Hogwarts Vs. Evil Phoenix
Author's Note: This is the first time I write an R-rated story. I rated it R to be on the safe side. I have co-written this with my friend 'Kitty' (who isn't a member of Fanfiction.Net). This is a comedy, so don't take it seriously, because I hate many HP characters which most of you like. If you don't like deaths of Dumbledore, then leave. None of the characters belong to me only to J.K. Rowling. This story is also full of horror.
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Sirius Black woke up in his dog form, with bogies leaking out of his wet nose, of course. He wasn't away from Hogwarts, on the contrary-he was just outside the grounds.
He took the bone that was lying next to him and went on his way. He wouldn't leave with his mutton shin bone, oh no, he wasn't letting it go. He didn't for nothing chew on it for the past miserable 5 years of his life. Besides, that was the only thing that he could eat right now (he gave up on rats last year- isn't he pathetic?).
Sirius galloped down the field, and ran straight to the massive Hogwarts Doors. He ran all the way up the winding stairs, nobody noticing or paying attention to a big, dirty, hairy dog who was galloping like a drunken horse.
He barged through the Charms classroom door, and jumped on Harry, who was sitting on the first desk. It was plain luck that he jumped on Harry, because he never looked where he went. Sirius immediately began licking Harry's face with his slobbering tongue.
'Sir- I mean, Snuffles, what are you doing here?' gasped Harry, trying to take off the smelly Animagus, who didn't have a bath for 14 years, off his chest.
'Now class, today we shall do Killing Charms,' ignored Flitwick the dog,' I know that they are illegal, but I don't care. We Ravenclaws are too smart to get caught by the law, along with Slytherins. We will test them on animals, before we start on people. Now this dog looks like a fine specimen...'
'No Professor!' blurted Harry,' You can't kill this dog!'
'Why not?' asked Flitwick.
'Because he is Harry's Godfather!' burst out stupid Ron.
Harry groaned. Flitwick, meanwhile, looked confused.
'A dog..your godfather? I won't be surprised by you Gryffindors, especially you Mister Potter..' Mumbled Fliwick,' Very well, the dog may leave.'
Harry gratefully kicked Sirius out of the classroom, but idiot Sirius wanted to get back into the class. Harry stopped him and whispered in his ear.
'Don't worry,' whispered Harry,' I will meet you in the common room tonight. You know what to do, bring the Butterbeers and we get sickeningly drunk. And I advise you to take a bath-you stink man!'
With that, he left Sirius, who had a big, stupid smile on his dog face.
Sirius went around the corridors, until he bumped into McGonagall and Snape. McGonagall had been told this summer that Sirius was 'innocent' (even thought I wish he was dead), so she immediately recognised him.
'How nice to meet you Sirius!' she exclaimed happily.
Sirius was one of her favorite students, during her first teaching years. Sirius turned into his human form (finally) and still looked indifferent from his dog form. He still slobbered.
'Here is the greatest trouble maker, the pain in the behind!' groaned Snape.
Sirius immediately stopped slobbering.
'Shut up Snape!' he snapped (it's amazing how he and Ron have the same low IQ!).
Severus shook his head and went on his way, to terrorize the students in the school, except Slytherins of course.
'There were murders!' whispered McGonagall,' teachers are getting killed. Julia Sprout was last!'
Sirius just shrugged and turned into his dog form. He went on his way, which he didn't know where he should go. He roamed the corridors, and finally came up to the girl's toilets.
A nice place to eat my bone...thought Sirius as he went inside.
He sat in the middle of the bathroom, and chewed on his bone. But he didn't see, or hear, a sloshing noise coming out of one of the loos. Fawkes the phoenix put his head out of the loo and looked at Black.
'Polly hates dogs!' he whispered, before he sunk back into the toilet.
Sirius stood up from the dirty floor and looked around.
Man, I'm thirsty, he thought, and I've got to wash up for Harry.
He trotted over to the nearest lavatory. He peered inside.
The water seems clean enough...he thought.
Sirius put his head to drink and lapped the filthy water from the toilet. It was so nice..
'POLLY WANNA KILL!' screamed a voice behind him.
Sirius' bone came crashing above him, rendering the Animagus unconscious. The toilet seat soon banged on the dog's head, closing the lid. On top of the loo, Fawkes was perched proudly upon, he had a cruel gleam in his eye. He pulled the lever with his clawed foot, and the toilet was flushed.
The teachers arrived too late to the scene of the crime, for the criminal was gone. All the found was a bloody bone, and Sirius Black in his dog form, crouching at the end of the loo.
'Sirius!' screamed Harry, running over to the still form.
He pulled the toilet seat up, and took Sirius' head out of the water. The mouth was still slobbering goodness know what in massive rivers.
Author's Note: HAHA!!! Yes, I know that I'm sick, but the next chapter is worse! Review please!
Author's Note: This is the first time I write an R-rated story. I rated it R to be on the safe side. I have co-written this with my friend 'Kitty' (who isn't a member of Fanfiction.Net). This is a comedy, so don't take it seriously, because I hate many HP characters which most of you like. If you don't like deaths of Dumbledore, then leave. None of the characters belong to me only to J.K. Rowling. This story is also full of horror.
////////////////////
Sirius Black woke up in his dog form, with bogies leaking out of his wet nose, of course. He wasn't away from Hogwarts, on the contrary-he was just outside the grounds.
He took the bone that was lying next to him and went on his way. He wouldn't leave with his mutton shin bone, oh no, he wasn't letting it go. He didn't for nothing chew on it for the past miserable 5 years of his life. Besides, that was the only thing that he could eat right now (he gave up on rats last year- isn't he pathetic?).
Sirius galloped down the field, and ran straight to the massive Hogwarts Doors. He ran all the way up the winding stairs, nobody noticing or paying attention to a big, dirty, hairy dog who was galloping like a drunken horse.
He barged through the Charms classroom door, and jumped on Harry, who was sitting on the first desk. It was plain luck that he jumped on Harry, because he never looked where he went. Sirius immediately began licking Harry's face with his slobbering tongue.
'Sir- I mean, Snuffles, what are you doing here?' gasped Harry, trying to take off the smelly Animagus, who didn't have a bath for 14 years, off his chest.
'Now class, today we shall do Killing Charms,' ignored Flitwick the dog,' I know that they are illegal, but I don't care. We Ravenclaws are too smart to get caught by the law, along with Slytherins. We will test them on animals, before we start on people. Now this dog looks like a fine specimen...'
'No Professor!' blurted Harry,' You can't kill this dog!'
'Why not?' asked Flitwick.
'Because he is Harry's Godfather!' burst out stupid Ron.
Harry groaned. Flitwick, meanwhile, looked confused.
'A dog..your godfather? I won't be surprised by you Gryffindors, especially you Mister Potter..' Mumbled Fliwick,' Very well, the dog may leave.'
Harry gratefully kicked Sirius out of the classroom, but idiot Sirius wanted to get back into the class. Harry stopped him and whispered in his ear.
'Don't worry,' whispered Harry,' I will meet you in the common room tonight. You know what to do, bring the Butterbeers and we get sickeningly drunk. And I advise you to take a bath-you stink man!'
With that, he left Sirius, who had a big, stupid smile on his dog face.
Sirius went around the corridors, until he bumped into McGonagall and Snape. McGonagall had been told this summer that Sirius was 'innocent' (even thought I wish he was dead), so she immediately recognised him.
'How nice to meet you Sirius!' she exclaimed happily.
Sirius was one of her favorite students, during her first teaching years. Sirius turned into his human form (finally) and still looked indifferent from his dog form. He still slobbered.
'Here is the greatest trouble maker, the pain in the behind!' groaned Snape.
Sirius immediately stopped slobbering.
'Shut up Snape!' he snapped (it's amazing how he and Ron have the same low IQ!).
Severus shook his head and went on his way, to terrorize the students in the school, except Slytherins of course.
'There were murders!' whispered McGonagall,' teachers are getting killed. Julia Sprout was last!'
Sirius just shrugged and turned into his dog form. He went on his way, which he didn't know where he should go. He roamed the corridors, and finally came up to the girl's toilets.
A nice place to eat my bone...thought Sirius as he went inside.
He sat in the middle of the bathroom, and chewed on his bone. But he didn't see, or hear, a sloshing noise coming out of one of the loos. Fawkes the phoenix put his head out of the loo and looked at Black.
'Polly hates dogs!' he whispered, before he sunk back into the toilet.
Sirius stood up from the dirty floor and looked around.
Man, I'm thirsty, he thought, and I've got to wash up for Harry.
He trotted over to the nearest lavatory. He peered inside.
The water seems clean enough...he thought.
Sirius put his head to drink and lapped the filthy water from the toilet. It was so nice..
'POLLY WANNA KILL!' screamed a voice behind him.
Sirius' bone came crashing above him, rendering the Animagus unconscious. The toilet seat soon banged on the dog's head, closing the lid. On top of the loo, Fawkes was perched proudly upon, he had a cruel gleam in his eye. He pulled the lever with his clawed foot, and the toilet was flushed.
The teachers arrived too late to the scene of the crime, for the criminal was gone. All the found was a bloody bone, and Sirius Black in his dog form, crouching at the end of the loo.
'Sirius!' screamed Harry, running over to the still form.
He pulled the toilet seat up, and took Sirius' head out of the water. The mouth was still slobbering goodness know what in massive rivers.
Author's Note: HAHA!!! Yes, I know that I'm sick, but the next chapter is worse! Review please!