Disclaimer:  I think we all know by now that I don't own them.

AN: Thank you for your patience with me.  I finally got around to typing an ending to this story.  I hope that you all like it.  Please review…I need the reviews they give me incentive.  And I was wondering if anyone might be interested to become a Beta reader for me ^_^…I need help with the English …(it's not my first language).  I wrote this while listening to the Buffy and Angel Theme song L it made me cry…Anyway I am sure you don't want me to keep ranting so enjoy

Forever

This feels strange.  I feel so warm and comfy.  I have a weight on my chest.  Maybe Dawn had a nightmare and came in my room for comfort.  I let out a sigh of contentment.  I haven't felt like this for years.  The weight shifts position and mumbles something. I open my eyes. I hear a whimper but it's not from me but from the brown mane on me.  I bring my arm up and gently stroke his hair. I look around. I am not in my room.  I am with Angel. I came here earlier and he was hurting. He is sleeping now.  I don't want to wake him up for the world.  I didn't mean to stay but I could not leave him.  Not when he was hurting.  Not that I have ever been able to leave him before.

            I look at the crib at the foot of the bed where we are laying.  Different thoughts are running through my mind. I wish I could think about everything. But it's impossible, he is still clutching to me.  I am afraid that if I move I will wake him up. At least I am comfortable.

 He lost his son.  It is still hard for me to grasp.  Angel had a baby boy.  I can't help the little pang in my heart.  It wasn't with me, but that is not important.  He told me the whole story between sobs.  Wesley betraying him, Connor disappearing in another dimension, him summoning a demon name Sajhan.  And that demon telling him that he Connor was gone forever.  He told me that there was no way of opening another portal to the dimension to that world without destroying the world. I was taken aback when he told me that he had tried to kill Wesley because he'd given his son to his enemy.  I couldn't believe what he had gone through.

 I took it all in without a word sobbing as much as he was.  Nothing I would have said would have made the pain go away.  And that is what I wish I could do. Make him feel better by taking his pain. I wish I could take his heart and shield it with mine.  I smile at myself.  He told me that once.  I hug him tighter as the thought crosses my mind.  He mumbles something and pulls me even closer to him.  We are at eye level now.  He's eyes are still close.  He looks so tired. Beaten.  It must be hard to loose a child.  It hurts me to see him like this. He has always been strong, now he is a shell. A broken shell.  I hope that I am not too broken myself to help him.

I had called him because I was in trouble; I was spiraling into a dark place.  Now I think my problems in Sunnydale are trivial compare to his.  My friends have not betrayed me, and my sister is alive and kicking.  So they snatch me away from heaven? So I felt like life was not worth living.  Than I look at this man sleeping next to me and I think that I could die a thousand times if it meant that I could shield him from pain, that I could take away all the hurt from him.  I close my eyes and wish for it.  God, please let him get through this, please give me the strength to help him.

When I open my eyes, chocolate eyes are staring back at me.  His eyes are so sad and anguished.  I reach for his face. 

"Buffy?" he ask.  I touch him and pull his face closer to mine till our foreheads are touching, till our breaths are mingling. 

" Thank you." He says with an attempt of a smile.  My heart skips a beat.  Why is he thanking me?  I have not done anything yet.  I guess it's written all over my face because he adds. " For being here, for holding me, listening and not telling me everything will be all right."

            "Angel…" I start.  I still don't know what to say.  I should though.  People had told me so many things when my mom had died.  Had they help? I run through my mind but nothing meaningful pops up. " I'll stay here with you as long as you need me, we'll get threw this."

A flash of pain appears on his face.  Maybe I should have not said that.  " How does Forever sounds to you." He replies.  That is what I told him when he came for my mom's funeral. I lean in and kiss him gently.  I hope he understand my answer.  I am forever with him.  He kisses me back and an embrace that had meant to be gentle begins to heat up.  He pulls me even closer than we were. I can feel his need for me and I can't deny the need I have of him.  I bury my hands in his hair.

            "Buffy" he whispers in my ear, huskily.  My heart beats even faster if that is possible.  Nobody can say my name the way he does.  I know that we should stop but I don't want to.  I don't want to take this comfort away from him.  Or maybe I don't want to for selfish reasons.  I once told him that when he kissed me I wanted to die.  Not anymore.  Him kissing me now, in his pain and sorrow makes me want to live.  Yes I want to live so that I could get his son back to him, and to see him smile again.  I want to live so that I can protect him. 

      "Angel" I mumble between kisses.  He leaves my mouth now and is kissing my neck. His tongue is flickering on the mark he gave me.  I arch under the caress bringing the scar even closer to his lips.  I hear him moan. I can't help the smile that stretches my lips when I hear his reaction.  I love this vampire.  No.  I love this man.  To me that is what he is.  He moves so that I am pin under him.  I can't help the slight grinding of my hips as his make contact with mine.  Buffy you are getting into dangerous territory here.  You know that pretty soon you won't be able to stop.  I hate that annoying voice in my head.  I know how to quiet it.  I capture Angel lips with mine and my world shatters into a million pieces.  I pour all of me in that kiss. My strength, my love, my pain, everything that make me who I am, I give it to him.  I always think of Angel as my champion.  I want to be his this time.

      I break this kiss to come out for hear.  He is looking at me.  We are thinking the same thing that we want to drown ourselves in one another. Take comfort in each other so that the pain could go away.  I pull him to me and put his head on my chest.  We won't.  We'll hold each other instead and who knows maybe we might talk.

      " I need to get up" Says Angel after a while. I look down at him my eyes glazed over.  I had started to doze off.  I hadn't had a good night sleep for a while. He is studying me now.  " Are you hungry?" I smile at him.  Even in his pain he thinks of others.  He doesn't wait for an answer and gets up. He runs his fingers through his tousled hair and yawns.  I wonder what time it is.  I look at my watch and notice that the day is almost over.  My eyes follow every movement he makes.  When he disappears out the door I get out of the bed and head to the bathroom.

      The girl that looks back at me in the mirror looks like a ghost.  One with a bad hairdo anyway and wrinkled clothes.  I walk back in the room and pick up my bag.  I decide to take a shower.  A cold one.

*    *    *

       A few minutes later I come out of the bathroom all refreshed.  Angel is sitting on his bed.  He has changed clothes and looks a little refresh.  He is drinking something from a mug and next to him there is a tray with a sandwich and a glass of what looks like milk.  I sit next to him and take a bite at the sandwich and a sip of my drink.  It is milk.  He doesn't say anything to me.  I notice that he is staring at the crib as if he can will the child that slept there to reappear.  I let out a sigh and he looks at me.  The sadness is still there but it has lessened.  I cover his hand with mine and squeeze it gently. 

      " Do you like your food?" He asks.  I blush.  I had taken a few bites at the sandwich and put it aside.  I haven't been that hungry lately.  " What about you?" I say not wanting to tell him that. He shows me the mug that he was holding earlier.  He did eat.  That is a good thing.  When my mom had died it had taken me a while before I had been able to eat.

      "So?" I want to say something. Anything.  He gets up and picks up the blanket and the little bear that was on the floor.  I feel a knot tighten in my throat.  I wish I had met that little baby.   That boy that must have looked so much like his father.  Did he? I look around to see if there is a picture of the baby.  But I don't see any.  I get up and I stand right behind Angel.  I put my hand on his shoulder.  His hand covers mine for a little while.  Than he turns around and using my hand he pulls me in his arms. I feel him bury his face in my hair and inhale.

      "Tell me about Connor." I ask. I feel him stiffen.  Maybe it's too soon for him to talk about him.  I don't know how long it's been since he lost him.  I run a hand down his back soothing him.  He relaxes under my caresses.

      " He was my little miracle.  I never thought that something like that could ever happen to me." He starts.  I close my eyes trying to put images to what he is talking about. Images of him changing diapers and making bottles run through my head.  I smile to myself wishing I had been there.  He tells me about his first trip to the doctors.  The more he talks, the more I get to know about this little boy that was taken away from him.  When he is done I feel like we have been standing in each other's arms for ages.

      "I wish you had gotten the chance to meet him, you would love him," he mumbles startling from my thoughts. I squeeze him tight and take in his scent.

       " I know I would, because he is a part of you." I look up at him.

      " I can't believe he is gone," he whispers. The hurt in his voice break my heart.  I stretch and place a gentle kiss on his lips. He kisses me back with ardor.  I let out a moan as I feel his hand intertwine in my hair.  He gently tugs at my hair bringing my head further back.  I part my lips letting him in me.  I let my hand run over his chest, his back, his shoulder than I plunge them in his hair keeping our lips locked in this passionate and healing kiss.

      "OH MY GOD!"

      Both Angel and I are startled when we hear that and let go of each other in haste.  We look at the next room.  Cordelia, flanked with four people I don't recognize are standing there.  They all have their mouth open looking at us.  Cordelia has a package in her hand. She drops it. She looks at me for a little while.  I am half expecting a sarcastic remark about my attire, jeans and T-shirt, but she doesn't say anything.  Her eyes go back to Angel. Her eyes are full of sorrow.  I guess she heard about Connor. I think she looks different to me and I wonder what has changed.  Than I notice her hair.  She is blond.  I prefer her brunette. 

      " Angel?" She says and walks towards him. " Buffy" she lets out coldly as she steps in front of me.  From the look she gives me I know that she doesn't want me here.  I don't blame her.  Why should I be here, I didn't even know that the baby existed till a few hours ago.  While she must have helped him taken care for that child. To her it was as if she had lost her own child too. She throws her arms around him. He doesn't react at the beginning than returns the hug.  He is looking at me though.  I pick up my bag. And excuse myself.  I can hear Cordelia sobbing as I leave.  The strangers are following me leaving their friends to help each other in their time of grief. 

      " So you are Buffy," says a very tall black man.  I smile at him. "My name is Gunn.  Charles Gunn.  And this is Fred." He points to a frail brunette at his side. "Lorne" Pointing at a green man with horns and the brightest outfit I had ever seen.  Lorne seems to be studying me, which makes me feel a little uncomfortable. He seems to notice that and gives me a reassuring smile; well I think it is because it looks more like a grimace than anything else.  "This is Groo," adds Gunn, pointing at the last one in the group.  He is gorgeous.  He reminds me a bit of Angel for some reason.  He keeps staring at the door with longing. I wonder why? He must be with Cordelia.  I shake their hands in haste a little embarrassed by what they had witnessed.  As much as it's nice to meet them, I feel like I have overstayed my welcome. They look like nice people.  I say my goodbyes and head outside to where I had park the car.

      I stand by the car for a little while.  I look back at the entrance of the Hotel. I wish I didn't have to leave.  I wish I could have stayed and make sure that Angel would get better. But I know that he will be okay.  Cordelia, Gunn, Fred, Lorne and Groo will help him through this.  I have to go home. No. To Sunnydale.  My home is where my heart is.  And I know that mine is with Angel. 

      As I ready to open the door, I feel a familiar pull. I turn around and I find myself in Angel's arms. 

      "Buffy…"

      "Angel…" I whisper back at him.

      "I love you," he whispers in my hair. " …Thank you…" I lift my head and put one finger on his lips. He doesn't need to say more I hold him tighter. I love him too.  I came here for him and for me. So he could save my soul. I ended up helping him with his grief, which saved my soul. I want to tell him that.  Tell him that he makes me want to live, that being with him is heaven.  I want to tell him that everything will be fine.  That he will get his son back and that we will be happy ever after.  I don't. But someday I will.

      " I have to go," I say instead. He nods and lets me go.  I get in the car and start it.  I look at him as he crosses the street. And I pull away from the sidewalk. Sunnydale, here I come.  I can feel his eyes follow me.  I couldn't stay forever this time but I know that one day we will. I am going to live for that.  I will live so that Angel and I can have our forever. All I had to do was live.

The End

AN: Okay so they don't end up together… I promise to write a story where they end up together forever….  I hope you enjoyed …Thank you to those of you who have reviewed my story.  I know I need to work on my punctuation, my grammar and tons of other things.  Thanks for sticking with me till the end and thanks for the nice things that everyone said. J