More reviews!
The Review Guy: Nah, Mikey's a liar, but he's an innocent liar. To him, those were balloons. ^_^
IluvRikku12: Ed'll be in soon, don't worry! Thanks for reviewing!
Woodstock: Nope, it was a little boy! And I'm glad you liked the joke!
NessacusGirl: Like I said, Ed'll be around soon! Your bro's name is Mikey too? Cool!
Katie: Yup, that's what I thought ya meant! Don't worry, I'm not dragged down! Stabby stabby! ^_^
Retro: Don't worry, Andy's cooler than Spike! Well, as cool as Spike anyway…
Atomic One: Pretty funny site! And there WILL be a Funny Sessions Christmas episode! Later on, though!
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Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop, or any of the characters. I do own the jewel thieves, and any jewels that they steal, which I will then sell and use to buy the rights to the rest of the characters. Mwahaha!
Warning: For the purpose of comedy, most of the characters are OOC. Just warning you now.
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Aboard the Bebop…
BIGGERSHOT- The NEW Show For Bounty Hunters!
The NEW Paunch: Oooh, we've got a great bounty for today, amigos!
Crazy Judy: That's right! Today, we have a trio of jewel thieves!
The faces of three scary-looking people were shown on the screen. One was a man and the other two were women.
The NEW Paunch: Di Amond, Red Ruby, and Emeril D. Sapphire have stolen jewels worth hundreds of millions of wulongs!
Crazy Judy: And how much are these three worth?
The NEW Paunch: One million a piece!
Crazy Judy: What a ripoff! Wouldn't it be better to keep the jewels and kill the thieves?
The NEW Paunch: Well…
Crazy Judy: KILLLLLLL! *lunges at The NEW Paunch*
The NEW Paunch: Aaaah!
"Those guys don't look too tough," Andy said. "Three million easy wulongs, here we come!"
"The computer says that they're currently in hiding on Earth," Jet said.
"We have to go to Earth AGAIN?" Faye whined. "We just went to Earth…"
"There must be some reason why they're on Earth," Andy stated. "Some… really big jewel or something. Or maybe-"
"Yada, yada, yada," Faye said. "Earth, here we come!"
---
Session 30- Applederry Comes Egging In
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Meanwhile, on an abandoned field somewhere on Earth, Applederry and Macintyre were taking a break from their daily meteor search.
"So, Macintyre, you proposed yet?" Applederry asked, taking an egg sandwich out of his red lunchbox.
"I'm about to," Macintyre said. "Stephi is a beautiful woman, and a good cook too! She can make almost anything out of eggs!"
Macintyre took a small, black box out of his pocket and opened it up. Inside was a beautiful, shimmering golden ring with a brilliant diamond mounted on it.
"Holy crap, Macintyre, where'd you get the dough for a ring like that?" Applederry shouted. "That must have cost at least a million wulongs!"
"Three million," Macintyre said. "My poor grandma died and left me her fortune, which I used to purchase this beautiful ring! Stephi's gonna love it!"
"If you got an inheritance, why are you working with me?" Applederry asked.
"Well-"
Suddenly, a big black convertible drove up to Applederry and Macintyre. The driver was a man wearing a green tuxedo with a sparkling green top hat. The woman sitting next to him wore a beautiful white fur coat and had long, blonde hair. The woman sitting in the back wore a long, red dress to match her long, red hair. The three young adults stepped out of the car and walked up to Macintyre and Applederry.
"What can I do for you?" Applederry asked.
"I would like to see the diamond," the blonde-haired woman said.
"Uh, how'd you know I had a diamond?" Macintyre asked.
"Well, uh…" the man stammered, "uh…"
"Hey, if you guys came to steal my buddy's diamond, you're in big trouble!" Applederry shouted.
"Trouble?" the red-haired woman said. "Did he say… trouble?"
"Yep!" the man said.
"Prepare for trouble!" the blonde woman said.
"And make it triple!" the man shouted.
"To protect the world from devastation!" the red-haired woman yelled.
"To steal jewels from people of every nation!" the blonde woman said.
"To denounce the riches of woman and man!" the man shouted.
"To further promote Pete Rose's ban!" the red-haired woman shouted.
"Emeril D. Sapphire!" the man said.
"Red Ruby!" the red-haired woman said.
"Di Amond!" the blonde woman said.
"Team Family Jewels, snatching rocks at the speed of light!" Emeril said.
"And yes, we know that didn't sound right!" Di Amond said.
"Prepare to fight!" Red Ruby shouted.
Applederry and Macintyre began to convulse with laughter. When they finished, Macintyre's diamond ring was gone.
"Oh no!" Macintyre cried. "The diamond!"
"Their motto sucks so badly, it's funny!" Applederry said. "And then they steal your jewels while you're busy laughing!"
"We have to get my ring back!" Macintyre shouted.
"Go Go Cactus Man" began to play.
"Wha?" Applederry said. A cloud of dust could be seen rising up in the distance, and the sound of hooves began to ring in Applederry and Macintyre's ears.
"Sounds like an old-time Western hero!" Macintyre yelled. As soon as Macintyre finished his sentence, Andy's horse rode up to the two men. Faye and Andy hopped off of the horse.
"I sensed trouble afoot, so I came riding in!" Andy declared. "Because I'm the hero, you know."
"You're not the hero, I'm the hero!" Applederry shouted. "Hey, you look a lot like a guy whose butt I kicked a while back… Spike, I think his name was."
"Spike?" Faye cried? "SPIKE?"
Faye burst into tears and began sobbing violently.
"What's wrong with her?" Applederry asked.
"Spike died," Andy said. "It's very sad, but I'm not grieving, since Spike was my arch-rival and all. I had a sense of respect for him, though… I guess I am sad he's dead, but-"
"Are you just gonna stand there not being funny, or are you gonna be heroic?" Macintyre yelled. "I want my ring back!"
Faye's eyes lit up.
"Did you say ring?" Faye asked. "As in, diamond ring? As in… diamond ring that would look very pretty on my finger? As in-"
Andy put his hand over Faye's mouth.
"We'll return your ring and apprehend the vicious criminals that stole it!" Andy declared. He looked at Faye. "We'll RETURN the ring."
"Cramph," Faye grumbled.
---
"What a beautiful ring!" Di Amond said, holding up her ring finger for Emeril and Ruby to see. "Doesn't it look great?"
"It would look better on ME," Ruby Red said, pulling the ring off of Di's finger.
"Hey!" Di yelled. "That ring's mine!"
"Oh yeah?" Ruby Red shouted. "You skanky-"
"Girls, girls, girls!" Emeril yelled. "You can both wear the ring. Di can wear it on all the days that begin with 'y', and Ruby can wear it on the other days."
"That's not fair!" Ruby yelled.
"THAT'S NOT FAIR!" Di screamed. "I want it more days than that!"
"Di, all of the days start with 'y'!" Ruby said.
"No they don't," Di grumbled, handing Ruby the ring. "But I get it tomorrow."
Ruby sighed and put on the ring.
"Hey, look!" Emeril said, pointing at a large spaceship off in the distance. "That ship looks like it's got a lot of jewels."
"Oooh! Like diamonds?" Di said.
"And rubies?" Ruby Red asked.
"A ship that big probably has every precious gem on it!" Emeril shouted. "Let's pillage it!"
The jewel thieves' car drove toward the Bebop at a rapid rate of speed.
---
Meanwhile, Andy's horse galloped through the desert, carrying Faye and Andy ever closer to the jewel thieves.
"If we follow the tracks that the jewel thieves' car made, we're bound to catch up to them!" Andy said.
"And then I'll- er… we'll get the ring and give it to me… er, give it back to me, er, Macapple, er, Macintyre, right?" Faye asked.
"Yeah, I think ER is a good show too," Andy replied.
"What?" Faye said.
"Hey, I think I see the thieves' car!" Andy yelled, pointing to a large object off in the distance.
"That's a rock," Faye said. Her eyes grew wide with fear. "And we're headed straight for it!"
"No we're not," Andy said. "Giddyup!"
Andy's horse neighed, and then leaped majestically over the huge rock.
"That was cool!" Faye said. "But I still hate you."
---
Aboard the Bebop…
"This is the best Barney episode ever!" Jet squealed.
"Alright, kids!" Barney said. "Let's sing a song!"
"Yay!" cheered the chorus of kids. Barney began to sing.
Ohhhhhh….
Drink your milk and don't do drugs!
Don't talk to strangers and don't eat bugs!
Go to bed at an early time!
Go to school and don't do crime!
Eat your fruits and your veggies too!
But don't eat meat if you're Hindu!
Ohhhhh…
"La la la la la la," Jet sang in tune to the music. "La la la la-"
"Get up, old man!" yelled a voice from behind Jet.
"Hey, I'm 36!" Jet said, turning around. "And furthermore-"
A gun was pointed at Jet's forehead by the beautiful Ruby Red.
"Don't move, middle-aged man," Ruby said. "Now, where are your jewels?"
"You wanna see my jewels?" Jet asked. "Well, okay…"
Jet dropped his pants.
"Argh, no!" Ruby shrieked, shielding her eyes. "Pull your pants up!"
Emeril threw up on the floor. Jet pulled up his pants.
"Pull a stunt like that again and you're DEAD!" Ruby shouted.
"Well, I don't know," Di said. "I mean, they were kinda-"
"Shut up!" Ruby shouted. "Now-"
"Go Go Cactus Man" began to play in the background. The sound of galloping hooves began to get louder and louder.
"What's that?" Emeril said, looking around.
"Yaaah!" Andy shouted, riding his horse into the room at lightning speed. The horse came to a stop, and Andy and Faye hopped off of the horse and pointed their guns at the three jewel thieves.
"The jig's up!" Faye shouted. "Hand over the ring!"
Ruby held up the ring in front of Faye.
"Are you jealous?" Ruby asked. "My beautiful ring is so beautiful that it makes me look even more beautiful by wearing it!"
"Geez, have you ever taken an English class in your life?" Andy asked.
"What's an English class?" Di asked.
"Give me that ring, or I'll shoot!" Faye said. "Oh, just screw it!"
Faye began to fire at Ruby. Ruby held her diamond ring in front of her, blocking all the bullets with the diamond.
"Ha!" Ruby said. "My diamond is the hardest substance on Earth!"
"Crap, my bullets don't work!" Faye said.
"Maybe my bullets will work," Andy said, pointing his gun at Ruby and firing several rounds. Again, Ruby used her diamond ring and blocked all of the bullets.
"Pathetic!" Ruby shouted. Di ran at Andy and Faye and kicked the guns out of their hands. The guns hit the floor and skidded under the couch.
"Great work!" Emeril said. "Now let's kill them and get the jewels!"
Suddenly, Emeril was grabbed from behind and put into a powerful headlock by Jet's metal arm. Jet pointed his gun at Emeril's head.
"Emeril!" Di and Ruby shouted.
"Your man's not so tough now!" Jet said, holding Emeril in his powerful grip. "Your life of crime is over!"
Just then, Jet's metal arm… fell off. It hit the floor with a loud clanking noise. Emeril took the opportunity and got behind Jet, holding a gun to his head.
"Aw dang, my metal arm picked a bad time to fall off," Jet said. "See, a metal arm is really cool and all, but you have to get it rescrewed every year. That's the uncool part."
"Who has who now?" Ruby said. The three jewel thieves had their guns trained on Andy, Jet, and Faye.
"Now let's kill them for real this time!" Emeril shouted.
"Yeah!" Ruby yelled. "Let's-"
An egg splattered against Ruby's face, causing her to drop her gun.
"Ewww!" Ruby shouted. "Disgusting!"
"What happened, Ruby?" Di asked. An egg splattered in her face. "Argh!"
Di collapsed to the ground, rubbing her eyes in pain.
"What the heck's going on here?" Emeril yelled, right before an egg flew in and splattered on his face. "Argh!"
Emeril dropped his gun. Applederry ran into the room and kicked Emeril hard in the face, knocking him out instantly.
"Hey!" Ruby yelled. "That's my boyfriend!"
"Your boyfriend?" Di yelled. "He's mine!"
Macintyre ran into the room. He grabbed Ruby and Di's heads and smashed them together, knocking both women out.
"Wow…" Andy said. "You guys… saved us!"
"We thought you would need help!" Macintyre said.
"So we came, we saw, and we eggered!" Applederry said.
"I'll take that," Macintyre said, removing the diamond ring from Ruby's finger and putting it back in its black box.
"Um, Mr. MacApple, or whatever your name is…" Faye said. "Could I… um…"
Faye ran up to MacIntyre and began jumping up and down.
"Can I please please please please PLEASE have that ring?" Faye pleaded.
"Hmm… how about… no," Macintyre said. Everyone except for Faye and the unconscious thieves began to cackle with glee.
"I don't see what's so funny," Faye whined.
---
Later, aboard the Bebop…
"Look!" Faye said, waving a large diamond ring in front of Andy. "Isn't it funny that Macintyre's ring and the bounty on the three jewel thieves were worth the same amount of money? Maybe Macintyre's future wife and I will be ring sisters!"
"We were supposed to share that bounty," Andy said. "So, what do we do now?"
"We're taking me to get my metal arm screwed back on!" Jet yelled from the other room.
"Alright," Andy said. "To the doctor we shall-"
Suddenly, an egg hit Andy squarely in the eyes. He clutched his eyes and collapsed to the ground.
"Argh!" Andy shouted. "That hurt!"
Applederry walked into the room, munching on a deviled egg.
"Aren't eggs delicious?" Applederry said. "Mmm, good!"
Andy got up.
"Hey, what are you doing here?" Andy asked. "We're grateful for you saving us earlier, but-"
"Well-"
"Hey, the Bebop's broke!" Jet yelled. "It won't fly!"
"Macintyre's outside trying to fix it," Applederry said. "Hey, did I tell you? Stephi said yes! Macintyre and Stephi are getting married in two months!"
"That's great!" Andy said.
"I was gonna marry Spike…" Faye whined.
"Anyway, since you guys'll be stuck here on Earth for a while, I thought that me and Macintyre would hang out here. Stephi's outside, too."
"Hello!" said a cheerful voice from nearby. Faye and Andy looked up to see a short woman with long, curly black hair waving at them. She was wearing blue jeans and a green sweater that said "The Egg And You" on it. "I'm Stephi!"
"She looks good, but not as good as me," Faye said.
"Nice to meet you, Stephi!" Andy said, stepping in front of Faye.
"Thank you for helping out my fiancee! Well, I've gotta go and help Macintyre now! Bye!"
Stephi turned and walked back outside the ship.
"I hate eggs," Faye grumbled.
See you, space egg…
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Applederry: Next episode marks the return of my son, Francoise!
Faye: Don't you mean your daughter, Edward?
Applederry: Oh yeah! How could I forget?
Andy: While Jet and Macintyre toil to fix the Bebop, Edward shows up!
Jet: Uh oh, not the kid… it'll get crazy around here!
Faye: I like Ed. She's like a little sister to me.
Stephi: And she's such a cutie!
Andy: Hey, it says here that three of us drop from 'supporting' to 'recurring' characters next episode… well, of course it won't be me. I'm Cowboy Andy!
Jet: And I'm Jet Black! Nobody replaces me!
Applederry: I like eggs.
Edward: Next time on Bebop: "Edward and the Crazy Techno Beat"! Can you dig it?
Faye: So cute!