More reviews!
Iluvrikku12: You're welcome! Ed returns this chapter!
Trunkz: I don't like eggs either, actually. And I haven't seen KOHD yet, but once I see it I'll think about it.
The Review Guy: Nah, you know me better than that. Hardly anyone knows who Misty's sisters are, unfortunately…
JasperRed: Yeah, Corgis are cuuuute! And don't worry, Ed is here to STAY!
Katie: I don't hate Spike, I just like Andy a little more. And thankies for being supportive!
Anonymous Chapter 1 Guy: Thanks for changing your opinion on my story! Hope you decide to read more!
NessacusGirl: A rabbit project? Sounds cute! Thanks for reviewing! Smoochies!
Nowhere Man: Er… I think it's spelled "wulongs". That's what I think.
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Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop, or any of the characters. I don't own DDR, either… or dancing Ed on the DDR machine! Weee!
Warning: For the purpose of comedy, most of the characters are OOC. Just warning you now.
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Aboard the Bebop, still stranded on Earth…
"So, has your buddy Macintyre got the ship fixed yet?" Jet asked. "I wanna get off this stinkin' heckhole."
"Hey, I don't make fun of your planet!" Applederry said.
"It's a moon, and it's called Ganymede," Jet said.
"Oh. Well then, Ganymede sucks!" Applederry yelled.
"Oh yeah? Your mom sucks!" Jet yelled back.
"Boys, boys, stop fighting," Faye said.
"There's a town nearby," Andy said. "Faye and I are going to get some food."
"I'm going to get food," Faye said. "Andy, you'd better stay away from me."
"Aw, you don't have to be like that, little lady!" Andy said.
"AND DON'T CALL ME THAT!" Faye yelled.
---
Meanwhile, in the arcade somewhere in the small town, a large gathering was taking place.
"Best dancer I've ever seen!" said a male spectator watching the DDR machine.
"He's incredible!" said a female spectator.
"That's not a he, it's a she," said another male spectator. "What moves!"
A small Welsh Corgi dog standing in to the crowd barked as the incredible dancer continued to bust moves on the DDR machine. The dancer on the machine was wearing a raggedy-looking white shirt with black shorts. The dancer's hair was a light color of red, and was rather messy.
"Weee!" the dancer said, effortlessly moving from side-to-side on the dance floor. Finally, the game ended.
"That's an all-time high score!" said a worker standing near the machine. "He… she… whoever… isn't even wearing any shoes!"
The dancer entered her name on the machine as… "ED4".
"Edward is number one!" the dancer shouted.
---
Session 31- Edward and the Crazy Techno Beat
---
Faye and Andy rode into the small town on Andy's horse. They got off of the horse and began walking around.
"Where's the market?" Faye asked, looking at the signs on the buildings as she walked past them.
"It's around here somewhere," Andy said. "Let's just-"
"Andy… Andy look!" Faye yelled, pointing at a building that said 'Arcade' on it.
"Yeah, an arcade," Andy said. "So what?"
"I love arcades!" Faye said. "Bye!"
Faye ran into the arcade, taking Andy's wallet as she went.
"Hey, my money!" Andy yelled. "How can I buy food? Faye, come back!"
Andy dashed into the arcade after Faye.
---
Meanwhile, back aboard the Bebop…
"Well, the ship is all ready to go," Macintyre said, dropping a wrench onto the Bebop's couch.
"Hey, hey, hey!" Jet yelled. "That's got oil all over it!"
Jet ran over to the couch and started to pick up the wrench.
"Crap, my metal arm still needs to be screwed back in," Jet said, picking up the wrench with his fleshy hand. "Hey, wait a second… it's gone! My metal arm is gone!"
"I think Applederry took it to town with him," Stephi said.
"WHAT?" Jet yelled. "I thought Applederry was staying here. And he's not supposed to take my arm anywhere!"
"Well, he did," Macintyre said. "Now give me my wrench back!"
---
Faye looked around the arcade, looking at the various machines.
"Which one to play…" Faye said to herself. "Hmmm…"
Just then, Faye noticed the DDR machine.
"Alright, DDR!" Faye said. "But somebody's dancing there already…. Well, one person anyway! I can still get in on the game!"
Faye walked up to the second DDR station and put in two coins, and then pressed the "START" button.
"Faye-Faye?" said the dancer standing next to Faye. "You're playing with Ed?"
"Wha?" Faye said, turning to face Edward. "You're here?"
"Radical Edward's the best dancer in the whole world!" said a kid standing near the machine. "You'll never beat her!"
"Oh yeah?" Faye said. "Watch me!"
"I want this song!" Edward said, pressing a button on the machine. "The Puppy Song!"
A techno remix of "Wo Qui Non Coin" began blaring through the machine's speakers. Ed and Faye immediately began to dance.
"Wow, Ed is good…" Faye said. While Faye was getting her fair share of 'Good!s' and 'Great!s', Edward had already begun a large combo of 'Perfect!s'."
"67, 68, 69, 70, 71…" the crowd chanted, counting Edward's growing combo.
"Yay, yay, yay, puppy song, yay!" Edward cheered, dancing to the beat.
"128, 129, 130, 131…" the crowd chanted.
"Hey Faye, Edward's not half bad at this! She's got almost four times as many points as you!" Andy said, having joined the crowd of spectators watching the game.
"Shut up, Andy!" Faye whined. Several 'Bad!s' and 'Poor!s' began to appear on Faye's side of the screen. The game ended.
"Wow, 211 Perfect!s for Edward!" Edward said happily. "That's a personal best! You're good, Faye-Faye, but Edward wins this time!"
Ein ran up to Edward and leapt into the girl's arms.
"Hello, Ein! Did you watch Edward and Faye-Faye dance?" Edward asked. Ein barked.
"So, uh… Ed… what have you been doing?" Faye asked.
"Edward has been playing at the arcade!" Edward said. "Ed made money by playing with Tomato!"
"Tomato?" Faye asked.
"For the government!" Edward said. "Computer hacking! And Ed spends all of Ed's money dancing! Weee!"
---
Meanwhile, outside the arcade, a small table was set up. A man was seated at the table, holding three cards in his hand.
"Three-card monty, find the lady and make your fortune!" the man yelled.
"Wow, I'm good at this!" Applederry said, walking up to the table and putting his hand into his pocket. "Let's see here… uh oh, no money!"
"Have anything else you'd like to bet?" the man asked.
"Well, let's see…" Applederry said. He held up Jet's metal arm. "I was just gonna use this as a backscratcher while I was out… Jet will kill me if I lose it… but I won't lose it! I'll never lose it!"
---
Inside the arcade…
"You lost Jet's arm?" Faye yelled. "By gambling?"
"Yeah," Applederry said.
"Don't worry, Faye loses stuff by gambling all the time. We'll get the arm back," Applederry said.
"I do NOT lose stuff by gambling!" Faye whined. "I have never lost anything by gambling in my whole life!"
Andy, Applederry, and Edward looked at each other and began to laugh.
"What?" Faye said. "It's true!"
---
Back aboard the Bebop…
"Applederry will come back," Macintyre said. "He said he wanted to buy food, and he needed to use your arm as a backscratcher."
"Can't he scratch his own back?" Jet asked.
"He pulled his arm muscles exercising this morning," Stephi said. "Those Richard Simmons IV exercise videos are grueling."
Suddenly, the Bebop's videophone rang. Jet ran over it and tried to pick it up with his metal arm, until he realized that his metal arm was missing. He then picked it up with his fleshy arm.
"Hello?" Jet said. Applederry appeared on the screen.
"Hey, Jet!" Applederry said.
"Applefairy, give me my arm back!" Jet yelled.
"Well, you see, the thing about that is… I sorta lost your arm in a three-card monte game," Applederry said.
"What?" Jet yelled. "Oh no, no!"
"Yeah, I did…" Applederry said. "But we're trying to get it back as we speak!"
"Darn it, you get my (bleep) arm back!" Jet yelled. "And don't come back until you do! Or I'll take my (bleep) metal arm and beat you to (bleep) death! Oh, wait…"
Jet put his head into his hands… er, hand, and began sobbing.
---
"He took it pretty well," Applederry said.
"That's good," Andy said.
"He only cussed at me three times!" Applederry said, holding up three fingers.
"Well, maybe he's still out there," Faye said. "I could go check."
Faye walked outside and saw the three-card monte man, sitting at his table. Faye walked up to him.
"Hey," Faye said seductively. "What are you doing here? My name's Faye Valentine."
"My name is Three Card Monty," the man said. "Isn't that funny? Because I'm an expert at three-card monte, and my name is-"
"I get it," Faye said. "Anyway, I heard you had something that belonged to my friend."
"What might that be?" Monty asked.
"A certain metal arm," Faye said. "You won it in a game of monte, Monty."
"Yeah," Monty said, holding up the arm. "What's it to you?"
"I'd like to play you for the arm," Faye said.
"Okay," Monty said. "But if I win, I don't want money. "
"Uh oh," Faye thought.
"I want a night in the sack with you, baby!" Monty said.
"That's what everybody wants," Faye said. "But if we're playing for that, I want to play a different game. You're too good at monte, Monty."
"The only other game I would be willing to play is Dance Dance Revolution," Monty said. "I rule that game."
"Crap, I suck at DDR!" Faye thought. "But maybe…"
---
Back inside the arcade…
"You want Edward to dance with the cheating bad man for Jet-person's arm?" Edward asked.
"Yes," Faye said, staring into Edward's eyes. "But you'd better win."
"Why?" Edward asked. "Did Faye-Faye bet her-"
"Yes, Faye-Faye did," Andy said. "Faye, are you sure you want to do this? I'm confident in Edward, but-"
"Shut up, Andy," Faye said. She turned to Edward. "You'd better win."
"Okay, Faye-Faye!" Edward said. "Ed won't let Faye-Faye down! But if Edward beats the bad man, Faye-Faye has to let Edward and Ein re-join Bebop!"
"Wha?" Faye asked. "But didn't you leave before because you didn't like it there?"
"Edward left Bebop because Spike-person was mean! But now Edward wants to forgive Spike-person!" Edward said. "Is Spike-person here?"
"Um, Ed… I don't know how to tell you this, but…" Andy stammered. "You see…"
"SPIKE'S DEAD!" Faye screamed. She began sobbing.
"No! Not Spike-person! He was so nice!" Edward said.
"I thought you said Spike was mean," Andy said.
"Forgive and forget is Edward's motto!" Edward said. "Poor Spike-person…"
Applederry walked up to Faye, Ed, and Andy, carrying a soda.
"Hey guys, I just went to get something to drink," Applederry said. "So-"
"Father-person?" Edward said, looking up at Applederry. "Father-person!"
Edward hugged Applederry.
"Edward finally found you, father-person! This is great!" Edward said happily.
"Who are you again?" Applederry asked.
"You don't know your own daughter?" Andy asked.
"Oh wait, I remember now! Francoise!" Applederry said, hugging Edward. "How have you been doing?"
"Edward has been dancing and waiting for father-person to come!" Edward said. "If only Spike-person were here, it would be a very happy reunion for Ed!"
"Are we gonna dance?" Monty said, looking at Edward. "A kid?"
"Radical Edward's a great dancer!" yelled everyone in the arcade at the same time. "Edward's the best! Better than the rest!"
"Ha ha," Faye said, laughing at Monty. "My good friend Edward is the best dancer in the world. You are going down!"
"No, YOU are going down… tonight! With me, Monty!" Monty said.
"Cheat-person, you are mean to Faye-Faye! Edward's gonna beat you!" Edward said.
"Oh yeah?" Monty said. "Bring it on!"
---
Edward and Monty put their money into the DDR machine.
"Are you ready to lose to Edward?" Edward said.
"No, I'm ready to win and have sex with Faye!" Monty said. He scrolled down the list of songs until he found the one he wanted. "Oh yeah! It has all the fun things I'm gonna do with Faye tonight!"
Monty pressed the button on the DDR machine. Faye put her head into her hands.
"What's this song?" Andy asked.
You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
"Oh," Andy said.
"I hate this song," Faye grumbled. Ed and Monty began dancing. Both of them were great dancers, and both of them began a chain of 'Perfect!s'.
"Perverted cheating person is good dancer," Edward said.
"47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52…" the crowd chanted.
Sweatin' baby, sweatin' baby
Sex is a Texas drought
While we do the kinda stuff that only Prince would sing about
"Ed better win, Ed better win, Ed better win…" Faye mumbled to herself.
"105, 106, 107, 108, 109…" the crowd chanted.
Ed and Monty continued dancing at the machine. Suddenly, disaster struck. Edward missed a 'Perfect!' and scored a 'Great!' instead. Ed's chain of 'Perfect!s' started right back up again, but Monty had taken a slight lead.
"Yes!" Monty said, continuing to dance. "And the song is almost over!"
"You can do it, Edward!" Faye shouted.
"Well, actually, for Ed to win, Monty would have to mess up," Andy said. "So technically…"
"Shut up, Andy!" Faye yelled, bopping Andy on the head.
The song ended. The "FINAL SCORE" screen came up.
"One less perfect," Edward sighed. "Edward lost… sorry, Faye-Faye…"
"NO!" Faye screamed.
"Oh yeah, baby!" Monty yelled, pumping his fists victoriously. "We're gonna do it all night long!"
"Wait!" Applederry said, pointing at the screen. "Edward's score is one point higher!"
"What?" Edward and Monty yelled at the same time. Sure enough, Edward's score was one point higher.
"Kawaii… little girl bonus?" Monty said in disbelief. "1,000 extra points because she's a kawaii little girl?"
"I'll be taking that," Applederry said, taking the metal arm from Monty.
"Yay!" Edward said, jumping up and down. "Victory for Edward!"
---
Back aboard the Bebop…
Jet put his metal arm in a box and locked it shut.
"Until I get it screwed back on," Jet said. He turned to Applederry. "Don't touch it."
Applederry frowned.
"Hey, Jet-person!" Edward said. "Hi!"
Jet gasped.
"Ed's back?" Jet said. "But how?"
"We saw her at the arcade," Faye said. "She helped you get your arm back, so she gets to stay."
"Wow, Ed and father-person are on Bebop! This is great!" Edward said.
"By the way, guys, Macintyre left me a note," Applederry said, holding up a piece of paper. "It seems that he and Stephi ran off to elope."
"Elope?" Jet asked. "What do they need to elope for? Nobody's stopping them from getting married. It makes no sense. I'm gonna go get them."
Jet took his metal arm out of its box, ran out the door, and left the Bebop.
"Are we gonna wait for Jet-person?" Edward asked.
"Heck no," Applederry said. "He yelled at me. Besides, I've never owned a spaceship before!"
Applederry ran up to the Bebop's control panel and pressed the "START" button. The Bebop lifted into the air and took off.
"We're leaving Jet?" Faye asked. "That's not very nice…"
"We're already in space, there's no turning back now!" Applederry said. "Off toward adventure!"
"Adventure for Edward! Yay!" Edward cheered.
"And since Jet's gone, I'm the undisputed hero of the series!" Andy said. "Yay!"
"Wait, I'm the hero!" Applederry said.
"No, you're the big, strong, dumb guy," Andy said.
"I'm not dumb!" Applederry said.
"Yes you are. You don't even know who your own daughter is," Andy said.
"You're dumb!" Applederry yelled.
"Dad and the hero are fighting! Yay!" Edward cheered.
See you, space cowboy…
---
Andy: Right now, terrorists are planning to blow up Mars with a nucular bomb.
Faye: Nuclear, not nucular!
Applederry: My best friend's wife has been kidnapped!
Stephi: Help me!
Faye: I thought they were eloping!
Edward: They come back for this one episode! Cameo! Yay!
Andy: And people aboard the Bebop may be involved in both.
Faye: What the heck are you talking about? I'm not a criminal!
Applederry: I'm Applederry…
Andy: And I'm Andy Oniyate, and the next episode may be the longest day of my life.
Faye: Next episode… "Twenty-Four Symphonies". Why are we ripping off another show?
Andy: Well, you DO get to meet my rival.
Edward: But Spike-person is dead!
Andy: No, my real rival.
Faye: Huh?
Applederry: This chapter better get 100 reviews, or you'll never see it!
Ry: He's just joking, I swear!