CHAPTER THREE

Chandler's smiled faded slightly as he noticed the baby in Monica's arms. His cheeks, pink from the cold, lost some of their color

"Miss Geller?" a voice squawked from inside the phone. "Miss Geller, are you there?" Monica didn't pick it up, and a second later she heard the dial tone buzzing, loud and annoying, in the silent apartment. Even Elizabeth had quieted to stare up at Chandler, who's blue eyes were so identical to hers.

"Monica," he whispered, looking from her to Elizabeth. Elizabeth, their daughter. "Hi."

"Hi," she said.

"So you're... you're here," Monica said lamely.

"So are you," Chandler replied. He smiled at her, and Monica felt her legs actually shake as she smiled back. After almost two years, he still had enough effect on her to make her feels like throwing up and screaming at the same time. Chandler's smile disappeared at he looked at Elizabeth. "Mon," he said in a choked voice. "Is - is she - she's not - mine - ?"

Monica couldn't think, didn't think. "No," she blurted out. "She's not yours." Wait... no? No? What the hell, Monica??? Yes, for God's sake, she's yours!

Chandler visibly relaxed. "Oh," he said, looking awkward. "Okay. Well, I - I see your busy, so... um, I guess I'll go. I just wanted to - to say hi. I'm here until, uh, September 10th, if you maybe want to, um, get together. Sometime. I guess I'll be going. Bye." He turned and began to walk away.

"Chandler!" she called at his retreating back. You can't just let him walk away. You're baby's father just came to say 'hi.' Don't - let - him - walk - away!

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Do you want to maybe... meet for lunch tomorrow?"

Chandler grinned. "That would be great."

"Okay, well, there's this great little place, Morningstar's..."

And so, Monica made a date with her ex-boyfriend. When she closed the door, she leaned against it, breathing heavily. Omigod, omigod, omigod, she thought over and over. She didn't believe that she'd just talked to Chandler.

She came to her senses only when Elizabeth started hitting her shoulder. Monica absent-mindedly kissed her daughter on the top of her head. "That was Daddy, Lizzie," she whispered into Elizabeth's soft curls. "That was the man Mommy loves." Elizabeth frowned.

There were several hard knocks on the door, and Monica jumped away in fright. "Who is it?"

"It's me!" Rachel said. Monica opened the door and saw a surprised Rachel standing there.

"Oh my God!" she cried. "You talked to him!"

"Who, Chandler?" Monica said.

"Yes, Chandler! Mon, you're going to lunch with him tomorrow? Wow, he looked good. Are you going to tell him about Lizzie? He looked sort of freaked out," Rachel babbled breathlessly.

"Rach, you sound like me," Monica said. "Yes. I talked to him. I don't know if I'm going to tell him. See, he sort of saw her, and asked, and I, uh, told him she wasn't his."

"You what?" Rachel screamed.

"Well, c'mon, I can't just tell him right in the hallway! 'Yeah, Chandler, I had your baby a year ago, would you like to meet her?' That'd go over well," Monica said sarcastically. "Look, we're meeting for lunch tomorrow, so maybe I'll tell him then."

"You're not thinking of getting back together with him, are you?" Rachel asked.

"No! No, I'm not," Monica said, turning away.

"Liar!" Rachel said, hitting Monica on the arm. Monica picked up Elizabeth again and carried her over to the playpen. "You're still in love with him. You want to be with him again."

"Well, of course I do!" Monica cried out. "I've wanted to be with him every single day since the day he left! I think about him all the time, day and night, whenever I see Lizzie, whenever I see a picture, whenever I see a couple - I think about him in the shower and while I'm brushing my teeth and when I'm walking to work - "

"Whoa, Mon!" Rachel said, aghast. "I - I had no idea. I'm sorry I teased you. I really didn't know."

"Nobody knows," Monica said despondently. "Why would I tell anyone? My parents hate him, you hate him, Ross hates him - and he doesn't know any of it. God, Rachel, I'm a terrible person for lying to him, aren't I?"

"No, you're not a terrible person," Rachel said, putting her arm around Monica and watching Elizabeth try to put some clothes on one of her dolls. "You're a very, very confused person."

*********

Monica stood near the door during her lunch break the next afternoon. She was starting to regret telling Chandler to meet her at her own work, because all the other waiters and waitresses knew her. They didn't, however, know that the man she was meeting was her baby's father.

She turned and looked inside the restaurant, taking her eyes off the street for a moment. Seconds later, a hand rested on her shoulder.

"Aargh!" Monica cried, jumping a foot in the air. She spun around, clutching her heart. "You scared me..." she trailed off at the sight of Chandler's dazzling eyes.

"Wow," he muttered, brushing a stand of hair out of her face. "You're even more beautiful than before." Monica blushed crimson and led Chandler inside.

They both pored over the menus for a few minutes. After they ordered (the waitress giggling as Monica pretended not to know her), Chandler asked, "So how've you been?"

"Tired," Monica replied instantly, and they both laughed. "How's Oxford?"

"Oh, it's okay," Chandler replied. "I mean, it's not - it's not really what I wanted, you know? But I'll live. It makes my mom happy. What about you? What are you doing?"

"Working," Monica said without elaborating. She ignored the elbow in her side as one of her waitress friends, walked by.

"She - she is your baby, isn't she?" Chandler asked out of the blue.

"Well, um, yeah," Monica asked, suddenly embarrassed. Ours, actually.

"I see," Chandler said, looking back at his menu. He looked disappointed and sheepish. "Is - is there a, ah, a father?"

"He's not really in the picture," Monica said, avoiding eye contact. "He's..." He's sitting at this very table, sipping water and looking as cute as ever, despite the awkward look on his face and the way he keeps pulling at his collar. "I don't see him much," she said sotto.

"I'm sorry," Chandler said uncomfortably.

So am I.

They finished lunch with relative comfort. Monica was aware that she was either going to have to leave Chandler - possibly forever - or make a move. Always the gentleman, Chandler insisted on paying her share of the bill. She confessed to him, then, that she actually worked at Morningstar's and therefore got a discount on the food. She was afraid he would think he foolish for not telling him before, but he only laughed and offered to pay anyway.

They left the restaurant and stood out on the sidewalk, both feeling extremely uneasy. How do you end a meeting with the person you once loved, once made love to?

"Do you want to, maybe, ah, come over?" Monica asked, trying not to let herself over think the matter.

"I can't," Chandler said.

"Oh," Monica said, blushing and looking at her feet. Nice move, Mon.

"No, it's not like that!" Chandler said, automatically touching her chin and lifting her face to look at him. "It's just that I'm meeting some old friends in an hour or so. But I'd love - I'd love to hang out. Maybe tomorrow?"

"I'm working until five, and I can ask my mom to have the baby for a while longer. You want to, maybe, grab some dinner around six?" Monica offered.

"That'd be great," Chandler said, grinning genuinely at her. "It's a date."

"Okay."

"Okay." Monica looked at Chandler, who seemed to be staring at her with his mouth open.

"Chandler?"

"Yeah?" he said, pulling his gaze to her eyes.

"Why're you staring at me?"

"I'm sorry," Chandler said, turning bright red. "It's just - I've missed you so much, Mon. I - I want you - "

"Don't," Monica said quickly. She couldn't hear anymore, couldn't hear the words that Chandler was about to say. "Please just don't."

"Why not?" he took a step closer to her, his voice breathy

"I have to go," Monica whispered. "I'll call you tomorrow." She turned away and raced down the street, her heart pounding furiously.

They had been that close to kissing. And she wanted it. She wanted it so much it hurt her physically to turn away. Her body, her heart, her soul, they all wanted him back. And only her mind refused to let her go.

Having Chandler back in the country was not a good thing. She might just do something reckless.

Now I'm sittin' here thinkin' 'bout you

And the days we used to share

It's drivin' me crazy

I don't know what to do

I'm just wonderin' if you still care

And I wanna let you know that it's killin' me

I know you got another life

You gotta concentrate, baby...