finally threw Hagrid in the bushes.
'Now, this job is done,' said McGonagall,' now we need an excuse..'
'Did you hear about Hagrid?' whispered excitedly a fifth year Hufflepuff (one of those who survived) in the Herbology class.
Ron nodded. Harry, however, looked confused.
'What happened?' asked Harry.
'McGonagall says that Hagrid went to the forest,' began Susan Bones (honestly, which other idiot from that house didn't die?),' because he wanted to...erm...do his business in the bushes, because he's toilet didn't work. Anyway, he didn't come back.'
'What do you supposed had happened?' asked Hermione, shredding her Mandrake roots (they did these plants in the year before, but Sprout was simply retarded, and couldn't think of any other plant to give them).
'I guess he had died,' simply said Susan, as if such a thing constantly happened in Hufflepuff (I'm not surprised if it did).
'No wonder there was some horrid smell coming from that place,' sneered Draco (even if it was only Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs, because Draco is everywhere),' that big oaf must be stanching up the place!'
' Shut up, Malfoy!' growled Ron, having no idea why, because that was the line which he always had to say in every Harry Potter book.
Malfoy rolled his eyes, because he knew that answering back to that idiot was a waste of time, and returned to his work.
The class finished peacefully, and all the students left. Only Sprout was left behind. She hummed merrily, and inspected the plants.
But one plant, a flower, behind her moved, moving upwards from the pot. A golden head of a phoenix poked from the soil, with the pink flower on its head.
'Polly wanna cracker!' it whispered, and moved back into the soil, disappearing from sight.
Spout strolled (she's too fat to waltz) to a giant Venus Flytrap plant.
'Open your mouth, so I can inspect your teeth!' she gently ordered.
The plant obeyed, and opened its mouth. Sprout leaned forward and frowned.
'That's strange,' she observed,' why are there two pencils stuck between your teeth?'
'Polly wanna kill!' sang in a singsong voice the creature behind her.
Sprout was kicked on the rump by the phoenix, and landed into the plant's mouth...
A few moments later, Snape, Flitwick and McGonagall ran into the room.
There, the Venus Flytrap was sitting lazily in its pot, with a big, fat bulge in the green stem splayed on the ground.
Suddenly, the plant gave an almighty belch, and burped out two pencils, and Professor Sprout's boots.
Author's Note: You must all be wondering, 'Where is Snape?', and I'm thinking of changing this story for all HP characters. Isn't it nutty how Sprout got eaten by one of her plants? Oh well, one more down..Please Review!
Author's Note: This is the first time I write an R-rated story. I rated it R to be on the safe side. I have co-written this with my friend 'Kitty' (who isn't a member of Fanfiction.Net). This is a comedy, so don't take it seriously, because I hate many HP characters which most of you like. If you don't like deaths of Dumbledore, then leave. None of the characters belong to me only to J.K. Rowling. This story is also full of horror.
////////////////////
'No one must know about this!' declared McGonagall, her nostrils flaring.
'But Minerva...' began Severus when he was overrode by her.
'Quiet! The Headmistress speaks!' she snapped.
'That's right!' added stick up Sprout.
'Damn, Dumbledore was even better than her!' thought furiously Snape.
They were standing outside the toilet, discussing Hagrid's death. Hagrid's body was still inside, not moved from his place.
'We will take the body into the Forest and leave it there!' announced McGonagall.
'Really clever idea, Minerva!' Severus' voice dripped in sarcasm,' What excuse shall we give?'
'We'll think of something.' Mumbled Minerva,' for now, help me with the body.'
So they (McGonagall, Snape, Sprout and Filch) carried the body away into the Forbidden Forest, and left Hagrid in a clump of strawberry bushes.
'Shame on the strawberries,' panted Sprout.
They were carrying the body with their bare hands to the forest, until they remembered to use a levitation charm, but it was already done. Everybody was squashed under Hagrid's weight, until they finally threw Hagrid in the bushes.
'Now, this job is done,' said McGonagall,' now we need an excuse..'
'Did you hear about Hagrid?' whispered excitedly a fifth year Hufflepuff (one of those who survived) in the Herbology class.
Ron nodded. Harry, however, looked confused.
'What happened?' asked Harry.
'McGonagall says that Hagrid went to the forest,' began Susan Bones (honestly, which other idiot from that house didn't die?),' because he wanted to...erm...do his business in the bushes, because he's toilet didn't work. Anyway, he didn't come back.'
'What do you supposed had happened?' asked Hermione, shredding her Mandrake roots (they did these plants in the year before, but Sprout was simply retarded, and couldn't think of any other plant to give them).
'I guess he had died,' simply said Susan, as if such a thing constantly happened in Hufflepuff (I'm not surprised if it did).
'No wonder there was some horrid smell coming from that place,' sneered Draco (even if it was only Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs, because Draco is everywhere),' that big oaf must be stanching up the place!'
' Shut up, Malfoy!' growled Ron, having no idea why, because that was the line which he always had to say in every Harry Potter book.
Malfoy rolled his eyes, because he knew that answering back to that idiot was a waste of time, and returned to his work.
The class finished peacefully, and all the students left. Only Sprout was left behind. She hummed merrily, and inspected the plants.
But one plant, a flower, behind her moved, moving upwards from the pot. A golden head of a phoenix poked from the soil, with the pink flower on its head.
'Polly wanna cracker!' it whispered, and moved back into the soil, disappearing from sight.
Spout strolled (she's too fat to waltz) to a giant Venus Flytrap plant.
'Open your mouth, so I can inspect your teeth!' she gently ordered.
The plant obeyed, and opened its mouth. Sprout leaned forward and frowned.
'That's strange,' she observed,' why are there two pencils stuck between your teeth?'
'Polly wanna kill!' sang in a singsong voice the creature behind her.
Sprout was kicked on the rump by the phoenix, and landed into the plant's mouth...
A few moments later, Snape, Flitwick and McGonagall ran into the room.
There, the Venus Flytrap was sitting lazily in its pot, with a big, fat bulge in the green stem splayed on the ground.
Suddenly, the plant gave an almighty belch, and burped out two pencils, and Professor Sprout's boots.
Author's Note: You must all be wondering, 'Where is Snape?', and I'm thinking of changing this story for all HP characters. Isn't it nutty how Sprout got eaten by one of her plants? Oh well, one more down..Please Review!