A/N: Blah, blah, GW ain't mine, shounen ai, 1+2, 3+4, implied ?+5, thanks to all those lovely lovely people who reviewed, please keep reviewing. I wuv you all (it's the espresso talking, honest). Wufei POV.
Checkmate
Chapter 5: Humiliation
I ask you. Take one stupid mission, leave the others alone for a *week* and they all go nuts. First I got back and went to talk to Maxwell, figuring the injured invalid would need cheering up, and he launched into a full investigation into my private life. Then I escaped that indignity, only to walk in on Winner and Barton committing obscene acts (kissing) and burning the chilli. And when we finally sat down to dinner, I ended up stuck between Yuy and Maxwell the lovestruck morons. Do they honestly think no-one notices the way they look at each other?
"Damn! Quat, how long were you cookin' this shit for? A week?" Maxwell wailed after swallowing half the bowl of chilli. Winner looked sheepish (i.e., more like a sheep than usual).
"Uh, I got kinda sidetracked."
"Ohhh." Maxwell nodded understandingly and glanced at Barton. "Ne, Trowa, d'you think maybe you could save it for after we've eaten next time? Q-man's the only one of us who can actually cook, so if he gets sidetracked we're all screwed."
Barton went deep crimson. "Shut up, Duo."
"Is that like phrase of the friggin' day or something?" Maxwell whined. "Doesn't anyone have anything better to do than tell me to shut up? And if that's you playing footsie, Tro, you're missing. Quat's over there."
"Shut. Up. Duo." Barton mumbled, going purple.
"See what I mean? It's like a broken friggin' record!"
"Maybe you should just shut up, Maxwell." I suggested. Maxwell looked horrified.
"What, and deprive you of my wisdom? Shit, Wu-man, I wouldn't do that to you."
"Please?"
"Nah..." Maxwell inhaled the other half of his chilli and turned to me with an evil grin. "So, Wuffy, tell us about this mystery guy."
"I never even *said* it was a guy." I growled.
"Yeah, but you hate chicks an' all, so..."
"Shut the hell up before I'm forced to break your legs."
"Oh, so I'm right then?" Maxwell grinned. "Hah, told you the Waffle had hidden depths. C'mon, who is it? You can tell us, it's good to share stuff like this and the rest of us are all open with *you*, you know if I started dating someone you guys would be the first to know... you OK, Heero?" Yuy seemed to be choking on his food. "Sheeyit, Quat, be more careful next time you're cooking! Heero coulda choked to death on this crap, not that it's affected me but I'll eat *anything*-" he broke off as Yuy launched into a second coughing fit. "Heero, just stop eating it if it makes you choke! Right, guys, I vote we just ban Trowa from the kitchen if this is the effect he has on our food. Heero could be seriously ill, maybe I should do the Heimlich."
"Maybe not." I said dryly as Yuy's choking intensified. "The last time you tried doing the Heimlich it took Barton six days to recover."
"Huh. You people just don't appreciate me."
"Nope!" I said cheerfully at the same time as Winner cried: "Of course we do!"
"You just have no soul, Fluffy."
"Fluffy?!" I squawked, outraged.
"Yep, Fluffy Wuffy."
Yuy, who had finally stopped choking, caught my shoulder just in time to stop me lunging at Maxwell. "Shut *up*, Maxwell."
And you know what the miracle was? He actually shut up. Didn't look too happy about it, mind you, but he did stop speaking. I could feel my headache disappearing.
"How'd the mission go, Wufei?" Winner asked timidly after a few minute's welcome silence. I shrugged.
"Same old, same old. Everything according to plan, got all the information we needed and then some."
"What, you mean nothing went wrong?" Barton asked incredulously. "Hell, it seems like every time one of us tries something on OZ something doesn't go by the plan. You actually did exactly what you planned?"
"...Almost. There was some... unanticipated distraction, but nothing to worry about." Out of the corner of my eye I could see Maxwell looking like he was about to explode with the effort of staying quiet. "And I don't mean distraction like you were thinking, Maxwell."
"Sounds almost too easy." Yuy muttered, frowning. "You're sure it wasn't a trap?"
"Dammit, Yuy, it was just a routine hit!" Sometimes his paranoia really pisses me off.
"Routine hits are usually the ones which go wrong. People get..." he paused and glared at Maxwell, who had opened his mouth to say something. Maxwell took one look at him and closed his mouth with a snap. "...cocky."
"Look, it went fine, OK? Nothing went wrong and I got more info than we even need. Why can't you just accept we got lucky?"
"You sure got... mmf." Yuy clamped a hand over Maxwell's mouth and gave him the full benefit of the Famous Yuy Death Glare.
"Shut up, baka. Or else." Maxwell pantomimed that he would now shut up and be angelic just like Winner, or something, and Yuy cautiously removed his hand.
"Thanks, Heero!" Maxwell squeaked happily. Yuy groaned and smacked his head on the table.
"So who wants dessert?" Winner said brightly. Maxwell grinned from ear to ear, but another Yuy Death Glare stopped him commenting.
"Just a minute." I growled. "What *is* dessert? If you've made as much of a cock-up of that as you did of dinner, I think I'll pass."
"It's ice cream."
Not even Quatre Winner, Blond Extraordinaire, can screw up ice cream. "OK." Winner disappeared into the kitchen and reappeared seconds later clutching a huge tub of ice cream, five spoons and five bowls. Before he could put any of it down Yuy was on his feet, snatching the ice cream from his hands.
"Gee, Heero, I know you like ice cream, but there are four other people here." Winner sounded shocked.
"Winner -" Yuy's voice had dropped by several hundred degrees. "Why the hell did you get avocado and banana ice cream?"
Winner blushed. "Um..."
"Bet I can guess." I drawled. "Did Barton possibly go shopping with you?"
"*Cough, cough* Eh, possibly."
Maxwell leapt up, scandalised. "You mean you... in a *store*?? You *have* to be kidding, geez, and I thought *I* was... what the hell did the other customers think? Eew... did you get kicked out? I don't think I'll ever go to *that* store again. To think *you* and *Trowa*... urgh... can't you two, like, hold it in for *ten minutes*?" He paused, presumably for breath, and looked round to see the rest of us looking at him with various degrees of horror, embarrassment, disbelief and of course the Yuy Death Glare (again). "What?"
After a brief moment of horrified silence, Yuy darted forward and grabbed Maxwell's wrist. "I think I'll pass on the ice cream. Maxwell and I have to have a discussion on the subject of what not to talk loudly about at mealtimes."
"Anything at all?" I guessed. Yuy half-smirked.
"Close."
~TBC
Checkmate
Chapter 5: Humiliation
I ask you. Take one stupid mission, leave the others alone for a *week* and they all go nuts. First I got back and went to talk to Maxwell, figuring the injured invalid would need cheering up, and he launched into a full investigation into my private life. Then I escaped that indignity, only to walk in on Winner and Barton committing obscene acts (kissing) and burning the chilli. And when we finally sat down to dinner, I ended up stuck between Yuy and Maxwell the lovestruck morons. Do they honestly think no-one notices the way they look at each other?
"Damn! Quat, how long were you cookin' this shit for? A week?" Maxwell wailed after swallowing half the bowl of chilli. Winner looked sheepish (i.e., more like a sheep than usual).
"Uh, I got kinda sidetracked."
"Ohhh." Maxwell nodded understandingly and glanced at Barton. "Ne, Trowa, d'you think maybe you could save it for after we've eaten next time? Q-man's the only one of us who can actually cook, so if he gets sidetracked we're all screwed."
Barton went deep crimson. "Shut up, Duo."
"Is that like phrase of the friggin' day or something?" Maxwell whined. "Doesn't anyone have anything better to do than tell me to shut up? And if that's you playing footsie, Tro, you're missing. Quat's over there."
"Shut. Up. Duo." Barton mumbled, going purple.
"See what I mean? It's like a broken friggin' record!"
"Maybe you should just shut up, Maxwell." I suggested. Maxwell looked horrified.
"What, and deprive you of my wisdom? Shit, Wu-man, I wouldn't do that to you."
"Please?"
"Nah..." Maxwell inhaled the other half of his chilli and turned to me with an evil grin. "So, Wuffy, tell us about this mystery guy."
"I never even *said* it was a guy." I growled.
"Yeah, but you hate chicks an' all, so..."
"Shut the hell up before I'm forced to break your legs."
"Oh, so I'm right then?" Maxwell grinned. "Hah, told you the Waffle had hidden depths. C'mon, who is it? You can tell us, it's good to share stuff like this and the rest of us are all open with *you*, you know if I started dating someone you guys would be the first to know... you OK, Heero?" Yuy seemed to be choking on his food. "Sheeyit, Quat, be more careful next time you're cooking! Heero coulda choked to death on this crap, not that it's affected me but I'll eat *anything*-" he broke off as Yuy launched into a second coughing fit. "Heero, just stop eating it if it makes you choke! Right, guys, I vote we just ban Trowa from the kitchen if this is the effect he has on our food. Heero could be seriously ill, maybe I should do the Heimlich."
"Maybe not." I said dryly as Yuy's choking intensified. "The last time you tried doing the Heimlich it took Barton six days to recover."
"Huh. You people just don't appreciate me."
"Nope!" I said cheerfully at the same time as Winner cried: "Of course we do!"
"You just have no soul, Fluffy."
"Fluffy?!" I squawked, outraged.
"Yep, Fluffy Wuffy."
Yuy, who had finally stopped choking, caught my shoulder just in time to stop me lunging at Maxwell. "Shut *up*, Maxwell."
And you know what the miracle was? He actually shut up. Didn't look too happy about it, mind you, but he did stop speaking. I could feel my headache disappearing.
"How'd the mission go, Wufei?" Winner asked timidly after a few minute's welcome silence. I shrugged.
"Same old, same old. Everything according to plan, got all the information we needed and then some."
"What, you mean nothing went wrong?" Barton asked incredulously. "Hell, it seems like every time one of us tries something on OZ something doesn't go by the plan. You actually did exactly what you planned?"
"...Almost. There was some... unanticipated distraction, but nothing to worry about." Out of the corner of my eye I could see Maxwell looking like he was about to explode with the effort of staying quiet. "And I don't mean distraction like you were thinking, Maxwell."
"Sounds almost too easy." Yuy muttered, frowning. "You're sure it wasn't a trap?"
"Dammit, Yuy, it was just a routine hit!" Sometimes his paranoia really pisses me off.
"Routine hits are usually the ones which go wrong. People get..." he paused and glared at Maxwell, who had opened his mouth to say something. Maxwell took one look at him and closed his mouth with a snap. "...cocky."
"Look, it went fine, OK? Nothing went wrong and I got more info than we even need. Why can't you just accept we got lucky?"
"You sure got... mmf." Yuy clamped a hand over Maxwell's mouth and gave him the full benefit of the Famous Yuy Death Glare.
"Shut up, baka. Or else." Maxwell pantomimed that he would now shut up and be angelic just like Winner, or something, and Yuy cautiously removed his hand.
"Thanks, Heero!" Maxwell squeaked happily. Yuy groaned and smacked his head on the table.
"So who wants dessert?" Winner said brightly. Maxwell grinned from ear to ear, but another Yuy Death Glare stopped him commenting.
"Just a minute." I growled. "What *is* dessert? If you've made as much of a cock-up of that as you did of dinner, I think I'll pass."
"It's ice cream."
Not even Quatre Winner, Blond Extraordinaire, can screw up ice cream. "OK." Winner disappeared into the kitchen and reappeared seconds later clutching a huge tub of ice cream, five spoons and five bowls. Before he could put any of it down Yuy was on his feet, snatching the ice cream from his hands.
"Gee, Heero, I know you like ice cream, but there are four other people here." Winner sounded shocked.
"Winner -" Yuy's voice had dropped by several hundred degrees. "Why the hell did you get avocado and banana ice cream?"
Winner blushed. "Um..."
"Bet I can guess." I drawled. "Did Barton possibly go shopping with you?"
"*Cough, cough* Eh, possibly."
Maxwell leapt up, scandalised. "You mean you... in a *store*?? You *have* to be kidding, geez, and I thought *I* was... what the hell did the other customers think? Eew... did you get kicked out? I don't think I'll ever go to *that* store again. To think *you* and *Trowa*... urgh... can't you two, like, hold it in for *ten minutes*?" He paused, presumably for breath, and looked round to see the rest of us looking at him with various degrees of horror, embarrassment, disbelief and of course the Yuy Death Glare (again). "What?"
After a brief moment of horrified silence, Yuy darted forward and grabbed Maxwell's wrist. "I think I'll pass on the ice cream. Maxwell and I have to have a discussion on the subject of what not to talk loudly about at mealtimes."
"Anything at all?" I guessed. Yuy half-smirked.
"Close."
~TBC