The Notes
I was sleeping soundly in Pouci's silly rocking chair, having gotten tired of my friends giggling over Tugger back at the oven. Since I'd become a queen I lived with the others my age, but I felt different, separated from them.
Sure, I used to think the Tugger was pretty hot stuff; we all did. But I was a kitten then and now I was a queen. You'd think that, being a queen, I'd just get it worse, start thinking about the things that could happen between a tom and his mate.
No, I was rather empty when it came to the Tugger now, whenever he caught my eyes I ended up sighing and turning away these days. It really wasn't much of a loss to my way of thinking.
Someone else should have taken up the space he vacated though, shouldn't they? Shouldn't I start sizing up the toms and deciding whom I really liked? I didn't like to think about it though, I hardly paid any attention to anyone, just my queen-friends and sole tom-friend; Mistoffelees.
Unable to get into a comfortable position I abandoned the chair, slinking down the junk piles to the small drainpipe. Now, the drainpipe was undisputedly Misto's domain, but he told me that I could stay there whenever I wanted, even if he wasn't around. He wasn't today, which was rather disappointing considering he was the only one I could talk to without fearing a random gushing of Tugger compliments.
I couldn't sleep here either. Damn! It was so comfortable and warm in here, but I just didn't feel sleepy anymore. I hate that feeling, you want to sleep, feel tired but you just can't let drowsiness take over, just can't sleep!
I went for a walk by myself, hoping to find something to do. I was so empty inside all the time now; I was some sort of non-entity... I was just a mind with no heart. Why couldn't I find anyone? My father, Munkustrap, just got lifebonded again to Demeter. I was somewhat happy to see him in love again after the way he'd mourned my mother's passing. Demeter really wanted to be supportive of me, she new she couldn't replace my mum but she wanted to be there.
I tried to talk to her but I found myself reluctant to open up, I didn't want to worry her… Well there was Plato, I thought I'd fall for the guy but discovered my romantic ideals quite far from reality. The loss of innocence ceremony had been just that, a ceremony and nothing more.
He waved to me and I flashed him a half-hearted smile. What the…? I had come back to the oven and sitting just to the left of the door was a folded piece of paper. Very elegantly folded I must say, the crease perfect as though calculated by an exacting hand. To intrigue me further on the front of this in a flourished swooping, circling gold-inked hand was my name: Victoria.
I picked up the paper, it feeling odd beneath my fingertips. Carefully unfolding it I let my eyes wander over the page, it looked like something out of a medieval human Bible. With its loops and illustrated letters, the margin was decorated by an exquisite line drawing of a rose with some sort of jeweled bracelet wound about its stem.
Feeling suddenly as though eyes were all around me, watching me, wanting to steal this precious treasure away I slid the letter into my collar and ran with it, as far as I could get from any living soul.
I sat down in a sort of cave constructed from junk; no one ever came here because there were humans here sometimes. There wouldn't be today, I kept track, no one came on the first day in a cycle of seven. Pulling my little secret out again I held my breath as I opened it and began to read.
Sweetest Victoria, it began,
I wonder do you see me,
When I am captivated by you.
I ponder if you know me,
When I dream all night of you.
Do you feel me here beside you?
For I am always there,
I am always there to guide you,
And protect you if I dare.
The queen with the angel's face,
Sweetest song,
And the most lithe grace.
Do you hear me when I sing?
If you do, know that I only sing for you.
Your laugh is like a thousand bells,
Heard whispering over snow.
Like your coat, your soul is pure
Of that, I cannot be unsure.
As I sit here, to write these words,
I wonder if you'll ever know.
That every time I see your face,
My heart swirls like newly falling snow.
Beauty, sweet beauty
Is personified in you.
How you curse me with your charms,
How you slay my doubts.
How can I doubt it?
I cannot,
I love you.
Though you love me not.
If you object to my outpouring of soul,
Leave this where I do,
And I will know that it is wrong to hope.
Yours Ever
A Tom in Love.
I held the letter against my breast, a single tear rolling down my cheek as I did so. This is what I had been waiting for, something to bring me to life again, something wonderful and spectacular that was fantastic enough to have never happened to anyone I knew. And here it was, enraptured by the poetic verse of the love-letter I sincerely doubted it was really for me.
It was so hard to believe that someone intelligent and sensitive enough to write this way could possibly pine away for simple little me. Really, I knew there could be no mistake, no two cats shared the same name and it was irrevocably addressed to me.
First, I suspected my friends, trying either to make me feel better or torture me. But my friends couldn't have written something so beautiful! Besides, I had only two friends who knew how to write!
It was a perplexing mystery to me, how someone could care so much and never be noticed by me in my constant searches to feel something. For now, I would let it be.
That day when I returned home I was glowing and completely transformed into my old self, since deciding that if I was wont to know who loved me someday I would, I was overcome by a happiness that had deserted me some weeks ago.
"Vici!" Electra exclaimed, seeing me, "You look so wonderful, what happened to you?" her loud, cheery voice brought Jemima, Rumpelteazer and Etcetera out from the oven to investigate the rumpus.
"I got a present form a tom." I said cryptically, thoroughly enjoying myself,
"A tom?" Etcetera squealed, "Who, I bet it was Tumbles, he was looking at you funny yesterday!" Rumple pushed Etcetera,
"Nah! Oi know 'oo it tis! I dinna thoink that 'e'd givera present, but Oi know'd it were 'im!"
"Oh yes Teazer? Who is it then?" I asked, amused
"Tis Plato, anibody ken see that!" I shook my head reveling in the looks on their faces,
"Maybe it is, I don't know."
"Whatta ye mean ye dinna know!?" Rumple demanded, taking a step toward me,
"It's a secret letter." They all gasped and looked at each other with devious smiles on their faces,
"Let's see it!" Jemima commanded in a foreword manner not typical of her. I ribbed the paper of the letter between my thumb and forefinger behind my back, contemplating if the tom that sent it would want its contents shared.
"No, I don't think it's right or fair. Suffice to say it's very beautiful and romantic." I decided. They pleaded but I stood stonily by my decision not to let them read it. I didn't leave the letter with my things that night, I was a tad cleverer than that!
I slid it into the rags that were my pillow when no one was watching and made certain to sleep with my head directly over the spot where it lay.