Reviews! 8 of them! Thank you guys for reviewing my first chapter!
Blooknaberg: Yep, I got that image of Woody too! But Faye is a space cowboy, ya know? ^_^
NessacusGirl: Hello! Thank you sooo much for reviewing! Don't worry, plenty of AndyxFaye in this chapter!
The Review Guy: I read your fanfic! A couple of them anyway. Very funny! Thanks for reviewing!
Atomic One: Well, Attila's a big dumb barbarian. Maybe next time he should make sure his helmet stays on his head!
Katie: Aw, don't worry, I'd be skeptical of a Bebop sequel too! But I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Woodstock: Yep, Jet and Barney. The dude's gotta entertain himself somehow!
RoarMuscle: Maybe you shouldn't drink soda pop while reading my story. Thanks for reviewing!
Sam: Thanks for reviewing! I got more right now!
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Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop, or any of the characters. That includes Andy, who is so awesome and maybe even more awesome than Spike. You heard me!
Warning: For the purpose of comedy, most of the characters are OOC. Just warning you now.
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A little old lady walked through the crowded streets of a city on Mars. She was holding a large grocery bag.
"Now to put this money in a safe place," the old lady said. "I hope no one tries to rob me!"
"Put the money down, old lady!" yelled a rough-sounding voice from a nearby alley. Several masked men stepped out of the alley, holding knives, bottles, and chains.
"Oh no!" the old lady shrieked.
"Give us the money and we won't hurt you," one of the muggers said. "Much."
The muggers started laughing. They advanced toward the old lady.
"Someone, help!" the old lady yelled.
'Go Go Cactus Man' started to play.
"What's that music?" one of the muggers asked, looking around.
"Where is it coming from?" another mugger asked. The faint clicking of hooves could be heard, gradually getting closer.
"Stand back, there's a hurricane coming through!" yelled a voice from the darkness.
"Wha?" the old lady said.
"Er, I mean…"
The darkness gave way to a horse slowly walking out of the shadows. Riding the horse was a tall man wearing a fancy brown trenchcoat, a cowboy hat, and a million-dollar smile.
"Stop, evildoers!" the rider shouted. "Cowboy Andy is here!"
"Oh yeah?" the leader of the muggers yelled. "Get him!"
The five muggers charged Cowboy Andy. Andy leaped off the horse and instantly floored two of the muggers with one powerful kick to both of their heads. Two more muggers swung their chains at Cowboy Andy. Andy caught the chains, one in each hand, and gave them a tug, knocking the two muggers off their feet. The leader of the muggers held a knife menacingly in his hand.
"So you beat some of my cronies," the mugger said. "Now take this!"
The mugger stabbed at Andy viciously. Andy easily leaped out of the way.
"Ah, ah, ah, little man," Andy said. "The hero always wins!"
Andy leaped up and kicked the mugger hard in the face. The mugger staggered back. Andy lunged forward and punched the mugger in the gut. The mugger dropped the knife and fell to the ground.
"Oh, Cowboy Andy, my hero!" the old lady said.
"It's nothing," Andy said. "Really."
Andy punched the old lady in the gut. The old lady fell over, dropping the bag of cash. Andy looked into the bag.
"There's red ink all over these bills," Andy said. "Just as I thought. Looks like I caught the 'Old Lady Bandit'."
Andy picked up the unconscious old lady, put her on his horse, got on the horse himself, and then rode off into the night.
---
Session 28- Andy Saves Faye Sonata
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Aboard the Bebop…
"Jet, I'm bored!" Faye whined. "We haven't gone after any bounties in a week."
"It's not been the same since Spike kicked the bucket," Jet said.
"Don't remind me!" Faye yelled.
"You loved Spike, didn't you?" Jet asked.
"No duh, Sherlock," Faye said.
"I mean, you LOVED him. You LOOOOOOVED Spike," Jet said.
"Argh! I hate you! Why must you always remind me of Spike?" Faye shrieked. She burst into tears and ran into her room.
"Yeah, I thought she'd do that," Jet said. He picked up the remote for the Bebop's TV. "Let's see what's on the old teletubby. Oh man, I hope Teletubbies is on."
Jet turned on the TV.
BIGGERSHOT- The NEW Show For Bounty Hunters
The NEW Paunch: Hello and welcome to Biggershot!
Crazy Judy: We've got a bounty today that's worth a crazy amount of wulongs!
The NEW Paunch: As crazy as you?
Crazy Judy: *starts foaming at the mouth* I'll kill you! *lunges at The NEW Paunch* Ouch! *holds her butt* Unnh… *falls over*
The NEW Paunch: Those tranquilizers sure pack a wallop, don't they? Anyway, our new bounty is a really bad guy! His name is Sigmund Freud! *props up the unconscious Crazy Judy and imitates her voice* Like the psychiatrist? *drops Crazy Judy* That's right! *props up Crazy Judy* What did he do? *drops Crazy Judy* He's accused of charging too much for his sessions! *props up Crazy Judy* What's he worth? *drops Crazy Judy* 10 million wulongs! *props up Crazy Judy* Wow!
Jet turned off the TV.
"I'm getting that bounty," Jet said. He hopped into the Hammerhead and sped off.
---
Meanwhile, in Faye's room…
"Spike…" Faye sighed, holding up a picture of Spike. "I love you…"
Faye sighed again.
"Wait a second," Faye said. "I think I hear Jet's fighter speeding off… oh no you didn't!"
Faye waved her finger.
"Oh, no you DIDN'T!" Faye yelled, waving her finger. "Uh-uh! Uh-uh! Uh-uh! No you didn't!"
Faye ran out of the room, hopped into the Redtail, and followed Jet's Hammerhead.
---
"Doc, I've been having these obsessive spells lately," said a teenage boy who was lying in a couch. He appeared to be talking to a psychiatrist. On the psychiatrist's desk was a small nameplate that read "Sigmund Freud: Therapist"
"What kind of obsession?" the psychiatrist asked, writing in a clipboard.
"Well, I have this obsession with… uh… porn," the teenage boy said.
"That's perfectly normal," the psychiatrist said. "A lot of people like porn."
"No," the teenage boy said. "Uh… I like… uh… Kirby porn."
"Kirby porn?" the psychiatrist asked. "But Kirby's always naked."
"Well, somebody must be a really good drawer then, because-"
The door opened, interrupting the boy.
"Dr. Freud," said a female secretary. "There's a balding man here to see you, and-"
Jet pushed the secretary out of the way and burst into the room.
"Alright, Freud, the jig's up!" Jet yelled. "You're coming with me!"
"What?" Freud said, surprised.
"You've got a ten million wulong bounty on your head, and I'm taking you down!" Jet said.
"Sit down," Freud said.
"But what about my Kirby porn obsession?" the teenage boy asked. Freud promptly took out a gun and shot the boy in the head. The boy slumped out of the couch and hit the floor. Jet gasped.
"Hey, you killed him!" Jet yelled.
"Sit down," Freud said again.
"You're a murderer!" Jet yelled. "I'm taking you-"
"Why are you so angry?" Freud asked. "Surely there must be something from your childhood that is causing so much anger in you."
"Well…" Jet said. "There was this one time…"
Jet walked over to the couch and sat down in it, facing Freud.
"Well, when I was a young lad, I was picked on by bullies," Jet said.
"I see, I see," Freud said, writing in his clipboard, and slowly loading a tranquilizer dart into his gun. "Go on."
---
Faye walked into the door of the psychiatrist's office and jogged up to the reception desk.
"Where's Freud?" Faye asked.
"He's in a meeting with someone right now," the secretary said.
"Who?" Faye asked.
"Some old guy," the secretary said. "He's almost bald."
"That's Jet!" Faye said. "And he's not old, he's 36."
"Really?" the secretary said. "Because I kinda think he's sexy…"
"Shut up," Faye said, walking past the receptionist.
"Hey!" the secretary yelled. "You need an appointment!"
---
Meanwhile, in Freud's office…
"And they pushed me into the mud!" Jet yelled. "I don't believe it!"
"Go on," Freud said, pointing the gun at Jet's leg.
"Well-"
Freud shot the tranquilizer dart into Jet's leg.
"You tricked me!" Jet yelled. "You… you… so sleepy…"
Jet slumped in the couch, asleep. Freud smiled and put a bullet into his gun.
"And now-"
"Jet, that bounty is mine!" Faye yelled, bursting into the room. "And furthermore-"
Faye's eyes traveled down to the fallen Jet.
"Oh," Faye said. "I see…"
"Sit down," Freud said.
"No!" Faye yelled. "I want that bounty! At least, I think that's why Jet left… he doesn't need therapy…"
"Actually, I do have a bounty on my head," Freud said. "Ten million wulongs."
Faye's eyes lit up.
"Really? This is great! Finally, my luck is starting to look up!" Faye squealed.
"No, no, no," Freud said. He pointed his gun at Faye. "My luck is starting to look up."
Faye's eyes suddenly grew wide with terror.
"Uh oh…" Faye said to herself.
"And you see," Freud said, walking over to his desk and pointing at his nameplate. "My name isn't 'Freud'…"
The evil 'psychiatrist' flipped over the nameplate on his desk. It now read: "Sigmund Fraud: The Rapist".
"Oh crap," Faye said. "Does that say…"
"It does," Fraud said, smiling.
"Geez, that's so cliché," Faye said. "Is there a bad guy in the universe who DOESN'T want to rape me?"
"Well, Lin was gay…" Fraud said. "But other than that, nope. So, let's get started!"
'Go Go Cactus Man' started to play.
"What's that music?" Fraud said.
"It can't be…" Faye said. "There's no way…"
A faint clicking of hooves could be heard in the distance.
"What's making that noise?" Fraud yelled. "What-"
Just then, a mighty steed burst through the door, shattering it to pieces. The horse galloped around the room and came to a stop between Faye and Fraud. And can you guess who was riding on the horse?
"I know! I know!" Andy said, raising his hand and jumping up like a schoolboy. "I know!"
Andy hopped off the horse and tipped his hat to Faye. The horse galloped out of the room.
"How do you do, ma'am?" Andy asked. "Don't I know you from somewhere?"
Faye smiled… and then slapped Andy across the face.
"You think you can just waltz in here with your horse and save me?" Faye asked. "I can defend myself, you know!"
"Miss, I'm sorry, but-" Andy stammered before Faye slapped him again.
"And another thing!" Faye yelled. "Don't you notice anything?"
"No, not really," Andy said. "I don't even know you!"
Faye slapped Andy again.
"I'm Faye, remember!" Faye yelled. "And Spike is dead! And-"
"DON'T SLAP ME!" Andy yelled. He immediately put his hands over his mouth. "Sorry for yelling, miss…"
"Don't call me miss!" Faye yelled. "I'm-"
Fraud shot his gun into the air. Andy and Faye turned around, looking startled.
"Remember, I have the gun," Fraud said, smiling. "Now both of you, against the wall!"
Andy immediately did what Fraud said, standing against the wall obediently.
"Faye, do what he says!" Andy shouted.
"No!" Faye said. "I'm going to prove to you, Mr. Andy Oniyate, that I can defend myself!"
Fraud immediately put Faye in a headlock and pointed his gun at her head.
"Ha!" Fraud said. "Now, nobody move!"
Fraud began to back out of the room, dragging Faye with him.
"Wait!" Andy shouted. Fraud stopped.
"What now?" Fraud yelled.
"Look behind you," Andy said. Fraud turned around. Andy immediately took out his gun and shot Fraud in the head. Fraud dropped Faye and fell to the ground. Faye ran over to Andy.
"Oh, Andy!" Faye said, a smile on her face. "You saved me!"
"All in a day's work, miss," Andy said, smiling. "Because I'm Cowboy An-"
Faye kicked Andy in the crotch. Andy doubled over in pain.
"That guy had a ten million wulong bounty on him!" Faye yelled. "Thanks a lot!"
"Ouch…" Andy groaned.
---
Back aboard the Bebop…
"I can't believe it, Jet!" Faye yelled. "He can't stay!"
"He saved us both," Jet said. "He insisted on staying."
"My darling Faye, would you mind feeding my horse today?" Andy asked. "I've gotta go to a cowboy convention."
A horse neighed in the background.
"Feed your own horse!" Faye yelled angrily. "I could have saved myself, you know!"
Faye huffed and walked off.
"She seems a lot more irritable since the last time we were together," Andy said.
"She thought she'd be the hero of this season," Jet said. "She just wanted the screen time."
"Nope!" Andy said, smiling. "From now on, this show shall be called 'Andy Bebop'!"
Jet frowned.
"We're letting you live here," Jet said. "Don't get greedy.
"Alright," Andy said meekly.
See you, space Andy…
---
Andy: Now that I'm a permanent cast member…
Faye: Permanent pain-in-the-butt is more like it.
Andy: I get to chase after all the bountyheads!
Faye: Oh, no you don't!
Jet: Kids, kids, settle down! You both get to chase bountyheads! Anyway, the next bountyhead is a very bad man!
Andy: Bad indeed! He's a murderous murder from the planet Murder!
Faye: And he's got Andy in his sights!
Andy: *laughs* Big mistake!
Faye: Next episode of Funny Sessions, "Murder Murder Melody"! Let the Andy hit the floor.
Andy: I heard that!