"Ami" by Desslok
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I suppose that I've always known that I was different. Maybe
that is why it was not such a shock when I learned about my
destiny. I'm certain that people assume it is because of my
brain, but I don?t think so. I've always been intelligent, but
there are lots of intelligent people in the world. Some people
seem to think that grades are like a race or a sporting contest,
but all you can ever measure yourself against is yourself. Sure,
I've gotten caught up in competition before, but mostly, I study
because I enjoy it and because I want to improve myself. Is
there anything so different in that?
The obvious question then is in what way am I different. I
haven't really given it that much thought. Usually, I am much
too busy reading or preparing for class, or spending time with my
friends. Sometimes it is hard for me to remember that spending
time with my friends is just as important as studying, but I
think that is just because studying has become a habit over the
years. It is much easier for Usagi to distract me now than it
was right after we met. I am really very grateful to her for
taking the time and effort to become my friend. She is so very
important to me now, and not simply because she is my princess.
In her own way, Usagi is much smarter than I am and has a lot to
teach me about people.
I can't imagine why I keep digressing like this. It's not like
me at all. I think that I'm different from my friends because
they are much more willing to throw themselves into whatever they
are doing. No matter how immediate the situation, there is a
part of me that must remain back to observe what is going on, so
that I can learn from it. Minako or Usagi would surely chide me
for this and tell me to 'just lighten up and enjoy the moment'
but that is not something that's easy for me to do. One must
always keep one's distance from the object being observed, after
all. I think Rei or Makoto might understand better. Rei is also
out of step with the world to some degree. I think she lives far
more of her life in the spirit world than most of us realize. Of
course, some years ago I would not even have believed in such a
thing, but enough has happened to broaden my mind on such matters
since.
Makoto, I think she would understand, too. I have done some
research on something odd that she said to me some time ago and
discovered that there are a number of connections between Jupiter
and Mercury. I have yet to ask Luna about these things, though.
I never seem to remember to do so when I have the chance. Mako
knows what it is like to be on the outside looking in. Mako
knows what it is to be all alone in a crowded room.
You understand, of course, that loneliness is not a problem for
me. I respect my mother very much for the sacrifices she has
made. She helps sick children, as I want to do someday. As long
as I have a good book to read, I am never truly alone. I wish
that Mako would read more, so that she wouldn't be lonely. She
doesn't think we notice, and maybe the others do not, but I am
very observant. I can see the pain in her eyes when we leave
her. Maybe it would help for me to spend more time there,
especially when mother has to work late. She is such a good
friend, I think my very best friend. I don't want to see her
hurting and company is always good. One should not try to
distract oneself with things like cooking or martial arts to
obscure deeper feelings of loneliness.
Mako is really a very admirable person. I have so much respect
for her. She is so strong and kind. Her cooking is simply
divine. And she is so very beautiful. I am not unhappy with my
own appearance, though truly I rarely think too much about it.
Such things are only skin deep, as they say. But, how can anyone
fail to notice the way her hair reflects the sunlight, or how the
pink bow she wears sets off her emerald eyes and adds just the
lightest sparkle to them. Her arms are so lean and strong, just
made to wrap themselves around someone and hold me tight. I am
really lucky to have her as a friend. Perhaps I can do something
nice for her to show her how I feel about her.
-----------
I suppose that I've always known that I was different. Maybe
that is why it was not such a shock when I learned about my
destiny. I'm certain that people assume it is because of my
brain, but I don?t think so. I've always been intelligent, but
there are lots of intelligent people in the world. Some people
seem to think that grades are like a race or a sporting contest,
but all you can ever measure yourself against is yourself. Sure,
I've gotten caught up in competition before, but mostly, I study
because I enjoy it and because I want to improve myself. Is
there anything so different in that?
The obvious question then is in what way am I different. I
haven't really given it that much thought. Usually, I am much
too busy reading or preparing for class, or spending time with my
friends. Sometimes it is hard for me to remember that spending
time with my friends is just as important as studying, but I
think that is just because studying has become a habit over the
years. It is much easier for Usagi to distract me now than it
was right after we met. I am really very grateful to her for
taking the time and effort to become my friend. She is so very
important to me now, and not simply because she is my princess.
In her own way, Usagi is much smarter than I am and has a lot to
teach me about people.
I can't imagine why I keep digressing like this. It's not like
me at all. I think that I'm different from my friends because
they are much more willing to throw themselves into whatever they
are doing. No matter how immediate the situation, there is a
part of me that must remain back to observe what is going on, so
that I can learn from it. Minako or Usagi would surely chide me
for this and tell me to 'just lighten up and enjoy the moment'
but that is not something that's easy for me to do. One must
always keep one's distance from the object being observed, after
all. I think Rei or Makoto might understand better. Rei is also
out of step with the world to some degree. I think she lives far
more of her life in the spirit world than most of us realize. Of
course, some years ago I would not even have believed in such a
thing, but enough has happened to broaden my mind on such matters
since.
Makoto, I think she would understand, too. I have done some
research on something odd that she said to me some time ago and
discovered that there are a number of connections between Jupiter
and Mercury. I have yet to ask Luna about these things, though.
I never seem to remember to do so when I have the chance. Mako
knows what it is like to be on the outside looking in. Mako
knows what it is to be all alone in a crowded room.
You understand, of course, that loneliness is not a problem for
me. I respect my mother very much for the sacrifices she has
made. She helps sick children, as I want to do someday. As long
as I have a good book to read, I am never truly alone. I wish
that Mako would read more, so that she wouldn't be lonely. She
doesn't think we notice, and maybe the others do not, but I am
very observant. I can see the pain in her eyes when we leave
her. Maybe it would help for me to spend more time there,
especially when mother has to work late. She is such a good
friend, I think my very best friend. I don't want to see her
hurting and company is always good. One should not try to
distract oneself with things like cooking or martial arts to
obscure deeper feelings of loneliness.
Mako is really a very admirable person. I have so much respect
for her. She is so strong and kind. Her cooking is simply
divine. And she is so very beautiful. I am not unhappy with my
own appearance, though truly I rarely think too much about it.
Such things are only skin deep, as they say. But, how can anyone
fail to notice the way her hair reflects the sunlight, or how the
pink bow she wears sets off her emerald eyes and adds just the
lightest sparkle to them. Her arms are so lean and strong, just
made to wrap themselves around someone and hold me tight. I am
really lucky to have her as a friend. Perhaps I can do something
nice for her to show her how I feel about her.