Hogwarts Vs. Evil Phoenix
Author's Note: This is the first time I write an R-rated story. I rated it R to be on the safe side. I have co-written this with my friend 'Kitty' (who isn't a member of Fanfiction.Net). This is a comedy, so don't take it seriously, because I hate many HP characters which most of you like. If you don't like deaths of Dumbledore, then leave. None of the characters belong to me only to J.K. Rowling. This story is also full of horror.
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It was a tragedy when everybody found out that Headmistress McGonagall had died. It struck the most the staff room. They were so sad, that the remaining teachers celebrated by most getting drunk of butterbeer, or even of whiskey (from McGonagall's private chambers: she kept it under her pillow, so every night she took a small nightcap, which resulted having half of the bottle drunk by morning).
Severus Snape became the next Headmaster of Hogwarts. Students began to whisper amongst themselves that Snape had on purpose killed McGonagall, which seemed close to truth. No one knew, that it was actually Fawkes the phoenix who calmly sat on his perch by day, but at night turned into a cruel, bloodthirsty bird, worse than a crow.
Only one person didn't join the party in the staff room: Sibyl Trelawney. The teachers were wondering where she was, so they sent Snape to find her. After all, he was the Headmaster and the only man in the room (Flitwick doesn't count because he's a dwarf, and Lupin was going on with his werewolf transformation, another reason to celebrate).
So Severus was kicked out of the party, and he went upstairs to the Divination Tower. He came up to her attic, and went upstairs. There was Sibyl Trelawney, bent over McGonagall's dead form on a wooden table, and was carrying a butcher knife in her hand.
'Sibyl, what are you doing?' asked Severus.
'Dissecting for divination purposes,' answered Sibyl, cutting away McGonagall's stomach.
Ah yes, looking at animal's intestines for the sake of divination. Another way to tell the future.
'But Sibyl, she's not an animal,' said Snape.
Sibyl pointed to McGonagall's tail. Apparently, McGonagall had been in the middle of her Animagi transformation, but was killed in mid process. Oh well, she's still a part cat.
'Can you leave me the brain Sibyl?'
'Why?' she asked curiously.
'I need the brain for some...experiments.' murmured Snape.
'What experiments?' Sibyl raised an eyebrow.
' The experiments for the potions on the restricted shelf...' trailed off Snape.
'Oh...alright.' Simply said Sibyl.
Snape rummaged through his pockets.
'I have something for you,' said Snape, taking the thing out.
Sibyl gasped. It was a beautiful platinum necklace, with little diamonds encrusted in it.
'It's beautiful!' she said in amazement.
Severus told her to turn around. He tied the necklace at the back of her neck so tightly, that he almost choked Sibyl to death. Nevertheless, she survived, and walked towards the mirror and examined herself.
She's so beautiful...thought Severus.
He silently came behind her, and touched her neck. She shivered. Severus walked back to the table, and looked at McGonagall's miserable dead form. Oh to the hell with it!
Severus grabbed McGonagall by the tail and pulled her body off the table, leaving a smear of blood. Well, that can be ignored.
Sibyl turned around in a snap. She was staring at Severus as if he was mad, but she also thought what the hell. Sibyl always wanted to do that to McGonagall, since the Transfiguration teacher always bullied her mercilessly every time she went downstairs to dinner. This was also one of the reasons Sibyl rarely dinned downstairs. What choice did she have against the Deputy Headmistress, while she was only a Divination teacher.
Snape growled and pulled her into his lap. She kissed him fiercely with passion, and he did so too back. Sibyl began to unbutton Severus' robes and black shirt underneath, while he unclasped her lilac dress.
Their clothes fell down into a puddle onto the floor, and Severus set her onto the table. She gasped as he kissed her throat and went down to her navel.
Sibyl put her legs around him and kissed him again. With no further ado, he entered her. The contact was so great, as they felt their souls join together as one. The pleasure rapidly rose higher and higher.
Finally, they came up to a point of extreme euphoria, where they collapsed back on the table, breathing heavily. Their moment of passion had ended.
Downstairs the teachers noisily celebrated, which ended up with Hagrid and Lupin(who returned from his transformation, morning had already come) arguing over which one of them has hairier chest and legs.
*******
But not all was peaceful as it seemed. Fawkes was looking through the window of the Gryffindor common room, where Hermione Granger was bulling Harry Potter and Ron Weasley into doing their homeworks.
Fawkes flew away into the distance. It was about time to pay a visit to Dumbledore's barber and hairdresser, 'The Cut Above'.
Author's Note: Ahhh..another chapter finished. I know that you people were expecting some great shag, but it will take some time. Those who still don't like this story, leave or I'll send mad Fawkes to get you. The Cut Above was the shop from Blow Dry movie (another movie where Rickman acts). Please review everyone!
Author's Note: This is the first time I write an R-rated story. I rated it R to be on the safe side. I have co-written this with my friend 'Kitty' (who isn't a member of Fanfiction.Net). This is a comedy, so don't take it seriously, because I hate many HP characters which most of you like. If you don't like deaths of Dumbledore, then leave. None of the characters belong to me only to J.K. Rowling. This story is also full of horror.
////////////////////
It was a tragedy when everybody found out that Headmistress McGonagall had died. It struck the most the staff room. They were so sad, that the remaining teachers celebrated by most getting drunk of butterbeer, or even of whiskey (from McGonagall's private chambers: she kept it under her pillow, so every night she took a small nightcap, which resulted having half of the bottle drunk by morning).
Severus Snape became the next Headmaster of Hogwarts. Students began to whisper amongst themselves that Snape had on purpose killed McGonagall, which seemed close to truth. No one knew, that it was actually Fawkes the phoenix who calmly sat on his perch by day, but at night turned into a cruel, bloodthirsty bird, worse than a crow.
Only one person didn't join the party in the staff room: Sibyl Trelawney. The teachers were wondering where she was, so they sent Snape to find her. After all, he was the Headmaster and the only man in the room (Flitwick doesn't count because he's a dwarf, and Lupin was going on with his werewolf transformation, another reason to celebrate).
So Severus was kicked out of the party, and he went upstairs to the Divination Tower. He came up to her attic, and went upstairs. There was Sibyl Trelawney, bent over McGonagall's dead form on a wooden table, and was carrying a butcher knife in her hand.
'Sibyl, what are you doing?' asked Severus.
'Dissecting for divination purposes,' answered Sibyl, cutting away McGonagall's stomach.
Ah yes, looking at animal's intestines for the sake of divination. Another way to tell the future.
'But Sibyl, she's not an animal,' said Snape.
Sibyl pointed to McGonagall's tail. Apparently, McGonagall had been in the middle of her Animagi transformation, but was killed in mid process. Oh well, she's still a part cat.
'Can you leave me the brain Sibyl?'
'Why?' she asked curiously.
'I need the brain for some...experiments.' murmured Snape.
'What experiments?' Sibyl raised an eyebrow.
' The experiments for the potions on the restricted shelf...' trailed off Snape.
'Oh...alright.' Simply said Sibyl.
Snape rummaged through his pockets.
'I have something for you,' said Snape, taking the thing out.
Sibyl gasped. It was a beautiful platinum necklace, with little diamonds encrusted in it.
'It's beautiful!' she said in amazement.
Severus told her to turn around. He tied the necklace at the back of her neck so tightly, that he almost choked Sibyl to death. Nevertheless, she survived, and walked towards the mirror and examined herself.
She's so beautiful...thought Severus.
He silently came behind her, and touched her neck. She shivered. Severus walked back to the table, and looked at McGonagall's miserable dead form. Oh to the hell with it!
Severus grabbed McGonagall by the tail and pulled her body off the table, leaving a smear of blood. Well, that can be ignored.
Sibyl turned around in a snap. She was staring at Severus as if he was mad, but she also thought what the hell. Sibyl always wanted to do that to McGonagall, since the Transfiguration teacher always bullied her mercilessly every time she went downstairs to dinner. This was also one of the reasons Sibyl rarely dinned downstairs. What choice did she have against the Deputy Headmistress, while she was only a Divination teacher.
Snape growled and pulled her into his lap. She kissed him fiercely with passion, and he did so too back. Sibyl began to unbutton Severus' robes and black shirt underneath, while he unclasped her lilac dress.
Their clothes fell down into a puddle onto the floor, and Severus set her onto the table. She gasped as he kissed her throat and went down to her navel.
Sibyl put her legs around him and kissed him again. With no further ado, he entered her. The contact was so great, as they felt their souls join together as one. The pleasure rapidly rose higher and higher.
Finally, they came up to a point of extreme euphoria, where they collapsed back on the table, breathing heavily. Their moment of passion had ended.
Downstairs the teachers noisily celebrated, which ended up with Hagrid and Lupin(who returned from his transformation, morning had already come) arguing over which one of them has hairier chest and legs.
*******
But not all was peaceful as it seemed. Fawkes was looking through the window of the Gryffindor common room, where Hermione Granger was bulling Harry Potter and Ron Weasley into doing their homeworks.
Fawkes flew away into the distance. It was about time to pay a visit to Dumbledore's barber and hairdresser, 'The Cut Above'.
Author's Note: Ahhh..another chapter finished. I know that you people were expecting some great shag, but it will take some time. Those who still don't like this story, leave or I'll send mad Fawkes to get you. The Cut Above was the shop from Blow Dry movie (another movie where Rickman acts). Please review everyone!