Evidence…
I slid the letter into my collar and stood, hurriedly wiping at the tears that formed in my eyes and rolled down my cheeks unrulingly. I sneaked off the tire hoping not to meet anyone and be forced to explain myself. Unfortunately for me, luck was not with me…
Rumpelteazer popped up out of nowhere and pulled a face when she saw my tears. I gestured toward the letter, and she nodded in sudden understanding. Grinning at me she burst into a long string of uninterrupted talk that was difficult to follow,
"Oi fink Oi've found yer mystree tom. We were all sittin' 'round ther plaice moindin' 'er own businesses when 'oo shood bound oop save Pouci! 'E says to me, 'Have yea soin Vici?' and Oi says ta 'im, 'Nah, na soince dis mornin'.' An' 'e mut'ers an' waves 'is per a' me. Well, Oi cood swar on me life dat 'e 'ad gold ink on 'is par!" she sucked in a deep breath as she finished the tale and grinned at me expectantly.
"Poucival cannot write." She frowned then a devious look came over her pretty features and she crouched in a suspicious attitude.
"Yea, nay marry 'e dinna wroite 'em, 'e wood know 'oo did. See, 'e musta bothered 'im when 'e were wroiting, played woith ther ink!" It dawned on me in the same way a hammer hitting a plate of sheet metal dawns on the sheet metal, that Rumpels was quite possibly right.
"What are we waiting for then! Come on!" I motioned for her to precede me to wherever Pouci was hiding himself, presumably the rocking chair, as it was his favorite haunt. She lead the way back into the main clearing of the rubbish dump and pointed up to Pouci's occupied chair with a malevolent grin on her face.
Before we could take another step Bomba appeared in front of us in a single fluid movement.
"Where you going baby?" she asked, I opened my mouth to speak but was never given the chance, "To interrogate Poucival about the gold ink on his paw?" I mouthed at her like a fish out of water. Then turned to glare at Rumpel, who shrugged,
"I know who your admirer is Vici, but I'm not going to tell you and neither is Pouci if he knows what's good for him." She continued undaunted,
"But, I, why?" I stuttered with difficulty,
"A while ago you told me you'd been feeling empty since the ball." Bomba pressed on with purpose, her intense; electric green eyes boring down from her classically beautiful face. Her tall frame made her imposing and I suddenly felt very cornered.
"Yes, you're the only one I told." I licked my lips nervously,
"I've been thinking about it baby, did you ever suppose that when your eyes were opened to the world and toms that your heart realized you were in love when your head didn't?" I must have looked like I'd been struck because her expression softened and she cooed, "Maybe you were empty because most of you knew you were in love and pined away while the rest of you couldn't fathom the problem."
"Fathom?" Rumpel echoed,
"Great word huh?" Bomba winked,
"What are you talking about Bomb? I…" I shook my head in effort to clear it, but the world was just as blurry as ever,
"I'm talking about Misto." I froze, my whole body tensing involuntarily,
"What?" I squeaked,
"The mature little kitten Victoria has known him all her life, but have you ever spared him a queen's glance?" Bomba crouched to look me in the eye, her juicy red lips complimented by the human lipstick she wore formed a compassionate smile, "Have you?" she persisted.
"I…I don't know what you mean." I insisted in staring intently at the ground as though some epic story was taking place between my toes.
"Go look at him sweetie, just look. Don't remember, don't think, just look. Your heart will tell you." Bomba's long arms were around me in a quick embrace and then her warm presence was abruptly gone.
"Wot de yea fink Boomb was talkin' abut?" Rumpel asked contemplatively,
"Blessed if I know, lets go back to the oven." I tired to shake the feeling of foreboding that grew in weight atop my shoulders like a plague.
"Perhips yea shood go fer a walk, mebee yer foil bet'er."
"I think I will."
"Be back 'fore moonrise, is 'er gossip noight." She giggled her signature giggle and bounded off toward the oven. I took a deep steadying breath and headed in the opposite direction where the sounds of play drifted over the piles of rubbish.
Later that evening we all sat in a circle in the oven, that is: Electra, Rumpelteazer, Etcetera, Jemima and myself. On gossip night we told each other what upset us, what toms we liked, who was going with whom and the like, things of which new queens are wont to talk.
I was quite lost in thought as the group of queens giggled over news of Pouci and Bomba being an item in some respect. I had taken Bomba's advice, at first it was quite by accident.
As I neared the group of kittens playing, I saw that they were two toms talking near them, Misto and Asparagus. The words that Bomba has said only moments before replayed in my head, what had I to lose by trying to do what she told me?
I shook my head to rid myself of memories and preconceptions, Misto turned around and it was like a moment frozen in time, I just looked at him, really looked without thinking of him as the warm friend who had always been there. I looked to find out how I really saw him.
He was pleasant to look upon, no argument there, his chin was just prominent enough to be pleasing but rounded to a sweet appearance. His whole face was smoothly shapen and well curved, making him look young and innocent. The line of his nose was soft, not angular like my own and the base more flat. Beneath that his lips were exquisite, the bottom overfull as it was looked soft and inviting, beautifully shapen was the much thinner top forming a very kissable whole.
Not liking the thoughts this brought I hurriedly raised my glance to his eyes, a vast mistake of infinite proportions. Two never-ending spirals of brown and gold that swirled in their dark pools set by accentuating eyelashes that just brought your gaze to the center without attracting any attention to themselves. They were eyes that were always ready to fill with wonder or love and always adored.
His head fur was the only fur that was purely ebony black; save of course the white tufts atop his ears. Ears which I knew to be far more sensitive then most.
His body, true it was small even for a Jellicle, was elegantly formed, lean and athletic. He had not a scrap of fat on him and every muscle could easily be seen, though softened by his fur, the effect was very impressive and made me feel an odd sensation that at the time I had only felt once before when Plato put his paws on me.
Now, since he wasn't magicing anything his right paw was white along with both of the lower parts of his legs. But as always, his eyes and the fluffy white fur of his bib sparkled slightly with unseen power.
I don't know how I did it, but I saw him as a queen would see him for the first time in my life and immediately decided he was the most attractive tom I could ever hope to see. Bomba was right, I loved him, and I'd always loved him.
I was in real trouble now.
Etcetera now dubbed it time to reveal our crushes, I moaned inwardly,
"Mine's" –giggle- "Tugger!" –giggle-. The communal sigh that filled the oven only caused her to laugh harder.
"Oi dun fink dat Oi even noed ta soi. But 'ere 'tis anywoy, Mungojerrie." Everyone yelled 'duh' and burst into giggles all over again.
"Well…" Electra began shyly, "I finally have one…I've such a crush on Misto."
"You can't!" I shouted before I had a chance to stop myself, they stared at me blankly, "I mean…I never expected…I…." Deciding to let it slide as surprise the troupe set to giggling again. Jemima suddenly seemed to remember something,
"Weren't you two… 'Together' at the ball?"
"Yep!" Electra giggled again,
"What was it like?" I asked in spite of myself, swiftly giving myself a mental kick for not having self-control.
"I can't describe it…but…it was incredible." Not known for her skills in description and story telling it must have been pretty memorable to get even that from Electra.
"So who do you like?" Etcetera turned on me,
"Me? No one." Bast I hated being such a terrible liar!
"Really?" Jemima asked, "We trust you with our secrets Vici."
"It's different for me! You're just talking about stupid crushes, except Rumpel!" I thundered unable again to smother my voice.
"Oh yeah, and what are you talking about?" she demanded angrily,
"Nothing… Leave me alone." I slammed the door open and staked off into the night more confused then I'd been since the time I'd asked Misto to explain how his magic worked to me. I heard paper flapping in the wind and realized it was the letter still stuck in my collar. I pulled it out, smoothing it with my paws.
"What are you doing Vici?" a cheerful, male voice asked behind me, Poucival, just the tom I wanted to see.
"Nothing much, c'mere I want to talk to you."
* * *
A week had passed; my friends forgave me although I still wouldn't tell them what was bothering me in the first place. Nothing was resolved, I talked to Bomba but all of her sound advice fell on deaf ears, she wanted me to tell him and I couldn't do that. If I did, nothing would ever be the same again; I'd ruin my own life.
I pawed at the ground miserably; I hadn't even gotten any more letters when I was in such desperate need of their poetic praise. I could no longer spare any sympathy for the tom that was so in love with me even though I knew how he felt, my life was too much for me without worrying about some one else's.
Etcetera suddenly appeared in the clearing and bounded up to me, sitting down with all the grace of a ton of bricks when she was beside me.
"Did you hear?" she asked me in somewhat of a melancholy,
"Hear what?" I replied irritably, still suspecting Poucival's innocence despite all his protests and his alibi.
"About Misto and Electra." She elaborated glumly,
"Misto an-." I echoed hollowly, swallowing heavily around an odd sort of lump that formed in my throat.
"Yeah." Electra herself offered, joining us.
"What…uh…?" I felt like I was going to be ill and didn't know why; the uniquely patterned queen heaved a sigh.
"I kissed him." She said.
"And?" I managed in a strangled voice that seemed to baffle me more then them,
"And when it ended, when he ended it he looked at me. His eyes were shinning with love, love that was not for me." I restrained a cry of joy even as tears rolled down Electra's cheeks, "He said he was sorry but he-." She tried to control herself but failed, "didn't love me…" the last barely audible whisper made the other queens throw arms around her in support.
But I just sat there; back on my haunches completely dumfounded by my own emotions. Electra sobbed into Rumpel's shoulder,
"I told him I loved him…he said he knew…" Etcetera rubbed her back and made soothing noises. Jemima tapped me and gestured for me to follow her to a ridge away from all the other cats.
"Whom do you think she meant, that Misto loves?" she asked, staring up at the stars. I hugged myself against the cold next to her and shivered,
"I don't know." Jemima let her eyes drop, then gazed at me with a piercing intensity,
"You're his best friend, you mean everything to him. I think you should know, in fact I think he's already told you."
"No." she narrowed her eyes at me then looked back up at the swiftly darkening night sky,
"Somehow he had to have told you… You're just not seeing it. There's nothing that that tom can keep from you Vici, nothing."
"I don't now Jemi, it's probably Tantomile!" I shouted shortly,
"Do you honestly believe that?" her freakish calm disturbed me, as if she knew something I didn't,
"No." I muttered miserably.
"You have to tell him." Damn it!
"What about the tom who writes to me?" I countered, "No thoughts of him?"
"You don't even know who that is! It's more important to tell Misto, your heart belongs to him Vici we can all see it why can't you!" I shrank back from the outburst, not used to such passion from Jemi.
"I can't." I whispered, "I'll lose him forever."
"You don't know that, he may reciprocate." I laughed bitterly,
"I am a kitten to him Jemi, just as he was a big brother to me." She shook her head, closing her big round eyes on unshed tears,
"He doesn't see you that way, he never did. Misto's a complicated cat Vici, he always sees other for what they are, never for what they seem to be." She paused, "Nothing is what it seems with him, everything is that sacred reality that everyone spends their life searching for. That reality beyond looks and petty actions where you are only judged by your soul."
"How do you know so much?" I asked, large teardrops spilling from my eyes,
"The moon told me. You can hear her wisdom, if you only listen. It isn't just at the ball she speaks." She glanced at the ground, "My parents told me that."
"But…" everyone knew she belonged to Jellylorum an Asparagus, didn't they?
"My parents are Coricopat and Tantomile Vici, see what I mean?" I fell back with a huff; "You need to tell him. I'm not magical, I can't predict the future and I don't know what will happen but I know you can't go on living like this."
I nodded slowly, finally raising my eyes to meet hers,
"I will tell him…that I love him." I heard someone rush away in the bushes and hoped to God it wasn't Electra.