Chapter 7- Ginny Gets An Earful

"Uh, baby doll, you do'en ok? You look a little pale." - Sorting Hat -

Warning: Hear ye! Hear ye! Hear ye! Sexual innuendoes, perverted hats, murder crazed ghosts with hand grenades, and the corruption of an innocent fourteen year old's mind dwells in this chapter.

-------------------

Ginny reached Greenhouse 3 completely out of breath. She had ran all the way from Dumbledore's office, taking the round about route to avoid Snape, and had not stopped until she got to the Greenhouse area. Bending over, she tried to massage out the stitch in her side, panting heavily. Underneath her armpit was still the tattered looking Sorting Hat, which was beginning to seriously make her uneasy. Every now and again while she had been running she thought she could hear comments being made.... Comments that were most inappropriate to the extreme. They were things she had only heard before by Adrae Spinnet-- a seventh year student known for her many illustrious adventures at the Astronomy Tower at night. Some of the statements Ginny thought she had heard might actually be worse then Adrae's though because they all sounded to be directed at her, and she certainly didn't want to think about such things as she was only fourteen and still had somewhat of a pure mind (though her brothers, George and Fred, and eliminated some of that when she came across one of their Witch House Weekly magazines they had left laying on the floor in their room two summers ago.... She still shuttered at the memory).

Catching her breath and pushing the unpleasant memorize from her childhood out of her mind, Ginny squared her shoulders and approached the faded green door leading to the third Greenhouse and raised her hand to knock.

"Oww, do be careful how you put it in, Professor," came Professor Sprout's voice through the doorway.

She paused and hesitated. Her hand hovered mid-air at the door.

"I'm trying as best as I can, Sprout, but it's awful hard at my age," she heard Dumbledore saying in a strained voice.

"It's alright. Right, ah, yeah, there, that's fine; now a little harder."

There was a very distinct grunt and a scuffle followed by consecutive banging noises. Ginny's hand dropped and she paled slightly. She hoped it was just because the Sorting Hat had been messing with her mind, but it sounded to her a lot like...

There was another grunt.

"There we go. Now again," Sprout commanded breathlessly.

There was a pause and a sound of heavy breathing. "A little demanding, aren't you my dear?"

"Just wanting the job done right.... Ow.... Ah!..... Yes! That's the ticket!"

"Glad it pleases you."

Ginny's whole body started to shake. She was adding one plus one and getting six hundred.

No. No. NO! It was not possible!...Dumbledore a-a-and S-S-Sprout???!!! There was, like, a century's difference between them!.... Really!... No exaggeration!.... They couldn't possibly.... They...that is to say.....

Ginny clasped her hands over her mouth quickly to stop the vomit that was threatening to come. There was a giddy sounding cackle from underneath her arm where the Sorting hat was, but before she could investigate, it stopped.

More odd sounds emitted from the shed.

"You... You're a really natural at this," came Sprout's voice again (Ginny couldn't help but notice how much out of breath she sounded now), "Even better then Snape was."

"Yes, well have had a little more experience then Snape has."

"I can tell."

That did it. Ginny's eyes got bigger then saucers. SNAPE??!! And with a muffled shriek of utter horror, she turned and ran away from the Greenhouse as fast as her feet could carry her. When she stopped again, her head was completely hidden in a nearby bush and loud retching sounds were coming from it.

Ahhhhh!!! The horrors the horrors! Get out! Get out! Get out! Ginny thought after she finished throwing up. She started banging her head with her fists to try and stop the mental images flooding into her mind faster then it takes Hermione to raise her hand in Transfigurations class.

"Aww, why'd you leave, huh? That was just getting interesting, baby," complained the Hat, speaking again and sounding very similar to the muggle, Austin Powers.

Ginny stopped beating her brains out and blinked. She reached down and raised the Hat with some dread. "Please, oh please, tell me that you're really talking and I'm not going crazy," she said in a pleading voice.

One of the greatest tears near the bottom of the hat raised, making the Hat look like it was smirking. "We're all a little crazy, honey. Here, why not snuggle up with my and tell me all your little problems."

Ginny stared at the Hat..... Then she stared some more.

Five minutes later....

"Uh, baby doll, you do'en ok? You look a little pale."

On cue, Ginny's eyes rolled back, and she tumbled over and fell into a dead faint on the grass.

"Bugger…." the Hat said in disappointment.

--------------

"Harry, what they hell did you do that for, huh?" Ron asked getting up from the ground irately. He dusted himself off briskly. "Gosh! At least give me a warning before you come bloody running straight into me, you prat!"

Harry was watching at Ron with an odd look on his face, as if he couldn't decide whether to bursting into tears of fright or pouncing on Ron and cry for joy. Both seemed far to OOC for him to do, so Harry did neither. Instead, he got up from the ground also and grabbed Ron's arm quickly. "Listen Ron, I'm really sorry about this, but I advise you to come with me and run."

Ron looked at Harry in confusion. "And why is that?"

Then, as it always happens in dramatic times, Myrtle made her appearance, coming though the girls' bathroom door, looking as pissed as a plump, dead girl with glasses and freckles can look (which is surprisingly very scary and impressive). She let out an angry yowl when she saw Ron and Harry standing stone still in front of her in shocked fear and went zooming towards them through the air, her hands raised and fingers tweaked in a strangling position.

Ron's face looked very similar to that of a mouse's right before it's stepped on by a rampaging elephant. An indistinguishing 'eep' escaped from his mouth, but luckily Harry remained quick-witted and yanked Ron with him right as the ghost was about to reach them. They ran down the corridor as fast as their feet would allow.

Ron snapped out of his frightened trance when they turned a corner and wrenched his arm away from Harry's grip. "Harry, I demanded to know what you did to get Myrtle so angry!"

"Errrrr....."

A large brick went whizzing through the air above both of their heads before Harry could give a better response. They ducked and went down another corridor. A lead pipe, three large flowerpots, and other various items that are virtually impossible to be found in a school corridor but are there anyway to keep the story going began to rain down on them. Harry and Ron had to keep swerving left and right to avoid them all.

Ron yelped as a tree branch grazed his elbow. "Merlin! What is she trying to do? Kill us?"

"Uh, hee, hee, hee." Harry laughed uneasily.

Ron looked at him suspiciously, but the glare was short lived as a car door flew over their head.

The wrathful ghost gave an evil laugh then it all stopped.

Harry looked over his shoulder worried and saw the hall was deserted behind them. What is she trying to pull, I wonder.... He slowed down his run and looked around them. Nothing. She was no where to be seen.

Ron slowed down also, spinning his head around and looking on all sides of them. "Where'd she go?" he demanded, slightly panicked. "Did she give up, maybe?"

"I wouldn't count on it," Harry muttered, reaching for his wand although he wasn't sure what spell he could use on a ghost. It's not like he could kill her twice or anything, and any spell he'd send her would go straight through, wouldn't it?

Ron got out his wand as well and went back to back with Harry. Better for them to be watching each others backs then be attacked when they didn't expect it. "I wish she'd come out of hiding already. This is really unnerving."

"Yeah, better to know where the wasp is in the room then to not, right?"

"Right." Then something hit Ron. "Wait a second.... Why is Moaning Myrtle even chasing us! Crips! I was so preoccupied running and dodging crap that I forgot the whole reason why I was down here. Harry, I need an explanation from you. What's going on? What's wrong with Hermione... McGonagall....Angelina...Myrtle....A-And Ms. Norris was acting weird too, come to think of it."

"Well....uh....." Harry paused, not sure how to word it all. "You see I....."

"Wait!... Something moved."

"Where?" Harry stiffened.

Ron aimed a shaky wand at the wall to their right, paling some. "I was almost sure I saw something...."

Then, of course, there came a very maniacal laugh. It echoed hauntingly throughout the corridor. Myrtle reappeared, gliding through the wall Ron had been pointing at and she wasn't empty handed either.

"Wow! Talk about an arsenal! Where'd she get all that anyway?! I didn't know Hogwarts had simi-authomatic rifles."

Ron's face was frozen in a look of terror. "H-Harry, now's not the time to be impressed by this."

"Yeah, but still you got to wonder how--"

KABOOM!!

A large hole was made behind Harry's head where a wall used to be. Note: Used to be. Now it was nothing more then a charred pile of rubble and stones. It seemed Myrtle had attained some hand-grenades as well.

Harry's eyes widened until they were nearly popping out of his skull. "Uh, yeah. We should probably run now," he stated to Ron.

Ron gave him a 'No-shit-ya-think?' look and on the count of three (actually it was more on the count of one), they took off down the hallway, bullets sounding behind them as they did and Myrtle screaming: "I'll get you my Pretty! And your little Weasel too!"

"Y-You know, if I wasn't so terrified, I'd really resent being called a Weasel," Ron said to Harry as he puffed and huffed down another hallway (there was a large explosion to their left that sent them stumbling forward)

"Ron, what are we going to do!" Harry said in panic. "We can't keep running forever, you know, and she's a ghost so it's not like we can go anywhere she can't follow! Besides, I really need to go pee."

"Well what makes you think I have any idea what to.... that is...." Ron's eyes suddenly lightened. "THAT'S IT!"

"What?" Harry asked.

Ron shot Harry an excited look. "Harry, man, you're a genius!"

"Huh?"

"Come on!" Ron grabbed Harry's arm and pulled him along with him down a dark looking passageway.

Right when Harry was about to collapse from exhaustion and a bullet clipped the rump of a large statuette of Elburta the Oddly Shaped, Ron dove with him into a doorway and slammed the door shut behind them.

"Ron, are you mad! She can go through walls! We're trapped in here! What could you possibly be think--"

Ron ended Harry's objections with a point of his finger.

Harry looked around at their surroundings and it finally dawned on him what Ron had done. "Oh."