CHAPTER 13
Kelly sighed as she roughly scrubbed the dishes in the sink. She was almost overwhelmed with feelings of anxiety, and what felt like uselessness. Although she was happy for Ross, she was terrified as to what this meant for her. She knew Ross had been devastated by the loss of his sister and best friend, who was also Emma's mother. Ross had claimed there was nothing left between him and Rachel before she died, but Kelly could never figure out how they had had a child together. Over the past four years Kelly had become close to everyone in the gang, not only Ross. She had found a close friend in Phoebe, who had obviously had a tough life and was finally happy with a husband and children. Joey had proved to be very protective of his friends. She had never met anyone famous who was so down to earth. Chandler had proved to be an amazing friend. She knew he had lost his wife and had heard the story about his daughter. Even after everything that had happened, he was a very sweet and caring person. He had always offered a helping hand with Emma.
Kelly sighed again, and felt tears come to her eyes. She knew it was wrong to feel this way and she hated herself for it. She should be ecstatic for Ross, but she was so afraid that she would be pushed out of Ross' life, and Emma's. She loved Emma like her own daughter and Emma knew her as her mother. She had no memories of Rachel, who had 'died' when Emma was only a few months old.
Kelly felt the tears come faster now, and gave up cleaning the dishes. She dried her hands and collapsed onto the couch, immediately reaching out for a box of Kleenex. Through the window, she could see into Chandler's apartment…or what was now Chandler and Monica's apartment…again. She could see Monica, Chandler, Alyssa, and Samantha all curled up on the couch. They looked so happy, like a real family, not like they had only really been a family for a few short weeks. Samantha was quickly adapting and she and Alyssa had become great friends. Kelly had never seen Chandler and Monica as a couple before and had always thought people were exaggerating when they told her about them; how perfect they were for each other, how close they were, but now she believed them. It amazed her that two people could be a part for so many years and after being back together, for only a few weeks, be so close. She had always wished she would end up in a relationship like that, and she thought she had been on her way until this happened.
It wasn't that she hated Rachel, that wasn't the case at all. She just felt threatened by her.
Kelly glanced up and noticed the time. Ross would be home soon and she didn't want him to know she had been crying. She didn't want him to think she was a bad wife. She jumped up and hurriedly through out all the Kleenex. There was no way he would know she had been crying, she told herself.
The second the thoughts went through her mind, she heard the door open and spun around to face it. It was Ross, and by the look on his face she knew he knew she had been crying. How did he know? She asked herself. Her mascara, crap. She cursed at herself.
"What's wrong, sweetie," Ross asked gently.
"Nothing." Kelly answered quickly, but not fooling anyone.
Ross gave her a look. "Look, I know you were crying, there's mascara all the way down your face and either you tell me and I can comfort you or you don't tell me and you're back to crying alone. What's it going to be?" Ross asked, a small smile on his face. This was a game they played often. It was his way of getting her to tell him what was wrong.
"I-I don't wanna tell you," Kelly said looking down, ashamed.
"Why not?" Ross asked, now beginning to feel alarmed. "What's wrong? Is it the baby?"
"It's not the baby."
"Then why won't you tell me?"
"Because."
"Because why?" Ross prompted gently.
Kelly sighed, knowing she would have to tell him. He could be so stubborn at times. "It's just…I…I don't want to lose you," she finally finished quietly.
"What!" Ross exclaimed. "Why would you think that?"
Kelly hesitated before answering. She looked up, into Ross' concerned eyes and knew she had to ask. "Do you still love Rachel?"
Ross was taken aback. "What?! How could you think that?"
"I don't know. It's just that she's Emma's mother and…" Ross cut her off.
"First of all, even before she disappeared, Rachel and I were not together. And second of all, Rachel may be Emma's biological mother, but you're her real mother. The only mother Emma's ever known. She loves you, Kel. And so do I. Okay?"
Kelly nodded, feeling better, but still not sure. Ross noticed and pulled her in for a hug. He felt Kelly begin to cry and held her close until she stopped. He hated himself for not noticing what she had gone through in the past couple weeks.
When she was done crying, Kelly excused herself to go to the bathroom to clean up her face. Ross told her he had to go out and would be back soon. It wasn't long before there was a knock at the door.
Kelly went to answer it, thinking Ross had locked himself out. She smiled to herself. He was always doing stupid things like this. Like the time he had gone away for the weekend. She and Emma had seen him off at the airport and had returned home to realize he had the house keys with him and the other set were on the other side of the door. The locked door. She and Emma had ended up staying with Chandler for the weekend.
However, it was not Ross. It was Rachel. Kelly stood in the doorway not knowing what to say.
"Hi," Rachel started, unsure. "Can I come in?"
"Of course. You're Ross' friend. You're welcome any time." Kelly said trying not to sound cold.
Rachel sighed, not really knowing what to say. "Well, that's the thing. You see, I would really like to be your friend too, if that's okay."
"It's okay," Kelly said, unsure.
"Look," Rachel said. "Ross told me how you were feeling and I need to tell you a couple things, the most important being that I don't want to take anything away from you. I know I've been staying away from you, but it was only because I was uncomfortable around you. And not in a bad way, just…I didn't want this to happen between us. I guess it had to happen."
"I-I don't really understand."
Rachel smiled. "First of all, I need you to understand that there is nothing left between Ross and I. We were history even before the trip. I very much doubt anything would have happened between Ross and I even if I had never been on that trip. We tried to be together, it just didn't work out."
"Really?" Kelly asked quietly.
"Really," Rachel said smiling. "And about Emma, don't get me wrong. I missed her terribly, and I would love to be her mother again, but I don't want to hurt her, or you. I know you stepped in as her mother and I am grateful for that. I hope that one day, we can tell her that I am her real mother, but I don't want to hurt her, or confuse her."
"Thank-you," Kelly whispered.
"You're welcome," Rachel answered. "Now, do you think we can be friends?"
Kelly smiled and nodded.
"Hug?" Rachel asked.
Kelly smiled and leaned in for a hug. They parted quickly and moved away, both some-what awkward being near the other, but both knowing that one day they would be friends.
Monica finished saying goodnight to Alyssa and Samantha and walked out of their room, closing the door behind her. She found Chandler in the kitchen pouring drinks. He smiled and walked into the living room, offering her a glass. She accepted it and thanked him.
The two sat down on the couch, in a comfortable silence. Chandler sat at the end, with Monica leaning up against him. He heard her sigh and felt her burrow in closer to him. He smiled and wrapped an arm around her. "I love you," he whispered.
"I love you too," Monica replied. She turned around a bit and leaned forward to kiss him. The kiss was short, but full of passion and love. After breaking the kiss, Monica paused before turning back around and caught Chandler's gaze. He smiled at her and leaned his forehead against hers. Monica took Chandler's drink from him and put both glasses down. When she turned back, Chandler was giving him a look with one eyebrow raised.
Monica said nothing, but leaned in and kissed him again, long and hard. Chandler responded by kissing her back and wrapped his arms around her waist. Monica wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him forward, so that he was on top of her on the couch. After a few moments, Monica felt herself reaching out for the buttons on Chandler's shirt, but felt Chandler grab her hands. She stopped kissing him and looked at him, questioningly.
"I just…I don't…Are-are you sure?" He finally managed to spit out.
Monica sighed and leaned her forehead against his and closed her eyes. She paused before nodding.
"Are you sure?"
She nodded again. "I'm ready, Chandler. I want this, and I know you want this-"
Chandler cut her off. "Don't do this for me. I want you to be ready."
"I'm ready," Monica repeated. She smiled feeling more confident. She loved how sweet and considerate Chandler could be.
"Okay," Chandler relented. "But, remember, we can stop at any time, okay?"
"`Kay."
Chandler smiled and stood up. He slid his arms under Monica and picked her up, carrying her into the bedroom. He lay her down and kissed her again. "I'll be gentle," he promised.
"I know," Monica said quietly, knowing he would never hurt her. She trusted him more than anyone else in the world.
The next morning Monica awoke to find a pair of strong arms wrapped protectively around her. She smiled and turned over, so she was facing Chandler. She was surprised to find his eyes wide open and staring at her, full of love. He smiled when she turned over. She returned the smile and snuggled in close to him, resting her head on his shoulder. He responded by tightening his arms.
"Morning," Chandler whispered.
"Morning," Monica said. She paused. "Thank-you."
"For what?"
"For being so amazing," she answered. "You've been so patient and…loving. You just…you've made all this so easy. I just wanted to thank you."
"You don't have to thank me, Mon, I wouldn't dream of being any other way, especially with you. I love you."
"I love you too," Monica said, feeling like the luckiest girl in the world. "How long have you been awake?"
Chandler shrugged. "A while."
"Why didn't you wake me up?"
"You looked so peaceful. I didn't have the heart to wake you."
"Always the romantic."
Chandler rolled his eyes. "Shhh. Don't tell."
Monica giggled and leaned in for a quick kiss.
___
Rachel walked out of what was now her room, the room that had once been Chandler's, many years before. She was surprised to find Joey at work in the kitchen. He was in front of the stove, but turned around when he felt her presence. Rachel had to choke back a laugh when she saw him. His hair was going every which way from his shower earlier, and he was wearing a pink apron with a picture of snoopy on it. He had a spatula in one had and was covered with a light layer of powder.
"What's so funny?" Joey asked.
"N-nothing," Rachel told him. "Just, well, have you seen yourself?"
Joey laughed. "Do you like it?" He asked, holding out the sides and doing a slight curtsey.
Rachel laughed. "Uh, where did you get it?"
Joey smiled. "Alyssa and Emma gave it to me at Christmas last year. It has…sentimental value."
"Aw, you're so sweet."
"I know," Joey said jokingly.
"So, what are you making?"
"Pancakes."
"Do you, uh, cook often?" Rachel said, slightly concerned.
"Hey, I'm not as pathetic as I used to be. I have learned a few things since you've been gone."
"Like what?"
"Like how to make pancakes."
Rachel laughed again.
Joey sensed an opportunity and leaned in. He gave her a light kiss, which she returned. The kiss didn't last long and when it broke, Joey wrapped his arms around Rachel.
"I really missed you," he whispered.
"I missed you, too," Rachel said softly. "I was beginning to think we would never get home, well, actually I was way past believing we would never get home. It was so awful. There were so many things I wanted to do, so many things I wanted to say. I thought I'd never get the chance to do any of them. I had so many regrets."
"What kind of regrets?"
"Well," Rachel started, not sure of what to say. "I regretted hesitating…with you. I regretted not being with you. You were always so good to me, so accepting of everything that went on, and I could never just admit my feelings for you."
"You really had feelings for me?"
"No," Rachel said. "I still have feelings for you."
"I have feelings for you, too."
"So, uh, do you think we could, uh…you know.." Rachel trailed off, not having the courage to ask the question. The last few years had taken a toll on her self esteem and boldness.
"I think we could," Joey said, knowing what she was asking. "I know we could," he repeated.
Rachel smiled. The change she found in Joey was amazing. He had grown up over the past few years. He had matured and seemed to have settled down more. He was more in tuned with other people. He had never been selfish, or self centered, he could just be clueless at times.
Rachel smiled and wrapped her arms around Joey's neck. He smiled and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer. He leaned in and gently pressed his lips against hers. She responded by deepening the kiss and they stayed like that for several moments, until Rachel began to smell something. She broke the kiss.
"Uh, Joey, I think the pancakes are burning."
"What," Joey said, momentarily frazzled. "Oh, the pancakes. Crap!"
Rachel laughed as she watched him frantically try to save the very black pancakes that lay on the frying pan. He paused and turned around.
"How about we just go out for breakfast?"
AN: Well? How was it? Good, I hope. Ross and Rachel lovers, PLEASE DON'T HATE ME. I think I will only write one more chapter, so please keep reading.